It Ain't Shakespeare

To distract from the terrible craving for sweets that I am suffering from right now, I decided to transcribe some of the GOD AWFUL poetry that my high school boyfriend wrote. An old friend of mine recently found some xeroxed copies of the stuff and mailed them to me. I wish I had a scanner so you could see his “artistic” handwriting and the way he organized the poems on the page, but you'll just have to make due with the words themselves, in all their teenage angsty glory:

I am not blind
Yet I cannot see.
I am not deaf
Yet I cannot hear.
I am not dumb
Yet I cannot speak.
I am not dead
Yet I cannot live.
At all…

The Edge
In a box I lay,
Dead myself of independence.
On the edge of my own cliff I lay,
Slipping slowly into the painless void
Which consumes us all.
On the edge of my cheek a tear, it lays
My last pure gift to the world as slowly I do slip
Into the painless sense known only as my mind.

Your heart beats
Makes mine stop.
Your breath of life
I'm out of air.
Your soulful eyes,
My shallow; not full.
Your life goes on
I break.

Advice From a Head in the Middle of the Desert
“Am I real?
I am not…
Are you real?
You are not…
Pain is real…
Is it not?
Pain is life.

(For Jess)
A sun with no heat
A mirror with no reflection
Eyes with no sight
A heart with no love
A life with no soul
Without her I am nothing.

A tree in the desert
As I am compared
A sun in one's sky
As she will always be
A tree withers with dark eternal
As I am compared
Without her I am nothing.

PS: He also played guitar and admittedly fancied himself the next Kurt Cobain. His friends all told him he was super talented. They probably thought he was. Everyone I hung out with at the time were wankers, myself included.

Obviously, he was kind of depressed, but don't feel for him because he dumped me. Even after writing me such a touching ode.

IBS Be-Gone!: Day Three

I woke up today remarkably clear-headed for having had three LARGE vodkas at trivia last night. (I would like to congratulate team Dirty Water Wiener and The Krauts for pulling out the third place spot despite having fared miserably on a round that was comprised entirely of David Caruso questions. WHAT?!)

Thankfully, the headache is gone. I am definitely still addicted to caffeine and plan to make myself another cup of sugarless tea in a minute. I feel OK. I did swoon a little when walking through a cloud of Top Pot Donut aroma on my way into the office. However, I think this kind of thing will level out over time.

There are many challenges to this program, but one of the biggest I've noticed is the expense. I know there are people who eat like this all the time. The Madison Market was FULL of them last night. (And, as Brugos pointed out, they all looked like homeless zombies). But how can they afford it? Well, one theory is that they save money by wearing rags or making their own clothes out of hemp. But seriously, I've spend $70 on groceries in the last 3 days. This does include $25 for the probiotics and $12 for a good multi-vitamin. But this is only a month's supply. The food I bought will only last me through the week. Luckily, I have a little cash in the piggy bank, otherwise, I simply couldn't afford to get better. And what of people who make less than me? (And, while I am by no means well off, I do not make minimum wage). A large portion of the population has no CHOICE but to eat Wonder Bread and Jiff instead of whole grain bread and Adam's peanut butter. Fresh vegetables are twice as much as a can. Statistically, one in 5 people, in ANY tax bracket, I assume, has IBS. I garauntee you that IF they have health insurance, it doesn't cover probiotics treatment. It's hard not to complain about depriving myself of the bad food I'm addicted to, but I'm damned lucky I can afford to try and make myself better.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: Grits with milk, seasoned with salt and pepper. Cup of tea with milk.

Later, I had another cup of tea.

Lunch: Fresh rolls wrapped in rice paper from Whole Foods, sans delicious Thai peanut sauce. Rice cake with peanut butter. A couple of pieces of jicama

Snack: Apple slices with cheddar cheese. Cup of tea with milk.

After work, Brugos and I went to the Madison Market. Shopping there at 6:00 sucks because it is packed and people block up the aisles, making it difficult to navigate. By the time we got to the store, I was starving and low in blood-sugar so I was feeling pretty shaky. I just wanted to grab something and get out but I was thwarted with that ever-present sugar ingredient at every turn. Finally, I found some corn tortillas, grabbed some veggies, and we escaped the Co-Op Zombie Hell.

Snack: (Consumed while making dinner because I just couldn't wait any longer) Rice cake with peanut butter.

Dinner: (Which Brugos kindly ate with me) Quesadillas with organic corn tortillas, red pepper, onion, shitake mushrooms and cheddar. Salsa and sour cream on the side.

At Clever Dunne's, I smuggled in a 100% Cranberry juice and ordered glasses of vodka on the rocks from the bar. At Clever Dunne's, a glass FULL of vodka is $3.50. I love that place.

Naturally, by the time trivia was over, I was hungry again. On our way out, I ordered a veggie dog from the new hot dog cart that's parked outside. The man who owns this cart is a genius. Clever Dunnes and the neighboring Crescent don't serve any food and are packed with drunks 7 nights a week. To have veggie dogs as well is just covering his bases. He doesn't have any cream cheese, but he does have NACHO CHEEESE! I can't eat that right now, but a month from now, you can bet I am going to be scarfing a nacho cheese dog. So…

Late Night Snack: Veggie Dog from hot dog cart with mustard, sans bun.