Hotter with a Beard: Jack Black Edition

I ganked this photo from my friend’s FB feed so I have no idea how recent it is. Regardless, I’ve had an on-again/off-again crush on J.B. since the High Fidelity days.

On again: Mr. Show/Tenacious D
Off again: Shallow Hal/Ice Age
On again: School of Rock
Off again: Nacho Libre
On again: Be Kind Rewind (even though that movie kinda sucked, both JB and Mos Def were adorable in it)/Pick of Destiny
Off again: Gulliver’s Travels/all that Kung Fu Panda business
On again: This photo…

Kinda makes a girl hope for some popping out of the side hatch with oils and perfume (and incense).


Hotter with a Beard: David Bowie Edition

A friend of mine recently directed me to this little feature on normally clean-shaven celebrities with beards. I’ve covered some of these people before and others aren’t so hot no matter how much hair they have (but who knew that Phil Collins invented the trucker hat hipster?). Of course, David Bowie looks amazing with a beard. This is a man who somehow gets sexier with every passing year. He can don a spiked, orange mullet and paint a lightening bolt on his face, or even wear a Tina Turner-style wig and a Bea Arthur formal blouse, but he’ll always look like sex personified.

With a beard, he just looks like a normal bloke. Or else a normal, effortlessly hip English Lit professor who everybody has a crush on.

Good one, Bowie.

Hotter with a Beard: Zac Efron Edition

I’m not going to pretend that I “don’t get” Zac Efron, because I totally do. Just because I don’t go in for the pretty boys doesn’t mean I don’t see the appeal for others. Observe:

There are some smoldering eyes in that symmetrical damned face. But you know what would improve that face? Of course you do.


What can I say? I like a man with distinctly legal-aged features. Nothing turns a pretty boy into a pretty man like a beard. Sure, his is a little spotty and it’s hard to trust someone with a natural soul patch. But you know who else has that look?

Anything that you can associate with Al Swearengen makes it certifiably manly as fuck.

Hotter with a Beard: Jarvis Cocker Edition

Now I know what you’re thinking. That voice! Those dance moves! The sharp-as-hell wardrobe! Jarvis Cocker is already an 11 on the 1-10 hotness scale. How could he possibly get any hotter? Well, feast your eyes on this:

Christ on a cracker! Hey Jarvis…Wanna turn that easy chair into a love seat?

If you need further proof, here he is throwing shapes at Coachella:

I’m pleased as punch to say I was there to witness it.

I’m sure you are convinced by now. But let’s see a few more pics for your Friday afternoon delight:

Could this be his O Face? Only a few lucky ladies in the world can say for sure:

Aaaaaand I’m spent. Time for a cold shower!

SPECIAL EDITION! Hotter With a ‘Stache: Jason Segel

Did you know there’s a thing called “Mustache March”? Well, there is.

Lance Armstrong wisely tapped into the hipster facial hair market by giving men an excuse to let their inner bear out and raise money for (or, rather, against) testicular cancer. Healthy balls is something that most of us can get behind (or in front of). And here at Effed by the Wind, we also love to get behind the growing and subsequent styling of facial hair.

Mustache March’s charity is the MACC, which benefits kids with cancer. This is also an inarguably deserving cause. A friend of mine has been covering the celebrity Mustache March photos on her Facebook page, but they never included this fetching photo of TV and Film actor Jason Segel. He showed us his dong in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, but it wasn’t until this that he showed us his truly masculine side. I love mustaches but I have to agree that many people can NOT pull them off without looking like rednecks or sex offenders.

Jason Segel can pull it the fuck off.

When he tweeted this photo, he captioned it, “For the ladies”. He clearly meant it as a joke and I bet he shaved it off shortly thereafter. But before he did, I hope someone told him that he nailed it. He looks like an extra in “Mary Poppins” and I mean that in the BEST possible way. Keep up the good work, Segel. Hope to see the full beard monty in Movember.

Hotter With a Beard: Malcolm-Jamal Warner Edition

I’m currently in the middle of the second season of “Community”. I know the world already knew how awesome this show was, but I’m just now finding out. So that’s why I’m also just finding out about the hotness that has overtaken Theo Huxtable. He reached teen idol status on “The Cosby Show”, but I hadn’t yet discovered boys when I watched that show so I didn’t really get it. When I became aware of him post-puberty, he looked like this:

Facial hair, yes. But also a tragedy atop his head. And that was what he looked like in my brain until last night when he popped up on “Community” to play Shirley’s husband. I recognized him instantly (the sweater helped), but I also saw him in a whole new light. The hotness light. It’s like a real-life movie makeover. You knew he was hot the whole time, but you needed the haircut to really see it. The internet has already done a side-by-side comparison for me.

Amazing! I really hope it works out between him and Shirley because that’s a face I wouldn’t mind seeing more of. (No spoilers, please!) How about we see more right now.



Hotter with a Beard: James McAvoy Edition

I’ve been a little busy lately. Too busy to keep up with my favorite celebrity gossip blogs. So I haven’t noticed any actors letting their follicles hang out. Fortunately, my friend Ahe has picked up the slack. Today, she drew my attention to a young Scottish gentleman by the name of James McAvoy. This guy has been running around, mostly babyfaced, since 1995. I first noticed him in “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe”, when he wore a beard on his bottom half as the fawn, Mr. Tumnus.

Fawns are, by the far, the sexiest of the man/beast hybrids (whatwith their fancy-free lifestyles and perpetual boners). But despite his general Scottishness, human McAvoy did nothing for me. Even when he was pretending to be Patrick Stewart or giving it to Kiera Knightly in the library (with the candlestick) I remained unaffected. Part of it was his pathetic display of unkempt facial hair, which seemed to indicate that he could no more grow a beard than Mr. Bigglesworth or Orlando Bloom. But he was holding out on us! Observe:

This picture is from the film, “The Conspirator”.

We don’t know if he would ever elect to wear a beard in his normal, everyday life. But he should. He really should.

James McAvoy’s Beard, I salute you!

Hotter with a Beard: Sterling Archer Edition

I know he’s a cartoon character and he’s voiced by a short, bald man. But Archer is a babe. He looks especially fetching in the episode, “Heart of Archness: Part 1” when Rip Riley (Patrick Warburton, naturally) finds him playing “Cocktail” in some tropical paradise after his would-be Russian bride was murdered. (I know it sounds heavy. But trust me, casual violence was never funnier than it is on this show.)

ANYWHOSEL, Archer doesn’t keep the beard for long, but he rocks it while he has it. I think he resembles a young James Brolin.

Hotter with a Beard: Colin Firth Edition

Oh, Colin. How many god awful rom-coms (and rom-drams) have I sat through for you? Even if the script is tripe, you play it as buttery as a fresh scone with a hint of self-deprecation. When you get a meaty role, you act the shit out of it.

That’s a good beard.

Hotter with a Beard: Jake Gylenhaal Edition

Jake Gylenhaal doesn’t really need to get any hotter. And yet he does. With a beard. Those little lines around his eyes aren’t hurting things either.

The hair needs work though. One’s beard should never be longer than one’s hair. That’s a cardinal rule of Beard.