Give Me Down to There Hair

Why is it so hard to get a decent haircut in this town. Seriously. Is it me? Is it something I do? Because I’m really getting tired of this. There are irritating innate aspects of a haircut which I am happy to put up with like the small talk and having to pick tiny hairs off your neck and face for the rest of the day. But I am only happy to put up with these things if the end result is satisfactory.

I used to see a girl at Vain who I LOOOVED. When I first started going to her, her cuts cost $30. Over time, they increased in $5 increments until they were $50. This was too rich for my blood. But she couldn’t be the only decent girl at Vain, could she? So I made an appointment with someone else. They sucked. They missed large chunks of my bangs and my layers were weird.

So I tried a place close to my house. The haircut was OK. The bangs were even good. But the girl wouldn’t stop complaining about her life. It was kind of stressful. And when I got home, I noticed a big chunk of bang which she’d missed.

A while later, I got another recommendation for a girl at Vain who was in the $35 range. So I went to her and was pretty pleased. We still had the bangs issue, but she got everything else right and she was affordable. She also minimized the small talk. She was my new girl. She even did my hair for my wedding.

And then suddenly and without warning, she moved out of state. Crap!

So I picked another girl in the $35 range. She was kind of OK but still messed up my bangs. Plus, she had a sign posted which read that her haircuts were going up to $45. She was not worth $45 so I decided that after my free touch-up trim, I would go back to my old girl. $50 was apparently the going rate for someone who knows how to cut my hair. Even though my hair is perfectly straight and very fine, it seems to pose a problem for people. Even cutting my bangs in a straight line seems to be problematic. Didn’t we learn to cut in a straight line in kindergarten? And the missed bang chunks thing is especially baffling to me because my bangs have long been a different color than the rest of my hair.

But guess what. My original girl at Vain is gone too. She moved to the Ballard location. That might have been fine. A bit of a pain but I have a car. Only now her haircuts are $60! This is a LOT of money for me right now. And short hair must be cut every 2-3 months.

Which brings us to today. Whilst walking on the ave recently, I noticed a new salon had opened up which boasted “all haircuts $20”. Better yet, they had online appointment scheduling. Any time I don’t have to talk to an actual person, I am a happy camper. So I made an appointment and…

Sucksville.

I told her I wanted chunky layers and straight bangs. Surely, she could tell what I’d had previously based on how it’s grown out, right? I mean, isn’t she TRAINED in this business? But the layers are WAAAY too chunky. Furthermore, there are two weird side-burn like chunks in the front now. I’m really not sure what she was going for there. I suspect something like this. But at least the bangs seemed OK. I was happy she at least got one thing right. When she was done, she said “We don’t blow dry. That’s extra. If you want a blow dry next time, you have to schedule more time”. So not only do they charge you to blow dry, but you have to pre-schedule the 5 minutes it would take to do it. I put my hat on my sopping wet head and walked home in the cold.

Upon blow drying my own damn hair at home, I noticed that she’d missed a chunk of bangs.

$60 and a drive for a haircut is starting to sound pretty reasonable.

Portends Re: Rock of Love Bus

You may wonder why there were so many commercials for Herpecin during Rock of Love Bus. It is because you can contract herpes by simply WATCHING Rock of Love Bus. If you watched an episode in its entirety, chances are you now have eye herpes.

That completely insane extra draggy version of Daisy who had to be escorted off the set at the end of the pilot, now lives behind the studio dumpster and haunts the dreams of aspiring actresses who just moved to Hollywood from Deep River, Ontario.

When the final episode of Rock of Love Bus airs, it will open a portal to hell. Only Dean and Sam Winchester can stop this from happening.