The Dangers of a "Free" Craigslist

You get harassed via email by strangers who think they know better than you and are also somewhat illiterate. I just HAVE to post the email correspondence that I've had this morning with a guy who responded to my free dresser ad:

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 9:25 AM
To: sale-591065651@craigslist.org

I can come get it right now.Call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX still available.Thanks

Jessica Baxter
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 9:29 AM
To: Robby

Which are you referring to? I posted several pieces of furniture this morning.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 9:52 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

White dresser

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

I can come right now and get it.I would not hold it because there is alot of no shows on free stuff.

Jessica Baxter
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 9:55 AM
To: Robby

Someone else has already expressed interest, but if they don't show, I will let you know. They are supposed to come tomorrow at 11. I am at work right now so unfortunately, I can't unload the item immediately.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:11 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

Dude you are going to hold it that long get out of fhere.I dont hold nothing until the next day.I said I would come right now and get it.Tomorrow you will learn I dont HOLD ANYTHING.Call me when you are inroute.Most people dont show on free stuff.I said I would come right now.You will learn the hard way.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:11 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

Tomorrow called say sorry have someone coming right now first come first serve.CALL ME WHEN YOU ARE INROUTE

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:13 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

Most people dont show on fres stuff alot more thne on stuff you sell..I have have heard that from alot of people that is why you dont hold your stuff beyond the same day.Trust me take it from a person that has been selling online for 2 years.

Jessica Baxter
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:14 AM
To: Robby

I believe you and have experienced it myself but I am at work right now so you wouldn't be able to get it till later anyway.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:20 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

Why dont you delete the ad.I also said I would come get it today.I am just saying would not hold it until tomorrow tell them I have someone coming today.90% of the pople are no shows.Ball is in your court.I am not driving there after 3 pm from Everett today because traffic sucks on Fridays.My ph is XXX-XXX-XXX.

Jessica Baxter
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:22 AM
To: Robby

Dude. Alright. I didn't delete the ad because I wanted to have backup in case they didn't show. And I AM doing first come first serve but I'm going by the person who emailed me first. To me that seems fair. Let me do this my way please thanks.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:26 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

Back up get the fuck out of here probably have over 20 emails on that Dresser.I know how fast Dressers sell on the site.That is a $50.00 dressr and it would sell for that in one day white highboy.Email box probably has over 20 emails on the Dresser.Dressers are the number 111111111111 seeling thing on craigslist.That Dresser would sell for $50.00 in one day.I now for a face that your email is full on replyes on that dresser white highboy get out of here.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:28 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

I can beieve you are giving thqat thing away post that pic with an ad under furniture for $50.0 would be gone in one day.White highboy 5 drawer dresser sold.

At this point I stop replying to him.

Robby
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:30 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

Anything white with woman sells very very very fast.That Dresser would sell for $50.00 in one day.

Robby Lawson
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:38 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

I wont email you anymore.I am surprised you dont sell that dresser because it would sell very very very fast at $50.00 .I sell alot of dressers and they dont sit very long.White dressers are a very very hot seller with woman.WOuld have better luck with people showing.Post it Dresser white highboy 5 drawer as your heading and it will be gone quick trust me.

And then I get an email from another guy who sounds suspiciously like our Robby but may be just be some like-minded nutter.

billy smitty
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:40 AM
To: thebaxter

I would just come over pick it up picture post it and sell it and make $50.00 in one day like alot of othere people will do with free stuff like that your loss is there gain.Alot of the people on the site are doing that now.get it for free bring it home picture post sell $50.00 easy money.

Jessica Baxter
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:43 AM
To: billy smitty

Thanks for your honesty. Don't come over.

billy smitty
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 11:51 AM
To: Jessica Baxter

I wont someone else will and do the same thing because you are stupid and give free shit away so someone else can make money or your stuff.Turn your trash into cash.Most people will tell you what you want to hear and go home picture post sell and make $50.00 woo hoo.

Jessica Baxter
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 12:04 PM
To: billy smitty

I really don't care. I just want it out of my house. Which is why it's free. Kindly fuck off and don't call me stupid. You are just making me never want to use Craigslist again.

billy smitty
Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 12:19 PM
To: Jessica Baxter

Dont use it ask me if I care

At which point I stopped responding to Mr. Billy.

The End??

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55 "New" Questions

My brain is in meme mode. Therefore…

1. Are you taller than your best friend?
No. I am not taller than many people.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Gel or fine point sharpie.

3. Look at your planner for March 8th, what are you doing?
Nothing in there yet but it usually fills up fast.

4. What color are your toenails usually?
Toenail colored.

5. What was the last thing you cleaned?
My body.

6. What color are the sheets on your bed?
Red.

7. What color are the seats in your vehicle?
Grey.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
I am currently step-mother to one.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
A rebate. I love those things.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
I do not.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
To have cash. It's convenient.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
DZ’s niece, I believe.

13. Can you spell well?
No. But that's what spell check is for.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
No. I don't feel as clean as I do with mint for some reason. It's silly, I know since they're both artificial flavors.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
No car.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
No.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
When I was six?

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
No.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
Post-its.

20. Last person you gave a business card?
Dude at Victory studios.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
Bizness associate.

22. Closest framed picture to you?
There is nothing framed in this room.

23. Last time someone cooked for you?
B. recently.

24. What kind of computer do you have?
I am currently on an HP. It sucks. I own a Gateway laptop. But soon I will have a new imac to replace my stolen G4 and that I am very very pleased about.

25. How many emails do you get in your inbox daily (excluding spam)?
Between work, and personal, probably 150-200.

26. Last time you received flowers?
I don't remember. I think flowers are kind of a waste and I think everyone who would get them for me knows that.

27. Do you own a pair of bowling shoes?
Yes. 2 souvenir pairs from Sunset Bowl.

28. Do you play air guitar?
No I do not.

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
Yes!!

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Cream.

31. Do you own any Willow Tree figurines?
I don't even know what that is.

32. What is/was your high school's mascot?
Cougar.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
WriterBoz.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
Don't remember. I usually just wash my hands.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
Yes! And with the help of Rock Band I am attempting to do so.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
No blinds. Working on getting curtains.

37. What picture is on your calendar?
No calendar in here but at home we have a souvenir calendar from the topless dancers at the Luxor.

38. What color is your bath robe?
Brown.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
I don't recall.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
The grocery store.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
Yes. But it was totally ironic. I swears.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
Rebate!

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
I tried it out of curiosity. It tasted like regular Pepsi. But since I don't like Pepsi the behavior did not continue.

44. Are you ticklish?
Yes.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
4th of July.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
High school. I find them utterly revolting.

47. Last person that IMed you, and you actually responded?
Nic.

48. Do you have a favorite hat?
Yes. My black crochet beanie. It's the only hat that looks OK on me.

49. Do you have a black dog?
No.

50. Do you have a hairless cat?
No, but we did shave Tobe last summer and he loved it so we may do it again.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?
No.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
B.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
Recently, I'm sure. B. and I saw (and got stuck behind) hundreds of them on our road trip.

54. What is the last song you heard in the car?
Something from my ipod.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
Of course.

Semi-Pro is Semi-Funny

X-Posted from The Reel.

I used to think that the hardest reviews to write were those for films that I really loved. There are, it seems, far fewer interesting ways to say you love a film than to say it stinks. As Harvey Danger says, “Happiness writes white”.

It turns out that there is a harder review to write: Those for films that are just OK. Will Ferrell's new period-piece sports comedy, Semi-Pro, is just that.

Everyone seems to agree that Will Ferrell is well suited to play the lovable arrogant dim-wit which is why he is back for the 45th time to play that role again. This time, his name is Jackie Moon, and he owns an ABA basketball team in 1976, just before the ABA is abolished, and four of the teams absorbed into the NBA. Moon desperately wants his rag tag bunch of misfits, the Flint, Michigan Tropics, to be one of the new NBA teams and so he recruits a washed-up, jaded ex-NBA player named Monix (Woody Harrelson) to help. While Monix is in Flint, he calls upon an old flame (Maura Tierney), thus bringing some breast and thigh to this sausage fest.

The supporting cast is rounded out by Andre Benjamin (A.K.A. Andre 3000), Will Arnett (TV's Arrested Development, the pants-soiling hilarity of The Brothers Solomon) and Rob Corddry (The Daily Show). Benjamin is *good* as the straight man (and only legitimately talented player on the team) who dreams of playing for the NBA. Arnett and Corddry are *funny* as a sports commentator and the jilted boyfriend of Maura Tierney who doesn't seem to mind. The jokes amusing. The story is engaging and Will Ferrell is competent. But we are pretty much just reinventing the wheel here.

When I think about it, a tropical-themed basketball team in snowy Flint, Michigan should be very funny. Will Ferrell having a dramatic moment whilst dressed as the sun and addressing his teammates in seahorse costumes should be hilarious. As should Will Ferrell fighting a bear, a mustachioed Will Arnett constantly drinking and smoking and insulting his co-anchor, Will Ferrell inciting a brawl during a commercial break and more. But it's nothing more than moderately amusing. Not a waste of your time, but you wouldn't miss much if you decided to read a book instead. If this movie were a pizza topping, it would be pepperoni. Sure, it's good, but it's nothing to write home about.

NFT Radar: Café Presse

X-Posted from Not For Tourists.

I must be late to the Café Presse party because when we got there for dinner on a Thursday, we were told there was a 45-minute wait. I’m glad we endured, because we were seated in 20 and, I’m pleased to report, served fare that lived up to the hype. We washed down fresh bread and butter with outstanding French wine, whilst awaiting our hearty entrees. You can’t go wrong with the steak frites cooked to order, or the gargantuan côte de porc fume (smoked pork chop) with the veloute de champignons (pear and mushroom soup). If, like me, you’re crazy about beets, you’re in luck. The betterave, noix et bleu is a beet and blue cheese salad without any of those pesky greens to get in the way. If you’re not in a hurry, they’ll roast you a chicken. There’s also no shortage of egg and cheese dishes. Think this all sounds too fancy to be affordable? You may want to avoid it near the end of a pay period, but taking a date here won’t break the bank either. They’ll be trés impressed with your culinary palate and you’ll both be completely sated.

1117 12th Ave 98122
206-709-7674
http://www.cafepresseseattle.com

Film Threat Review: Life with Fiona

Originally Posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

2007
Un-rated
85 minutes
1 Star

 

Writer/Director/”actor” Greg Lobb looks and sounds exactly like John Hodgman. Unfortunately, that’s where the similarities end. While Daily Show correspondent, satirist, and P.C. anti-spokesperson Hodgman has an intellectual buffoonish charm, Greg Lobb makes me want to “lobb”. I can’t believe I spent 85 minutes with him and his inane film.

“Life with Fiona” tells the story of a man named Steve who is unlucky in love. This seems to have a lot to do with the fact that the guy is a total loser. Not a lovable loser, mind you. He’s more like that unnerving dork who works in your office with whom you hate to get stuck in the break room because no matter what crappy small talk he makes, he’s obviously just staring at your boobs. Luckily, Steve works in some sort of alternate-dimension office (they sell golf pencils or something. I don’t know) wherein every employee is exactly like him. There are no women apart from an infantile secretary named Jessica (no relation) who plays with dolls and is inexplicably lusted after by everyone else in the office. I suppose when there is only one female in your office, your lusting options are kind of limited.

Anywho, Steve doesn’t need to worry about being rejected by Jessica for long because there are plenty of other bat-shit fish in the sea. One day Steve runs into an enchantingly nutso lady at his BFF’s apartment. Her name is Fiona and she’s enchanting because she answers the door naked and she’s just had a three-way with Steve’s BFF and wife of BFF. This means she’s super slutty and therefore, Steve, coincidentally the protagonist of this film, totally has a chance with her.

What follows is scene after scene of boring old Steve and crazy as the day-is-long Fiona (but god, isn’t she HAWT?!) having some sort of weird-ass relationship. She’s needy and he’s uncomfortable with that (even though she is without question, the best he can do). Then he’s needy and she’s slutty. This is followed by scenes wherein I guess we’re supposed to think they’re a happy, cute couple. Next she becomes bitchy and breaks up with him. He reacts by becoming needy and whiny which miraculously results in them getting back together. After that she’s paranoid about him cheating on her with Wife of BFF. He assures her she’s the only woman for him and then he promptly goes out and cheats on her with Wife of BFF. I may have the order a little wrong but trust me, it doesn’t really matter. Why we’re supposed to like any of these characters or care what happens next is really beyond me. And don’t even get me started on the story structure. It’s like ‘Ol Lobbo couldn’t decide between the options in the holy triumvirate of irritating narration styles (voice-over, titles, or the one wherein the main character stands in a black limbo and breaks the 4th wall) so they decided to go with all three.

I suppose this movie is supposed to be funny and sometimes, if the writing is strong, you can make up for a lack of sympathetic (or even multi-dimensional) characters and still have a pretty good comedy. (Alex Cox’s “Straight to Hell” and “State and Main” come to mind). This did not happen with “Life with Fiona.” At all. Greg, don’t quit your day Lobb.

Film Threat Review: Bookie

Originally Posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

2007
Un-rated
18 minutes
3 Stars

 

It’s not an easy feat for a low-budget short film to succeed in transporting you to another time and place. Most often, the end result smacks of community theatre because that’s probably also where they borrowed their costumes from. That’s why Tran Quoc Bao’s “Bookie” stands out from minute one. Along with the slick cinematography and impressive fight choreography, the sultry night club acts in “Bookie” suck you in and fool you into believing that it really is 1963 Seattle.

“Bookie” tells the story of a bookie named Bookie (Ken Quitugua) who works for a thuggish, womanizing club owner named Jackson. It’s the night of the big fight and the odds are, naturally, with the champ. Bookie takes a bet for the underdog from Rogers (JT Jackson), a fast-talking cat with the most interesting dialog. (Incidentally, JT Jackson played “Cola” in the Bacardi and Cola ads. It’s true that he gets the job done.) While Bookie waits for people to get their bets in, he shyly woos Billie (Angela Adto), the beautiful barmaid who takes abuse from Jackson. But when Bookie chooses to skim off the top to help Billie, he’s looking at more than just a pink slip as penalty.

While it is certainly an impressive short film, “Bookie” isn’t perfect. The acting is a little uneven and, unfortunately, most of that blame belongs to the male and female leads. Nonetheless, expert look and feel of the film makes up for some slightly cliché dialog.

The most powerful shots in the film, however, are of the club singers. The stunning close-ups on their faces tell more of a story in a few seconds than in the whole of “Bookie.” Another noteworthy performance is that of the masterful old-timey voice acting by Chad Jennings as the fight announcer.

On the whole, “Bookie” makes a fine calling card for Tran Quoc Bao and cinematographer Shaun Mayor. I hope it leads to bigger things for this creative team.

Film Threat Review: Last Stop for Paul

Originally Posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

2007
Un-rated
83 minutes
2 Stars

 

“Last Stop for Paul” is yet another vanity indie film in which the writer, director and “star” is all one guy. One very uninteresting guy named Neil. I’ll start with saying something nice because I’m told if I don’t do that, I shouldn’t say anything at all. Technically, the film was fine. There was nothing annoying about the editing or the shots themselves. The concept was marginally original in that I’ve only seen it half a dozen times already. Grab a camera and set up scenes in each city to contribute to one big contrived documentary-style plot about two buddies taking the ashes of a third buddy on a trip around the world. The trouble is that the contrivances are so… contrived.

First, there are the Slanguage Lessons. Schlubby Guy #1 overhears a Jamaican man using the word “batty” and demands a definition for the benefit of himself and the audience. (It means ass). And then to prove he’s learning so much on his trip, he uses it in a sentence later! It doesn’t really make sense to call Schlubby Guy #2 a “batty face” after he gets ripped off by some Jamaican scam artists, but he does it anyway. In Slanguage Lesson # 2, the Schlubbs meet up with some Irish guys who go on and on about trying to find good “craic.” If you didn’t know that the word (pronounced “crack”) means “good times,” you might have found this misunderstanding hilarious (“Sorry dudes, we aren’t into drugs.”) but I doubt it.

Another irritating contrivance is all the “craaaaaazy shit” these guys get into. I do not believe that there is a bar in Santiago, Chile that is full of only women. Straight women. Who are just waiting for 4 white guys to come and show them a good time.

Contrivances aside, I just don’t care about these characters. I’ve met guys like this. They call themselves “travelers,” but they are deep as puddles and they are merely taking time off from their investment banker jobs to basically get drunk in different countries with other white people. Cultural differences sure are wacky and hey, doesn’t seeing all this old stuff really make you think? The whole thing is tied together with a voice over that actually contains lines like “I was lucky to be alive, but sad to say goodbye.” Seriously? No wonder we’re the most hated country in the world.