First Impressions of 90210 TNG

More like 9021-Oh my god what did I just watch?

Yes, I watched the original and I know it wasn’t exactly high drama, but damn was it entertaining. The clothes! The hair! David Silver’s white rapping and b-boy dancing! Very special episodes! It earnestly campy and that’s why it worked.

But the two hour pilot of the 2.0 version was kind of a disaster.

I’m embarrassed for all of you.

There is no standout talent. No new Shannen Doherty. (But at least we have the original Brenda.) Just a bunch of pretty (I guess) “kids” who are stiffer than Julia Stiles in a high school production of MacBeth.

The actress with the most potential is AnnaLynne McCord who plays the resident bitch with potential to have more than one dimension. Unfortunately for AnnaLynne, her physical resemblance to Elizabeth Berkley is so overpowering, that even when she’s doing a perfectly acceptable job reading her lines, I still expect her to slam her french fry basket down on the table and scream “Different places!!” at any given moment. Her character’s name is even Naomi.

They made a huge mistake rushing into the back story on the first two episodes. The dialog was painfully expository. The first 20 minutes all the characters explained their relationships to each other.

Annie (the new Brenda): “Well, you’re my adopted brother and that’s why I love you. And I’m glad we moved here from Kansas City so that our dad can be the new principal of West Beverly High.”

Mom (the new mom): “And there are still weddings in California, right? So I can photograph them. Because that’s what I do for a living!”

Dixon (the new Brandon): “And look, there’s Ethan, the guy you met 2 summers ago and kissed!”

And I know these are high school kids whose emotions are generally all over the map but how can Annie disapprove of Ethan’s skanky ways one minute and then forgive him immediately and usher in the sexual tension? You don’t have to wrap everything up in the pilot. It’s supposed to be a SERIES. Frankly, I expected more from Rob Thomas. But it seems Veronica Mars was more an exception than the rule.

And what’s with the look of this show? Is it always going to be so over color-corrected? It’s so dark and orange at times that it feels like it was shot on VHS.

Of course, I’m still gonna watch. At least as long as Brenda is in the cast. (I don’t give a rat dog’s golden poo about Kelly Taylor. She’s as boring as ever.) There were one or two moments that didn’t make me cringe and/or wretch so maybe it will get better now that we know absolutely everything about all the characters.

On a related note, have you seen Jason Priestly lately? I guess he and Zach Galifianakis totally bonded on the set of Tru Calling because Brandon is looking quite fetching these days in his big grizzly beard. I didn’t know he had it in him.

bearded brandon