I think I may have just turned a corner.
I just had a very long meeting with my boss. First, he explained the nature of our arguments last week. I guess he had tried to lecture the other two monkeys on coming in late and working on other stuff during work hours. (I guess the Lil’est Dictator had done her taxes during work hours.) In their defense they said, “Well, Jessica checks her email during work”, to which he replied that he doesn’t want that either. This prompted him to have the PTB do the Big Brother Block. He didn’t mean for ALL the sites to get blocked. Just hotmail, yahoo and gmail. So he ammended that and the rest of my internet is free now. But not gmail. I still have my one secret email reprieve, thankfully, or my film career would be significantly stalled. And whatever. That's all fine. I can understand him wanting people working while they get paid (even if most companies don't seem to be bothered about email use).
But here's the part that's fucked. That topic led us to another discussion wherein he asked me how my movie thing was going. I guess, going forward, he doesn’t want to hire any new people (reception included) unless they want SPECIFICALLY to work their way up in an investment management firm and work their for the rest of their lives. He said that in hindsight, he probably wouldn’t have hired me. Nothing personal, just that he knows my heart isn’t in it and he would hate to keep promoting people around me. I told him that wouldn’t bother me but that if I was unable to get pay raises based on long-term commitment, that WOULD bother me. Unfortunately, it turns out that my salary is basically capped. He said he might be able to adjust with inflation or bonuses whatever, but that he can’t promise that my salary will ever go any higher as long as I’m here. This is apparently based ENTIRELY on the fact that I don’t want to do this job for the rest of my life. So no matter how hard I work, I can’t get rewarded. And even if the other monkeys don’t necessarily work very hard, they CAN get rewarded just for enthusiasm that I can never muster. So…fuck this. If I have to keep a day job (which, for now, I do) I want to work for a big faceless corporation that doesn’t care if I want to be here or not as long as I do my work. I want raises based on work quality, punctuality and general attitude, not based on whether or not my long-term goals are in line with my bosses. So if any of my big corporate monkey friends have any openings in their firms, PLEASE let me know. Seriously. $30k to start would be really nice as I don’t want to have to take an immediate pay cut. But I WILL if it’s, say, Amazon (especially IMDB). I would also require benefits. So this is it. It’s decision time. And I’ve decided not to be the black sheep of this fucking farm anymore.
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