First Impressions of 90210 TNG

More like 9021-Oh my god what did I just watch?

Yes, I watched the original and I know it wasn’t exactly high drama, but damn was it entertaining. The clothes! The hair! David Silver’s white rapping and b-boy dancing! Very special episodes! It earnestly campy and that’s why it worked.

But the two hour pilot of the 2.0 version was kind of a disaster.


I’m embarrassed for all of you.

There is no standout talent. No new Shannen Doherty. (But at least we have the original Brenda.) Just a bunch of pretty (I guess) “kids” who are stiffer than Julia Stiles in a high school production of MacBeth.

The actress with the most potential is AnnaLynne McCord who plays the resident bitch with potential to have more than one dimension. Unfortunately for AnnaLynne, her physical resemblance to Elizabeth Berkley is so overpowering, that even when she’s doing a perfectly acceptable job reading her lines, I still expect her to slam her french fry basket down on the table and scream “Different places!!” at any given moment. Her character’s name is even Naomi.

They made a huge mistake rushing into the back story on the first two episodes. The dialog was painfully expository. The first 20 minutes all the characters explained their relationships to each other.

Annie (the new Brenda): “Well, you’re my adopted brother and that’s why I love you. And I’m glad we moved here from Kansas City so that our dad can be the new principal of West Beverly High.”

Mom (the new mom): “And there are still weddings in California, right? So I can photograph them. Because that’s what I do for a living!”

Dixon (the new Brandon): “And look, there’s Ethan, the guy you met 2 summers ago and kissed!”

And I know these are high school kids whose emotions are generally all over the map but how can Annie disapprove of Ethan’s skanky ways one minute and then forgive him immediately and usher in the sexual tension? You don’t have to wrap everything up in the pilot. It’s supposed to be a SERIES. Frankly, I expected more from Rob Thomas. But it seems Veronica Mars was more an exception than the rule.

And what’s with the look of this show? Is it always going to be so over color-corrected? It’s so dark and orange at times that it feels like it was shot on VHS.

Of course, I’m still gonna watch. At least as long as Brenda is in the cast. (I don’t give a rat dog’s golden poo about Kelly Taylor. She’s as boring as ever.) There were one or two moments that didn’t make me cringe and/or wretch so maybe it will get better now that we know absolutely everything about all the characters.

On a related note, have you seen Jason Priestly lately? I guess he and Zach Galifianakis totally bonded on the set of Tru Calling because Brandon is looking quite fetching these days in his big grizzly beard. I didn’t know he had it in him.

bearded brandon
Rrrrrrroooooowr!

To the Sisters Go the Spoils

This past Saturday was the 6th Annual Dodecathelon, the 12 event competition created by my husband to be held on his birthday every year. This is the 4th one that I have attended. The last two years, I have come in 3rd place. There was a little strategy involved but I mostly attribute my placement victory to little more than being there all day and not getting too drunk to move. I have never expected to win because my mister’s male friends are generally very competitive and a couple of them have long coveted the Dodeca trophy. (Yes, there really is a trophy).

The events of the Dodeca this year were:

  • The Cook Off (Sweet and Savory Categories)
  • Lawn “Sports”

  • Croquet
  • Bocce Ball
  • Horseshoes
  • Egg Toss
  • Drinking Games

  • Tang (drinking relay race)
  • Keg Stand (Separate gender categories)
  • Pickle-Shot-Pickle-Shot (exactly how it sounds)
  • Indoor Kid Games

  • Texas Hold ‘Em Tournament
  • Dance Dance Revolution
  • Twister
  • Jenga
  • Continue reading

    Mulder is Not a Sex Addict

    He just likes the porns. My very favorite entertainment blog, dlisted, reported that David Duchovny’s sex addiction (which, in my opinion, is generally code for “I cheated on my spouse but I don’t want a divorce”) is actually just an “addiction to internet porn”.

    I’m still trying to take this seriously and not think about that ridiculous Christian propaganda TV movie, Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life. It’s about a teenage boy who is “addicted” to (softcore, white bread) internet porn and it “tears his life apart”. I highly recommend seeking this movie out, by the way. It’s hilarious. Especially the locker room scene where his fellow teenage jocks are creeped out by him regaling them with tales of his porn escapades. Teenage boys creeped out by naked ladies! And it’s not even an all-boys military academy!

    cyber seduction

    Anywho…my new interpretation to this story is that one of their children, really excited about playing their Dora the Explorer computer game, accidentally walked in on daddy going through his XXX Files one too many times.

    These things happen. The ordinary citizen probably wouldn’t seek “professional treatment” for such things. They would just make sure the kids were napping or the door was locked. But D.D. is high profile and different rules apply.

    I’m just glad Mulder isn’t a total cheating ho.

    NFT Radar: Georgetown Liquor Company

    The Georgetown neighborhood is Seattle’s best kept hipster secret and I think a lot of people like it that way, so keep what I’m about to tell you on the proverbial D.L. Georgetown Liquor Company rules. Sure it possesses an unassuming moniker, is tucked away inconveniently (aurally speaking) next to active cargo train tracks, but that’s why one’s able to head there on a weekend and have no trouble getting a service. And that’s hardly the best part. I have good news and I have better news. The GOOD news is that G.L.C. serves a huge menu full of 100% vegetarian (and approximately 38% vegan) sandwiches and salads with nerdy names (Sulu Skewers, Darth Reuben). And ooh boy, are they delicious. If you do cheese, you will be over the moon about the Luna. The BETTER news is that you can relive your childhood (this time with booze!) by indulging in a bevy of Atari, classic or Super NES games on one of 3 set-ups. If you can reminisce (about) it, they have it. But be warned before you start the trash talking. Unless you’re Steve Wiebe, you’re probably a little rusty at Donkey Kong.

    georgetown liquor company
    5501 Airport Way S 98108
    206-763-6764
    www.georgetownliquorcompany.com

    X-posted from Not For Tourists.

    Free At Last

    If you’ve spent any time with me during the past few months, you’ve doubtless heard me complain about it. Well, I’ve finally done it. I’ve left my job at the little startup that apparently couldn’t. It had to happen. My reasons were many but the biggest of them were money (I wasn’t getting any) and frustration (I was getting plenty). It was almost my two year anniversary with them and I still hadn’t been given any sort of pay raise, despite several meetings pleading my case and persons agreeing that yes, my duties had increased exponentially and yes, I was doing a good job on all counts. I was told repeatedly that we would “see” about getting me more money when certain things fell into place. Basically, I was getting the brush-off while people around me were getting paid way more than they were worth. How could someone who managed a department of 3 people (the department responsible for the product which would ultimately bring in the revenue) get paid less than the average administrative assistant while several others, some of whom were proven to be stealing from and conspiring against the company, got six figure salaries? How could one person make more than twice what MY ENTIRE DEPARTMENT made? How is it fair? How is it just? How is it not borderline indentured servitude? On top of that, there had been verbal abuse from other employees, the stripping of/denial of necessary resources for my department, and a general lack of gratitude for all my hard work for, I would like to again point out, a salary which is less than that of the average administrative assistant. And I was lucky to be getting that. Our paychecks bounced frequently with little done to rectify the situation. Little effort was made to understand what a difficult strain this put on me (and others) financially.

    There are countless other reasons that I shan’t go into. But rest assured, things were very rotten in Denmark.

    So I’ve decided to put an end to it all. I have emancipated myself. And it feels damned good. I’ve got some great things lined up on the career front and each one is infinitely more rewarding and much better compensating. Later, Denmark.

    Klostermeme XII

    Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series features these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments!

    How would your views about war, politics, and the role of the military change if all future conflicts were fought by armies of robots (that is to say, if all nations agreed to conduct wars exclusively with machines so that human casualties would be virtually nonexistent)?

    My Answer: Putting aside the fact that armies of robots is a bad idea (all it takes is one self-aware robot and we are SCREWED!), I would certainly feel BETTER about war if there were no human casualties. But I still think that violence is pretty futile and doesn’t really solve the issues at the core of any conflict. There are always going to be times when physical conflict is necessary (WWII), but for the most part, negotiation is the best way to end a conflict. If you’re already agreeing with every nation that you will use robots, why not agree on other terms as well so the robots never have to be turned on?

    Of course, all it takes is one country to break their promise and program their robots to kill people. So I guess my views don’t really change much. I’m a pacifist who doesn’t believe that everybody will be willing to play by the rules.

    Klosterman Theory: He would be fine with this. He doesn’t fear robots.

    Your answers in the comments!

    Yes We Can Dig It

    I pilfered this awesome video from the fabulous Beaucoup Kevin, posted in anticipation for the Obama’s speech at the DNC tonight, which parallels Obama with the character of Cyrus in The Warriors: The man who would unify all of the New York gangs to bring about change and, more importantly, peace. I just hope it turns out a bit better for Obama than it did for Cyrus…

    About That “R****d” Thing in Tropic Thunder

    simple jackI finally got around to seeing Tropic Thunder. I didn’t laugh as much as I was hoping to. Perhaps I read way too much about it beforehand. That’s one of the downsides to living in the information age. It’s difficult to be surprised. There is also the small problem of me being incapable of liking anything that Tom Cruise does. I don’t find him funny or charming. I find that his every performance and appearance seethes smugness and I just want to punch him square in his smug jaw (after kicking him in the smugnuts).

    But one thing I knew I would LOVE was the “r****d” bit. Not because I think making fun of the mentally challenged is funny, but because I think actors playing mentally challenged characters for Oscar bait is horrible and someone needs to call it out. Mr. Show did a good job of it with their Dewey Awards/Bob Lamonta sketch but it wasn’t mainstream enough to make an impact. Ben Stiller, on the other hand, brought people to the theaters in droves to expose this disturbing Hollywood truth. Of course, there were a lot of people who still didn’t get it.

    the other sisterBen Stiller and co. aren’t “making fun of r****ds”. They are making fun of the Hollywood construct of the mentally challenged. Characters like Sam, Radio, the sister that rode the bus and The Other Sister. There is actually no such thing as a “r*****d”. They are as real as the Unicorn, invented by Hollywood to teach us “valuable life lessons” and “the true meaning of love”. They are caricatures of real mentally challenged people with real problems. They don’t say the darnedest things. They aren’t God’s Little Angels. They attempt to live normal lives. They have jobs and relationships. They get angry and depressed and yes, they also laugh and have fun, but not ALL THE TIME. Why? Because they are human beings. You know which film actor’s portrayal of a mentally challenged character was the most realistic? Billy Bob Thornton’s in Sling Blade. That is pretty pathetic.

    radioI’m not saying someone NEEDS to make a reasonable movie about a mentally challenged character to rectify this. I’m just saying that the ones we have warrant dissection and ridicule. Even the “half-r****d” movies like Forest Gump (a film with several offensive characters besides the protagonist) and Rain Man.

    I’d also really like it if audiences would maybe think about the context of a scene, especially one in a satirical movie, and not just get all reactionary about a single word. People can be so r******d sometimes.

    NFT Radar: Molly Moon’s

    Oh Molly Moon’s. How thankful I am that I have to walk almost 2 miles to your doorstep. Otherwise I would surely be as large as the cows from whence their 16 delectable flavors come. Sure, they have the classic Neopolitan trinity. But how could you even THINK of ordering vanilla when you could have Scout Mint (as in the coveted seasonal cookies), Honey Lavender or Mandarin Chocolate Sorbet. There’s nothing better than the one-two taste punch of sweet and salty. And you can satisfy that craving with the Balsamic Strawberry (featuring large stripes of that delicious dark nectar), the Maple Walnut or the more pointed Salted Caramel. If you’re after a caffeinated kick to your sugar rush, you might go for the Thai Iced Tea or the Vivace Coffee which is freckled with ground-up coffee beans. Of course you can sample any flavor before committing to a giant scoop in your fresh waffle cone. This is useful for anyone skeptical of a cardamom-based desert (though even that is pretty good). Much to the chagrin of my pants, one can also buy their favorite flavor by the pint or quart. On a hot Seattle day, you’ll find a line out the door. But I promise it’s well worth the wait.

    molly moons
    1622 N 45th St 98103
    206-618-4934
    www.mollymoonicecream.com

    X-posted from Not For Tourists.

    Klostermeme XI

    Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series features these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments!

    hitler walletIt is 1933. You are in Berlin, Germany. Somehow, you find yourself in a position where you can effortlessly steal Adolf Hitler’s wallet. This theft will not effect Hitler’s rise to power, the nature of WWII, or the Holocaust. There is no important identification in the wallet, but the act will cost Hitler forty Reichsmarks and completely ruin his evening. You do not need the money. The odds that you will be caught committing this crime are less than 2%.

    Are you ethically obligated to steal Hitler’s wallet?

    My Answer: Ethically, no. Not if it doesn’t effect history in any significant way. But it sure would be cool if you did.

    Klosterman Theory: Yes.

    What do you think? Answer in the comments!