Occasionally, a Stranger writer actually writes a review that I agree with completely. Here, they capture my frustration with the Stella TV series in contrast to the absolute genius (meant not at all in a hyperbolic sense) that were the Stella shorts. The author is particularly keen in pinning down the single biggest failure of the TV series: The lack of dildos for comedic effect.
Yipee! I found a meme!
1.You and Jesus go out to dinner – who pays?
Jesus performs a “miracle” (or an “illuuuuuusion”) that distracts the management, allowing us to dine and dash. Either that or he gets free meals cos he’s a celebrity.
2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it?
Abigail Cable.
3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
That’s easy. Florida.
4. You wake up as the opposite gender. What's the one thing you wanna do?
Flog the dolphin. Pee standing up. And then flog some more dolphin.
5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo was my first love, so naturally I have to pick him.
6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
A scooter.
7. Top three celebrities you wanna do?
Trey Parker, Nathan Fillion, and, since this is obviously a hypothetical question, I’m going to de-factor time and space so that I can include a young Joe Strummer.
8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
Christianity.
9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
The beginning of The Decent, before the monsters show up. Why would anyone spelunk for FUN?
10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
How could I possibly choose just one?
11. You're sentenced to death and it's the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
Vegetable Tiki Masala, garlic naan and Chai.
12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?
Jogged. I’ve been gimpy since I was 7.
13. Before you die you want to go to…?
New Zealand.
14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
See eye-to-eye with my mom.
15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
Have we learned nothing from Steve Irwin’s death?
16. A drug you'll never try?
Heroin.
17. If you were an animal what would you be?
You mean other than a human? A cat. And preferably I would belong to someone like me so that I would be spoiled.
18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
This is a ridiculous question and one I can’t possibly answer since I hardly remember who I even associated with at 12 besides members of my own family.
19. What's something most people don't know about you?
Nothing I care to share.
20. Who was your first celebrity crush?
Han Solo.
21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
Telekinesis.
22. What's your favorite time of the year?
Summer in Seattle.
23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc…)?
Toast.
24. Favorite parody movie?
Wet Hot American Summer.
25. Worst way to die?
Burned to death. I reckon.
26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
I’ve seen some pretty nasty stuff on rotten.com. I couldn’t possibly say which was the grossest.
27. The worst injury you've ever had?
Apart from the bad knees I was born with, my broken arm put me out of commission for a summer when I was a kid.
28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
Not having to go to work. Other than that, it’s pretty lackluster for me, as I’m not into football, poultry or hanging out with my family.
29. Sport you hate the most?
Football. I wouldn’t say I HATE it. It’s just the one I’m the least interested in.
30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
New Orleans.
31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
Cooking.
32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
Favorite and best are two different things. For instance, Crispin Glover is my favorite actor, but I think Gary Oldman and David Thewlis are the BEST actors. There aren’t a lot of actresses that impress me, but I do really like Kate Winslet’s performances. Kristin Bell is pretty amazing too. I also really liked Angela Bassett in Strange Days even though I haven’t been into anything else she’s been in.
33. What's one word you absolutely detest?
Panties.
34. What makes an awesome party?
The people. A good theme doesn’t hurt either.
35. What's your material obsession?
Media.
36. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
It’s not really an insult exactly, but I like being called “lady”. Also, I don’t really mind people alluding to my curviness.
37. Favorite kind of dog?
Basset hound.
38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
Strawberry Shortcake. Even though it ALWAYS makes me sick afterward.
39. Morning or night person?
Night.
40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit?
Drunk-emailing.
41. Weirdest eBay purchase?
I’ve never purchased anything too strange on ebay, but I used to buy a lot of bootlegs. No more.
42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
Frittes.
43. Its Saturday at 3 am where are you…?
Possibly in bed, possibly drunk at a party.
44. Potatoes, carrots, or broccoli?
Potatoes are the perfect food. I would be thrown out of the Irish Mafia if I said otherwise.
45.Worst job you've ever had?
Either the background check place where all I did all day was 10-key social security numbers, or the weekend I spent temping at a kid’s clothing store in U-Village.
46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
It’s hard to choose just one, but my clumsiness gets a lot of laughs. As does my OCD.
47. Favorite cereal?
C-3P0s.
48. Book you could read repeatedly?
Nine Stories.
49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
Avoided someone until they got the hint.
50. What was your best Halloween costume ever?
Edina from AbFab.
At the Porcupine Racetrack
Do you like to laugh? If so, you might be excited to note that at long last, Season 1 of MTV's early-90s sketch comedy show The State is now available for download on i-tunes. They have been trying to put out a DVD of this show for years but have run into a lot of trouble securing music rights. If enough people download the sketches on i-tunes, they may FINALLY release a DVD of this brilliant show. If you've never seen The State, you may still be familiar with the work of the members on shows like Reno 911, Best Week Ever, every VH1 show about a decade and in numerous films and series guest spots over the years. Michael Ian Black was also on some show that my dad liked called Ed. Dreamy Ken Marino had an inappropriate teacher/student relationship with Joey on Dawson's Creek and impregnated Cordelia with his demon semen on Angel. Even if you think you won't like it, download it anyway. It's only $10. I would personally guarantee your money back if you don't laugh but then that would mean that you have no soul and souless people don't deserve money.
Bettie Madness
In case you missed it, King 5 posted their story on the mural. Unfortunately, they don't include the teasers which hilariously attempted to futher scandalize the story. I really hope Fox decides to cover it because their story would be priceless. “Erotic Mural off I-5. Is it art or pornography? And is it safe?”
Bettie Page Revisited
Live Journal broke it first, of course, but for some reason local news has decided to choose today to report on the Bettie Page mural on the side of the house that can be seen from I-5. There was an interview on Komo and there will be a vignette on King 5 tonight at 10. The owner was interviewed for the piece. Yours truly was also interviewed in the segment as “the girlfriend”. Rock!
UPDATE: I totally got cut from the segment. The interviewer kept trying to get me to say I was jealous or pissed off about the mural but I wasn't having it. I guess a mellow girlfriend isn't newsworthy.
Florentine Lament
After years of being unaffected by diseased food scares, on account of my vegetarian status, I have finally felt the sting of a reactionary food recall. Slightly hung over from the night before, I visited two different Starbucks this morning in search of my precious Florentine breakfast sandwich before being informed that they have been removed from the Starbucks menu indefinitely due to the E-Coli scare. What the shit is that?! Wasn’t the scare in BAGGED spinach? How long must I suffer before they decide it’s safe? And why are there FIVE different meat sandwiches but only one vegetarian? Oh, the agony!
People love an excuse to talk like a pirate
The Livejournal interface is Pirate-themed today! Actually, everything is. I can't speak for the rest of the world, but Seattlites LOVE “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”.
Between primary voting, talking like a pirate and American Idol auditions, it's a big day in Seattle. Today is also the day I put in notice at work. Friday, the 28th will be my last day! The bosses expressed their happiness for me and there are no hard feelings about the slightly-less-than-two-weeks notice. I am VERY excited about my new job.
I am also excited about trivia at Clever Dunnes tonight! Scurvy Dogs beware.
Optimus Prime I Hardly Knew Ye
What has Michael Bay done to my once smooth and handsome robot love?!
I had heard that he was making “some changes” to the body (i.e. adding flames, and elongating the nose on the truck), but why so pointy? I don’t want this new Prime to protect me from Decepticons with his gentle yet powerful alien hands. I want to run away from him for fear of accidental impalement. Unless I can somehow learn to disassociate the Bay version from the original (which will be difficult given that Peter Cullen is voicing him), I’m not sure I can bear to see this film.
Boob Tube
Here it is, folks. The movie that came in fourth to the Stranger's Hump contest after a ginormous cock, an instructional video, and a love story.
I give you, Condoments.
PS: Even though there's no human genitalia in the video, it's probably not safe for work.
momentary lapse into conscience
Don't forget to order the limited edition releases (sold separately, for some dumb reason) of the theatrical versions of the three original Star Wars Films. This is probably your only opportunity to own the unmarred versions in wide screen. Buy them for a reasonable price now before they go out of print and end up on ebay.
Effed by the Wind 
