This morning I realized that a LOT of people live in a vaguely Groundhog Day-like existence. This came to me this morning when I was walking my usual 5-block route from the bus stop to my office. The guy who sits outside of Rite Aid and tries to sell you cookies? Check. The young man with the Ricki-From-American-Beauty hat who works in my building and always catches up with my route two blocks from our destination? Check. The little girl with the backpack and her mother who stand on the kitty-corner from the library waiting for something (a bus, the father? I never find out)? Check. The man in the big red coat who sells Real Change outside my building? Check. If my make the 7:45 bus, I see these people every morning at the same moments without fail. On my way home, it’s a similar story. The bald Goth (I really want to know where he works) who is perpetually on his mobile gets on the 5:05 #10 bus with me every day. Our bus driver is a surly (but funny) black man who takes shit from no-one. In a way, knowing I will see these things every day is comforting. I feel a vague connection to all these people, knowing that even though we are in somewhat of a daily rut, we are in it together. In another way, I find the whole thing creepy and off-putting.

Regardless, when I leave this job, I will have to work my way into a different routine. Wonder who I’ll meet then…

March 31, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, I'm Working . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

It was an amicable breakup conversation. Boss Man actually retracted his statement from last week about how he “wouldn't have hired” me in retrospect. He said he knows I do a great job and he always raves about me to other people we work with. He also said he was saddened by the fact that we were having this conversation but that he thought I had some good points. I think I caught him off guard because he said he needs to speak with one of the Powers That Be to give him “another perspective” on what to do. He also said that he was concerned about me just taking another job that isn't as good for me or doesn't pay as well just because I'm desperate for work. He said he'd rather I seek employment in my own time frame rather than just setting an abstract deadline for my departure. So I guess that means I can start looking for a job now and, if one comes up that is too good to pass up (i.e. equal to or better than the situation I'm in now), I can take it, but that I don't HAVE to leave June 1st if I'm not ready to go. He also said he wished he knew people in the film industry that he could hook me up with. One of our clients apparently has her own commercial production business and he said he could talk to her to see if she needs any help. He was very sympathetic and very eager to make sure that I do what is best for me. He also said he really appreciated the fact that I had the company's interest in mind whilst making this decision. He doesn't necessarily know if The Golden Child is an easy replacement for my job. The end result of today's conversation: He will speak with the PTB and he and I will speak again on Friday. No one is mad and no one is out for blood. I feel much better about things now. We will see what the PTB says though because she has a history of not liking me (or anybody) very much.

In the meantime, I need to start making some doctor's appointments.

March 30, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, I'm Working . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

I think I may have just turned a corner.

I just had a very long meeting with my boss. First, he explained the nature of our arguments last week. I guess he had tried to lecture the other two monkeys on coming in late and working on other stuff during work hours. (I guess the Lil’est Dictator had done her taxes during work hours.) In their defense they said, “Well, Jessica checks her email during work”, to which he replied that he doesn’t want that either. This prompted him to have the PTB do the Big Brother Block. He didn’t mean for ALL the sites to get blocked. Just hotmail, yahoo and gmail. So he ammended that and the rest of my internet is free now. But not gmail. I still have my one secret email reprieve, thankfully, or my film career would be significantly stalled. And whatever. That's all fine. I can understand him wanting people working while they get paid (even if most companies don't seem to be bothered about email use).

But here's the part that's fucked. That topic led us to another discussion wherein he asked me how my movie thing was going. I guess, going forward, he doesn’t want to hire any new people (reception included) unless they want SPECIFICALLY to work their way up in an investment management firm and work their for the rest of their lives. He said that in hindsight, he probably wouldn’t have hired me. Nothing personal, just that he knows my heart isn’t in it and he would hate to keep promoting people around me. I told him that wouldn’t bother me but that if I was unable to get pay raises based on long-term commitment, that WOULD bother me. Unfortunately, it turns out that my salary is basically capped. He said he might be able to adjust with inflation or bonuses whatever, but that he can’t promise that my salary will ever go any higher as long as I’m here. This is apparently based ENTIRELY on the fact that I don’t want to do this job for the rest of my life. So no matter how hard I work, I can’t get rewarded. And even if the other monkeys don’t necessarily work very hard, they CAN get rewarded just for enthusiasm that I can never muster. So…fuck this. If I have to keep a day job (which, for now, I do) I want to work for a big faceless corporation that doesn’t care if I want to be here or not as long as I do my work. I want raises based on work quality, punctuality and general attitude, not based on whether or not my long-term goals are in line with my bosses. So if any of my big corporate monkey friends have any openings in their firms, PLEASE let me know. Seriously. $30k to start would be really nice as I don’t want to have to take an immediate pay cut. But I WILL if it’s, say, Amazon (especially IMDB). I would also require benefits. So this is it. It’s decision time. And I’ve decided not to be the black sheep of this fucking farm anymore.

March 21, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, I'm Working . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment