2009
Rated R
123 minutes
Dark Castle Entertainment

***

From Rhoda in “The Bad Seed” to Damien in the “Omen,” children have been some of the best villains. It’s partly due to the collective anxiety about parenting, but mostly it’s the idea that something so seemingly innocent and untainted as a child can hide evil intentions. We know adults tend to have agendas. But we have to take children at face value because if we don’t, it makes us assholes.

Kate (Vera Farmiga, in her second Evil Child film) and John Coleman (the rather terrific Peter Sarsgaard) already have two kids, but they still feel an ocean of emptiness after their third spawning attempt is stillborn. Their issues are exacerbated by affairs and Kate’s history of alcohol abuse, which led to their daughter’s deafness. Kate and John decide that the only way to repair this rift is to adopt and transfer the love they felt for their dead child to a live one. This is a poor reason for adoption, but it certainly doesn’t help when the one you pick turns out to be hella evil.

Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman, the goth Dakota Fanning) is a precocious orphan with a sinister Russian accent and a penchant for vintage dresses. The Colemans ignore all the warning signs, like knowing glances from nuns and the mysterious death of Esther’s former adopted parents, and decide that this little loner is the perfect Band-Aid for their family.

Though Esther always seems to be present when tragedy strikes, she is also a master manipulator. So when Kate begins to suspect their new prodigy of nefarious deeds, no one, least of all her husband, believes her. This all plays very well into Esther’s clandestine plan. And watching it unravel is great fun.

Kate is on her own to find out the truth about Esther’s origins before it’s too late. Meanwhile, Esther wreaks all kinds of awesome havoc whilst delivering badass one-liners with cold Russian inflection. The Coleman’s youngest, their deaf daughter Maxine (Aryana Engineer), also pulls off a marvelous, entirely wordless performance with wide, expressive eyes.

“Orphan” does employ a few horror clichés such as therapy exposition, cheap scares, and a hilarious Google search montage. And once the twist is revealed, the ending does drag on a bit. But, for the most part, Esther is an entertaining and solid addition to the Evil Child canon. There may be something wrong with Esther, but there’s nothing terribly wrong with “Orphan.”

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com.

July 24, 2009
Categories: Filmpinions . Tags: filmthreat . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

2009
Un-rated
83 minutes
Loisiada Productions

***

“My Normal” is the story of an NYC dominatrix named Natalie who enjoys her saucy day job, but is looking for a little more out of life. Namely: a girlfriend and a film career. When she seemingly gets everything she wants, she similtaneously experiences the pain of the old adage, “Be careful what you wish for.”

The film starts out like a porno, with Natalie and her colleagues engaged in a high-school disciplinarian role-play with one of their clients. And it’s not just the premise that’s blue. It’s the acting. Lead actress Nicole LaLiberte proves her versatility once her character is no longer in an adult setting. Her co-stars, on the other hand, never stop acting vaguely porny, even when their scene has nothing to do with sex. Luckily, they’re not around much. Once it’s apparent that they are merely supporting characters, the viewer can stop being distracted by inappropriately sexy line readings and start focusing on the plot at hand.

And the plot is fairly entertaining. Natalie is optimistic after scoring a new, sexy girlfriend named Jazz (who, much to my amusement, lives up to her name by dressing like an extra from “The Fresh Prince of Bell Air”). Unfortunately, Jazz can’t handle Natalie’s job spanking blue-collar men and pressures her to find a new career path ASAP. It just so happens that Natalie’s pot dealer, with whom she has also been working on an autobiographical film script, knows a guy in “the industry.” So Nat agrees to take a job as a P.A. in an attempt to make her girl happy. Can Natalie really change or will her need for control sabotage her new job and her relationship?

The film does have some funny moments, and I’m always endeared to films in which the characters lead perfectly productive lives whilst smoking fat blunts. The dialogue isn’t particularly inspired, but it steers clear of annoying clichés for the most part (not including a tired conspiracy theory monologue by the pot dealer). Also, Natalie’s P.A. montage is a little silly…Human Craft Services Table is not a real job. But apart from that, the acting is (mostly) decent, the story engaging, the cinematography interesting and there’s a sexy girl-on-girl scene to boot. It certainly doesn’t hurt that all of the lesbians are of the lipstick variety.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

July 20, 2009
Categories: Filmpinions . Tags: filmthreat . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

2009
Un-rated
66 minutes
Creek Park Pictures

**

Time was the American Dream meant simply holding down a steady job that put food on the table. Today, that’s just not enough for people. No one wants to put in 40 years working for the Man. We just want to get rich quick, buy the yacht and golf club membership, and retire early. That’s why we live in the era of the scam. It’s not just the ones shaped like a pyramid either. We also have Nigerian email scams, stolen identities, and Ponzi Schemes. Basically, if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. And that is the premise of “Change Your Life.”

Shot in the popular mockumentary style, “Change Your Life” documents several gullible Americans who become apostles of a self-help guru named Simon Martinez. He wears gold chains, speaks in rhyming clichés, and tells his disciples that they can earn $3000 more per month if only they follow his simple, 35-step program. Of course, it’s all a grift, designed so that the only person who can actually make money is Martinez himself.

The film makes no secret of the fact that everyone is being taken for a ride. It constantly makes fun of the cult of self-help culture and the very American desire to make as much money as possible by working as little as possible. These are certainly very compelling and significant themes. But there’s one problem. “Change Your Life” isn’t very funny. The jokes are incredibly PG and on-the-nose. Furthermore, the Christopher Guest style is tired and outdated, especially from people who aren’t Christopher Guest.

OK, so there are several problems. Besides that of Martinez, the characters are terrible. I get that they’re attempting to portray average Americans with no-self confidence and soft morals. But having them be so unlikable makes it seem like the victims of these scams deserve what they get. Sure, at this point, we should all be aware of the tried-and-true methods of parting people from their money. But the real villains are creating new spins on the old tricks all the time. Thanks to Amway, most of us know how to identify a Pyramid Scheme, but a Ponzi Scheme wasn’t in the common lexicon until Bernie Madoff. They made an example of him, but that isn’t going to stop people like him from adapting their methods and trying again.

The film’s saving grace (no pun intended) comes from a very astute parallel between self-help culture and organized religion. At one point, there occurs a standoff between our scheming protagonists, a pair of Mormons, and an Evangelical couple who are all trying to be the first ones to ring a doorbell. These parallels arise again when Martinez mentions that Jesus was the first self-made man, going from a poor carpenter to a man with billions of followers.

With better character development and a less hackneyed narrative structure, “Change Your Life” could have been a poignant criticism of the modern American Dream. Instead, much like the characters who fall for Martinez’s lip service, it’s kind of a pathetic loser.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

July 11, 2009
Categories: Filmpinions . Tags: filmthreat . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment