fallen-from-the-sky checkered one where

Hello my Cats and Kittens.
I am writing to you from my post-surgical bed where I am currently on the mend. I am also in a Vicodin induced haze so you’ll forgive my grammatical and spelling errors and/or type-os. I just wanted to write a quick hello and surgical re-cap. It seems to have gone well. I am feeling ok too. Best surgery ever, so far. Unlike the last time I received general anesthesia, I am moderately functional, cognizant and devoid of fainting spells. I am not speaking gibberish, vomiting sporadically or hallucinating. All of these things are improvements upon previous brushes with anesthesia. It’s tough to say how my bosom is fairing, as it is hiding under miles of gauze. But they do appear smaller. (They are also bound rather tight, though…think Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love…only with breasts underneath them). My plans for the day are to eat more crackers, drink more Romulan Ale flavored Gatorade, sleep, and maybe watch some movies whilst blazed out of my mind on painkillers. Do you folks need to know any of this? Do you care? I don’t know. But I’ll tell you what. Typing is fun in this state of mind. I feel like the drugs haven’t hindered my typing speed at all. Then again, I also think I can fly. So what does that tell you?
I’m off to the land of sugar plums and dancing platypi Later, my lovelies.

Hazy McHazerston


work smart not hard w/automated home bus. babel


Friday I rode down to Portland with the office crew for the annual X-mas party (which I missed last year to see Return of the King with the gang). I didn’t think it would be TOO bad. I was just annoyed that I was going to get back to Seattle so late. See, everyone else decided to stay down in the PTLD for the weekend, so I booked a train to get back.
We got to the restaurant and I was IMMEDIATELY handed a glass of champagne so I thought things might be ok. We received our bonus checks (mine was a nice little chunk, but sadly, it’s already spent because the hotel in London charged my credit card IN ADVANCE for our stay. Stupid online budget hotel bookers!). We also each got these letterman’s jackets with our names and the company logo on them. They were obviously EXTREMELY expensive. However, I (nor anyone else in the office, I don’t think) would NEVER wear them. For one thing, the cut is just all wrong. They are also made of HEAVY wool and leather and mine is GIGANTIC on me. I was somewhat offended because the Lil D. (who is of small build) got an extra small jacket and I got a normal one (which was too big for me). Now, I know I don’t weigh 80 pounds like booty-less Lil D. But I am not the heffer that they apparently took me for. So even though I don’t intend on wearing the jacket, I was still offended.
Anywho, we got our lunches (which everyone around me agreed were pretty bland for an upscale establishment). The waitress was very nice, however, and made sure my champagne glass was full at all times.
We did our White Elephant exchange. It seems like these days, most offices try to make the gifts nice anyway. But not our office. Most of the gifts were pretty bad. (i.e. an empty Starbuck’s card, a HIDEOUS and somewhat disturbing Halloween ornament which involved a bare-bottomed witch, and the “Charles Schwab’s Guide to Getting out of Debt”). I picked the witch ornament first but them swapped for a ceramic elephant mug.
Around 3:00, people were pretty drunk and talking of hitting the strip club. I was taken to the train station to make my 4:00 departure. Upon arrival, I discovered that my train was hideously delayed. So much so that they recommended I be put on the 6:15 train, rather than wait for my train to arrive. Needless to say, I was pretty annoyed. I was lugging around this stupid, heavy Letterman jacket, a ceramic elephant mug and a beer I stole from the party, all of which were quite heavy. I wandered a few blocks and found a coffee shop. I drank some caffeine and tried to sober up. While I waited, I read the Portland free weekly (who’s name escapes me) which is EERILY (and not unintentionally, I’m sure) similar to the layout of The Stranger. Turns out Stephen Humphrey, the I heart Television guy, is the editor their. They also feature movie reviews by Sean Nelson and Bradley Steinbacher. They have a “last days” type column and an I Anonymous, as well as Strange Love and…a recommendations page!! I wonder how much Portland likes being the smaller, less pretentious twin brother to Seattle.
Back at the train station, my train departed at 6:30. By this time, my drunkenness was gone and I was just tired and cranky. I was crankier still when I found out the movie on the train was The Princess Diaries 2. I watched it anyway, of course, and made faces or horror to no one as the dialog became more and more ridiculous. The things that John Rhyse Davies had to do and say were truly horrifying. But, like a gruesome train wreck, I could not tear my eyes away from the carnage. When it was over, there were still TWO HOURS left of my journey. I spent them listening to Patton Oswalt’s two hour, inebriated rant on CD, which only made me more irritable because, hilarious though he is, I was tired and vulnerable and therefore got swept up into his drunken rage. By the time my train arrived in Seattle, I was ready to fight anybody that looked at me crossways.
Now, I know that travel by train is romantic. This is true in Europe where the trains run on time (and frequently) and the scenery is lovely. But I now OFFICIALLY HATE Amtrack. As far as I’m concerned, trains are just another of countless things that the Americans stole from Europe and ruined.

Since my Friday rant is long and bitter, I will try and run though the rest of the weekend quickly. Saturday morning, we had a makeup meeting. I think it went well. Our guys seem to know what they’re doing and are as excited about decapitations as we are. Unfortunately, poor Faye, who is usually just as bloodthirsty as the best of them, was having trouble this day. She has been deathly ill and was still ailing pretty badly on Saturday. You know a girl is sick when she can’t even enjoy pictures of people with horrific face wounds!
Saturday night, Dom and I met Ryan at the Nite Lite. We rocked the juke box, ate disgustingly greasy food, and saturated our hair and clothing with cigarette smoke. It was a terrific time! The only downside was that Gene was meant to meet us and, by the cruelty of fate, it didn’t happen. You see, when you enter the Nite Lite, you can go right, into the frat boy and loud music den, or left into the quiet bar fly and pool table room. We choose to go left. Gene went right, didn’t see us, and then TRIED to go left. A very surly bouncer told him “There’s nothing over there” and Gene left. I don’t know what his problem was, but I hope the frat boys give that bouncer and EXTRA hard time next Saturday.

Yoga (last one till after surgery), housecleaning, and then off to the Smithinghams Holiday Party. There was food, drink and delightful company. We walked through the Griswaldian Spectacle that is Candy Cane Lane, pet a sleepy puppy, and tended to the wounds of a drunk girl who’s head met a tree it didn’t like. In short, a wild success!


The picture of dorian gray
Oscar Wilde: The Portrait of Dorian Gray. You are a
horror novel from the world of dandies, rich
pretty boys, art and aesthetics, and
intellectual debates between ethical people and
decadent pleasure-seekers. You value beauty and
pleasure but realize their dangers, as well.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is one of the most interesting quizes of this type I have ever taken!

was something unprecedented, unnatural

Last night I felt pretty awful (probably from eating too much cookie dough as I did some holiday baking), but I forced myself to go to yoga anyway, as I don't know how long I will be out of commission after surgery. I am really glad I did. I've never been a competitive person as far as sports are concerned. Probably because I was never GOOD at any sports. (Or any physical activity, really. Having gimpy knees will do that to you). But I have to say that I LOVE it when these skinny girls in skimpy little bikinis show up to yoga for the first time and just DIE. Yesterday there were two such girls in class. They were struggling through the standing positions and they had to lie down for most of the second half. Our teacher came over to make sure they were ok. Meanwhile, even though I was pretty nauseous, my balance was in top form and they were actually looking at me to see how to do the positions. It didn't hurt that the teacher gave me several compliments on my form. I was eating it up with a spoon. Take that, skinny girls who were probably picked first in gym class! I felt so tough! So I'm telling you, Bikram Yoga is THE “sport” for gimps.

And now, as promised, I have a link to the second batch of pictures from the fundraiser. Click for the kind of excessiveness that only a drunk photographer can produce. I apologize for the fact that most of the pictures are of me. Jacob was pretty hammered and was taking pictures of whatever was in front of him. That happened to be me and Andrew's friend Chris. I've even edited out a good number of them. So when you're getting sick of my drunk face, remember…it could have been worse.

Countdown to Operation Deflation: 11 days.

sacrilege, darling

I just watched the first trailer for the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie (which can be seen here at Aint We Cool News) and all I have to say is: WHAT IS THE POINT, TIM BURTON?! Did you POSSIBLY think you could improve on the original? Maybe if it were 1990 and you'd just finished Edward Scissorhands, I MIGHT have some confidence. But one Sleepy Hollow, one Planet of the Apes and one Big Fish later, I realise you are all out of ideas and so you have to make a movie that, from what I can tell, is a terrible “update” to the beautifully surreal look of the original.

Bite me, Burton. Bite me.

that the cat's Browning

Gonna go BACK IN TYME!!

Since I have time to blog now when nothing is happening, I am going to talk about last week when stuff was happening but I didn't have time to blog. So there. Now…let's see how much of last week I remember.

So I spent most of last week hurriedly dressing up the Old Red Hook Brewery for the fundraiser with the very capable and wonderful crew of Snow Day. Meep led us all with her amazing x-mas decorating skills and hundreds of lights purchased from Target. In the end, I think we made that stink-hole look pretty kick-ass!

Friday I left work early to first go to my “pre-op” appointment and then to do last minute prep at brewery. I went in to my appointment a little nervous and left feeling a lot better about the surgery. Not that I was having doubts about it. Just that surgery is always stressful, even if you know it will help you. (And I consider myself somewhat of a surgery veteran, whatwith the two knee surgeries and that hardcore oral surgery it took to get my wisdom teeth out). They assured me that they wouldn't overdo the anesthesia which is comforting because last time I got General Anesthesia, I took to it VERY badly. They also told me that what I'm having done (liposuction instead of the choppy chop type) is a lot easier to recover from and won't hurt as bad. The downside to that is that I only get 30 Vicodin. So I guess we won't be having those Vicodin parties. But who am I to complain about less pain? The one thing they told me that was somewhat disappointing was that I wouldn't notice results right away. In fact, I will probably be BIGGER for as long as a MONTH due to the swelling. So I guess I have to postpone that major bra shopping trip. I can't wait to see what kind of a freak of nature I will look like with EVEN BIGGER breasts. Probably something like this:
title or description

I do have stories from the fundraiser itself but I'm hoping I'll be able to let the pictures do the talking. I should get the rest of them sometime this weekend.

They ALMOST got me last night. It was the last episode before sweeps so I knew there had to be a big cliff hanger. I remember reading that (for some reason) Charlie, Jack and Kate were all safe from being killed off this season, but that ONE main character WOULD die before season's end. So when I watched Jack beat the crap out of Charlie's lifeless body for what must have been 5 minutes (which converts to at least half an hour in TV land time), I thought Charlie was gone and I began to wonder if I would even watch the show anymore after that. I would still have Sayid (Rowr!) but Dominic Monaghan was the whole reason I started watching to begin with. Furthermore, I can't take much more trauma of people killing off my favorite characters. (I'm looking at you, Joss!) And then Jack REALLY starting hitting Charlie and he woke up in a gasping coughing fit. So now poor Charlie is TOTALLY traumatized because his new girlfriend has been kidnapped, his chest is extremely bruised and he probably has some brain damage from being dead that long. (Which is why he can only speak in short sentences). :)
I can't wait till after sweeps!!!

later a sweating silver

I’m back!

For those of you that don’t know, I was in Phoenix for 2 days on my very first business trip. I was being trained for my day job. They were all very nice there and they fed me silly on good food. I also got to stay in the Ritz Carlton (and realised that I MUCH prefer staying in a mid-low budget hotel. They may have nice mattresses in the Ritz but they charge you for EVERYTHING. For $200 a night, I want some free tea or coffee, at least. A bottle of water was $5!). But at least now I know I’m not missing anything when I live it up at the Days Inn for $60/night.
I haven’t flown in a long time. (Well, not a LONG time…but long for me). And now I have an unshakable feeling every time I get on an airplane that I am about to be stuck on a mysterious island with these people. Of course, I would probably actually have to fly over WATER (and/or the Bermuda triangle) to crash on an island. Unfortunately, on my island, there probably wouldn’t be so many delicious and enigmatic characters. OR an Iron Giant. Damn you, TV for giving me such high expectations about freak accidents!

I am very tired. Of COURSE when I arrived back there was a giant pile of work on my desk. And guess what, I’m not doing any of it right now! Ha!

Work is boring. On to other topics.

The good news: The fundraiser was a BLAST! Thank you for everyone that helped and attended and partied their hearts out. I was pretty stressed for about half the evening and then the wine on an empty stomach kicked in. By the end of the night, I was plowed and having a grand ‘ol time. There are SOME pictures here. You can definitely see the before and after of drunkenness for me and Faye. Of course, the BEST pictures (I wager) are on Jacob’s camera and I can’t wait for him to get back from Germany so that I can see them! Among them are a giant group picture with Zombie Santa and a plastered (yet surprisingly coherent) Gene!
The bad news: We only raised HALF of our MINIMUM budget. So now we are going to have to pester our friends, family and strangers (in other words: EVERYONE) to donate so that we can even THINK about shooting the movie in January. I’m a little scared because it’s not like any of US have that kind of money laying around in case we can’t raise it elsewhere. I suppose severe credit card debt is an option, but I wanted to save that for the feature.

I wish I had time to go into more detail about the drunken revelry of the fundraiser, but now I really DO need to get to work. So you’ll just have to glean a story from the pictures. I’ll update when I get the juicy ones from Jacob. Until then, rock on, you hard rock zombies!