I definitely consider myself “city folk” so it's easy for me to forget how nice it is to get away from it all as well. The Stabbin' Cabbin promised much and delivered on every level. There were a few outside forces attempting to put a damper on the weekend (Case in point: Redneck cops pulled Dom over TWICE because he was “speeding” through poorly marked “towns”. Visions of Texas Chainsaw Massacre(the original, of course) and various other movies involving homicidal inbred people danced through our heads). But no matter, we made it to the cabin without being roasted like chicken at a gas station. Unfortunately, my cough was/is still acting up so that kept me from staying up late Saturday night to watch the Aurora Borealis with everyone, but I still managed to have a great time and do all KINDS of fun things. Like swim in a lake, explore a burned out mill, hang out on the porch and look at the great view, eat some “brownies”, go swimming again, play games, eat Elyse's veggie kabobs, watch Zoolander, eat Nachos, see turkeys and a mule, ride in the back of a truck, listen to ghost stories, eat more delicious food, drink beer and much much more. It was jampacked with fun but I still felt totally relaxed the whole time. It was really amazing.
Thank you Gene and Gene's family for letting us stay there. Thank you Roxy for having a birthday. Thank you first redneck cop for not giving us a ticket. Fuck you second redneck cops for pulling us over for having liberal stickers on our car and for not driving a truck. Thank you nature for being there. And finally, thank you maniacal butterfly clowns for not eating us. Amen.
Live Well
spamless Blues
So my email server SUCKS and my email is down right now. The spam has undoubtedly been piling up in my inbox since yesterday afternoon and I am powerless to erase it. (I probably get about 500 pieces of spam in a 24 hour period. Yet another reason why my email server sucks. No spam filter). As long as I can get in there and delete some spam before I leave tonight for the Stabbin' Cabbin, I will be happy, because I shudder to think what it all would look like if I've gone 4 days without deleting any spam.
ANYWHO, as I mentioned just now, I am going to the Stabbin' Cabbin this weekend for Roxy’s birthday. In attendance will be the Brunswicks, the Illustrious Meep, Pamelor, Dom, and of course, the fabulous Elyse and Gene. Thank you to Gene for having a dad with a Stabbin' Cabbin. It will no doubt be a rip roaring, debaucherous good time and I can't wait. I hope I can get out of work early today (we can usually go home early on Fridays) because there are a MILLION things I have to do before I leave (including stock up on Claratin and purchase a cooler in which to place boca burgers and beer).
The unfortunate thing is that I'm still ailing from the World's Most Bizarre Sore Throat. At 5 am, I woke up choking on mucus and had to sit upright for a few minutes and drink water to get it down. Gross, I know. And today I am still coughing and now suffering from allergies as well. However, this CAN NOT dampen my spirits, as this weekend will rock and roll like few others.
The Alpha-bitch
I stole this one from someone and changed most of the questions because they were boring. These might not be any better, but I tried. It's not as easy as one might think.
Animal you would be? A housecat. Hands down.
Born on what day of the week? Friday, baby! TGIJ!
Can you roll your tongue? No. Recessive gene.
Daring thing you did? Shamelessly threw myself at Dom when I wasn't even sure if he knew my name.
Ear lobe nibbling. Sexy or not? Definitely yes.
Frankenstein or The Wolf Man? Wolf Man.
Goal for the next year of your life? Save money! Or not gain any more weight.
Handsomest James Bond? Connery.
Is Justin Timberlake gay? As a gay dollar bill.
Joke. Tell me one. What's Black and White and Red all over? An embarassed panda.
K is for kill. What would drive you to murder? Animal Cruelty
Link. Post a fun one here. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0721041plate1.html
Macauley or Kieran? Kieran!
Newest CD you bought/stole? I just got The Cure b-sides 4 disc set from the library.
Over or under for toilet paper? Over!
Pee'd in the pool? A few times. Lucky for you, I don't go swimming very often.
Quote you like from the Simpsons? “Your Newberry Award won't save you now!”
Religious affiliation (if you HAD to pick)? Paegan
Sound you like? A beer opening.
Terrible thing you did? Threw away my boss's mail from the Republicans
Unique talent? Remembering useless trivia about the entertainment industry.
What's the worst pop song that's popular right now? The Milkshake Song
Xxylophone music? Yes! Violent Femmes.
Year old you were when you learned about sex? 3. I found my brother's “Where do I come from” book, saw the illustrated pictures and thought it was for me. I don't think I fully understood it for a while after that, but it definitely stayed with me.
Zodiac Sign? Virgo. That one's boring but I couldn't think of another Z.
alchemist 0413 bonbons
I'm channeling my Dickensian counterpart, Small Snell. (cough, cough).
So my sore throat is a persistant little bugger. Last night, it got so bad, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was very painful to swallow or breath through my mouth or yawn and the lump in my throat (swollen tonsils?) felt HUGE. Dom was freaking me out by reading me the symptoms of strep and mono on webMD (which I should never look at cos it turns me into a hypochondriac). So I was pretty sure I was going to try and jump through the damned circus hoops that my very shitty work-provided health insurance gives me to find a doctor today. I still felt bad this morning when I woke up and even started calling people this morning, but after a few bottles of water, and some tylenol, the pain has subsided and I'm starting to wonder if I was just being a big baby. All I know is that I need to get better by Friday because I'm going to the Stabbin' Cabbin! There's no way I'm missing that party. I just might have to take it a little easy.
Short(er than yesterday.You love it!)
So I'm going to start hunting for more interesting (or at least juicier) meme's. Cos these are starting to get pretty lame. Sorry, dudes.
01. What time do you get up?
7am weekdays. 10am weekends if allowed. Don't remind me.
02. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
Crispin Hellion Glover. Fish tacos.
03. Gold or silver?
Silver
04. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
I, Poopbot
05. Favorite TV show(s)?
Currently on TV: Nip/Tuck even though it's pretty much just softcore porn these days. Shows past: Buffyverse, The Young Ones (arguably the greatest sitcom of all time), South Park, The State, Mr. Show, The Kids in the Hall, 21 Jump Street…this question is hard for me. I like TV waaaaaaaay too much.
06. What did you have for breakfast?
A bagel. Why do you ask?
07. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
My mother.
08. What is your middle name?
Kealoha. (Pronounced kay-ah-low-ha).
09. Beach, City or Country?
Well, I like all of them. But I prefer to live in the city.
10. Favorite Ice cream?
Brownie fudge
11. Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
Salt salt salt.
12. What kind of car do you drive?
Dom
14. What characteristic do you despise?
Total disregard for the feelings of other people. (See co-worker).
15. Favorite flower?
Orange poppies! And I swear it's not because of opium.
16. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
London. Or NYC.
17. What color is your bathroom?
Bathroom colored.
18. Favorite brand of clothing?
Whatever that one is at Target.
19. Where would you retire to?
Vashon.
20. Favorite day of the week?
Any day I don't have to work. Duh.
21. What did you do for last birthday?
Party with Dom and all my special friends at the Ron-dez-voos.
22. Where were you born?
I hate these repeat questions. Dallas, TX, OK!
23. Favorite sport to watch?
British Parliament.
26. What fabric detergent do you use?
The on-sale kind.
27. Coke or Pepsi?
Safeway Select Cola.
28. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night.
29. What is your shoe size?
7 1/2 – 8 depending on the shoe. Does that mean I have a big penis?
30. Do you have any pets?
Rats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noel and Liam the little punks!
Bumbershoot! (Mostly sucks, but at least there's comedy!)
So the Bumbershoot Schedule is now online . Once again the music is pathetic (apart from the Pixies, of course) but the comedy stage is OUTSTANDING! So undoubtedly, Faye and I will be comedy groupies for the 3rd year in a row. Fred Armisen! (best known for being the funniest guy no one knows on Saturday Night Live) Chris Hardwick! (sadly best known as the host of MTV's Singled Out) And of course, our personal favorite: Zach Galifianakis! (Best known as the guy who's totally slumming on TV's Tru Calling). Maybe we can meet Zach again, or ask Chris Hardwick to be in our zombie movie (or at least tell him we loved his work in House of 1000 Corpses). Hooray for comedy!
Meme coming soon.
Denial Climactic Asocial
So I just slammed my thumb in a drawer. How delightful.
Don't have much to say this morning which is probably for the best because I have to make a bunch of brochures before 3:00. This is a job which is needlessly time consuming (I say needlessly because we COULD just bring these things to kinkos and get them copied and bound), but no, I have to print them off one by one, collate them because there's some weird glich that won't allow the printer to do it manually, hole punch each page, and bind them myself. The whole process takes about 3 hours for me to make 10 books because the phone keeps ringing and people keep giving me other jobs that need to be done NOW! This is why I had previously delegated this task to the intern. But since the bitch quit with NO notice whatsoever, I am back to doing them myself. I am not pleased.
Anyway, after I finish this crap and go get my bangs trimmed I will be back with a lovely little meme you all adore so much.
My thumb is now swollen and purple. Hooray!
50 short questions to get through the afternoon
1. Your name spelled backwards.
Acissej. Or Ssej for short.
2. Where were your parents born?
Da: Rochester, NY. Mum: Somewheres, Maryland
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Some guy's screenplay that I have to edit.
4. What's your favorite restaurant?
I like too many different foods to say for sure but some favorites include: Annapurna, that Pho place on Broadway, Golden Singha, Roti, and new favorite Queen Sheba.
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
When I first moved into my last apartment.
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
I was in Alice In Wonderland in 6th grade. I wore an adorable duck suit.
7. How many kids do you want?
As few as possible.
8. Type of music you dislike most?
Modern Country.
9.Are you registered to vote?
AbsolFUCKINGlutely.
10. Do you have cable?
AbsoFUCKINGlutely.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
No. But I did ride on the back of a honda bike once.
12. Ever prank call anybody?
In middle school. Lame.
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yes. I live in Capital Hill and I had a car. It's impossible not too. Goddamned parking facists.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Maybe if I was drunk…
15. Furthest place you ever traveled.
Prague.
16. Do you have a garden?
There are a few house plants. If I put them outside, would that be a garden?
17. What's your favorite comic strip?
Outland/Bloom County
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Doesn't every American? It's ingrained into our little heads from Kindergarden on. I think a better question would be “Do you know funny alternative words to the national anthem?”
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower morning.
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
“Abre Los Ohos”
21. Favorite pizza topping?
This one's been done. Pineapple, mushrooms and jalapenos.
22. Chips or popcorn?
Depends, but I crave popcorn more often.
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Cheap and slutty.
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Do people do that? I tried smoking banana peels (in between meals) and catnip.
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
hahahahahaha
26. Orange Juice or apple?
I like both. Sue me. I mean it.
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
I went to the Canterbury with Faye. We'd only been there once before and didn't like it. It was probably the company then because this time it was AWESOME! They have Strongbow on tap and breakfast all day!
28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
I…don't…know! Why do you keep asking me about food?!
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
I vote every time I can, but it's always by absentee because I'm lazy.
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
I have NO idea.
31. Have you ever won a trophy?
No. There aren't many sports leagues for gimps and my IQ is too high to be in the Special olympics.
32. Are you a good cook?
Yes but I'm lazy.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Put the thing in the hole!
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
YES!!! My ab slide (used it every day since, for 4 years), the Sounds of The 80's collection from Time Life (rules!), the Handistitch (broke after one use) and I'm THIS close to ordering the goddamned Magic Bullet. “Dinnah is such a production!”.
35. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
University of Puget Sound Dining Services.
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Everything. Mostly stockings.
38. Ever throw up in public?
Yes, but I had just had knee surgery and was reacting badly to the anesthesia so I think it was justified.
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Aw…can't I have both?!
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, but I do believe in crazy monkey sex desire at first site!
41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Only the 800 numbers that look like free porn until they say “To hear more from Tabby, please enter your credit card number now”.
42. Can ex's be friends?
Yes!
43. Have you ever been admitted into a hostpital? When?
Surgery surgery surgery.
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Not a LOT but a lot for a baby.
45. What message is on your answering machine?
Boring.
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Time Travellin' Scott Joplin.
47. What was the name of your first pet?
Cinderella. I was 4.
48. What is in your purse?
It's a satchel. Um…book, book of puzzels, pens, chapstick, compact, suncreen/bug repellant, keys, cell phone, day planner, plethora of pharmaceuticals, sunglasses, eyeglasses. I like to be prepared.
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Monkey sex.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
That I'm not pregnant.
Gladness News
I am officially a mess. As much as I try to separate myself from my mother, I am my mother's daughter and therefore have her genes which means that since, as she grew older, she got weirder and weirder ailments, so shall I. That is why today I have a damned lumpy thing in my throat that makes it hurt when I swollow. It's not a sore throat. It's just a lump that showed up on fever day and has gotten more and more prevalent. I'm hoping it has something to do with the fact that my neck and shoulders are totally locked up because that means that when I go to the chiropractor today: all better! Only time will tell, I guess.
In other news, I finally encountered that Living Peter Pan guy that everyone's been talking about. He was on Conan. And while I am happy that he is doing what he wants to be doing and that he is full of joy and attempting to spread his joy to other people, I find the whole thing a little sad. Not sad in a “pathetic” way. Sad in the sense that I can't imagine him ever finding the life partner that he so truly desires. On his website he has an ISO ad for the “Tinkerbell” to his “Peter Pan”. All he's really asking for is someone who's nice and open minded and can love him for him. He doesn't specify appearance in any way. He's a Christian, but he doesn't say the person has to be Christian as well. It's in stark contract to the superficial, very specific demands of the 10K 4 a wife guy . So unlike the latter, I am really rooting for this Peter Pan dude and hoping he finds someone to love him. But it's hard enough for good people who don't run around town in sparkly costumes. How is this guy supposed to fair any better in the cruel mistress of love? He was all smiles on Conan so maybe it doesn't bother him that much. Still, I might be projecting, but there is an air of deep lonliness to this whole thing that makes me sad. Good luck out there, Fifty-Year-Old Peter Pan Guy! I'm pulling for you!
And we're back
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
“Every conversation I had was with people mumbling something as they blew past me in the hallway”.
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My old clock radio playing “I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on the drum all day”. Amen to that!
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
“I love the 90's”, I think. It's too soon!
WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is.
4:01
Now look at the clock; what is the actual time?
3:58. Is this fair? I look at the clock all the time anyway, so I could never be too far off.
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The radio, my co-workers having a meeting and my boss getting excited about mundane things, traffic outside. Boring boring boring.
When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About half an hour ago. I went to pick up some tranparencies from Kinkos for my boss and then I snuck on over to Bartell because I'm addicted to shopping at drug stores.
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My email for the bazillionth time.
What are you wearing?
Why? Do you want to fuck me? I'll tell you one thing. It's not black!!!
Did you dream last night?
Don't remember, but I'm sure it was either sexual or disturbing or both.
When did you last laugh?
When Faye said “Tell me more about your swollen glands”.
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Boring office artwork.
Seen anything weird lately?
I saw this retarded asian guy of undetermined age wearing a blue and white checkered jumpsuit and a fanny pack as I walked to work this morning. He had a big gash on his forehead as well. Is that weird or just sad?
What is the last film you saw?
“Igby Goes Down”. Sadly, it wasn't gay porn. If it has been, it probably would have helped. Kieran is by far the hottest Culkin though.
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A house on Capitol Hill with a yard so that I can live there forever and Dom can get a dog.
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Get rid of all the hate. I sound like a damned hippie, but it's true. If GW didn't hate, he wouldn't have been able to fuck things up so badly. I don't understand what they mean by “regardless of guilt or politics” so I might have answered this question incorrectly.
Do you like to dance?
Yes, but I look a fool when I do it. Bring on the booze!
Effed by the Wind 