Two Memes in One Week!

This is a long one…

Leather face is in the kitchen. Will you fight to victory, or hide from him?
Well, if it's to MY victory, then yes.

Would you chew gum after someone else already has?
With my salary, I can afford new gum. Luxurious!

Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
N/A. I don't really want to work for Jump Street anymore.

Would you do anything for someone?
A couple people. Because I know they love me enough to not ask for anything unreasonable.

Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing now?
Either getting my stomach pumped or letting my esophegus do the pumping.

When did you last have a home cooked meal?
Last night. I made a birthday dinner for my baby. I'm apparently not too shabby at cooking meat even though I don't get to taste-test it.

Do you own a gun?
My wit is like a gun.

Do you have a porn collection?
A small collection of European art porn.

Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Only at parties for two.

Name someone you miss
Meep.

Do you like pedicures?
No. I like having tough feet.

Are you health freak?
I'm not too crazy with it but I try not to eat anything that I know will only do harm to my body.

First vacation?
First one I remember is Cancun when I was 4 or 5.

Athletic or lazy?
Somewhere in between. I like being active but I am by no means athletic.

Intelligence or attraction?
They are not mutually exclusive.

Have you ever run away from home?
That's kind of what I did when I went to college. Never looked back. And from 9-14 I kept a packed backpack in my closet just in case.

Have you ever cried when someone died?
Of course.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
yourself? Mostly.
miracles? Mostly not.
love at first sight? Kiiiiiind of.
sex on the first date? Guilty.
kissing on the first date? No kissing. Just straight to penetration.

Are you old enough to vote?
Many times over.

Have you ever liked someone solely because of their appearance?
Yes. But attraction died if they couldn't back it up with their personality.

When was the last time you cried?
Don't remember exactly. I'm kind of an easy crier so that's a good thing.

What's your favorite curse word?
Cunt.

Still have pictures of your ex?
I don't get rid of pictures. I don't believe in revisionist history.

What is the last thing you said aloud?
“OK. Let's do that.”

What's the last sporting event you watched?
The 5th annual Dodecathelon. I watched it from the field and took 3rd place!

What color is your watch?
Cell phone-colored.

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Marsupials.

What is your favorite number?
11 or 42.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Mary Janes.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
29

How did you get one of your scars?
Trying to plow through a door with my walker when I was 2.

Are you currently drinking?
No.

How many years have you taken a language?
4 years of Spanish. 1 year of Latin. 29 years of English.

Who's on speed dial 2?
My dialing fingers are fast enough.

Do you wish on 11:11?
No. But I love it when I see it. Cos I LOOOOVE the number 11!

Good advice if you ever go camping?
Don't get high before a hike.

Are you a bad influence?
People have free will.

Have you ever been called a bitch?
Yep!

What song is on?
“Humming Computers” by The P.C.s

Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
I have The Ozzman Cometh album.

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
I sing endearingly.

Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one is home?
See above. I prefer an audience though.

Have you ever stripped?
Daily.

Do you like fire?
OMG DO I!!!

Did you draw pictures for your first crush back in elementary?
My art was for me. If anyone else liked it, that was a bonus.

Have you ever written a poem or story about your life?
I wrote a lot of poems. You have to, to get your Goth Card.

When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
I think we all know the answer to that.

Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
I like Dryers. Is that weird?

Fly or road trip?
Whatever it takes to get there. Though I LOVE stopping at roadside diners and driving through podunk downs.

Who can make you blush without even trying?
No one. I am unblushable.

If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?
Bath tub brewery.

Do you believe world peace is possible?
Nope.

I'm a genie. Name your wish.
A functional socialist state.

Name one thing about the opposite/same sex that automatically turns you off?
Fake tan.

Name one thing about the opposite/same sex that automatically turns you on?
Wolfman-like harriness.

Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
Soap. Then shampoo. Then condition while I shave.

Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?
Dorm.

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
Strummer. Elliott Smith.

Who are more complicated – guys or girls?
Girls. Needlessly so.

What's your favorite store?
Amazon.com

What is your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
Happy hour followed by Karaoke!

Do you like mustard?
Beaver brand sweet and spicy mustard is quite possibly the greatest condiment known to man.

What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
That I am still very very fortunate all things considered.

Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Actually, I kind of feel awkward giving them with the acception of a handful of recipients.

What books, if any, have made you cry?
“Life After God”, “Perv: A Love Story”, “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius”.

Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I forgave my father.

Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No. I liked school.

Where are you?
The Bat Cave.

Name your favorite animal?
I couldn't possibly choose a favorite, but among my favorites are cats, rats, pigs, and goats.

Are you too forgiving?
It's good to forgive.

Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes!

Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
No. She had no idea how to guide me.

Who was the last person that made you cry?
My grandma died. SHE didn't MAKE me cry, but her passing did.

What is one thing you've learned about life?
You have to make your own justice.

Long Lost Past Time

Hey, everybody! It's a meme!

1. When you're home alone, do you still close the door when you use the restroom?
I only close it if there are guests over.

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone?
I tend to prefer to do any kind of shopping alone but grocery shopping goes much faster with 2.

3. It's your friends birthday, do you buy them a gift even though they didn't buy you one for yours?
Depends on how close we are. I don't usually like to go to a birthday party empty handed. But if I see something that someone I know will really like I usually get it for them for their birthday no matter how far off it is. It may seem weird but it saves a lot of last minute panic shopping. I don't really care if people don't get me anything, apart from very specific people.

4. You win the lottery. What do you do?
Retirement fund.

5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
Reasonable volume.

6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?
Beach. I like the snow but I can't really do any of the athletic things that people end to use it for.

7. When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night?
Morning.

8. Can you watch scary movies alone?
Yep.

9. Soft bed or firm?
Soft AND firm.

10. Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
I like to stay busy, but sometimes it's REEEEAAAALLLY nice to have a lazy pajama day.

11. What's one of your worst memories?
Something I don't care to relive for a meme, thank you.

12. Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational?
Keep the peace.

13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people or a few close friends?
Medium group of close to medium close friends.

14. What are your plans for October?
Lots of shows!! Also, the annual Scareoke Halloween party.

15. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live?
Though I REALLY like where I live, a second house near Volunteer Park wouldn't be so bad.

16. What is your ideal profession?
The world's highest paid film reviewer.

17. Are you close to your Mom and Dad?
Not UNclose. But not BFFs.

18. What is one fear that you can't seem to overcome?
Selling myself to people.

19. Are you good at math?
No.

20. What's stashed under your bed?
Years worth of filth.

21. Is there anyone that you regret ever meeting?
Nah. I'm over it.

22. In the opposite sex, where should their piercing(s) be?
No place.

23. Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
I like my roommate.

24. Do you like any of your friends a little more than just a friend?
My roommate.

25. Do you like to drive?
Not really. It's kind of stressful for me. But the 'Stang is pretty fun to drive short distances.

26. Ever juke a friend at JukePix.com?
I'm not even going to bother learning what that is.

27. If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you DO?
Have a long discussion with my roommate. And then fire my Gynecologist.

28. Do you give money to homeless people when they ask?
Sometimes.

29. A weekend in Las Vegas or Key West?
Vegas. In THREE WEEKS!!!

30. When you go to the store, do you have a list or just buy random things?
I have a list when I do almost everything.

31. What do you sleep in?
Nothing consistent.

32. You have 3 months left to live, what do you do?
Make a list.

33. You're having a bad day, what's one thing can make your day better?
Hug…BONER hug.

34. What's worse: Tanning bed or sun rays?
Tanning bed. Sun is natural. But for god's sake, WEAR SUN SCREEN!

35. Is there anything you would change about your body if you could?
I'm working on that. Through exercise.

36. You wake up in an unfamiliar place, what is your first reaction?
I imagine it would be “Why don't I know where I am?”

37. Is there anything that you should be doing right now?
Sure is.

38. If there was a way to know when and how you're going to die, would you like to find out?
No. I try not to think about death and if I knew that, it's ALL I would think about.

39. What is your favorite breakfast food?
Egg sandwich.

40. Your phone rings at 4am, who do you expect it to be?
Call about dead person.

World Gone Mad

I just had something really weird happen to me. One of those “city” moments, I suppose. I was walking to work, as always, my body focussed on getting there and my brain focussed on wanting to be back home in bed, when a woman who was passing me stopped directly in my path, thus forcing ME to stop. She was either mid-forties or a well-worn late thirties. She was dressed like a frumpy office underling so I didn't think anything was amiss with her at first. In fact, I thought perhaps I was meant to know her. She looked directly at me and said, in a very angry tone, “Hey!”. At this point, I was wracking my brain trying to figure out if I knew her and was supposed to smile and say hello or if there was some other reason she'd chosen to stop in front of me. She didn't give me much time to mull this over, however, before she SMACKED ME IN THE ARM. It wasn't painful, but it was hard enough for me to understand that it was MEANT to be painful. “RIGHT HERE!” she said through gritted teeth, and then she WALKED OFF. This whole event lasted approximately 3 seconds, so, naturally, I was left quite stunned. I spun around and shouted the first thing that came into my mind to say: “What the FUCK, lady?!”. But she had already moved on and wasn't about to turn around. It was then that I noticed a witness. A man on a smoke break had seen the whole event transpire. I looked at him looking at me. “What the fuck was that about?!” I said to him. “I don't know that lady. I've never seen her before in my life,” I was compelled to explain. “That was scary,” he said. By now she was at the end of the block, ready to cross the street. And I was left with nothing more than to continue my walk to work. Was she off to punch other unsuspecting peda-commuters in the arm? Or was I an isolated incident? Did she THINK she knew me? Mistake me for a wrongdoer? Or was I simply identified as the temporary cause of all her problems? Is she, in fact, a cleverly disguised madwoman? Or was she, up until that moment, perfectly normal? Sadly, I will be left to ponder these questions forever. I may not even recognize her if I were to see her again, unless, of course, she is still wearing that giant red bow…or she punches me again.

Beware of the red bow!

ReelTime featured in New York Times Article

The company I work for was featured in a New York Times article this morning. So hopefully this will boost our subscriptions! That guy in front of the computer? That's my boss!

It's not every day you get to see your boss' picture in a major news publication. Unless you work for the government or are Britney Spears' vag waxer or something.