A Man of Lynchian Proportions

Preston R. Koeger is 97 years old. Eddie Izzard was right. When you are young, you want to tell everyone how old you are and round up to the nearest fraction so that they think you are an adult. When you are an adult, you don't want anyone to know how old you are because you want them to think you are younger. When you are 97, you tell EVERYONE. And you should. Because it's damned impressive.

You also want to impart your wisdom on everyone you meet. You may ask them questions, but you don't care about the answers. It's merely a means to segue into your next rant.

We met Preston R. Koeger at the new Earl's on the Ave. He doesn't mind telling you he's 97 years old. He wears a carefully pressed beige trench coat and a fedora with a feather in it. His silk tie is tied “the French way” so that they will last longer. He doesn't mind telling you he owns ties that are 100 years old because of his way of tying them. He walks with a cane. Every tooth in his mouth is chipped. He does not drink scotch. You may as well pour gasoline in a glass, says he of Scotch. He is a bourbon man.

Preston R. Koeger asks if you are a student. But he only asks so that he may tell you that HE is a student. Of law. At the University of Washington. He's 97 years old. Why NOT study law?

Preston R. Koeger is a strong proponent for the 2nd amendment. Do you know what the second amendment is? It's the Right to Bear Arms, isn't it? You're goddamned right it is. Would you like to see his NRA membership card?

Preston R. Koeger doesn't believe in marriage. Why marry one woman when you can make ALL the women happy. He doesn't mind making the ladies happy. He also isn't afraid to take each and every one of the women in this bar over his knee.

Preston R. Koeger uses a cane because he has metal in his knee. He will show you his scar even though he is a little shy about exposing his legs. Not like women today. He was in the army for 31 years.

According to Preston R. Koeger, Sinatra was a brat. Carey Grant, now that's a real man.

There hasn't been a good movie made in Hollywood in 20 years, says Preston R. Koeger. What's the last film that Preston R. Koeger liked? He can't remember the name of it but it was about a pretty blonde who goes to law school. In the end, she solves the murder case in the courtroom. The questions she asks! No one in the court has ever heard anything like these questions! Preston R. Koeger is also going to law school. Would you like to see his student ID?

Preston R. Koeger must be going because it is time for him to visit the Triple Door. He used to sing opera at the Triple Door back when it was just a garage. Because of that, he has a lifetime membership there. He can have all the free food and drink he wants. He will shake your hand goodbye and it will be a strong handshake. Not like the limp pansy handshakes that some people give.

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1 Comment

  1. I first met Preston in 64 on Queen Anne Hill where is was living in a squalid little batchelors apartment next to Coe school. He is the equilavent of the charachter “Hap Shaunessey” on the Red Green show. Never has there been anything that he hasn’t done, just ask him. Look out though,,,, He knows Kartate!!!!!! Wonder how old he really is?????


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