no clever spam title

I'm worth $1,898,454.05! How much are you worth?

Somehow I thought it would be less than this. So I'm pleasantly surprised. I wonder how much money my double d's are worth and how much my worth will go down (or up) after December. Yes, that was a question in the quiz for girls. I wonder if it asks guys how big their penises are.



Something is in the air today. Something baaaaad.

When I went to the post office, the cashier told me that a man was hit by a car outside our building. The driver sped off and later ditched his/her car by the waterfont. The man who was hit died a short while later. For some reason, the cops still have the street blocked off even though the man was taken away a while ago. There is police tape everywhere. It looks like C.S.I.

I walked up to Pike Place Market to pick up a fundraiser donation from Golden Age Collectibles. There were TONS of transients around moving their big carts and handtrucks full of bags. I've never seen so many at one time “moving”. Do they know something we don't?

The smell of the donut shop inside the market overtook everything with a sickly sweet fried scent.

Walking back to the office, the wind whipped my hair and clothes around violently. It seemed to have changed direction so that I was against it going and coming. The rain was light enough but felt colder than usual because of the wind. Everyone walked with their heads down and therefore I had to be careful not to bump into anyone. People were huddling their entire bodies into their coats rather than let their faces emerge and pay attention to where they were going.

Back in the office, everyone is working quietly and subdued in their offices. This is unusual, at least for the guys.

I was recently informed that Rossi took Washington State by 42 votes. That means there are at least 42 more literate fundies in Washington than there are normal people.

It's a holiday tomorrow but it today doesn't feel like it.


I am so tired and my life is booked solid for the next several months. Getting surgery will be awesome because I will finally be FORCED to not do anything for a week. I will also get some lovely Vic-O-din.

Countdown to Operation Deflation: 30 days

missing leg wrapped in

Auditions for Snow Day all weekend. Not done yet. Callbacks tonight. Decisions must be made by tomorrow morning. Can't speak/write in complete sentences. So very tired.

It's raining frogs

this is funny. I'm not sure if it's based on something real that this person found or what. But it's pretty creative and a nice way to waste a few minutes on this fine, unproductive working day.

Are You Small?

I just got the following email from Lil D. (AKA Baby Hitler).

“Do you know why the coffee table is in a weird place?”

I looked over, and sure enough, the coffee table had been moved slightly closer to the wall than before. Being the logical person that I am, I quickly deduced that the cleaning people must have moved it when they vacuumed over the weekend. I told her so, ignoring the overwhelming urge to be a snarky bastard about it. She wrote back:

“Can you move it back when you get a chance?”

Um…I CAN. But why didn't YOU move it when you noticed it, seeing as how it's bothering you so much, you little Obsessive/Compulsive beyotch. I know you're a 90lb weakling with negative booty, but the coffee table probably weighs 20lbs tops as it is from Costco.

But of course I WILL move the coffee table. Because that's apparently in my job description, right under “erecting cubicles”, “cleaning the coffee pot”, and “picking up the newspaper from the floor”. (That's right…if anyone gets here before me…rare, but it happens…they will LEAVE THE NEWSPAPER IN THE DOORWAY).


The ritual use of


Faye, Sherrard and I headed to the Wok and Grill around 7:00, prepared for a long night of annoying the old lady that closes up on the weekends. We ordered food and drink and plugged our $5 into the juke box. I must admit that I'm losing a little steam on that Juke Box. There's only so many times I can pick the more upbeat Joy Division songs and still keep the evening fresh. When we arrived, the music was in a sad state, as Garth Brooks (or some such country drivel) was blaring from the speakers. When I went back to the box, I realized why. There was an incredibly drunk man sitting at the bar next to the box. He was the very definition of belligerent. I knew they were his songs because every once in a while, he would sing a word or two with great reverence, and then forget what he was doing and go back to tormenting the bartender. He also took notice of me and said “HEY! I like your boots”. He said this a few times before I looked up. When I did look up he said “That's right, I'm talking to YOUUUUUU!”. I said thank you and tried to select as quickly as I could. Before I could get back to the table, I heard him loudly protest to his drinking buddy “I did NOT sleep with her!! Why would you say that? I DIDN'T! Why would you say something like that when it's not true?!” (To the bartender who was shushing him) “But I DIDN'T sleep with her. He's spreading LIES about me! I'm just trying to defend myself!”. He left (was kicked out?) about half an hour later.
So back at the table, we were joined by Andrew and ate and drank heartily. We were inspired by some music to retire to Faye's for a “dance party”. But first, we had to stop at the ridiculously huge new QFC on Broadway. We got extremely distracted by all the choices and the giant inflatable turkey, but eventually, we made it back to Faye's where we met Dom and Chris. Unfortunately, QFC had exhausted us, so a dance party was out of the question. Instead, we watched The Jerk and called it a night. Ah, old age.

Unable to convince anyone of its potential, Faye and I set out alone to see a matinee of Seed of Chucky. And let me be the first to tell you (in print, anyway), that you MISSED OUT, FOO! The opening title appeared on screen. It was then washed away by dripping white goo. The SEEEEED! Don Mancini finally realized that the tale of a killer doll is not frightening so much as it is Comedy Gold! The movie is riddled with clever jokes and self-references. Jennifer Tilly is great! Jason Flemyng (heart) is great! John Waters is great! Best of all, however, is Billy Boyd (Pippin!) as THE SEEEEEED! He is hilarious! Seriously!!! There is also a kick ass pumping neck wound, a fantastic disemboweling (or disensausageing , as I like to call it) and a really neato beheading! I can't stop using exclamation points!! That's how good it all was!!
Loved it. Will stop now.
Later, I ate dinner with my friend Erik at Chutney's and discovered deliciousness at my doorstep. Oh Chutney's, you were this close to me all this time and I had no idea of the wonders you had in store for me. Probably because your sister branch in Queen Anne is crap. It is the less attractive, slutty sister. But you, dear Chutney's on 15th, are the beautiful and sweet one. And I love you. Will you PLEASE go to the Winter Formal with me? Oh, you're waiting to see if Billy will ask you? Ok. Just let me know. Thanks.
Later still, I headed to the Canterbury for Gene’s birthday! I drank so much cider that they ran out. Yikes. Then I went for a “walk” and partook of some of Gene’s birthday present. I won’t say what it is. But I will say that it made me extremely paranoid and I had to run home and eat a grilled cheese sandwich shortly thereafter. It’s a bummer cos I’d been waiting to hear the Buzzcocks album that Faye and I put on the juke box and it didn’t start until RIGHT as I was leaving. Bastards.
Still fun was had by me. And I think other people too. Happy Birthday, Gene!

Der. Hello, hangover. How are you? Glad to hear it. I’m not so good. Thanks to YOU.
It’s ok though. I deserve it. And as punishment, I will give myself a good thrashing at yoga. But you know what? It was all worth it.


You are 73% Virgo

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Don’t Panic

Last night, a group of us went to see National Treasure as presented for free by The Warren Report. I shan't spoil the delicious badness because Faye is going to write it up as a special Bad Movie Monday review. Check back for that because I'm sure it will be well worth your time (much more so than seeing the actual film). But that's not important now. What I wanted to talk about it was the preview that came before the movie. We don't usually get previews with Warren Report films. Therefore, I was very surprised when I realised I was in the midst of the teaser for the upcoming Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy film. I've blogged about this film before and how excited I am because I really think there's a good chance it's going to be pretty damned good. I've also seen the teaser before on the very very small screen that is a Quicktime window on my computer. In that capacity, it seemed “cute”. On the big screen, however, when the Earth explodes in a great big ball of blue and bits of planet come flying toward you, it is a-effing-mazing! Seriously. I got chills and everything. So that made me pretty happy. Waiting till May will be tough.
This morning, I was reading The Salmon of Doubt which is a posthumously published collection of essays by and interviews with Douglas Adams. In it, there is an interview he did with the Onion in 1998. He was talking about how the rights to the film had just been purchased by Disney and how glad he was that it was finally being made. At that time, various parties had been trying to make this film for 15 years (by now it's 21 years). Adams said that the whole process had been rather frustrating for him because the project was something that meant a lot to him. I won't go into all the details. I'll just mention who has tried to make the film: Ivan Reitman, Michael Nesmith(!) and Jay Roach with Disney (I'm glad that last one didn't pan out. The guy who did Meet the Parents has no business directing this film). I don't know the whole story about what happened to the film after this interview and why Jay Roach isn't directing. (Instead it's Hammer and Tongs, who are best known, by me, as the guys who made Blur's “Coffee and TV” video). I do know that when Douglas Adams died in 2001, the only visual realization of his story that he witnessed was the fairly silly BBC version, which he admits was disappointing. In the interview, he sounded so excited that he would FINALLY see his work on film. He said that he was confident it would be something he could be proud of because special effects have come a long way since the film was first pitched. I'm sure that when he died, he was happy about a lot of things besides movies. But he never will get to see bits of Earth hurling toward him in a dark theatre. I'm sad that he didn't have the opportunity to get chills. Sure, many authors never get a chance to see their characters on film. (And for many of them, that's a good thing). Adams, however, was always “close” to seeing it get made and it just didn't happen in time.


This picture cracks me up like crackers on crack.

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