impassivity royalstag



I got together a small crew to partake in 80’s night at Neighbors. Andrew joined me for prefunk at my place. I was watching my newly acquired “Fraggle Rock: The Complete First Season” from the library. I was really excited about it and very pleased to find that Fraggle Rock is just as enjoyable to me now as it was when I was 7 and our family was inexplicably receiving HBO for free.

Andrew brought me and Dom our long-awaited birthday present; a laser disc player. Dom had bought one ages ago off of ebay in order to play the only proper versions of Star Wars in existence. Of course, the player he got was broken, so he had to find somewhere to get it fixed. Meanwhile, Andrew bought us a player for our birthday but never had a chance to bring it to us. So Dom got his broken player fixed and then, on Thursday, Andrew brought us his. So now we have TWO working laser disc players. I think that’s an invitation to turn our apartment into a shrine to working obsolete media.

Andrew also brought us a new laser disc, “Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country”. He eventually convinced us to turn off the Fraggles (which he was NOT enjoying) and put on Star Trek. I’m just glad we found something we could all enjoy. Unfortunately, Andrew and I couldn’t finish the movie because there was dancing to be done.

We met Aiyana at Neighbors, but it wasn’t quite ready for us yet, so we decided to go to the Comet for a quick one. We met Derek and Annika on the way. We all got a round of Stubs, poured by the inventor of the drink himself. They are a pint of half cider/half PBR with a port chaser. The port is a little much for me, but I love the PBR/cider mix. Next time, I think I’ll just order a Stu.

Things were just getting going when we got back to Neighbors. A few hardcore dancers scattered the floor. We decided to wait it out a while longer. The lads played some pool and we watched the dance floor from the balcony.

Finally, the moment was right for us to boogie. We formed a nice little circle on the floor and danced our asses off to new wave hit after new wave hit. I love you, DJ Rock Lobster!

After we danced ourselves sore (which takes a lot less time than it used to), we headed home, but not before stopping at Pommes Frites to split a cone of chips and replenish any calories we might have previously burned.

In the morning, Dom and I were lazy and it was wonderful. In the afternoon, we errands in the pouring rain. The evening brought Meep’s awesome holiday party that was fully stocked with cheese and bread (in the form of cheese logs and challah). We listened to cheesy Christmas music, enjoyed Meep’s decorations, drank Yule Logs (which are basically White Russians with egg nog instead of cream) and sifted through the gifts.

Speaking for myself, I came away with a tremendous gift haul including: mix cd’s from Gene and Elyse, candy, a paint by numbers set from Erin (which I plan to enjoy whilst stoned), and some very awesome, long coveted guilty pleasures from Meep in the form of a purple plush unicorn for my alleged new office, the Kelly Clarkson album “Breakaway” and “Walker Texas Ranger, the Final Season”. The last two items may require a little defending to my hipster brethren. First of all, Kelly Clarkson has got some pipes on her. Second, she sings the hell out of some pretty angsty songs for a pop star, and even though she doesn’t write the MUSIC, she does write most of the lyrics.

As for Walker, well, let’s just say that anyone who can appreciate the inanity and fantastical plots of a Paul Verhoeven movie combined with some comically sweeping generalizations would love this show. It’s kind of like what would happen if George Bush were a TV exec and not a puppet for puritanical dictators. Hilarity ensues.


Again, my morning was delightfully unproductive. In the afternoon, Dom and I went to Elyse and Gene’s for Chinese food, the Last Starfighter, and a failed attempt to do something sacrilegious on Christmas Eve. We apparently have very few male friends who are interested in seeing naked strangers. And the ones we do have want to see the naked ladies in Lake City and not anywhere near where we live. You see, Ben had told me that he planned on going to De Ja Vous, as is his annual tradition. That sounded like a fine time to me, as it did to Elyse. But since he wasn’t going to the one downtown, Elyse and I thought that surely we could organize a separate group to come with us. We were wrong. Poo.

Instead, we wandered the deserted streets and ended up at the Cheesecake Factory, a place that would ordinarily be the bane of my nightlife. On this particular night, it was just the ticket. Sherwood hesitantly met us there. We were brushed off by our waiter (who I’m sure was none too pleased to be there) several times, but mostly enjoyed the big fru-fru drinks and Dom enjoyed the insanely ginormous portion of cheesecake. One thing I noticed about the wait staff of the Cheesecake Factory is that they are leftover bullies. They will do anything in their power to get you to take your leftovers with you. They were pushing boxes on a number of our unwilling neighbors. While I think taking your leftovers home, or at least giving them to a homeless person, is a good practice, I was a little weirded out by their fervor.


Dom and I woke up early to go to West Seattle. We had breakfast and lunch with the his sister, brother-in-law and dad. We also took turns passing around our little niece, Indie. So far, she’s cute and well-behaved. I like that in a kid.

And then Dom and I exchanged gifts and I scored the most impressive gift for which I am now indentured to Dom for life. The media would have you believe that nothing makes a girl happier on a gift-giving occasion than to get some expensive jewelry from their significant other. Well, for me, getting an ipod was like getting a big fatty pink diamond ring. I got all doe-eyed and wobbly in the knees. I guess this must mean our relationship is pretty serious. So thanks Dom. Screw Jarret. My man went to the Apple Store”.

After that we went to Erin’s for a delicious vegetarian feast. We finally met the rest of her animal brood in the form of a sweet elderly Dalmatian named Amore, a spazzy kitten named Kinsey, and a friendly loaf of a cat named Toaster (who may or may not be a Cylon). Of course, we already knew Digit, who has mellowed significantly since becoming a sister.

We headed home around nine to enjoy our food coma. Dom went to play with his Gryphon and I popped in “High Tension”.

“High Tension” was a great horror/thriller. It was great at building suspense, and the gore was unrelenting. I was really enjoying it…until the last 10 minutes when it turned into an M. Night Shlamalalamaman movie. WHY?!


Elyse and I have been making plans to see “Breakfast on Pluto” ever since we saw that first still of the impossibly attractive Cillian Murphy in drag. That boy is so beautiful, I don’t know whether lust after him or envy his cheek bones. Anyway, we thought we were the only two people who wanted to see this movie. And of course we’d heard it was bad, and we believed it. But that wasn’t going to keep us from the ogle-fest.

I headed up to the U-District. Elyse called me to let me know that now we were being joined by Andrew…and Brugos and Derek and Aiyana. The more the merrier, I say. Elyse was running behind schedule so I was left to my own devices for a while.

I should NOT be left to my own devices in the U-district. I ended up spending money in 3 places including Zandadu Comics, the Buffalo Exchange and the new Chai cafe. As exciting to me as the prospect of a Chai café is, it becomes less exciting when I find out that their 20 flavors of Chai are all in powder form. Yech.

Eventually, I met everyone and we got our seats for the movie. Halfway through the film, the projectionist dropped the ball, and the reel just stopped. It took her a few minutes to realize what happened so we sat there staring at a blank screen for a while. Derek and Andrew took the opportunity to get out of dodge and take advantage of happy hour. They invited the rest of us to come with them but we declined, opting for pretty actors over good storytelling. The second half of the movie WAS better than the first. But it still wasn’t any good. It was a pretty fluffy, PG story about terrorism and transvestites in the 60’s/70’s. I guess Neil Jordan has gone soft in his old age. Oh well. Cillian is still very very pretty.

After some debate, Elyse and I convinced everyone to go to Dinner at Blue Sea Sushi in Fremont. Dom also met us for dinner. I had never been there and was overjoyed to find their vegetarian selection to be vast. Everything I ate was delicious.

And then it was home to cram stuff onto my ipod and dream that my holiday would last forever.

Holidays really ARE fun when you spend them with your friends and not your family. Who knew?

Every one is going for this now improvise

This dude's polemic perfectly captures my annoyance with the stock “I would totally go gay for Angelina” answer that straight women seem to like to give these days. I'm glad none of my female friends are that uncreative. There are way hotter, way less crazy (or lately, less Mia Farrow) celebladies out there to go gay for. I'd like to list a few of my favorites right now:

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Of course, none of these women actually swing that way, so maybe another reason the Jolie answer is stock is because they know she plays for both teams so they have less of a chance of being rejected. Still, that's a stupid reason to choose her for an answer to an entirely hypothetical question.

Also, why is it that straight guys hardly ever have a well-thought out answer for this? Did most girls really sit around at slumber parties having naked pillow fights and experimenting with their bodies while the guys were playing video games? I never went to slumber parties past puberty so I wouldn't know.

perky uncommitted



It was the night of the Mandatory Holiday Office Party for my company. I was kind of dreading it based on how much I LOOOOOVE spending every day of my life with my co-workers. But it turned out to be not so bad. For one thing, free food and drink. The free drink started at the office at 4pm, when we closed up shop early and had our white elephant exchange. I scored a frog candle holder wherein the frog looks like he’s deep-throating the candle. Awesome.
And then came the food, which was not just ANY food but Canlis food. (LINK) Canlis is this UBER fancy restaurant off of 99. I’m talking dress-code, $28-75-entrees, 3-different-waiters-for-your-table fancy. Needless to say, I have never been to a place like that and was interested to see what it would be like. First of all, it was really weird to be treated so well by restaurant staff. They treat each customer like a celebrity, opening your car door for you as you pull up, holding the doors open for you, checking your coat at the door, and just generally being extremely polite and accommodating at every turn. I have nice waiters, sure. But this went above and beyond. Obviously, I’m sure they were looking for hefty tips, but since I wasn’t the one who would be tipping, I wasn’t sweating it. Second, even though they had a very small vegetarian selection, and I pretty much had to each side-dishes for my meal, the food was INCREDIBLE. Orgasmic, even. I had the most AMAZING mushrooms and “truffle” fries. And my $9 salad was pretty much the most delicious salad I have ever eaten. For dessert, we all ordered different things and passed them around. Every single dessert was incredible. Meanwhile, we went through 3 bottles of wine and beer after beer (Chimay). I can’t really even hazard a guess as to what the bill came out to, but I’m sure if I’d been responsible for it, I would have developed an instantaneous ulcer. But I wasn’t, so I just enjoyed the ride. The company wasn’t too bad either. Everyone was getting HAMMERED and being very complimentary. Boss Man started telling me about how he wished that weed was legalized. The BIG Guy gave a speech that brought him to nigh on tears, wherein he told us all that he couldn’t have been happier to work with each and every one of us (and he went around the table addressing each person and saying why they are important to the company), and that we have a tremendously bright future ahead of us. Of course, I get a little uncomfortable whenever anyone talks about the future of the company in my presence because I’m not planning my future WITH the company, but it was nice to be appreciated. Even Lil D wasn’t getting on my nerves TOO bad. She’s very happy when she’s being pampered. The Other One and I started talking about the Alien series and the waiter overheard our conversation and joined in briefly, agreeing that 4 was unnecessary, as he poured me who-the-fuck-knows what number glass of wine.

After dinner, we decided to go to Lelani Lanes for karaoke because we thought we had a good chance of getting a table for 10 people there. So we got in two cars (probably not a good idea at that point, in retrospect), and drove, in semi-formal wear, to a Greenlake Dive Bar/Bowling Alley.

Once there, some people settled in quickly and others didn’t. Of course, Lil’ D wasn’t too happy to be “slumming it”, and the ones who didn’t want to sing were skeptical at first, but those folks got some drinks and went to bowl, while the rest of us started picking songs. Lil’ D, surprisingly, loves karaoke, but of course, she was complaining about the song selection. Not enough Black Eyes Peas for her taste, I’m sure. Boss Man, The Other One and I were all into it. The Two Ladies from Portland didn’t want to sing, but they were down to hang out with us. And it’s here where my Grinchlike heart began to melt. Turns out, I have some very important allies in The Two Ladies. The one who is, in some ways, the boss of Boss Man, I have to thank for two things: First, apparently, she yelled at Boss Man for over an hour back in the day when he’d told me he wouldn’t have hired me in retrospect, and I decided to quit. When he told her what he’d said, she called him a “fucking idiot” and told him he should be giving me a raise, not insulting me. So, eventually, he did give me a raise and I didn’t quit and I’m sure I have her to thank for that (possibly mixed blessing). Second, she told me that she knew about my dreams of filmmaking and she said she knows how Boss Man feels about it, that it’s a nice hobby but I should have something substantial to fall back on. However, she disagrees. She said as long as it’s something I know I want, I should NEVER give up on it. She said, in her life, what she wanted was to be a mom, and she has that. When she’s on her deathbed, she’s not going to have any regrets because of that. So even though she said I would be hard to replace, she wants me to keep pursuing my film career. That is the FIRST time anyone at this company has treated my filmmaking as a career path, and not as a cute hobby. So I was very happy to hear it, and, of course, it endeared me to her quite a bit.
The other lady is sort of the me of Portland, minus the secretarial work. We got to talking and it turns out she and I have quite a bit in common from a Catholic School upbringing to a love of Buffy and sci-fi. I should like to hang out with both of them again, methinks.

As for karaoke, well, I gave two of my best performances to date. First I sang “One” by Three Dog Night and then “Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle. Of course, my singing is never anything to shout about, but let’s just say that if I were playing Karaoke Revolution, I would have scored an A. My co-workers were quite impressed as well. And I continued to drink every free drink that was offered me.

After a while, we were down to 6, so we headed to another dive bar off Greenlake. I don’t have any idea what it was called. Inside, we met an Englishman from Brighton who had followed a girlfriend to the States and then been promptly dumped. He looked like Garth Algar but talked like the drug dealer in “Withnail and I”. Funny stuff.

I pumped some songs into the Juke and we continued to drink more than any of us probably should have. We closed the place out, and The Other One headed home.

Boss Man drove the 4 ladies back toward our homes/hotels. Lil’ D got dropped off first because she wouldn’t have it any other way. The Two Ladies wanted Taco Bell, so we stopped at the one on Broadway where we were surprised to find a line. There’s never a line in that Taco Bell. There’s never even anyone IN it when I’m there during the day. I guess it stands to reason that 2 in the morning is the only time that Taco Bell ever sounds appetizing to the masses.

Finally, I got dropped off at home, drank two glasses of water (too little, too late) and went to bed.


Oh, I had designs for my Saturday. Yes I did. But they fell way way waaay to the wayside when I awoke with the badhead to end all badheads. This was the SECOND worst hangover of my life (the first being December 31st, 2000 – thus leading to my first sober New Years Eve since I began not being sober on New Years Eve). It was just awful. It was as if a mischievous elf had climbed inside my ear and delighted in, every few minutes, banding my brain with a bal peen hammer. The vomiting was not the kind that makes you feel better immediately after, but rather the kind that sends you into a shivering cold-sweat and makes your whole body tremor. After I threw up everything in my body and then some, and drank as much water as I could stuff in me, I went back to bed. To top it all off, my cold, which had been brewing for several days, finally hit its peak. I feverishly tried to go to sleep. Eventually, I was able to nod off again, but this spelled the end to my designs, which included a matinee of King Kong. Oh well. I will remember next time (this I swear) to drink a glass of water for every alcoholic drink, no matter HOW much free booze is thrust upon me, and no matter how tired I am when I get home.

Around 5pm, I was finally able to join the living. Dom and I got gussied up and then went to the store to purchase offerings for Derek & Aiyanna’s holiday party. The party was great and I ate way too much of their delicious holiday snacks but did NOT drink. We also ventured over to Candy Cane Lane, the festive neighborhood street that is covered with magical lights and decorations. The whole thing was quite lovely. I only wish I could have made myself last past midnight.


After chores and yoga, I finally got my hands on a copy of “The Fantastic Four” which Dom, Faye and I watched. Camptastic! Honestly, I think they used the Roger Corman version as a basis for their script. There were many similarities in cheese. If it weren’t for the professional looking CG, it would be hard to believe that it was a studio picture. Lots of fun to watch though. And Julian McMahon is my new favorite campy actor. The guy knows EXACTLY what movie he’s in and, instead of trying to pretend it’s art, he just has fun with it. It’s the same thing he does in Charmed. And ever since Nip/Tuck turned into a Daytime soap, he’s been doing it there too. Fabulous!

Thanks, Maura!

1) Are you currently in a relationship or single?

2) Are you happy with where you are?

3) When was the last time you went on a date?
Last Friday. Sort of.

4) Did you enjoy it?

5) What was your longest relationship?
3 years.

6) Why did it end?
It hasn’t yet. I’m going to predict alien abduction.

7) Who broke up with whom?
The alien.

8) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Yeah. I’m a dope that way.

9) Have you ever cheated on someone?

10) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is acceptable?
I feel that there are circumstances which lead people to believe that it is warranted. But in the end, it would have been better for both parties to end it BEFORE the third party entered into the picture sexually.

11) Have you talked about marriage with another person or have you been married?
Talked about it. Realized it’s not for me.

12) Do you want children?
I really don’t.

13) If yes how many?

14) Would you consider adoption?
If I were, for some ungodly reason, to want children, that would be the way to go.

15) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool unique way of showing you would be?
Boom box and trench coat. (KIDDING)

16) Do you enjoy a chase?
I used to.

17) Be honest, do you play the “game” when you are dating someone?
I don’t really know what that means. Therefore, I’m going to say no. I was always pretty frustrated with the “gaming” aspect of it. When I liked someone, I would let them know, and they could take it or leave it. It was when they played ambiguous that I would get frustrated. I guess I’m kind of aggressive when it comes to attaining the men.
19) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
No. That’s stupid.

20) Are you a romantic?
Not in the traditional sense.

21) If money wasn't an object, what would you do on your next date with someone you like?
Go to Europe in a private jet (preferably silent and invisible), see a show, go pubbing and fly home.

22) Outdoor date or indoor?
Depends on the whether.

How important is…
23) Money?
In terms of picking who I date? Not at all. In fact, the only rich guy I dated was a total prick.

24) Physical attraction?
Very important.

25) Body type?
I have no body type-type. I’ve been with all shapes and sizes. But I do have to be attracted to them.

26) Brains?
Extremely important.

27) Animal lover?
Pretty important. I find that people who don’t like animals tend to be pretty Machiavellian in their ways. And I don’t jive with the Prince.

28) Good sex?

29) Kinky sex?
Kinky is relative.
30) Religion?
I wouldn’t mind a spiritual person, but I doubt I could ever date (or even be real friends with) a hardcore Christian.

31) Do you believe that you can change someone?

32) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object?
I still wouldn’t.

33) How important is age?
Not terribly. But there is a statute of limitations on propriety. Still, Harold and Maude is one of my favorite movies.

34) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
Yes. Unless it’s something I’m REALLY right about.

35) Do you have feelings for someone right now, whether they know or not?
Yes. And they know it. I wear my goddamned heart on my sleeve.

wellgrounded bairn

[X] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[X] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[X] I wish my hair were a different color.
[X] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[X] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I've had braces.
[x] wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[X] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[X] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ]My biological parents are together.
[ ]I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

[ ] I'm in school.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[x] I've stolen something from my job
[X] I've been fired.

[ ] I've slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry. (only the old ones)
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip/drop in public

[X] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

[X] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[x] I've been to Mexico.
[x] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[X] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[X] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x]I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been Skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[X] I've met someone in person from the internet. (Mark!)
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[x] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

[ ] I'm single
[X] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[x] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.

[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[X] I've cheated on a test.
[X] I've run a red light. not on purpose though
[x] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've shoplifted.

Death and Suicide
[x]I'm afraid of dying.
[X] I hate funerals. Does anyone like them?
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[x] I've written a eulogy for myself.

[x] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[X] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

[x] I love to sing.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have “x”s in my screen name
[ ] I love being neat
[x] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with the idea of love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[X] I bite my nails.
[X] I play video games.
[X] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life…

[X] My answers are totally honest

consumptive glorification

5 things…

List FIVE things you don't like about yourself:

1. my chub

2. my laziness

3. my forgetfulness

4. my nervous stroke-victim mouth

5. my gimpyness

What are FIVE things that you do like about yourself:

1. having been brought up to treat others well

2. my awesome taste in movies/music

3. my magical boobies

4. my crazy liberal ideals

5. my resolve

What are FIVE qualities you look for in a friend:

1. loyalty

2. commonality

3. humor

4. consideration

5. appreciation of my dorkyness

What are FIVE things that will cause you to avoid a person:

1. pretension

2. homophobia/racism

3. liars

4. attention whoring

5. extreme seriousness

What are FIVE things you look for in a boy/girl:

1. sense of humor

2. creativity

3. beards (yes, that goes for girls too)

4. thoughtfulness

5. good liver

What are FIVE things you'd like to change in your life:

1. Job

2. Athleticism

3. Job

4. Less stress

5. Job

What are FIVE things you wouldn't ever want to change in your life:

1. My friends

2. My career goals

3. My love for bad movies

4. The city in which I live

5. My poopy-butted cat

Who are FIVE people you think are awesomer than awesome, and you're not afraid to tell them so:

1. Dom

2. Meep

3. Sherwood

4. Mark

5. Elyse

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Dom and I went to see “An Improvised Christmas Carol” at Unexpected Productions. It was a pretty good show. Our friend Amanda is in the troop and she is very funny. There were a few annoying people in the audience, but that’s to be expected, really.

After the show, we met Elyse, Gene, Andrew, Brugos, Derek and a few others at the Nite Lite. Elyse had already been drunk and then back to sober. She was VERY entertaining. Andrew was recovering from knee surgery. It’s amazing how far science has come, even in the last few years. He had arthroscopic surgery, which is what I had, and his scars were SO small that they will easily be gone in a year. My scars, also from arthroscopy 5 years ago, will be with me for the rest of my life. My surgery was more invasive than Andrew’s but still, they had all kinds of instruments and a damned camera in there and it just looks like two small puncture wounds. Take that, Scientology.

I got in two powerful drinks from the WONDERFUL bartender lady and got Elyse to do a Shirley Temple impression in her adorable indie sailor outfit. I could have easily stayed at the Nite Lite for a while, but everyone else had been there for a few hours so they were ready to move on. We moseyed up the street to Shorty’s, which was full, and then to the Lava Lounge, which had a nice big table with our name on it. The Lava Lounge isn’t as bad as I remember it being. I am no longer anti-Lava.

Since everyone was many drinks ahead of me, people started to leave after about an hour at Lava, so Dom and I took off too. A nice, mellow Friday night for us.

The day began with a matinee of “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”. Faye, Dom and I got there an hour early because we didn’t know what kind of crowd to expect. It wasn’t TOO crowded, but it was definitely good that we secured our seats early. We were joined by Ben, Emily and Brugos. As we sat there, waiting for the movie to start, it slowly dawned on us that we were surrounded by church groups. Faye was tipped off first by bad sweaters and the exclamations of people who were easily shocked by everything. We saw a bunch of awful trailers (including several of the ones Mark saw before Harry Potter. Oh my GOD, does ANYBODY care about M. Night Shlamamalayaman anymore?)

Then the movie began. Even if we hadn’t been surrounded by one of the most annoying audiences in history, it would have still been a fairly blah experience. Let’s get this out of the way first. I don’t really think the Chronicles are a Christian allegory inasmuch as everyone says it is. Sure, Lewis was a Christian and that would, undoubtedly, color his writing, but the whole allegory theory has gotten out of control. It was, first and foremost, a children’s story. And the best kind of children’s story too, because what kid doesn’t want to think that they can have an adventure like that while playing hide and seek? I know I did. Sure, as Borgia astutely observed, it’s kind of lame that these kids get to be kings and queens just because they’re the first humans to come to Narnia that happen to fit the ancient prophesy. But you don’t really think about it like that when you’re a kid. Instead, you think “This could happen to me” and that’s a nice, empowering notion. Especially for a lonely child.

ANYWHO, the movie: It had its good points and bad points. The good included some impressive CG, some beautiful cinematography, some excellent acting on the part of Tilda Swindon, that little hottie who played Mr. Tumnus, and the little girl who played Lucy, and, for Dom’s sake, the Griffins. As for the bad, well, Liam Neeson was far too recognizable to voice Aslan. He was boring and, in no way captured the majesty of the character in the book. His mighty, last word roar, was not really that commanding. The battle scenes were too long in the set-up without the payoff. The two elder children were kind of annoying at times. There were a lot of scenes that should have been trimmed or cut. There was no need to make the movie two-and-a -half hours long. The extra action sequences they wrote in felt gratuitous, and the kid who played Peter could not really sell the “coming of age” thing to pull off the scenes.

The Audience: You would think that at a 1:30 matinee, the biggest problem would be the children. Not so with these guys. With the exception of an occasional baby moan, the kids were silent. It was the adults we had to deal with. The row behind us (definitely church-goers) would NOT shut up. Everything shocked them and they felt they had to let us know. One of the ladies sounded an awful lot like Jennifer Coolidge, so it made it KIND of funny, but not that funny. The guy directly behind me had some food item in a paper bag that he was making AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE eating. After he ate the food, he TORE THE BAG UP. IN MY EAR. Then there was a man who smelled like beer who sat in front of us and ate Chinese take-out. At one point, he began muttering and coughing and then left the theatre for a few minutes, only to return later for more muttering. At the end of the movie he said “Wait till part 2!”. Jesus. I know church groups don’t get out much, but have none of these people ever been to a movie before?

After the movie, Ben and Emily went to Olympia real quick to get dinner. Brugos went to buy a suit and the Troika did a little shopping downtown. Brugos joined us later for dinner at Bill’s. Then we had a little time to kill before karaoke at Jai Thai. Dom went home to NOT play Warcraft and said he’d meet us later. Faye, Brugos and I got some unnecessary dessert at Charlie’s, and then headed to Jai Thai to secure a table. We were all kind of dead. Brugos had apparently been REALLY drunk the night before and Faye and I were exhausted from shopping. So it was, perhaps, fortunate, that they have now cancelled karaoke at Jai Thai. They said it was bad for business. I don’t really believe them because it was always crowded when I was there. It’s a bummer though, because now there is only ONE place left on the hill with weekend karaoke. Anyway, we stayed for one drink and tried to formulate a plan b. I got a drink called an “Adios Mother Fucker”. I didn’t understand the waitress, though, and thought I was getting an “Audio Smother Fucker”. Either way, the thing is packed with booze. It took me a while to get through it. Meanwhile, Ben, Emily, Borgia and Dom arrived. We eventually settled on going back to the Zookster Pad for a quick round of the karaoke home-version and then, perhaps, to watch “Return of the Jedi” on laser disc. Brugos was replaced by Gene. I haven’t seen Jedi in a very long time. It really IS the worst of the 3. Some parts, even with the abundance of nostalgia, are glaringly bad. But I still maintain that “Empire” is a genuinely good film. We WILL be having an Empire party in the next month or so. This I swear.

I started by day by meeting my friend Ryan in Queen Anne for breakfast. The food at Ozzie’s is ok, but, under no circumstances, should anyone drink their damned coffee. HOLY SHIT! Ryan and I each had two cups and we were tweaking by the end of breakfast. My pulse raced for the next several hours, and my limbs were numb. I calmed myself down by watching the remake of “The Amityville Horror”. Now, it may have just been the coffee talking, but remake status aside, I thought the movie was actually pretty scary. It wouldn’t have been if Ryan Reynolds hadn’t TOTALLY sold the psychosis of the character. Man, he was brutal. As soon as he stops making movies like “Just Friends”, that guy has the potential to win some awards.

I crashed from my caffeine high right around the time I had to go to yoga.

After yoga, we had a Gadzook meeting about the feature. We’ve got to start getting serious about whoring ourselves if we have any hope of getting that thing made. Here we go…