Oscar Corrections and Retractions

Have you ever watched a trailer for a film that announced it's star as “Academy Award Winner Blah di Blah” and thought to yourself “I can't believe THEY won an Academy Award”? Or wondered why former Academy Award winners were making films like “The Devil's Advocate” or “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”? I certainly have. In fact, I wish that Oscars came with the stipulation that, should you at any point in your career find yourself a shadow of your former artistic integrity, that you can actually have your Oscar revoked. In honor of this notion, and the upcoming 80th annual Academy Awards (this Sunday, the 24th of February) I present to you:


1. Marisa Tomei. She won for Best Supporting Actress in 1992 for My Cousin Vinny. Yes, you read that right. A flimsy comedy based mostly on Brooklyn accent jokes won Tomei an OSCAR. There is a theory circulating that she was actually not the rightful winner and that the presenter called the wrong name. Seems reasonably sound to me considering the dignified Hollywood veterans she was up against (Judy Davis, Joan Plowright, Miranda Richadson, Venessa Redgrave).
Revocation Worthy: Untamed Heart, also starring Christian Slater about a girl who falls in love with a simpleton who believes he has a baboon's heart. What? I know.

2. Halle Berry. She made history in 2001 as the first African American actress to win an Oscar for Best Actress. This was for Monster's Ball, a misogynistic, vaguely racist melodrama that the Academy just adored. But that's beside the point.
Revocation Worthy: Razzie award winner Catwoman. Poorly scripted “thriller” Gothika in which Berry's performance was outshined by her Nut House Chic wardrobe. Making Storm the most useless character in all of the X-Men films.

3. Cuba Gooding, Jr.. In 1996, Cuba was rewarded for the energetic delivery of one of the most irritating catch phrases in cinematic history. The Academy showed him the Oscar for Best Supporting actor in Jerry Maguire.
Revocation Worthy: Helming the unnecessary sequel (I didn't even want the first one), Daddy Day Camp. A comically bad performance as a mentally challenged football enthusiast in Radio (note: Pretty much ANY actor who plays the Retard Card is off my Christmas card list.) Acting alongside talking huskies in Snow Dogs. The homophobic comedy Boat Trip. Everything.

4. Jon Voight. Who could forget Jon Voight in his star-making turn in Midnight Cowboy and his Oscar-winning leading role in 1978's Coming Home? Now he's more famous for being crazier than his crazy daughter, Angelina Jolie.
Revocation Worthy: Though I REALLY want to forgive him due to his inspired role as a hardened coal miner in Zoolander, these titles speak for themselves: Anaconda, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Bratz, The Karate Dog.

5. Jack Nicholson. He took home a total of 3 Mr. Goldies. 1975 for Best Actor in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, 1983 for Best Supporting Actor in Terms of Endearment and in 1997 for Best Actor in As Good As It Gets. The last role seemed to seal the deal for Nicholson. His Pavlovian response kicked in and he has played nothing but elderly curmudgeons ever since.
Revocation Worthy: The Bucket List.

6. Geena Davis. Another surprising recipient, Davis won Best Actress in 1988 for The Accidental Tourist.
Revocation Worthy: Way before Johnny Depp made pirates beloved, her husband Renny Harlin cast her in a little film called Cutthroat Island which goes down in the Guinness Book of World Records as the biggest loss of money for a film company ever. I didn't see it either.

7. Sean Connery. This Jeopardy enthusiast snagged an award in 1987 for Best Supporting Actor in The Untouchables. For this, people would continue to confuse his baffling “Scottish” accent and cocky delusions as good acting for years to come.
Revocation Worthy: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Dragonheart.

8. Whoopie Goldberg. In 1990, Whoopie was awarded Best Supporting Actress for her role as a fraudulent medium who is haunted by Patrick Swayze. For me, this is another one of those “Shouldn't have happened in the first place” moments. But happen it did.
Revocation Worthy: Theodore Rex.

9. Robert De Niro. This veteran actor who yell-acts his way through current movie roles (see also Al Pacino), was once a legitimate talent. He won Best Supporting Actor in 1974 for The Godfather Part II and Best Actor in 1980 for Raging Bull. These were inarguably great performances in great films. However…
Revocation Worthy: Analyze This and Analyze That could be considered parodies if they weren't so humorless. I'm sorry, but Meet the Parents and especially Meet the Fockers are embarrassing for everyone involved. And just what the hell was he doing in Stardust?!

10. James Cameron. The only director on this list, James Cameron took home an ungodly amount of awards in 1996 for his epic fluff-fest, Titanic. However, I don't think he should have been rewarded for this in the first place. Seriously. Take his awards away. Have you seen it lately? Kate Winslet and a talented supporting cast aside (Billy Zane!) Titanic really sucks. If you ask me, his Terminator films and Aliens were the only award worthy films in the Cameron Oeuvre.
Revocation Worthy: Titanic.

X-Posted from the the Reel.

Rad Movie Meme!

This is a really rad meme from Maura_F

1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.

2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.

3. Post them here for everyone to guess.

4. Looking them up is cheating, you jerks!

1. “Hey! Let's make the wiener kid sing his song!”
2. “I haven't read more than two books in my whole life. One, never finished. And the other is the phone book.”
3. “Now I know I'm pretty. But I ain't as pretty as a couple a titties.”
4. “You must choose. It is like that movie 'Sofie's Choice', only it is Nathan's choice. Do you know that movie, 'Sofie's Choice'? It is like that. Only it is this.” (Fun fact. I was the one who submitted this quote to IMDb.)
5. “It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes.”
6. “He has his father's eyes.”
7. “Chuck. Chuck. It's Marvin…your cousin, Marvin BERRY. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this.”
8. “Lord loves a workin' man. Don't trust whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it.”
9. “We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now!”
10. “Listen! Forget about the Cheetah!”

Update: Answers in comments!

The Return of Cox

I just learned that one of my favorite directors, Alex Cox, is releasing a graphic novel sequel to the 1984 classic film Repo Man!

In the interview, Cox discusses why he was unable to film the sequel and why Otto is now called Waldo, as well as the long-delayed DVD release of Walker and his newest film that will be making the festival rounds. At the end of the article, there are 3 sneak-preview pages from the novel entitled Waldo's Hawaiian Holiday! The art is very reminiscent of a Garth Ennis novel.

All of this makes me very happy.

My Sentiments Exactly

The folks over at Something Awful have perfectly captured what bugs me about Diablo Cody by leaking her new super-secret screenplay, Quotey! THIS is the screenplay that should have been nominated for an Academy Award. Be sure and read every juicy little tidbit, nugget-oleos!

Happy Valentine's

Humorous Pictures
see more crazy cat pics

Unsung Heroes Finally Get Song

My buddies, King of Hearts Productions are finally releasing their long-anticipated documentary, Busted Circuits and Ringing Ears, about the legendary Seattle band, TAD today. The film premiers tonight at the Varsity Theatre in the U-District at 7pm. I've already seen it and I can honestly say that it's very intriguing and, at some points, quite moving. It's also a kick-ass rock and roll doc.

Also check out this flattering and involved review from the Seattle Weekly.

Good luck, KOH and TAD!

Review: Black Book

WWII Just Got a Whole Lot Sexier

Who doesn't love a movie about the Holocaust? I'm sure that's why Paul Verhoeven, the illustrious Dutch director behind Total Recall, Robocop, Starship Troopers and, most importantly, Showgirls, decided to throw his hat into the Third Reich Ring. And I'm glad he did. Black Book while not as powerful and gripping as Roman Polanski's The Pianist or as universally heart-wrenching as Schindler's List, is still not too shabby.

Black Book is the story of Rachel Stein, Jewish woman living in Holland who's attempt to escape German occupation with her family is thwarted by an ambush. She is the only survivor. Left with nothing, she joins the Dutch resistance movement. During an infiltration operation, she falls in (meaning bed, of course) with a German captain. They begin a complicated affair of deceit, espionage and split loyalties. It's also an affair in the traditional sense (i.e. boobies…it's Verhoeven, remember?).

Lest you think me critical of Verhoeven's work, let me clarify. I LOVE this director. His catalog is among my favorites. But you have to admit that while he's known for his biting political and social satires, he usually delivers them with a side of extreme, cartoonish violence and loads of naked, horny ladies. So it's surprising to learn that he's capable of such restraint. Black Book takes its subject seriously and with great reverence for the victims of WWII. It's suspenseful and sad and there are only a handful of scenes that smack of Verhoeven lechery. One could even argue that a Jewish girl trying to hide her identity amongst the German wolves WOULD need to bleach her carpet to match the curtains, much like the protagonist of Europa, Europa must uncircumcise himself in an understandably memorable scene. In fact, all of the casual nudity and sexuality that usually comes off as a little smutty in Verhoeven's American offerings, actually may just be…European.

-Lady Cyanide

Check out Black Book, available for rent right now on ReelTime.com. The rental period ends soon so do it! Do it now! Nothing like a good Holocaust film to get you through the winter…

X-Posted from the the Reel.

NFT Radar: Cafe Amore

X-Posted from Not For Tourists.

I’m not really sure what they’re going for over at Amore. The name and décor as well as the thesis statement on the menu implies upscale foodie. The prices (low) and the vibe suggests hipster pandering. I appreciate their attempt to create atmosphere by projecting movies without sound onto the back wall, but their cinematic choices are ill-conceived. Buster Keaton? OK. “Constantine” with Keanu Reeves? Suuuure, but it’s more narrative than visual. “Schindler’s List”? (I’m serious.) Now I’ve lost my appetite. But I definitely want a drink! Fortunately, the happy hour menu features double wells for $3 and reasonable, if unimpressive (apart from the fantastic personal pizza) bar bites, should you find yourself facing the Holocaust. The breakfast menu is uninspired (eggs and potatoes) but fair enough quality. Dinner is a little more hoity-toity in selection, with a decline in quality. If your restaurant has an Italian name and you can’t do an antipasti right, please pack your knives and go, Mario. If you’re just after a quick, cheap post-work drudgery drink and aren’t particular about the starches that go along with it, Amore is just dandy.

2301 5th Ave 98121

NFT Radar: Vessel

X-Posted from Not For Tourists.

I was lured to Vessel by the promise of cheap champagne during happy hour. I stayed for the giant glasses they filled with my libation of choice. Vessel appears to be primarily a drinking destination, with upscale food as an afterthought. The Croque Monsieur Petit sandwiches, while delicious, are basically just Ham and Cheese with a dipping sauce. The most interesting thing about Vessel is the layout. It appears that the location used to be a clothing store, and it still feels a bit like one when you are seated at the “counter” in front of the window. Surely diners resemble mannequins as they enjoy their Vessel offerings. My companion and I were waved at by not one, not two, but FOUR passersby during our 30 minute set as window-dressings.

1312 5th Ave 98101

The Puritanical Age

Newsweek reports that the Amsterdam City Government is attempting to close down the Red Light District, citing general shadiness. From the sound of the article, however, they just have some naive, prudish bastard in charge who wants to “clean up the city”. The article is right to compare it with Giuliani's policies.

I call it naive because you can't wipe out prostitution by turning a few brothels into boutiques. It is, after all, the World's Oldest Profession. You can only make it less safe for everyone, especially the women involved. (The same goes for abortion, mind you.) Amsterdam was once an enlightened city, but now it is being overtaken by a conservative, out-of-touch government. These same people also want to ban magic mushrooms and for what? Amsterdam is not a dangerous city, relatively speaking. In fact, I found it kind of magical. And I didn't even eat any mushrooms. I hope they open a T.G.I. Fridays in the soon-to-be former Moulin Rouge. Now that's an attraction that EVERYONE can enjoy.