A game to pass the time.

SCATTERGORIES…it's harder than it looks!

Rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They MUST be real places, names, things. NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Baxter

1. Famous Athlete: Barry Bonds

2. 4 letter word: Boob

3. Street name: Boylston

4. Color: Blue

5. Animal: Baboon

6. Vehicles: Bug

7. Tropical Locations: Bora Bora

8. College Majors: Biology

9. Dairy Products: Blue Cheese

10. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Bouncy Ball

11. Boy Name: Boris

12. Girl Name: Barbara

13. Movie Titles: Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

14. Alcoholic Drink: Boilermaker

15. Occupations: Barrister

16. Flowers: Blue Bonnets

17. Celebrities: Billy Bob Thornton

18. Magazines: Bust

19. U.S. Cities or State: Baltimore

20. Pro Sports Teams: Bears

21. Something found in a kitchen: Banana

22. Reason for Being Late: Bit by werewolf

23. Something You Throw Away: Boogers

24. Things You Shout: Balls!

25. Cartoon Character: Bumblebee.

IBS Be-Gone!: Day Nine

Food Log:

Breakfast: Grits with butter. Tea with milk.

Lunch: Canned saag paneer from Ralph's. (It was kind of weird but I had to try it) over rice. Tea with milk.

Snack: PBJ rice cake.

Dinner: Trader Joe's veggie patty with sauteed mushrooms, tomatoes, and swiss cheese.

Snack: PBJ rice cake. Glass of milk.

Making the Halls Safe for Nerds.

These kids give me hope for the future.

6 more months till this is OK.

Harry Potter Countdown Clock

IBS Be-Gone!: Day Eight

It's almost old hat at this point, though I did have a pretty bad craving for a Starbucks sandwich and chai this morning.

Friday Meals:
Breakfast: Grits with hardboiled egg and slice of swiss. Tea with milk.

Snack: Tea with milk

Lunch: Black bean tacos with salsa. Apple.

Snack: PBJ ricecake. Tea with milk.

Dinner: Coffee. Salad with tomatoes, mozzarella, balsamic vinaigrette. Thai coconut soup from a can.

Snack/Evening beverages: Bri and apples. Chips and salsa. Vodka with Grapefruit Izze mixer.

Saturday Meals:
Breakfast: Oatmeal sweetened with raspberry jam. Tea with milk.

Snack: Deviled eggs with yogurt instead of mayo.

Snack: Peanuts.

Dinner: Tacos with red pepper, shitake mushroom, quinoa and Monterey Jack cheese.

Snack/Evening Beverages: Popcorn. Grapefruit Izze with vodka. 2 Crowns on the rocks. 1 Makers on the rocks. 1 Coffee with cream.

Sunday Meals:
Breakfast: Juevos Rancheros with corn tortilla. Apple slices. Tea with milk.

Snack: Chips and salsa. Tea with milk.

Dinner: Pene pasta with pesto sauce. Salad with balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack: Peanut butter rice cake. Deviled eggs.

IBS Be-Gone!: Day Five

No, I don't expect people to read this every day. Really, it's more for me to keep track of my progress. So I apologize if they grow tiresome. I'll try to continue to post items of interest as well.

Anywho…

Yesterday's Eats:

Breakfast: Grits with egg beaters and cheese. Tea with milk.

Lunch: Organic bean burritos with fresh salsa. Organic, unsweetened apple sauce. Tea with milk.

Snack: PBJ rice cake. Tea with milk. Handful of crackers.

Dinner: Roasted red peppers stuffed with quinoa (THANKS, ELYSE!), shitake mushrooms, onions, zucchini, tomatoes and topped with Parmesan. PBJ rice cake for dessert.

After last night's dinner, it was the first time since I started this diet that I actually felt full after a meal. Regardless, I was still pretty hungry by the time I got home at 11, but I didn't want to eat anything that close to bed time.

I'm definitely losing weight. I haven't weighed myself since I started and I forgot to weigh myself beforehand, but at the doctor a month ago I weighed 135. My clothes are definitely a bit looser around the waist.

I'm in love…

…with this extremely fat cat who happens to look an awful lot like my childhood kitty, Cinderella.

IBS Be-Gone!: Day Four

I woke up pretty tired but I think that is due to not sleeping well, rather than diet. I'm settling into the program. I am definitely still having cravings, but they aren't as strong. Things may be much tougher at the weekends, though, when I'm out and about and, perhaps, around people who are eating things I can't eat.

Saturday, I'm going to an Amazon party with Brugos. There's bound to be loads of free food I will have to ignore. And I get to be the Juice Purse Lady, carrying around my own 100% juice mixers for my glasses of vodka.

What I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: Bowl of rice with a little bit of butter and salt. Tea with milk.

Lunch: Black bean soup over rice. Tea with milk.

Snack #1: Two broccoli patty things that were remarkably yeast-free. A piece of monteray jack cheese.

Dinner: Rice cake PBJ. Apple. Tea with milk.

Later, I met a bunch of people to see a live adaptation of Total Recall at Rebar. It was awesome. Nick Garrison, who is famous, locally, for doing an amazing version of Hedwig and the Angry Inch played Sharon Stone's character. The guy doing Arnold was spot on. Hilarious. They ad libbed some things and took liberties with the script, but the most amazing parts were the parts where they obviously were reading the actual, original script. For instance “We see a beautiful midget hooker. Her name is Thumbelina.”

Again, I ordered glasses of vodka and had some apple juice on hand for a mixer. You get really strange looks when you order vodka on the rocks. I guess people are more inclined to sip scotch or bourbon straight. Not so much vodka.

Snack #2: Cashews.

I went back to Brugos' after the show and scoured the kitchen for something to eat. I found only cheese. I cut myself off a slice and made do.

Snack #3: Piece o' cheese.

It Ain't Shakespeare

To distract from the terrible craving for sweets that I am suffering from right now, I decided to transcribe some of the GOD AWFUL poetry that my high school boyfriend wrote. An old friend of mine recently found some xeroxed copies of the stuff and mailed them to me. I wish I had a scanner so you could see his “artistic” handwriting and the way he organized the poems on the page, but you'll just have to make due with the words themselves, in all their teenage angsty glory:

Outcast
I am not blind
Yet I cannot see.
I am not deaf
Yet I cannot hear.
I am not dumb
Yet I cannot speak.
I am not dead
Yet I cannot live.
Enough…
At all…
Goodbye

The Edge
In a box I lay,
Dead myself of independence.
On the edge of my own cliff I lay,
Slipping slowly into the painless void
Which consumes us all.
On the edge of my cheek a tear, it lays
My last pure gift to the world as slowly I do slip
Into the painless sense known only as my mind.
Vertigo…

Fragile
Your heart beats
Makes mine stop.
Your breath of life
I'm out of air.
Your soulful eyes,
My shallow; not full.
Your life goes on
I break.
Crumble…

Advice From a Head in the Middle of the Desert
“Am I real?
I am not…
Are you real?
You are not…
Pain is real…
Is it not?
Pain is life.

Wilted
(For Jess)
A sun with no heat
A mirror with no reflection
Eyes with no sight
A heart with no love
A life with no soul
Without her I am nothing.

A tree in the desert
As I am compared
A sun in one's sky
As she will always be
A tree withers with dark eternal
As I am compared
Without her I am nothing.
Nothing.

PS: He also played guitar and admittedly fancied himself the next Kurt Cobain. His friends all told him he was super talented. They probably thought he was. Everyone I hung out with at the time were wankers, myself included.

Obviously, he was kind of depressed, but don't feel for him because he dumped me. Even after writing me such a touching ode.

IBS Be-Gone!: Day Three

I woke up today remarkably clear-headed for having had three LARGE vodkas at trivia last night. (I would like to congratulate team Dirty Water Wiener and The Krauts for pulling out the third place spot despite having fared miserably on a round that was comprised entirely of David Caruso questions. WHAT?!)

Thankfully, the headache is gone. I am definitely still addicted to caffeine and plan to make myself another cup of sugarless tea in a minute. I feel OK. I did swoon a little when walking through a cloud of Top Pot Donut aroma on my way into the office. However, I think this kind of thing will level out over time.

There are many challenges to this program, but one of the biggest I've noticed is the expense. I know there are people who eat like this all the time. The Madison Market was FULL of them last night. (And, as Brugos pointed out, they all looked like homeless zombies). But how can they afford it? Well, one theory is that they save money by wearing rags or making their own clothes out of hemp. But seriously, I've spend $70 on groceries in the last 3 days. This does include $25 for the probiotics and $12 for a good multi-vitamin. But this is only a month's supply. The food I bought will only last me through the week. Luckily, I have a little cash in the piggy bank, otherwise, I simply couldn't afford to get better. And what of people who make less than me? (And, while I am by no means well off, I do not make minimum wage). A large portion of the population has no CHOICE but to eat Wonder Bread and Jiff instead of whole grain bread and Adam's peanut butter. Fresh vegetables are twice as much as a can. Statistically, one in 5 people, in ANY tax bracket, I assume, has IBS. I garauntee you that IF they have health insurance, it doesn't cover probiotics treatment. It's hard not to complain about depriving myself of the bad food I'm addicted to, but I'm damned lucky I can afford to try and make myself better.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: Grits with milk, seasoned with salt and pepper. Cup of tea with milk.

Later, I had another cup of tea.

Lunch: Fresh rolls wrapped in rice paper from Whole Foods, sans delicious Thai peanut sauce. Rice cake with peanut butter. A couple of pieces of jicama

Snack: Apple slices with cheddar cheese. Cup of tea with milk.

After work, Brugos and I went to the Madison Market. Shopping there at 6:00 sucks because it is packed and people block up the aisles, making it difficult to navigate. By the time we got to the store, I was starving and low in blood-sugar so I was feeling pretty shaky. I just wanted to grab something and get out but I was thwarted with that ever-present sugar ingredient at every turn. Finally, I found some corn tortillas, grabbed some veggies, and we escaped the Co-Op Zombie Hell.

Snack: (Consumed while making dinner because I just couldn't wait any longer) Rice cake with peanut butter.

Dinner: (Which Brugos kindly ate with me) Quesadillas with organic corn tortillas, red pepper, onion, shitake mushrooms and cheddar. Salsa and sour cream on the side.

At Clever Dunne's, I smuggled in a 100% Cranberry juice and ordered glasses of vodka on the rocks from the bar. At Clever Dunne's, a glass FULL of vodka is $3.50. I love that place.

Naturally, by the time trivia was over, I was hungry again. On our way out, I ordered a veggie dog from the new hot dog cart that's parked outside. The man who owns this cart is a genius. Clever Dunnes and the neighboring Crescent don't serve any food and are packed with drunks 7 nights a week. To have veggie dogs as well is just covering his bases. He doesn't have any cream cheese, but he does have NACHO CHEEESE! I can't eat that right now, but a month from now, you can bet I am going to be scarfing a nacho cheese dog. So…

Late Night Snack: Veggie Dog from hot dog cart with mustard, sans bun.