Meme of the Day

Here's a shorty since I've already blabbed enough today. I don't know if it's a meme exactly or just 5 questions but I found it on a meme site, so I'm doing it anyway.

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
Everything I have wanted to do that I've had the balls to do, I've pretty much done (apart from little things). I've always wanted to have the nerve to sky dive. But i've heard too many freak stories and I don't have the best luck in the world…

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
Depends on who's asking. If it's a good friend, I tell them the truth (in a nice way). But if I don't know them that well, I'll probably tell them it's great no matter what. I think that's pretty normal, right?

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?
Yes. A friend of mine slept with another friend of mine and she told me details about him that STILL pop into my brain unexpectedly when I'm talking to him. Ew.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
The Buffyverse. I think I'd do pretty well since I know more about it than some of the characters. I'd become a watcher and go live with Andrew in Italy. And then I could smack Dawn over the head whenever I felt like it. I'm going to stop talking about this now before I show my full geek face to the world. It ain't pretty.

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
That is EASY. I wish I could sing/have a stage presence. I have always wanted to be in a band and I have even tried (Faye knows all too well) but no matter how much I want it, there's no arguing the fact that I have ZERO musical talent. I can't even sing on key. It's retarded.

Take That, Facists!

I just got this email from The Human Rights Campaign:

“We did it! Just moments ago, the Federal Marriage Amendment lost
in the Senate by a stunning, bipartisan vote of 50-48. We won
this historic victory for two reasons: First, because the
politics of division don't work, and second: the votes were on
our side.

But the real reason we won is this: You. You and every
fair-minded American, gay or straight, who called, e-mailed,
faxed, visited, tracked down, and otherwise urged your Senators
not to write discrimination into the Constitution. Thank you.
This amazing moment belongs to all of us. Please, share this
victory with all the friends and family you talked into fighting
with us. We join in celebration with each of you. The campaign
to defeat this amendment has been a top priority for HRC and
with your amazing efforts over the course of many months, today
we won this round of the fight.”

They go on to talk about lots of other bills and events coming up that threaten Gay and Lesbian rights, but at least for now the immediate threat is gone. So hooray! We DO still have a say in our country from time to time. So we don't have to run for the border just yet…

Cockles

I can’t believe it’s only fucking Wednesday. This week is going to be the death of me.
So, I have mentioned the bitch monster that works here with me. She’s 24 years old and is my superior. That wouldn’t be so bad if she weren’t such a little princess and didn’t treat me like crap. Case in point, this morning, at our weekly meeting, she decided (and everyone agreed, including me) that “we” need to organize the office, empty boxes, consolidate, move certain furniture etc. But then I realised that she meant RIGHT NOW and also, “we” meant ME. “Someone has to do it” she said. “I don’t care who”. But then everyone went back into their office and she reminded me that it needed to be started on this morning. So here I am in one of the shortest dresses I own, moving bookshelves, breaking down boxes and sprawling out on the floor doing manual labor. I love to be everyone’s butt monkey! And now it’s 10:30 and I still haven’t done any of the work that’s in my “job description” this morning. Granted, I could be doing it RIGHT NOW instead of blogging. But fuck, I need a break, and I’m too pissed off at that spoiled little designer suited bitch to do any real work.
On a lighter note, I saw a free screening of I, Robot last night with Dom and Faye. It wasn’t as bad as we’d expected. In fact, while certainly not being Shakespeare (or even Asimov), it was pretty damned entertaining right up until the end when it got all Jerry Bruckheimer-pointless slow motion-unrealistic gravity-defying stunts-y on us. Also, there was a pretty weird scene with a cat. I guess they were trying to establish what a nice guy Will Smith’s character was. Whatever. Anyway, I probably wouldn’t recommend paying full price for it. MAYBE a matinee if you’ve already seen everything else. But definitely worth a rent for a mindless evening involving beer.
And Faye promised to start a blog :P so I’m leaving the full review up to her for her first entry. Go Faye!

The Final Countdown

10 bands you have been listening to a lot lately:
-ELO
-The Electric Six
-Everything on KJRfm since that's what I listen to at work
-The Divine Comedy
-Muse
-The Tangents
-Chicago
-The Polyphonic Spree
-The Velvet Underground
-Hall and Oates

9 things you look forward to:
-Sleeping in
-Putting my jammies on
-Nip/Tuck
-Parties
-Lunch
-Doing meme's
-Elyse doing my meme's
-Summer
-5:00

8 things you like to wear:
-Eyeliner
-Black clothing (though not always. I swear!)
-My jammies
-My party dress (50's style with cherries on it)
-A shit-eating grin
-My birthday suit
-Chap Stick
-Dom

7 things that annoy you:
-Being overly full
-People who don't stand to the right on escalators
-Baz Lurhmann
-When people say “You brought this weather with you/took it with you”. Do they actually think that I can control the weather?
-Dropping my gum and not being able to find it and knowing that when I do find it, it will be all over something important (that just happened)
-When it's not busy at work all day and then, at 4:30, I suddenly have 100 things to do
-Having mosquito bites the size of quarters that itch like a motherfucker
-Only being able to list 7 things that annoy me :)

6 things you say most days:
-I heart living in Seattle
-My job is sucking my will to live
-Germans love David Hasselhoff
-I think Faye is mad at me
-I can't wait till my breast reduction surgery
-Shut up, Marilyn

5 things you do every day:
-Check my email
-Poop
-Sleep
-Eat
-Obsessively chec/add things to my daily planner

4 people you want to spend more time with:
-Dom (I know I LIVE with the guy but we're both so busy all the time
-Elyse and Gene
-4 sexually curious hobbits (I'm counting that as one, cos they're small)

3 movies you could watch over and over again: (and you bet I do)
-Transformers: The Movie
-Zoolander
-Showgirls

2 of your favorite songs at the moment:
-Rocket Man
-Elyse and Gene's version of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light”

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
-4 sexually curious hobbits

A Girl With Extra Baggage

So I'm feeling much better today. It's not Tuesday and even though I'm very tired, I seem to be mostly over my emotional slump. Maybe it was getting drunk on a Monday that did it. I'm still very very tired and looking forward to hopefully having a nice quiet evening at home one night this week. It won't be tonight, though, because I'm going to see a free screening of I Robot which will surely be craptastical. But free. And it will allow me to write a scathing review in this space tomorrow, which will be fun and I won't have to be sad once again that Aint It Cool News is slighting my reviews.

I'm also excited because I'm going to see Hedwig, the live show, on Friday with Elyse, Faye, Chris and whoever else we convince before Friday. It's a chance to see it either a) without the interruptions of the Goth Girl superfan who sang along loudly to every song last time or at least b) one of us having the balls to tell her to shut the fuck up this time. If the latter is necessary, that person will surely be Faye. She's good at blasting scathing insults so cold that it makes you want to crawl up into your own asshole for warmth.

Guess what, you guys! I found a page with, like, 100 meme's on them! My arsenal is full and I will be keeping myself busy for weeks to come! Or at least until I get this horrible meme addiction out of my system. Whichever comes first.

Until later, daffidiles.

Seven Layer Burrito

Here's a lame little thingy I found. Go diving in the depths of the puddle that is me, and I'll return the favor :)

LAYER ONE:
— Name: Jessica (der)
— Birth date: Sept. 8
— Birthplace: Dallas, TX
— Current Location: Seattle
— Eye Color: Blue
— Hair Color: Black, brown and “eggplant”
— Height: 5'3″
— Righty or Lefty: Righty
— Zodiac Sign: Virgo

LAYER TWO:
— Your heritage: Irish and Italian mostly. Whitey McWhitegirl.
— The shoes you wore today: My MaryJanes from Payless.
— Your weakness: Countless and too painful to list.
— Your fears: Elevators. Death. People hating me. Exposing myself for the paranoid motherfucker that I am, apparently.
— Your perfect pizza: Pineapple, mushrooms and jalapenos. Yes, all on the same pizza.
—Goal you’d like to achieve: Make a living making movies. When I type that out it looks rather rediculously impossible.

LAYER THREE:

— Your most overused phrase on AIM: Well, I don't really use it anymore since it's not allowed at work. So I don't know. BFF?
— Your first waking thoughts: I hate this.
— Your best physical feature: My eyes, I think. When my tits are sagging and I'm covered in stretch marks and spider veins, my eyes will still look the same.
— Your most missed memory: Believing in democracy.

LAYER FOUR:
— Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
— McDonald’s or Burger King: Taco Bell!
— Single or group dates: Well, I like hanging out in groups, but that's not really a date. It's not a date unless the possibility of getting laid is there.
— Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Hot Red Rose.
— Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
— Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee

LAYER FIVE:
— Smoke: The ganga occasionally.
— Cuss: Like a fishwife.
— Sing: Much to the dismay of everyone else.
— Take a shower everyday: God yes.
— Do you think you’ve been in love: A few times, yes.
— Want to go to college: Twice is probably enough. Though I really miss the student lifestyle.
— Liked high school: Not one bit.
— Want to get married: Naw.
— Believe in yourself: I am Jack's self-awareness.
— Get motion sickness: Occasionally.
— Think you’re attractive: Occasionally.
— Think you’re a health freak: I like being healthy but I don't like what I have to do to get there. Though I am riddled with guilt every day that I don't get to do my exercises. Today is one of those days.
— Get along with your parent(s): My dad, yes. I TRY to get along with my mom, but not having ANYTHING in common makes it rather difficult.
— Like thunderstorms: YES!
— Play an instrument: I have tried to play many things, but it seems the only one I can handle is the CD player.

LAYER SIX:
In the past six months…
— Drank alcohol: And how.
— Smoked: No.
— Done a drug: Yes.
— Made Out: [Butthead laugh here]
— Gone on a date: One time Dom and I pushed the twin beds together. Does that count?
— Gone to the mall?: Does it count if I went to Pacific Place to watch a movie?
— Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Ew.
— Eaten sushi: Yes.
— Been on stage: Does karaoke count?
— Been dumped: Not yet.
— Gone skating: Nooooooo.
— Made homemade cookies: Does ice cream cake count?
— Dyed your hair: Yes. And I'm quite due for a root job.

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever…
— Played a game that required removal of clothing: The game of love?
— If so, was it mixed company: Not that I'm aware of.
— Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: See question about drinking.
— Been caught “doing something”: Are they talking about flogging the dude in the boat? I'm pretty good about being discrete about that.
— Been called a tease: If by tease you mean dork, then yes.
— Gotten beaten up: No.
— Shoplifted: In high school my best friend was a Klepto so she stole stuff for me.
— Changed who you were to fit in: No. It just sort of started to happen once I got away from the Southeastern United States. Strange how that works out.

LAYER EIGHT:
— Age you hope to be married: See question about marriage.
— Numbers and Names of Children: 2 hermaphodites named Thing 1 and Thing 2.
— Describe your Dream Wedding: One which I don't have to attend.
— How do you want to die: By becoming a vampire and gaining immortality.
— Where you want to go to college: Oh. Apparently this is a quiz for the kiddies.
— What do you want to be when you grow up: An astronaut or a ballerina.
— What country would you most like to visit: It was the U.K. and I've already been there but I wouldn't mind going back again and again and again.

LAYER NINE:
— Number of drugs taken illegally: 3?
— Number of people I could trust with my life: It's hard to say really. I have a number of really great friends that I trust a lot. Let's leave it at that.
— Number of CDs that I own: < 800
— Number of piercings: My ears when I was 12. I think they've closed up by now.
— Number of tattoos: 2.
— Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: I have no idea really. Does the NWFilmforum Digest count?
— Number of scars on my body: Loads and loads. Especially 4 lovely monsters on my knees. Soon to be 2 nice ones on my tits as well, when I cut those babies down to size.
— Number of things in my past that I regret: I can't think of anything off hand. I'm sure there's something, but I generally like to think of every mistake as something I can learn from and move on. Even giving certain evil people loads of chances even after they screw me over, just because we were friends at one point. Boy, did THAT come off as bitter. It was supposed to be positive.

So this thing was really dumb, obviously not targeted towards adults, I probably come off sounding like a horribly negative, pescimistic individual. But I'm posting it anyway, so that when my mood sweetens, I can look back on it and realize how silly I was being.

Did you know Abe Lincoln didn't have a dipl0ma?

You know, I'm starting to get a little depressed about my job again. (I was somewhat enjoying it for a while. Or at least dealing with it). But for the last few weeks I have been really dreading coming in and have even called in sick a couple times. This is not the sign of a happy worker. I feel a little bad about it. Especially since a) my boss is nice, b) I realize that not only is my job not too bad, but a lot of other people have much worse jobs. And I'm not even talking about worse office jobs (Faye). I could be working at Dick's or that place I temped a few years ago wherein all I did was (literally) enter social security numbers into a data base for 8 hours a day. So deep down (or not even that deep) I know I shouldn't be complaining. But right now I have a childlike indignence about the fact that I can't “be what I want to be when I grow up”. And that is to DANCE! Just kidding.
Anyway, It doesn't help that one of my co-workers is really kind of a mean, spoiled brat and she is my superior.
Also, I seem to have a pretty bad “case of the Mondays” as it were. Not to sound too much like a Garfield cartoon, but I broke the coffee pot this morning for no discernible reason. I was just washing it and I hit it a little too hard on the door on the way out and it just shattered in my hand and I spend the next 20 minutes cleaning up glass. I feel quite foolish about that. Then, when I sat down to type this, I whacked my elbow in the desk. It's very silly.
But at least I did have an enjoyable weekend whatwith the karaoke and the zombies. I highly recommend renting a karaoke machine from Seattle's Best Karaoke But of course, everyone who is READING this post was AT the party so I'm basically preaching to the choir here.
I shall undoubtedly be back later with a meme or some such nonsense.

Addendum

I've also been told that my interest in straight guys making out is a little freaky too. Though I fail to see how this could be since men are all about straight WOMEN making out. Regardless, I find that scene in Baseketball where Trey Parker and Matt Stone share a passionate make-up kiss to be hotter than most gay (or straight) porn I have ever seen. And now I have made myself all worked up at work. Perhaps that is what I was subconsiously trying to avoid with my first lame entry.

Apologies and Retractions

Elyse gave me a proper metaphorical ass kicking by pointing out that my previous answer to the “unusual turn-on's thing” was L.A.M.E. So I posted this comment and then decided I should add it to the front too. So that people know how sorry I am for pretending NOT to be the big freak that I am.

-I apparently also love poor guys. The only rich guy I ever dated was a HUGE jerk and he STILL made me pay for everything cos he'd already spent all his allowence on weed. So that's probably why everyone since then has been equally as, if not poorer than myself. I seem to have carried this fetish over into who I select for my friends as well. Damn. No sports cars for MY birthday.
-I love guys who wear old spice deoderant. Yummy.
-I apparently had a proclivity to date men with receding hairlines. Probably 90% of past boyfriends had one, including one guy who was just straight up prematurely BALD.
-Glasses are also very very sexy. I seem to be copying your answers. Sorry! I didn't study for this quiz!
-Men who wear makeup, particularly eyeliner, are VERY VERY sexy. Unfortunately, like most things, there are some people go overboard and make this NOT sexy. Here are some examples.
But every once in a while, there will be a guy who you didn't find cute and then they whip out the eyeliner, and holy miss moley, I'm smitten like a kitten
-A guy in a dress is always great. Particularly if they're skinny and hairy to begin with. This might have something to do with my latent bi-sexuality.
-Which reminds me, hairy is also good. The more spiratic the patches the better. Just as long as it's not on their shoulders. And it has to be good and dark. That might explain my obsession with hobbits.
-I guess these things also explain why I find the above comedians so damn hot. They all fall into one of these categories. Though I have yet to find a guy besides my dad to wear Old Spice. I wonder if I can get Dom to start wearing it so I don't feel so creepy.

Extreme Butthole?

Today's spam title winner was almost “Chat With Vaginas On The Internet!” but then I saw Extreme Butthole? and I knew I had to use it. It's the question mark that is the clincher (pun intended…ew).

I was reading The Black Table and found this article about unusual turn-ons for ladies. A bunch of writers basically wax horny about their favorite unusual turn on from comic book geeks to fundamentalist Christians. Which of course got me thinking…what's my unusual turn on? Well, I think I have my answer and it's going to sound cliche as all get out and not that unusual, but I think it's the length to which this turn-on works that is unusual. So mine is: Funny. If a guy is funny, and I mean REALLY funny, my knees will go weak and I am basically puddy. For examples of the extremity to which this works, here is a short list of comedians who, while certainly not traditionally attractive, melt my proverbial butter something fierce:
David Cross
Zach Galifianakis
Eddie Izzard
Patton Oswalt
Jack Black

Of course there are traditionally hot comedians that are also pretty awesome. But if they weren't funny, I wouldn't think twice about them.

By the way, if you don't go to The Black Table every day, you should. It's one of the best “time waster” sites on the net. And they always have links to those fun little fucked up sites that you never would have come across otherwise.

A man with no legs sitting on the sidewalk with a cup full of change wished me a “Happy Friday” today. Is is wrong of me to think that's a little funny?