Buddy – you are the hypochondriac

STOMACH-GATE ’05 UPDATE

Once again, my insides baffled the doctors. They took a whole bunch of unpleasant tests and left me with only theories as to what the problem could be. I am supposed to hear the results of the tests today. Her theories included appendicitis, ectopic pregnancy, some dealy where your ovaries get caught on a ligament and then twist and twist back, causing a bruise, and a complication with IBS. With the snagged ovaries, she said she has no way of knowing if this happened once the ovaries twist back, but if that’s what happened, the only thing I can do is wait and heal. She did say that she didn’t think it was anything immediately life-threatening, because, if it were, I would probably have a fever and be throwing up.

The doc put me on a liquid and soft food diet for the next 24-48 hours (depending on how I’m feeling). This is a bummer because you can’t put a birthday candle in a bowl of broth. At least the real party isn’t until Saturday. However, on account of my health) or lack-there-of, perhaps I will do a bit less of the tying on than in past years.

Later today, I will hear the results of the tests. Her leading theory is that it’s something related to my IBS. Ah, lovely. My attractiveness points are skyrocketing. Come and get ‘em, boys.

Today, I definitely feel better but my guts just feel sore. Which is a weird feeling. At least my appetite is pretty low. Otherwise I doubt I would be OK with just feeding myself hearty cups of tea and snack packs.

TOMORROW: OASIS with the illustrious Ryan!

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