No start he monorail slab

WEEKEND UPDATE

FRIDAY

The evening began at the really delicious Samui That. Faye and I were still suffering from some sort of mental allergy to an overdose of gorgonzola cheese the night before. (I’m only partially joking. Faye and I are both allergic to penicillin. However, we only react to moldy cheeses a fraction of the time. Well, Faye made a lovely gorgonzola pasta and afterward, I developed a small rash and Faye and I were mentally whacked for the entire next day.) So Faye was feeling pretty weird and I was acting silly without the influence of drugs or alcohol. I think Dom was a little freaked. Anyway, we ate a delicious dinner in the company of Ben and, later, Borgia. After dinner, we stopped at the QFC for enforcements. Dom headed home to work. The rest of us were regrettably late arriving to Sherrard’s place to watch one of the performances on the Bill Hicks DVD. When we arrived, Sherrard and Dan were listening to the David Hasselhoff album “Night Rocker”, which, in my gorgonzola haze, sounded to me like Talking Heads. I was overjoyed when Sherrard handed me my very own copy! We opened our booze, marveled at the lovely job Sherrard had done decorating his flat, (we hadn’t been there since he’d first moved in), and set about watching the DVD. It was a performance that I’d never seen before. I had heard many of the jokes, but Hicks is remarkable at making each of his “bits” come off as completely off-the-cuff and organic every time. This is probably because the comedy of Hicks isn’t your typical “do you ever notice…?” act. Instead, it’s Hicks the Profit speaking directly from the heart about all the ways in which the world is fucked up and how easy it would be to fix it all if we just stopped being assholes and loved each other. Of course, this is all delivered using hilarious analogies, characters like Goat Boy, and sound effects galore. So you don’t even realize how truly poetic it is until the end when he signs off with a completely earnest message about love and you notice the tears streaming down your face. I may have listened to his records many times, but Hicks was a performer. He needs to be watched to truly appreciate his impact. It becomes horrifically apparent how true it is that nothing gold can stay. There are many people who think Bill Hicks is funny. I don’t think enough of those people comprehend that he was actually trying to change people’s perceptions and make the world a better place. Thank you, Sherrard, for sharing the DVD with us.
After we dried our tears, we followed Ben to the Canterbury. I had finished a bottle of wine, I believe, by myself. Faye had not yet begun to drink. I’m not sure if it made a difference though. At that point, I was pretty obliterated so the rest of the evening zoomed past and we closed out the Canterbury.

SATURDAY

Dom allowed me to tag along on his date to meet Matt, the Script Reader. We had coffee and Matt asked us questions about producing that, well, only Dom could answer. He then took off to watch the Stranger Amateur Porn contest and Dom and I set about preparing for the Fundue Party! We bought some groceries and then started cleaning. I took a shower and changed into one of my mom’s old dresses from the 70’s. Around 3:30, I chopped bread, fruit and broccoli and then watched The Station Agent, which ended with just enough time for me to start cooking the fondue. I just made a Swiss fondue and a Gruyere and Swiss without alcohol for Dom. I also had some mircrowaveable vegan chocolate fondue for dessert. Meanwhile, Dom put on his brown sharkskin suit. We were ready to party. Brugos and Faye arrived on time and we chowed down. I was a little annoyed that people arrived late, being that it was a dinner party. But, for some reason, a lot of people THOUGHT that it started at 8 (who eats at 8?! New Yorkers?) and so they didn’t think they were late. In attendance at that point were Aiyana, Andrew, and Ben. Aiyana brought a lovely vegetarian fish loaf that looked awesome. Dan and Sherrard arrived around 8:45 and scooped up the last of the cheese. We were already well into a game a Cranium at that point. Kayobi arrived around 9 and, hopefully, got something to eat. Then we broke out the Taboo! Faye and I were forbidden to be on the same team which I still resent. But neither of our teams won. Team Ben proved victorious with Team Aiyana coming in 2nd and Team Cunt (my team), in 3rd. The losing team became the proud owners of a can of “Potted Meat Food Product” which I’d purchased some weeks back for Sherrard at QFC as a joke but neglected to give it to him. Given that Kayobi and I are both vegetarians, the potted meat was Sherrard’s. Fate had brought it to it’s rightful owner at last. After Sherred read the ingredients out loud, (which I found on line!), we HAD to open the can.

The first thing we noticed was the smell. It was similar to, but less pleasant than the Fancy Feast that my kitties enjoy every night. Second, in the middle of a cylindrical lump of “potted meat” was a hole, as if a factory worker had decided to stick their penis in there “just out of curiosity” right before sealing up the can. There was no going back. Someone had to taste it. Sherrard, brave man that he is, and who, as a result of his time in Taiwan, also has a history of consuming the inconsumable, got a fork and scooped up a small piece. He stuck his tongue on the offending morsel and immediately noticed the extreme saltiness. Less than 2% of sodium indeed. Eventually, he worked it into his mouth. The look on his face, after that, was priceless. It also spurred on Ben and Dan to try it as well. No one enjoyed it in the least, but, to my knowledge, none those adventurous souls have yet contracted salmonella.
Ben, Aiyana and Andrew left us. Kayobi made the mistake of mentioning that she had watched the first 4 episodes of Buffy on the DVD that I lent her, and wasn’t as keen on them as she’d been on Firefly (her first foray into the world of Whedon). In a panic, I shoved Buffy Season 3 into her hands, but Faye had a better idea. We should just have her watch “Hush”. It doesn’t require TOO much back story to appreciate, The Gentlemen are scary as hell, and what better way to show a skeptic the genius of Joss than to show them an episode with almost no dialogue. And we think it worked! I also decided to lend her Angel Season 1 because she mentioned that it was hard to get into a show about high school kids at this stage of life, supernatural as their stories may be. When the episode was over, we turned off the DVD player to find Starship Troopers on TV. People began to trickle out the door at that point, but a few stayed on to watch the vagina slug fuck up some dudes and to briefly make fun of Denise Richards.
And that’s a party at the Zookster House.

SUNDAY

It’s amazing how easy it is to clean up from a party when the apartment was actually clean before the party began. There may be something to this whole “keeping your place tidy” thing.
Yoga was good. I’m finally back to my skill level that I was at before my month and a half of laziness. It is really hard to do Bikram when it’s 80 degrees outside though.
Back at home, I made dinner, and listened to my mom tell me some more of her government conspiracy theories. This time she thinks that the ID chips that the pound injects into the animals is another way for the government to find you and invade your privacy. I asked her what the government would want to “find” me for and she said “Anything. Anything at all. It’s just like when Nixon tried to get the government to allow televisions to have cameras installed into them so that they could watch you in your house.” I said “I think that was actually Orwell”. And she said “Exactly!” It’s around that point in the conversation when I stop trying to reason with her and just let her finish her tirade so I can eat dinner before it gets cold.
At 7, Dom and I watched the exciting conclusion to Dr. Who and I was dismayed to learn that it really WAS the conclusion. I guess we’d found it right near the end of the series. Now I really WILL need to buy the DVD’s. Damn.
Dom and I then started in on Battlestar Galactica which, despite the fact that so far they’ve over-explained the simple things and under-explained the more confusing plot points, is really really cool. And 3 episodes in, I’ve got me quite the little crush on Starbuck.

NEXT WEEKEND: Faye and I bring DDR over to Brugos’ house and spend the day alienating ourselves in his TV room!

CORRECTIONS BY DOM
Woah woah… the night didn't end after Hush! We shut off Hush and brought the lights back up. People made their exit, leaving Sherrard, Faye, Brugos and of course Jessica and I. After trying to entice people with my greatest hits of TV from the 70s and 80s – which enraged Sherrard – I was rather loudly berated into manning the karaoke machine. So I did. And for the next hour, despite telling Jessica to sing quietly, everyone did their very best to outsing everyone else. I was shot the evil eye from Sherrard and Jessica who were sure I was purposefully keeping the microphone off or at a low volume. After about 20 minutes, as expected, the allure of karaoke wore off and most folks went into the kitchen and Faye stuck it out and kept singing. It was nearly 2AM at this point and Sherrard rejoined the group, but things were a little more muted and overall we just enjoyed the videos, as usual.

THEN we turned off the karaoke and watched Starship Troopers as people left. My sober eye records all.

Thank you Dom. I can see it all now, clear as day.

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