Klostermeme XIII: 2 Degrees of Klostermeme


My friend was in a wedding this past weekend and guess who was her groomsman. I’ll give you a hint. I don’t call these posts LoggiaMemes! She left me a voicemail asking me if there was anything I wanted to ask him. Of course, at the time I was rocking too hard at the Baxttle of the Bands (more on that later) to hear my phone and for some reason said phone neglected to alert me of a new message so I didn’t hear it until today when it preceded another message. Anywhosel, I may not have gotten to crack the Kase of the Klosterman Theory by having her annoyingly ask him his real answers to all 23 of his questions he asks people to find out if he can really love them, but I can carry on with the Klostermemes and theories in this blog. And so I shall!

Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series features these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments!

alfred packerYou are in a plane crash in the Andes Mountains, not unlike those people from the movie Alive. As such, you will be forced to consume the human flesh of the people who died on impact; this will be a terrible experience, but it is the only way for you to survive. Fortunately, you did not know any of the victims personally.

Would you rather eat a dead baby, or would you rather eat a dead elderly person? Would gender play a role in the selection process? And how much would it bother you if this meat turned out to be delicious?

My answer: I may be a vegetarian, but I am fully prepared to eat meat in the event that I must do so in order to stay alive. Since I already have qualms about meat-eating, I reckon people eating wouldn’t be much more difficult for my conscience. Especially if I don’t know any of the victims and they are already dead. It doesn’t matter if it turns out to be delicious. Meat is delicious but I am bothered by it enough to refrain from eating it. So in essence, being a vegetarian for moral reasons has already mentally prepared me for this sort of situation. Hooray!

As for which meat I would prefer, I’d probably want to eat a young person or a baby. Their meat would be the healthiest and therefore tastiest (and best for you), right? Gender wouldn’t play a role but I would rather eat a nice, plump person than an anorexic.

Klosterman Theory: He would agree with me on the meat selection but he would probably have a harder time dealing if he ended up liking it, since he’s a staunch meat-eater currently.

Comment me with your answers! More information on this (non) story as it (doesn’t) develop(s)!



  1. The wedding was actually sunday night…were you too hung over to hear your phone? I can’t wait to tell you all of the dumb things that I said to him. “You wrote a book? Cool! What’s it called?”

  2. Oh my yes. Quite hung over. And also, my phone definitely didn’t deliver the message until today. It’s actually dated for today. Totally weird cell phone fluke.

    And I cannot wait to hear stories either. I need details, sister! Is he really tall? Was it one of those hilarious wedding height discrepancies walking down the aisle?!

  3. I can’t wait until I have pictures to show you. He was probably twice my height.

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