Say, “Here’s to your fuck, Frank.”

Dennis Hopper was a great fucking actor. He made every speech he uttered an instant classic. I will miss him. Here are some of my favorites Hopperisms. They’re long but totally worth it.

“I now pronounce you The Devil and his Shorty.”

“I read a lot. Especially about things…and history. I find that shit fascinating.”

One thing I can’t fuckin’ stand is warm beer, it makes me fuckin’ puke!

Zach Attack!

Saved by the Bell might have been the most ridiculous sitcom ever, but I’ve seen every episode. Some of them several times (thank you, cable reruns!). In fact, it may have been the first thing I ever loved ironically. I still can’t bring myself to watch Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s lawyer show, and I’ve long found Jimmy Fallon annoying, but this bit wherein M.P.G. brings back the Morris is just plain awesome. The video won’t embed, for some reason, so check out the link here.

MacGruber!

Cinematical reports that a MacGruber film may be in the works. They suggest that the sketch is funny in small doses but perhaps a longer format would venture into Rob Schneider territory. That would indeed be a tragedy. But I couldn’t even stand 2 minutes of Rob Schneider and I think Will Forte is one of the funniest current SNL cast members. I also really enjoy his irreverent guest spots on “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job”. So am I prepped for an hour an a half of MacGruber? YES INDEEDY! Of course, I may have been the only person on Earth who enjoyed The Brothers Solomon.

Let it Bea

Death is always sad, of course. But every once in a while, we’ll lose an actor or actress who really leaves a void. That is how I feel about Bea Arthur. She didn’t die young, but she always seemed young. Even when she starred in a series about old ladies. The Golden Girls is one of the view sitcoms from my youth that I still find fresh and hilarious. Moreso now, in fact, because I get all the dirty jokes. It’s the original Sex and the City but without all that ugly consumerism and pathetic pining. I always assumed I was a Rose but wanted to be a Dorothy. (I recently took a Facebook quiz which revealed me to be a Sophia, which is OK too.) But Dorothy rocked because she was played by such a badass. Bea Arthur was a badass in everything she did. Even her cameo in the Star Wars Christmas Special, as the bar matron of the Mos Eisley Cantina who sings her customers out at the door at last call. Somehow she, above all others in that special, was able to maintain an air of dignity in the midst of such silliness.

I’ll sincerely miss you, Bea Arthur. I hope there’s a Golden Girls marathon in my future. Nay, in all our futures.

Fantasy Thundertrailer

Someone called WormyT (possibly a hobo?) made a fake Thundercats trailer as an effects and editing exercise. The result is, most likely, better than the actual movie is going to be. This thing is more detailed than

Notter with a Beard: Jared Leto Edition

Lest you think me undiscerning, here’s someone whose appearance is NOT improved by a beard.

Jared Leto always looks ridiculous and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing he can do about it. Best of luck to you, Leto!

Bonus: Leto Mutilation Montage!

Stop Punishing Us!

Today the third attempt at a Punisher film is being released. That film is Punisher: War Zone and it’s getting atrocious reviews. I’m not terribly surprised. I’ve been following the progress of this film for quite some time. Though it showed early promise (new, grizzled Frank Castle; female director who acknowledged the flaws of the Tom Jane version) reports began to surface that things were not going well. I heard some rumors that the director wanted her name off the thing after she was stripped of creative control in the editing room. These things did not bode well but I still held out naive hope that they would perhaps accidentally make something good. After all, how hard can it be? Any of Garth Ennis’ books could be used as a storyboard for a decent Punisher film. Change nothing and you’ll win.

To see it or not to see it. I’m torn. This Onion review of the movie sounds like it’s written from my own head in the future. On the other hand, Aint It Cool News says that it’s bad but in a Starship Troopers kind of way. I heart the camptastic Starship Troopers. But I went in ignorant of the characters. People who loved the book Starship Troopers hate the movie. And I LOVE the Punisher.

It should be pretty simple. Frank Castle is a vengeance-driven badass. He’s constantly getting shot and beaten to the point of death and always recovers just enough to get his man. He’s utterly devoid of a sense of humor and every sentence he utters is the toughest thing you’ve ever heard. He’s walking testosterone.

But he’s not devoid of a heart. If anything, his moral code is pretty black and white. If you kill an innocent person, he will kill you. Occasionally, someone will almost get through to him but they will never succeed because his humanity is broken. He is probably incapable of ever really loving again. But he knows who needs protection and who deserves to die. Imagine Robocop as a flesh-and-blood Frank Castle, and you’re not far off. He’s not complex. The fact that circumstances have turned him into a revenge automaton is what’s so compelling about the character. You would think it difficult to screw it up. And yet…

Yeah, I’m probably gonna see this crap anyway. But the outlook is not good. And unfortunately, these misdeeds will continue to go unpunished.