Meme-ories Pt. 2

==SCHOOL AFTER HIGH SCHOOL==

Rediculous. That is way too broad. Especially since I've been to two colleges now. So I'll just say this: I miss school. I miss having very little responsibility and being able to stay up late drinking on a Wednesday and make it to my 8:00am class the next morning with no hangover. I miss Spring Break. Being an adult sucks.

==DESCRIBE TWO MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY PARTIES OF YOURS==

1)My 16th. I smoked my first joint and I made a vow to lose my virginity by the end of the year, which I did.
2)My 21st, of course. I went to The Owl & Thisle, everyone bought me drinks, and I had a fantastic time. Drinking in a bar was every bit as cool as I'd suspected it was.

==DESCRIBE GETTING YOUR DRIVERS’ LICENSE==

Rather anticlimactic, actually. I was a year younger than everyone in my grade so I took driver's ed a year before I could take my test. I got my learner's when I was 16 and my parents told me that I wouldn't be able to take the car out by myself till my senior year anyway, so I figured there was no point getting my license till then. So I was 17 when I got my license and everyone else had been driving for 2 years. Turns out I'm a terrible driver anyway so now I do it as little as possible

==EVER DONE ANYTHING CRAZY TO GET YOUR CRUSH’S ATTENTION? IF SO, WHAT?==

I was dropping hints like crazy to this guy in college. I had just broken up with a boyfriend of two years (and by “just broken up” I mean it was several months later and I had finally been able to stop crying long enough to try and find a rebound. I found one in this silly little freshman, thinking it would be pretty easy. I just wanted to make out with him a few times and be done with it. Well, my hinting was fruitless, so finally, I just told everyone I knew to tell him that if he wanted, I would make out with him, no strings. He started flirting with me all the time but STILL nothing ever happened and he avoided all situations in which we could be alone together. So I gave up. Just about that time, my senior year was almost over and he came to a graduation party at my friend's house. After everyone was asleep, and we were lying on the couch, he made his move. It was a horrible disaster and was over in 10 minutes (I might be being liberal with the time). Luckily, I never really had to see him again after that. Worst. Rebound. Ever.

==DESCRIBE A FUN VACATION YOU’VE TAKEN==

Just had a blast in Eastern Washington at the Stabbin' Cabbin. See previous journal entry.

==WHAT CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?==

Dallas, TX (baby), Beaverton, OR (2-4), Huntsville, AL (4-8), Flower Mount, TX (8), Richmond, VA (9-17), Tacoma, WA (17-22), London, UK (22), Seattle, WA (23-present).

==HOW DID YOU MEET ALL YOUR FRIENDS?==

Mostly through college or through film projects. Come on, you all know how I met you guys.

==ACTIVITIES==

Yes.

==FIRST KISS==

My first organized kiss was playing spin the bottle at Hippie Camp. I was 14. His name was Daniel. He liked my friend. A few days later, a 13 year old named Robbie kissed me on his own accord after the square dance. He later gave me poison ivy.

==JOBS==

Jesus. This won't be fun for anyone to read so I'll try to keep in breif. I babysat in high school. I worked at a B&B my freshman year of college. I worked for food services in college. I tempted at a billion places after college, including whilst in London, I worked for 5 minutes at a TV production company in Seattle that makes stupid reality shows. Then I got the sack and now I work in my present version of hell.

I liked part 1 of this a lot better.

scooby snack 5 curses

My weird cold has mutated once again. Now my throat doesn’t hurt at all, really, but I’m up all night coughing. This morning I woke up and one of my eyes was crusted shut and when I opened it, it was all bloodshot. Gross, I know. I’m not sure how many more incarnations this thing is going to take before it decides to finally leave me.
I am not happy about being here at work either. Yesterday, after lunch, everyone (led by the tiniest little dictator) began to scrutinize my workspace once again. Now, I am the receptionist so my desk is just hanging out there for everyone to see. However, it is not a proper reception desk, and is, in fact, the smallest, crappiest desk in the office. Therefore, it doesn’t look very nice when a client walks in. The notion of us being able to BUY a new desk is unlikely because we have a hard enough time just getting the budgeting people (in Portland) to let us have an extra chair for the conference room. So instead, everyone was trying to figure out “free” solutions to making my area better. ‘Lil Dictator said “Why don’t we take all this stuff and move it to the table behind you?” She was gesturing towards all the papers and files on my desk that are my WORK. “Because that’s my WORK,” says I. “Oh, well, what if we put it all on a credenza over in that corner?” Is she serious? “Because that’s my WORK and I still need to be able to answer the phone and greet clients,” says I. “Oh.” After they moved the candy dish, put my garbage can in the corner far away from me, re-arranged my files and and tried to get me to move my computer monitor to about 2 inches away from my face, they decided that one of them should swap desks with me since no one ever sees THIER desks. But of course, no one WANTED to swap because then they would have the smaller, crappier desk. So they argued amongst themselves for a while, still standing right next to me so I wasn’t getting any work done. Finally, they decided that one of them would switch with me and then they would switch amongst each other and then everyone would be marginally happy. But who will do the moving. I bet it will be me, the ass monkey. This whole process took about 2 and a half hours in which no one was doing any actual work. What will today have in store. I can’t wait to find out.

Meme-ories Pt. 1

This one is kind of long and involved (or at least it has the potential to be) so I'm going to break it up over two days.

TELL ONE MEMORY FROM EACH GRADE:

==PRESCHOOL==

We were learning about Columbus and so we put on a little “play”. I played one of the ships and to get to the New World, we sat indian style on the floor and propelled ourselves across the room with our arms. It seems a little weird in hindsight.

==KINDERGARTEN==

A boy liked me and I didn't like boys yet. He asked me to marry him. I told him marriage was yucky. Funny how some things never change.

==FIRST==

We learned to print and my teacher told me my handwriting looked like “chicken scratch”. I think it probably still does. Also, at that time I was starting to write with my left hand but I could also use my right pretty well. My teacher said that I needed to use my right hand because left handed people have hard lives. That doesn't make any sense now, but at the time I believed her and now my left hand is useless.

==SECOND==

I was still bringing my stuffed beaver, Bucky to school with me and the other kids made fun of me for acting like a “baby”. So I left Bucky at home. Later, I lost Bucky in a hotel room.

==THIRD==

I cut my finger open on a cat food can. It was a really bad cut and I had to go to the emergency room and get the tip of my finger sewed on (you can still see the scar). It happened to be my middle finger. I was trying to show the wound to the boy I was sitting next to and for some reason, I put down all my other fingers when I showed it to him, not realising it would look, to other people, that I was flipping him off. A kid named Kenneth was seated on the other side of the room and shouted to the teacher “Jessica's flipping Chad off!!”. I was extremely embarassed, but thankfully didn't get in any real trouble, once I explained to the teacher what was actually happening, and Chad, sweet boy that he was, vouched for me.

==FOURTH==

I was in 3 different schools during this year. The first school was this “alternative” school. They had this punishment where you had to stand up straight and hold x amount of encyclopedia volumes for a x amount of time, depending on what you were being punished for. It seemed like they were dishing these punishments out for stupid reasons (I finally got nabbed for not cleaning up my space fast enough to start the next activity). Turns out kids started complaining to parents and parents got all up in arms that this was “cruel and unusual” punishment and the school got shut down. My next school that year was another “alternative” school that got shut down for lack of funding. Then I went to public school for 2 months and then we moved.

==FIFTH==

This was my one full year in public school. At the time I was greatful to get out of there, but now I have no idea which would have been better. All I know is I started puberty during fifth grade and things started getting really horrible. Before this, I was one of the boys. Very tomboy. After this, maybe because of the boobs, they boys didn't want to hang out with me and neither did most of the girls because I didn't like girly things. ANYWAY, what stands out from fifth grade is the fact that I got my first crush on a boy named Derek who was nice to me sometimes. I made the mistake of telling another girl and she immediately told EVERYONE. After that, Derek didn't talk to me either. Although I found out later (in high school) that he did like me but was too embarassed since I wasnt one of the popular kids. I was very careful about keeping crushes to myself for a long time after that. Which is probably why everyone thought I was a lesbian in high school.

==SIXTH==

New school. Very small private school. I was excited because I could make a fresh start and hopefully get some new friends. I was through trying to be friends with the boys. Things started out fine too until the weather warmed and we started dressing out for gym in shorts. I had hairy legs but hadn't started shaving because my mother said I wasn't old enough. The first day in the locker room, one of the “prettiest” girls pointed at me and said loudly “Ew! When's the last time you shaved?!” Of course, everyone looked at me and said “Ew!” and there was nothing I could do. That night, I stole one of my mom's razers and started shaving.

==SEVENTH==

There was this particularly mean girl named Emily. She loved to go out of her way to be a bitch to me despite the fact that I was always nice to her. She had a birthday party and literally invited everyone in the class apart from me (there were only, like, 10 of us). One of these people was my best friend so I was pretty bummed that I didn't get an invitation. My friend thought maybe it was a mistake so she asked Emily if I could go and Emily said very loudly so that everyone, including the teacher, could hear “Hell no! I don't want that geek at my party!”. She got in trouble for swearing. Ha!

==EIGHTH==

New school once again. The famed Catholic school which I attended through high school. Once again, I was hoping to make a fresh start and fit in, but it just wasn't in the cards. I even went shopping at The Gap and bought, what I thought, was “normal” clothes. But I guess I picked the wrong ones because right away people looked at me weird. I can't think of any particular memory from this year. Just the fact that the realisation hit that not only was it impossible for me to fit in with these people, but that I didn't WANT to fit in with them because they were horrible people. All they cared about were clothes and hair. Also, I was just starting to become aware my political views and how they definitely differed from these other people. How could I be friends with a bunch of right wing assholes? Fuck em.

==NINTH==

I went shopping once again over the summer and bought clothes that I liked and felt comfortable in. We had a dress code, and even a uniform, but we didn't have to wear the uniform if we wore clothes that fit within the dress code. No shorts. Only dress pants. No t-shirts. No clothes with printing on them unless they were the name of our school. I managed to find some pretty weird shit that still fell within these guidlines. Also, they didn't say anything about shoes apart from “no sneakers” so I got my first pair of Doc Martens and wore them every day. Even though this was 1992, no one in Virginia had seen these shoes before. They were shocked and I was revelling in freaking them out. Regardless, they still picked on me whenever possible. I was still a little chubby so they had that fodder. We didn't have locks on our lockers because we were on “The Honor System” so I would find mean notes in my locker, and occasionally, dog biscuits.

==TENTH==

We took “comparative religion”. I saw my chance. I chose to study Satanism in an attempt to build myself up as a force not to be reckoned with. When the time came for Q & A, hands shot up. “So do you practice Satanism?”. I pleaded the fifth. Even though my nickname was thereafter “Satan”, they didn't fuck with my locker anymore.

==ELEVENTH==

I got my first boyfriend. He was a “public school” kid with green hair but he had just graduated from high school. One day, he drove to school in his Bug and we ate lunch together. I got some cool points for that. Even though a bunch of jocks walked by us and yelled “hey, I didn't know it was Halloween!”. Yes, these were a clever lot.

==TWELFTH==

Fun fun fun! I had lots of friends from other schools, so my weekends were always full. My best friend and I skipped class all the time and went to Borders (where she would steal CD's for us). No one really bothered me anymore. I was editor of the yearbook, so I finally got to put a whole bunch of pictures of me and my friends in there and unflattering pictures of people I hated. I was voted “worst dressed” on the senior poll. I revelled in it. And I was happy as a clam because I knew I was graduating, moving to Washington, and I would never have to see any of those fuckheads again. The only thing that sucked was that I finally confessed my love for my long time crush/friend Michael Cross, only to be shot down because he “thought of me as a sister”. Doh!

Tomorrow: Life After High School (As if that even exists:)

Live Well

I definitely consider myself “city folk” so it's easy for me to forget how nice it is to get away from it all as well. The Stabbin' Cabbin promised much and delivered on every level. There were a few outside forces attempting to put a damper on the weekend (Case in point: Redneck cops pulled Dom over TWICE because he was “speeding” through poorly marked “towns”. Visions of Texas Chainsaw Massacre(the original, of course) and various other movies involving homicidal inbred people danced through our heads). But no matter, we made it to the cabin without being roasted like chicken at a gas station. Unfortunately, my cough was/is still acting up so that kept me from staying up late Saturday night to watch the Aurora Borealis with everyone, but I still managed to have a great time and do all KINDS of fun things. Like swim in a lake, explore a burned out mill, hang out on the porch and look at the great view, eat some “brownies”, go swimming again, play games, eat Elyse's veggie kabobs, watch Zoolander, eat Nachos, see turkeys and a mule, ride in the back of a truck, listen to ghost stories, eat more delicious food, drink beer and much much more. It was jampacked with fun but I still felt totally relaxed the whole time. It was really amazing.
Thank you Gene and Gene's family for letting us stay there. Thank you Roxy for having a birthday. Thank you first redneck cop for not giving us a ticket. Fuck you second redneck cops for pulling us over for having liberal stickers on our car and for not driving a truck. Thank you nature for being there. And finally, thank you maniacal butterfly clowns for not eating us. Amen.

spamless Blues

So my email server SUCKS and my email is down right now. The spam has undoubtedly been piling up in my inbox since yesterday afternoon and I am powerless to erase it. (I probably get about 500 pieces of spam in a 24 hour period. Yet another reason why my email server sucks. No spam filter). As long as I can get in there and delete some spam before I leave tonight for the Stabbin' Cabbin, I will be happy, because I shudder to think what it all would look like if I've gone 4 days without deleting any spam.

ANYWHO, as I mentioned just now, I am going to the Stabbin' Cabbin this weekend for Roxy’s birthday. In attendance will be the Brunswicks, the Illustrious Meep, Pamelor, Dom, and of course, the fabulous Elyse and Gene. Thank you to Gene for having a dad with a Stabbin' Cabbin. It will no doubt be a rip roaring, debaucherous good time and I can't wait. I hope I can get out of work early today (we can usually go home early on Fridays) because there are a MILLION things I have to do before I leave (including stock up on Claratin and purchase a cooler in which to place boca burgers and beer).

The unfortunate thing is that I'm still ailing from the World's Most Bizarre Sore Throat. At 5 am, I woke up choking on mucus and had to sit upright for a few minutes and drink water to get it down. Gross, I know. And today I am still coughing and now suffering from allergies as well. However, this CAN NOT dampen my spirits, as this weekend will rock and roll like few others.

The Alpha-bitch

I stole this one from someone and changed most of the questions because they were boring. These might not be any better, but I tried. It's not as easy as one might think.

Animal you would be? A housecat. Hands down.
Born on what day of the week? Friday, baby! TGIJ!
Can you roll your tongue? No. Recessive gene.
Daring thing you did? Shamelessly threw myself at Dom when I wasn't even sure if he knew my name.
Ear lobe nibbling. Sexy or not? Definitely yes.
Frankenstein or The Wolf Man? Wolf Man.
Goal for the next year of your life? Save money! Or not gain any more weight.
Handsomest James Bond? Connery.
Is Justin Timberlake gay? As a gay dollar bill.
Joke. Tell me one. What's Black and White and Red all over? An embarassed panda.
K is for kill. What would drive you to murder? Animal Cruelty
Link. Post a fun one here. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0721041plate1.html
Macauley or Kieran? Kieran!
Newest CD you bought/stole? I just got The Cure b-sides 4 disc set from the library.
Over or under for toilet paper? Over!
Pee'd in the pool? A few times. Lucky for you, I don't go swimming very often.
Quote you like from the Simpsons? “Your Newberry Award won't save you now!”
Religious affiliation (if you HAD to pick)? Paegan
Sound you like? A beer opening.
Terrible thing you did? Threw away my boss's mail from the Republicans
Unique talent? Remembering useless trivia about the entertainment industry.
What's the worst pop song that's popular right now? The Milkshake Song
Xxylophone music? Yes! Violent Femmes.
Year old you were when you learned about sex? 3. I found my brother's “Where do I come from” book, saw the illustrated pictures and thought it was for me. I don't think I fully understood it for a while after that, but it definitely stayed with me.
Zodiac Sign? Virgo. That one's boring but I couldn't think of another Z.

alchemist 0413 bonbons

I'm channeling my Dickensian counterpart, Small Snell. (cough, cough).

So my sore throat is a persistant little bugger. Last night, it got so bad, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was very painful to swallow or breath through my mouth or yawn and the lump in my throat (swollen tonsils?) felt HUGE. Dom was freaking me out by reading me the symptoms of strep and mono on webMD (which I should never look at cos it turns me into a hypochondriac). So I was pretty sure I was going to try and jump through the damned circus hoops that my very shitty work-provided health insurance gives me to find a doctor today. I still felt bad this morning when I woke up and even started calling people this morning, but after a few bottles of water, and some tylenol, the pain has subsided and I'm starting to wonder if I was just being a big baby. All I know is that I need to get better by Friday because I'm going to the Stabbin' Cabbin! There's no way I'm missing that party. I just might have to take it a little easy.

Short(er than yesterday.You love it!)

So I'm going to start hunting for more interesting (or at least juicier) meme's. Cos these are starting to get pretty lame. Sorry, dudes.

01. What time do you get up?
7am weekdays. 10am weekends if allowed. Don't remind me.

02. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
Crispin Hellion Glover. Fish tacos.

03. Gold or silver?
Silver

04. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
I, Poopbot

05. Favorite TV show(s)?
Currently on TV: Nip/Tuck even though it's pretty much just softcore porn these days. Shows past: Buffyverse, The Young Ones (arguably the greatest sitcom of all time), South Park, The State, Mr. Show, The Kids in the Hall, 21 Jump Street…this question is hard for me. I like TV waaaaaaaay too much.

06. What did you have for breakfast?
A bagel. Why do you ask?

07. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
My mother.

08. What is your middle name?
Kealoha. (Pronounced kay-ah-low-ha).

09. Beach, City or Country?
Well, I like all of them. But I prefer to live in the city.

10. Favorite Ice cream?
Brownie fudge

11. Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
Salt salt salt.

12. What kind of car do you drive?
Dom

14. What characteristic do you despise?
Total disregard for the feelings of other people. (See co-worker).

15. Favorite flower?
Orange poppies! And I swear it's not because of opium.

16. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
London. Or NYC.

17. What color is your bathroom?
Bathroom colored.

18. Favorite brand of clothing?
Whatever that one is at Target.

19. Where would you retire to?
Vashon.

20. Favorite day of the week?
Any day I don't have to work. Duh.

21. What did you do for last birthday?
Party with Dom and all my special friends at the Ron-dez-voos.

22. Where were you born?
I hate these repeat questions. Dallas, TX, OK!

23. Favorite sport to watch?
British Parliament.

26. What fabric detergent do you use?
The on-sale kind.

27. Coke or Pepsi?
Safeway Select Cola.

28. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night.

29. What is your shoe size?
7 1/2 – 8 depending on the shoe. Does that mean I have a big penis?

30. Do you have any pets?
Rats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noel and Liam the little punks!

Bumbershoot! (Mostly sucks, but at least there's comedy!)

So the Bumbershoot Schedule is now online . Once again the music is pathetic (apart from the Pixies, of course) but the comedy stage is OUTSTANDING! So undoubtedly, Faye and I will be comedy groupies for the 3rd year in a row. Fred Armisen! (best known for being the funniest guy no one knows on Saturday Night Live) Chris Hardwick! (sadly best known as the host of MTV's Singled Out) And of course, our personal favorite: Zach Galifianakis! (Best known as the guy who's totally slumming on TV's Tru Calling). Maybe we can meet Zach again, or ask Chris Hardwick to be in our zombie movie (or at least tell him we loved his work in House of 1000 Corpses). Hooray for comedy!

Meme coming soon.

Denial Climactic Asocial

So I just slammed my thumb in a drawer. How delightful.

Don't have much to say this morning which is probably for the best because I have to make a bunch of brochures before 3:00. This is a job which is needlessly time consuming (I say needlessly because we COULD just bring these things to kinkos and get them copied and bound), but no, I have to print them off one by one, collate them because there's some weird glich that won't allow the printer to do it manually, hole punch each page, and bind them myself. The whole process takes about 3 hours for me to make 10 books because the phone keeps ringing and people keep giving me other jobs that need to be done NOW! This is why I had previously delegated this task to the intern. But since the bitch quit with NO notice whatsoever, I am back to doing them myself. I am not pleased.

Anyway, after I finish this crap and go get my bangs trimmed I will be back with a lovely little meme you all adore so much.

My thumb is now swollen and purple. Hooray!

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