Forgetting Jason Segel’s Penis

I finally saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Despite being in a rather fowl mood at the time, I thought it was cute. That’s really saying something about a film’s cuteness.

Pros: Jason Segel is an empathetic romantic comedy male lead. He’s very good at making pathetic seem cute which shows diversity since, in Freaks and Geeks, he made cute seem pathetic. (e.g. when he serenaded Lindsay with Styx’s “Lady”). I liked the humanity that Kristin Bell brought to what could have been an otherwise one-dimensional harpy character. I also, for the first time in my life, found Mila Kunis to be adorable.

Cons: The British pop star character was kind of over-the-top for a while. His music video early on was way too silly for a story that was otherwise set in (a Hollywood sort of) reality. Eventually, he branched out but I was already a bit sick of him by then. Also, Jonah Hill needs to pull it back just a little. I’m sorry to keep hating on Jonah Hill. He has potential. But right now he’s just…too much. Superbad would have suffered greatly if he had been “acting” alongside someone other than the subtle genius, Michael Cera.

jasonsegelRe: The Nudity: There was a LOT of hype about Jason Segel’s penis. It was the first and last thing anyone said about the movie. The way it was described, I expected a close up on the penis for much of the film’s opening. I expected the penis to have a monologue. It didn’t. Yes, he was naked, but I’m pretty sure the total screen time for Segel Jr. was under 30 seconds. What’s wrong with America? We see boobs in movies ALL THE TIME. What’s more, it takes a big man to allow his penis to become the butt of a joke. But it was a short joke and in no way the focus of the film. Please, let’s not make such a big deal out of it, lest we discourage other men from exposing themselves on film. I hope Mr. Segel has started a trend (perhaps trailblazed by Will Ferrell’s ass). That’s the world I someday want to live in.

Capitalizing on Our Childhoods: Part 48(!)

…And now they’re making a 21 Jump Street movie.

OMG stop it! Just stop it!

21 Jump Street was one of my favorite TV shows as a child. For a while, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would respond that I wanted to work for Jump Street. That’s right. Lil Baxter wanted to be a professional narc. Blame it on Johnny Depp’s sexy double denim look.

johnnydeppThis is one of those shows that does not stand the test of time at all. It is incredibly cheesy and heavily influenced by the Nancy Reagan era. Come to think of it, it’s a lot like Walker: Texas Ranger in its profound use of hyperbole. But with hotter, younger folk.

Since Jonah Hill is producing, I’m sure he will cast himself in the Peter DeLuise role. Maybe it’s because he stole my more talented friend’s career, but Jonah Hill kind of bugs me. Not unlike the way in which I am bugged by a movie version of 21 Jump Street!

Capitalizing on Our Childhoods: Part 47

Variety has reported that the guy who made that animated movie about Little Red Riding Hood will be taking the reins on a live action version of Fraggle Rock.
What do you want to bet that Jack Black will be somehow involved? Perhaps as Junior, the Gorg Prince? Actually, when I think about potential casting for this film, all I can think of are Apatow alums.

Ooh! I smell a geeky hypothetical casting session coming on!! Continue reading

NFT Radar: Pop Tots

Everybody knows that kids can be cruel to one another, particularly when it comes to dress. A wise Prince once sung about the dangers of letting your parents choose your clothes, risking ridicule by your peers. If you don’t want to be counted among the parents who “just don’t understand,” make sure your offspring is fashionable from day one. Your youngster can be the hippest baby around, sporting a Johnny Cash or Radiohead onesie. Dress your little girl in a leopard print coat over a rockabilly style dress. Don your little boy in a racing stripe jacket and Beastie Boys T. And don’t even get me started on shoes. How I wish I could have pink kitty heads on MY Mary Janes. Sizes run up to six so your little juniors will get a great head start in the cool department. After that, they’re on their own.

poptots
6405 Roosevelt Way NE 98115
206-522-4322
www.poptots.net

X-Posted from Not For Tourists.

Mamet vs. Mamet: A Revelation

I’d always had mixed feelings about David Mamet’s work. Some of his films are far too preachy and all the characters’ voices blend together into one long expletive. Others are quiet meditations on a subject with underpinnings of truth about life in general. It wasn’t until I read his book, “Bambi vs. Godzilla”, that I really understood what was going on in Mametville.

The book is basically an existential rumination on filmmaking. I can easily picture it as the cornerstone of a film school theory class. It’s funny, thoughtful, clever and honest. Just like the best of Mamet. But what really struck me was the voice of the writing. I’d heard it somewhere before…And then it hit me.

My favorite Mamet film, and one of the best films about filmmaking period is State and Main. It’s considered the least “Mamety” of his films. It feels toned down. I think it’s due in large part to having found a cast that perfectly grasps the tone of his dialog. In particular, he found the great Philip Seymour Hoffman. Hoffman is downright adorable in the role Joseph Turner White; an earnest playwright turned screenwriter who is frustrated by having to rework his script. The film is called “The Old Mill” but the crew, having been run out of the previous location thanks to the errant actions of their leading man (Alec Baldwin basically playing himself) now must complete production in a town which does not have an old mill. This is the film industry exposed, forsaking story for drama and dollar signs. White doesn’t want to lose the heart of the story. The director doesn’t care what happens so long as the producer is happy. In short, White is Mamet is why Mamet prefers to direct his own films.

stateandmainTurner White is also a gentle, soft spoke, thoughtful man. He is charming and morally upright. He falls for a like-minded local girl (the quintessential Mamet actress Rebecca Pidgeon who, by happy coincidence, is married to Mamet). She is a fan of his plays and attempts to help him find his new story without selling out. They both have an old-timey manner of speaking which shows that they are cut from the same cloth. There is not an expletive uttered between them. They are clearly meant for each other.

State and Main could have just as easily been called Mamet in Love. And when one reads “Bambi vs. Godzilla”, one hears Joseph Turner White.

But the true revelation occurred when I watched Mamet’s new film Redbelt, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor. Ejiofor is another incredibly gifted actor. Like Hoffman, he can convey a rainbow of emotions with a simple look. His deep, dark eyes are pools of insight. In Redbelt he plays Mike Terry, a teacher of Brazilian Jui Jitsu who lives by a very strict moral code. But he sees only truth and justice which allows him to be taken by evil men. Like Joseph Turner White, he speaks softly, earnestly and without profanity. The profanity is reserved for the bad people. People like Tim Allen’s spoiled aging Hollywood star and Joe Mantegna’s corrupt producer (tell us how you really feel about producers, Dave). They drop the F-Bombs like Nagasaki. And that is your clue to the Mametverse. As a viewer you know they are nefarious the minute they open their mouths. Swearing is the mark of corruption. Mamet has injected a natural spoiler into his scripts. The good people control their speech and their volume. They choose their words carefully. They speak like David Mamet.

For most people, Mamet is a love-him-or-loathe-him kind of guy. I have always been on the fence. I don’t care for Glengarry Glen Ross’. But I adore State and Main and I similarly took to “Bambi vs. Godzilla” and Redbelt. They always say you should write what you know. Now that I’ve cracked the Mamet code, I can safely say that he is at his best when he’s just being himself.

NFT Radar: New China Express

I passed by it a hundred times without a second glance. With a name like New China Express, what could possibly be unusual about it? It sounds like the sort of bland Chinese you would find in the food court at the mall. But one day, when I got a menu in the mail, I added it to my delivery menus pile. And then the day came that I was too hungover to leave the house. I needed food brought to me STAT! Chinese was the way forward. And then my eyes fell upon the all important word combination: “New China Express–Free delivery.” Well, why not? What’s the worst that could happen? I ignored exploring the answers to this question and picked up the phone. 25 minutes later, a modern-day apothecary arrived on my doorstep carrying the Tofu with Soft Egg rice and some golden egg rolls. It smelled amazing and tasted even better. It was a miracle cure in a Styrofoam box. I’ll be honest. I haven’t ordered from New China Express under ordinary circumstances. But I can personally attest to their usefulness after an errant Saturday night.


4232 University Way NE 98105
206-632-5833

X-Posted from

It’s Really REALLY Not Easy…

Best Week Ever Blog has the heads up on Sad Kermit, in which our favorite frog shows us that his emo song-stylings were actually a cry for help.

There is much to marvel at in this video including realistic muppet guitar playing and shaving. But what I really want to know is, how in the hell do you make a muppet smoke? Magical. And, of course, kudos to its Royal Tenenbaums tribute.

Be sure and check out the website which has one more video (For Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” and several MP3s available for download.

NFT Radar: Murphy’s Pub

In terms of being a bar with a moderately European beer selection as well as convenient locale for a drink pre or post movie at the Guild, Murphy’s succeeds. In fact, that’s the only time you’ll really want to go to Murphy’s–when it’s convenient. Otherwise, it’s an unremarkable destination. It’s a cookie cutter Irish-themed bar with large TVs broadcasting “the game” and cozy looking couches in front of a stately fireplace. There are usually plenty of quaint “pub-like” seats available for spur-of-the-moment visits. They serve their beers in a “proper pint glass” and they have prerequisite signs for Guinness and Jameson. But there is nothing REALLY Irish about Murphy’s at all and it makes the place feel dead inside. On top of that the service is PAINFULLY slow. You would do well to order two drinks at a time, especially if you have somewhere to be. This is not an exaggeration and is universally agreed upon by every Murphy’s patron I have ever met. Also, don’t be fooled by their full menu of allegedly spot-hitting food like grilled cheese and burgers. You’d think it would be impossible to screw up melting cheese onto toasted bread. You’d be wrong.

murphyspub
1928 N 45th St 98103
206-634-2110
www.murphyseattle.com

X-Posted from Not For Tourists.

NFT Radar: The Seattle Streetcar

In December, 2007 another system joined the ranks of Seattle novelty transportation (already populated by the monorail and the waterfront trolley). It was originally called the South Lake Union Trolley, bringing opponents of the $10.5 million joke more fodder for the clever t-shirt cannon. “Ride the S.L.U.T.” t-shirts sold out in record time. Sadly, those behind the S.L.U.T. caught on to the unfortunate acronym and changed the name to the Seattle Streetcar. However, they still wouldn’t admit to it being a colossal waste of time and money. Construction seriously gacked up the already congested downtown traffic for a year and a half to build the 2.5 mile line that crawls from Fred Hutch to Westlake Center. People have reported being able to watch that stretch faster.

s.l.u.t.I curse that little S.L.U.T. on a daily basis as it runs through my walk signal, preventing me from getting to the only real public transportation this city has: the Metro bus. How many times did we vote for and were ultimately denied an expansive monorail system again? I guess they learned their lesson. Don’t ask the people what they want. Tell them.

www.seattlestreetcar.org

X-Posted from Not For Tourists.

Dancing with the Stars Proves America is a Jerk

I never got into viewer-decided competition programming. I have still never seen an episode of American Idol though I’m still well averse in the vocabulary. I know all about Simon, Paula, Ryan Seacrest, William Hung, etc. I couldn’t ignore it if I tried. And believe me, I have tried.

Consequently, I was never interested in Dancing with the Stars. Who cares if fading celebrities can ballroom dance? I didn’t care if they could do circus tricks either. There was nothing they could do to get me to tune in. Until they brought in the Guttes…

steveguttenbergI love Steve Guttenberg. LOVE him. His movie persona was ingrained in me as a child and I never stopped appreciating him. He of the curly locks, inappropriately tight pants, dorky grin and patch of chest hair. He’s the most wholesome guy to ever play smarmy and the smarmiest guy to ever play wholesome. And then he reinvented himself as a bad guy on one of the greatest TV shows of the last 10 years, Veronica Mars. The guy is practically a genius.

But whoo boy, he cannot dance. Not a bit. I checked out DWTS for him and him only and expected to watch only until he got kicked off. It was pretty clear from the get-go that he didn’t have long. But then something unexpected happened. I developed a girl crush on Shannon Elizabeth. Continue reading