How My Time is Spent

I may have dropped my Whole Foods cookie on the floor, but I ate it anyway because it was $5. I didn't know it was $5 until after it was wrung up. It sure didn't taste like a $5 cookie but at least there were no discernible lint bits seasoning it.

I have been reading books about weddings. I justify it by the fact that every book has a counterculture title implication like “anti” and “alternative”. Unfortunately, most of them are still pretty damned annoying. They offer advice like “Moisturize, get a massage, and drink Cosmos with your girlfriends to relax!”, a packing list for your honeymoon (in case your mom is still packing your suitcase for you” and “Eat a hamburger on the day of your wedding! You'll need the protein to give you energy! (If you're a vegetarian, eat a veggie burger.)” PHEW! I thought that I was going to have to throw away 15 years of vegetarianism in order to make it through my wedding day. Luckily, I found one book that I love. It's written by a Seattleite who is an ex-raver and I must admit that after reading the book and her blog, I'm a little obsessed with her. She's sardonic, hilarious (filthy jokes abound) and my kind of candid (meaning she regularly drops the f-bomb. Furthermore, she actually gives useful advice. Unlike the other books I've read, she writes with the assumption that you actually have SOME idea of what's involved in a wedding and, like, how to take care of yourself. And OMG we have so much in common! She appreciates high camp, her mom is new-agey and she is a former rat owner! I'm quite convinced that we would be BFFs.

The internet makes creepy stalkers of us all.

October 12, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary, The Printernet . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Memeing My Days Away

Do you know anyone in prison?
I don’t. But I DO know that when I was at summer camp one year, my mom mailed all my comic books to a pen pal of hers in prison. Some of them were fairly valuable. He probably traded them for smokes.

Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
No.

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Week or two? I like PBJ.

Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
I have not.

What kind of car do you have?
None at the moment, but I shall be inheriting my mom’s Toyota Corolla in Feb. I will still take public transportation whenever possible though.

Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
I recently learned that my second middle name is actually my first last name. So in that sense, I guess I am named after my mom.

Does your first significant other still live in the same town as you?
Not that I know of.

Do you throw up gang signs?
I throw up primarily vomit.

Have you ever broken a rib?
No.

Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
I don’t know any different.

Who is the most spoiled person you know?
Co-worker.

Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
Love love love.

Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?
Nein.

Do you watch the Grammys?
Nein. I’m too old. I don’t get the music the kids like these days.

Would you ever work for the border patrol?
Never. Unless I could somehow use it for good.

Have you ever had an eating disorder?
Kinda. In high school. 95% of the girls in my class did.

How many proms have you been to in your life?
Zero.

Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
My cousin is in the military. I don’t know where she’s stationed though. I’m not a good relative.

Do you worry about global warming?
OMG yes!

Do you like polar bears?
Yes. They have fur on the bottoms of their feet!

Have you ever been on birth control?
Consistently for the last 11 years of my life. I worry about what it will do to my body if/when I stop.

What slang word(s) do you call marijuana?
Chronic, Grass, Weed, Dope, Doobage, Sticky Icky. The possibilities are endless.

Do you wear your sweetie's clothes?
No. But I tried on his pants once because I was buying him pants.

What's your opinion on gold diggers?
Gold is worthless. Corn futures!

Do you want to hit something?
I would, but I don’t have the energy.

October 11, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

A Man of Lynchian Proportions

Preston R. Koeger is 97 years old. Eddie Izzard was right. When you are young, you want to tell everyone how old you are and round up to the nearest fraction so that they think you are an adult. When you are an adult, you don't want anyone to know how old you are because you want them to think you are younger. When you are 97, you tell EVERYONE. And you should. Because it's damned impressive.

You also want to impart your wisdom on everyone you meet. You may ask them questions, but you don't care about the answers. It's merely a means to segue into your next rant.

We met Preston R. Koeger at the new Earl's on the Ave. He doesn't mind telling you he's 97 years old. He wears a carefully pressed beige trench coat and a fedora with a feather in it. His silk tie is tied “the French way” so that they will last longer. He doesn't mind telling you he owns ties that are 100 years old because of his way of tying them. He walks with a cane. Every tooth in his mouth is chipped. He does not drink scotch. You may as well pour gasoline in a glass, says he of Scotch. He is a bourbon man.

Preston R. Koeger asks if you are a student. But he only asks so that he may tell you that HE is a student. Of law. At the University of Washington. He's 97 years old. Why NOT study law?

Preston R. Koeger is a strong proponent for the 2nd amendment. Do you know what the second amendment is? It's the Right to Bear Arms, isn't it? You're goddamned right it is. Would you like to see his NRA membership card?

Preston R. Koeger doesn't believe in marriage. Why marry one woman when you can make ALL the women happy. He doesn't mind making the ladies happy. He also isn't afraid to take each and every one of the women in this bar over his knee.

Preston R. Koeger uses a cane because he has metal in his knee. He will show you his scar even though he is a little shy about exposing his legs. Not like women today. He was in the army for 31 years.

According to Preston R. Koeger, Sinatra was a brat. Carey Grant, now that's a real man.

There hasn't been a good movie made in Hollywood in 20 years, says Preston R. Koeger. What's the last film that Preston R. Koeger liked? He can't remember the name of it but it was about a pretty blonde who goes to law school. In the end, she solves the murder case in the courtroom. The questions she asks! No one in the court has ever heard anything like these questions! Preston R. Koeger is also going to law school. Would you like to see his student ID?

Preston R. Koeger must be going because it is time for him to visit the Triple Door. He used to sing opera at the Triple Door back when it was just a garage. Because of that, he has a lifetime membership there. He can have all the free food and drink he wants. He will shake your hand goodbye and it will be a strong handshake. Not like the limp pansy handshakes that some people give.

October 8, 2007
Categories: Seattle . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: 1 Comment

Things That Annoy Me In Media Today

1) Thanks a lot Google News for spoiling the winner of Top Chef for me before I got to watch it. I'll thank you next time to use a safe headline like “New Top Chef Named” instead of “______ Takes Top Chef Title”. Jerks.

2) Brett Ratner named new director for “Escape from New York” Remake. Between ruining the 3rd X-Men movie to casting one of my favorite directors, Roman Polanski, in some wacky villain role in Rush Hour 3, this man has been pissing on things that are dear to me for quite some time now. Leave Snake Pliskin alone!

October 4, 2007
Categories: Filmpinions, Hug Your Television . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

I'm Published!

Gross self-promotion follows:

As you may or may not know, for the past year I have been writing for a company called Not For Tourists. They publish off-beat guidebooks for some of the larger, more indie cities in the country (New York, San Fran, Boston, Atlanta). The first Seattle edition has finally been published. I wrote quite a few sections, including the Seattle Center section (of which I am especially proud). I also served as the Night Life section editor, because I am such a party girl. I know that most of you LIVE in Seattle, so you may think NFT doesn't have much to offer you, but for those of you who like to discover new places or just smugly read about places with which you are already familiar, you should check out Not For Tourists. I also recommend checking out their books for other NFT cities, should you plan to visit them. If you're, like me, you prefer to explore locations which are off the beaten path and these books are perfect for providing that information. They are very entertaining and thorough and fit neatly in your pocket or hip satchel. I haven't yet received my complimentary copies, but you can all purchase a copy here.

FURTHERMORE, I will be a regular contributor to their website. Once the Seattle page launches (they are saying Mid-October), you will be able to read my brand new restaurant/bar and entertainment reviews FREE!

Please enjoy.

October 3, 2007
Categories: NotForTourists . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Meme for a Lazy Friday

Have you ever thought about getting your nipples pierced?
Thought about NOT.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Once. I was suffering from an allergic reaction to general anesthesia.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before. Why would I want to get scalded/frozen?

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Inasmuch as I like multitasking, I have not.

Have you had more than 20 boyfriends/girlfriends?
No.

Where do you put your towel after taking a shower?
On the towel rack.

What color is your shower curtain?
Fire.

Have you ever had stitches?
Yes. Surgical ones.

How long ago did you hug someone?
4 hours.

Did you believe that girls/boys had cooties?
No. I was a practical child. But I did love those little plastic toys!

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Yes. But I have a bitch of a time with rice.

Can you finish the phrase, “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”
Sadly, yes.

Do you sometimes believe that guys have PMS?
Impossible.

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
Yes. But not as much as I probably should. I'm such hardened city folk.

Have you ever run over an animal?
Once. A turtle who I thought was a piece of garbage until it crunched. It was dark. I cried.

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Whatevser.

Where’s your favorite place to be in your house?
Couch.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
They each serve a purpose.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No. Isn't that for dead people or something?

Do you talk in your sleep?
Maybe once or twice.

Do you snore?
Never. I would probably wake myself up.

Have you ever thought about being a model?
I've thought about it, trying to figure out why people would want to do it. Besides, I may be too fat to be a plus-sized model since all the “plus sized” girl on ANTM are thinner than me.

Are you a redneck?
No. And proud of it.

Do you dye your eyebrows?
It says very clearly on the box not to.

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Neck.

When your radio doesn’t work, do you hit it?
Radio? What is this, 1890?

What kind of phone do you have?
Samsung piece of crap.

Do you have a chair in your room?
No. It's only for sleeping, dressing and…you know.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Ugh. Attending the mandatory shareholder's meeting for my company. Suckage.

Do you get along with your parents?
One of them.

How many credit cards do you have?
A few. 1 normal and several store specific.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
No. Kids are jerks.

What does your mom call you?
All 4 of my goddamned names. She gets really uppity about it too.

What does your hair look like right now?
Same as it has for the last 2 years.

What have you eaten today?
Egg sandwich.

What are you looking forward to?
Poker tonight. Getting my ring soon (I know, I'm such a goddamned girl). Disneyland. Much, much more.

September 28, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

A Meme for Hump Day

1. Do you like cheese?
Love.

2. Have you ever done heroin?
Nope. Nor shall I. I've never really heard good things…

3. Do you own a bike?
Yes! I wish I got off my ass and rode it more.

4. What are you doing tonight?
Going to see They Might Be Giants at the Moore.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No. Just annoyed because I know it will be a pain in the ass.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I heart veggie dogs. I don't eat the other kind.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
HATE HATE HATE Christmas music.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tea with milk.

9. Can you do push ups?
Cock push ups?

10. Is your bathroom clean?
Amazingly, yes.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My engagement ring! It's not done yet, but when it is, it will be beautiful. Brugos designed it himself, you know.

12. Do you have friends?
I believe so.

13. Do you miss someone?
Sure.

14. Middle name?
Kealoha.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
-I need to get the hotel situation in L.A. sorted.
-The Rad Dyke Plumber is REAAAALLY unorganized. (I called her last weekend about a drain issue, left her a voicemail, and she called back without listening to the voicemail. She said she didn't do drains and I left it at that. This morning, she called me and said she was just going through her voicemail and was returning my call. I told her who I was and why I didn't need her anymore and we hung up. Since then, she has called back EIGHT MORE TIMES and I've rejected the call. When I listened to the voicemail, it was just her talking. I think she's sitting on her phone.)
-Halloween.

16. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
3 CDs for my mom for her birthday.

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Tea, water, wine.

18. Current worry?
My job situation.

19. Current hate?
Family drama.

20. Favorite place to be?
Bettie Page house.

21. How did you bring in the New Year?
On the Booberg's roof.

22. Where would you like to go?
Away from here.

23. Are you hungry?
Just ate lunch.

24. What made you laugh last?
Brugos.

25. Do you own slippers?
2 pairs. Pink mice and black fuzzy.

26. What shirt are you wearing?
Black cami.

27. Do you burn or tan?
A lot of the former, a little of the latter.

28. Favorite color?
Red.

29. Would you be a pirate?
Only in theory. In actuality, I would be a lot of hard work.

30. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever's in my head.

31. What did you have for lunch?
Leftover Thai.

32. Name someone who has changed your life?
Brugos.

33. What's in your pocket right now?
Nothing.

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
I was jealous of my brother's Star Wars sheets. Mine had Strawberry Shortcake on them.

35. Worst injury you've ever had?
It's not an injury, but my gimpy knees sure have put a damper on certain things.

36. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2.

37. Who is your loudest friend?
OOOh. That's a tough one. Too many choices.

38. Who is your most silent friend?
Ann.

39. Do you wish on shooting stars?
No.

40. What is your favorite movie?
BTTF.

41. What is your favorite candy?
I was recently reunited with Hot Tamales.

42. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Songs we sing ourselves.

43. What song do/did you want played at your funeral?
Songs that remind people of me.

44. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Falling asleep.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Fuck. It's cold.

September 26, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Life Update w/ Pictures

I've had quite the busy summer. In addition to lots of camping, Brugos and I went to Maui, with the Brugos clan. Also, last weekend, I went to Vegas with a big group of people.

Maui
Maui was amazing. I liked it much better than Oahu. Less commercial touristy stuff and more outdoorsy touristy stuff. We went snorkeling with Sea Turtles and parasailing. We spent lots of time in the water. We went to the jungle and wandered around. It was so beautiful. I also got to meet a very large chunk of Brugos' family including his awesome 90-year-old grandfather. Parasailing is much different than I expected it to be. It feels very safe and secure. We went tandem and it was nice to be up there with Brugos so we could identify the BIGGEST FREAKING MANTA RAY WE'VE EVER SEEN! This thing was at least 10 feet by 14 feet, easily over half the size of our boat, and it was just swimming along on the surface of the clear blue water, scaring the poop out of us with its giant teeth.

Sea Turtles are really mellow and friendly, but it's like a strip club in there. Don't touch them or it's a $60,000 fine, as our guide told us at least six times.

Check out some pictures from Maui here. I tried to only put in one or two cliche Hawaii sunset pictures.

Vegas
Vegas was as nuts as people say it is. It's non-stop action in a booze-filled 24-hour theme park for adults. And it's a blast. We stayed at the Flamingo hotel with had a very 60's Vegas vibe. I loved it there. We spent a lot of time at the topless pool (where most people remained topped, but it was much less crowded than the rest of the hotel).

On Friday night, Brugos and I saw the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur hotel. It was jousting with a little bit of fabricated evil thrown into the plot. After a brief nap, we met up with the rest of the gang and wandered around the strip till 4 in the morning. It's really easy to stay awake in Vegas because of the oxygen they pump into the casinos. Lesson #1: Bring your own booze. Unless your at a gambling table, it's fucking impossible to get served. The good news is, it's totally OK to bring your own booze. Everywhere.

Saturday, we used our coupons to enjoy a Champagne Brunch at one of the hotels. Champagne and an all-you-can-eat, genre free buffet for $15! Why not?!

After brunch, we spend time at the pool and also utilized the WATER SLIDE. Later, we got cleaned up and Brugos and I left for our romantic dinner for two at Il Mulino in Caesar's Palace. This is an Italian place Brugos had been to with vendors and said it was the most amazing Italian he'd ever had. And lo, it WAS amazing, if a little overkill on the presentation. This place was CLASS. We got no appetizer (because they bring you 3 different kinds of complimentary bread, salami, cheese and grilled zucchini before you even order your drinks) and shared 2 pasta dishes. We saved a little room for the tiramisu and coffees.

We took our leftover pasta back to the hotel and met everyone (who had gone to a Spaghetti Factory knock off for dinner) to get cabs to the Luxor for Fantasy!, a topless revue. Of course, we were all hoping it would be just like the show in Showgirls. It wasn't, exactly, but it was perhaps the most surreal show-going experience I have ever had. I bought our tickets months ago and apparently that put us right in the front row. Thinking the worst that could happen with these seats was in-your-face-boobies, I wasn't sweating it. But the guy at the box office seemed to be excited about something. Turns out, when you're in the front row, the star of the show chooses a guy to fixate on for the remainder of the show. That guy was none other than my baby. It was fine and all in good fun, but after about the 20th time Stephanie said something to “Chris” in the middle of her act, Brugos actually started to blush a little. In the final number, she even wrote “I heart Chris” on her stomach on magic marker. No shit. It was a very special show for all of us.

And then there was the comedian. He was either the wost comedian ever to take the stage or the most high-concept genius. He was pure text book. He may as well have been wearing a crazy tie and standing in front of a brick wall. His jokes included “Men and women are different.”, “Smokers in airports are funny”, and even, I shit you not, A LORENA BOBBIT JOKE. That lasted 5 minutes. Seriously. Lorena fucking Bobbit. From FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. It was made even more uncomfortable by the fact that he didn't get any laughs. At all. And the sound and light guys actually turned off his mic and spot light at one point. That was the funniest part because it made Shecky mad. And that was what made me think PERHAPS MAYBE he was in on the joke. But probably not.

Anywho, after the show, we had some drinks at Red Square, a communist themed vodka bar. It was here that Brugos and I really started to feel bad. Brugos had been a little sick to his stomach all day, but now we were both kind of ready to be back at the hotel.

As we stared forlornly at the cab line, a limo driver came out of nowhere and offered us a ride for $40. Total. For 8 people. Um…yes!

Brugos and I retired to our room and it was there that he proposed to me. Apparently, he'd been planning it all day and (thankfully) didn't want to do it in public. So there we were in our room, my guy asking me to marry him, me accepting and wanting to show him how deliriously happy I was about the prospect. But rumblings were beginning in our bodies and we weren't yet sure why. We went to the Brunswick’s room to announce the engagement and hang out, but it wasn't long before it became apparent that we needed to be in bed. Or rather, near the toilet in our own room. Lesson #2: Never eat at a Vegas buffet. Even if you have a coupon. You'd think it would be impossible for a vegetarian to get food poisoning. You'd be wrong.

After no sleep and puking all night, we had to get up and check out of our hotel room. Brugos was done and feeling better but I still had some stuff to work out with the toilet. I threw everything into my suitcase and spend as much time supine as possible before we had to be out of our rooms. I began to feel better as we walked around in the sun killing time before our plane left, but it was some time before I keep eat anything again.

Despite food poisoning, it was still one of the best vacations I have ever been on. I can't wait to go back.

See some Vegas pics here!

September 20, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary, Picture Pages . Tags: , , . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Turning Frowns Upsidedown

My birthday was awesome. As sad as I was in the days leading up to it about getting older, my friends and loved ones made sure that I couldn't POSSIBLY be sad on the day. B. and I woke up and went to yoga, which we haven't been to in about 4 months. So naturally, it was very difficult for us, but it felt really good too. My back has been bothering me a lot lately (another reason I felt old this birthday), and yoga really did help. My back is sore today but in a good, worked-out-muscles kind of way. Not in a bad, you-sit-on-your-ass-all-day-in-a-cheap-office-chair way.

After we showered, we got dressed up for the evening and went to the Pitch and Putt in Greenlake. We were semi-formal because we had dinner reservations at Canlis. It was pretty fun to be dressed to the nines for nine holes of golf. There was a bit of a backlog on the green so we teamed up with two guys who were behind us, since we were going to keep having to wait with them to play each hole anyway. They were old buddies from Spokane who were playing for a dollar a stroke. They kept apologizing for swearing in front of a “lady”.

Of course, I didn't win the gold, but I did pretty well, averaging 5 strokes per hole. I think it helps to NOT be drunk, if you can believe it. I know -I- didn't believe it. :)

We said goodbye to our golfing buddies and stopped at home quickly before heading to Canlis. We got there a little bit early and waited in the bar, listening to the pianist play frilly piano covers of rock songs.

Once seated, we were handed what we thought was a menu, but was actually a 20-some page wine list. If you like, you can buy a $3500 bottle of something. We didn't like. We knew that even ordering one of their cheapest wines would still be pretty safe. We got a Sicilian red (Planeta) that was, indeed, outstanding. I drank most of it because B. was driving.

Canlis really gives you the star treatment. It made us country folk a little uncomfortable at times. We don't necessarily need you to comb the crumbs off our table during the meal. I wasn't bothered so much by the little wine spill the waiter made that I would have required him to cover it up with a napkin and re-arrange everything on the table. But he did it anyway. For dessert, you get new napkins and when you go to the bathroom, the waiter picks crumbs off your empty chair. On your way to the bathroom ever employee stops and gestures for you to pass in front of them. When you leave, the valet doesn't need to see a ticket. They just see you coming and run to your car, which they already know the make and location of.

Our waiter was a little strange. He was a low-talker. We just nodded and agreed to everything he said, hoping he wasn't saying something like “I put some of my blood in your rissoto. It's necessary to complete the ritual. Enjoy your last meal.” My rissoto WAS amazing though. And so was the creme brulee.

After dinner, we sped over to the Sunset Bowl Lounge and I was overjoyed and overwhelmed to walk into a bar FULL of my smiling friends greeting me with love and hugs and birthday wishes (and presents!). For all my bitching and moaning in the days leading up to it, I've never been so wrong. I love my friends and I am very very lucky to have them.

My loot included:
-A butterfly knife with holster, a middle finger lighter, and some quarters for DDR from Patrick.
-High School Musical Mystery Date, the board game from Meep.
-Skelanimals from Joey and Ellie.
-Pull tabs from Pull Tabs John. (I won $22!)
-A slide whistle from Arsenio and Andy.
-A candle in a Recess Cup from Andy.
-Jimi Hendrix brand vodka from Carly and Scot.
-Lemoncello and an AWESOME black light painting of a Unicorn from the Brunswicks.
-A serenade of Damn Yankees from Elyse.
-A Jesus tote bag from ???? It was left on my chair and didn't have a note. So whoever that was from, thank you. I love it.

Roxy also somehow convinced me to do a Speedy Gonzales with her and B. which involves dropping a shot of Red Bull and something into a pint of beer and then chugging. I can't believe I drank that. Fast. It definitely kept me going for a long time though. B. and I sang Paula Abdul's “Opposites Attract”. B. sang “Patience” for me. I nailed “Stupid Cupid” by Connie Francis. I dueted on “Don't Bring Me Down” by ELO with Meep. Meep sang some Kelly Clarkson (FINALLY). Everyone, it seemed, had a great time.

When the bar closed, we continued the party at the 4A house. Roxy kept my glass of tequila full at all times. Some dancing happened. A lot of syrupy love talk happened, instigated by alcohol but very very genuine. At 4:30, I noticed it was 4:30 and thought perhaps I should go home. I’m sure B., who was sober and my DD, agreed. What an outstanding birthday! Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures. Does anyone else have any?

And the party continues next weekend in Vegas!!!

PS: I have now joined Facebook.

September 10, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Two Memes in One Week!

This is a long one…

Leather face is in the kitchen. Will you fight to victory, or hide from him?
Well, if it's to MY victory, then yes.

Would you chew gum after someone else already has?
With my salary, I can afford new gum. Luxurious!

Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
N/A. I don't really want to work for Jump Street anymore.

Would you do anything for someone?
A couple people. Because I know they love me enough to not ask for anything unreasonable.

Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing now?
Either getting my stomach pumped or letting my esophegus do the pumping.

When did you last have a home cooked meal?
Last night. I made a birthday dinner for my baby. I'm apparently not too shabby at cooking meat even though I don't get to taste-test it.

Do you own a gun?
My wit is like a gun.

Do you have a porn collection?
A small collection of European art porn.

Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Only at parties for two.

Name someone you miss
Meep.

Do you like pedicures?
No. I like having tough feet.

Are you health freak?
I'm not too crazy with it but I try not to eat anything that I know will only do harm to my body.

First vacation?
First one I remember is Cancun when I was 4 or 5.

Athletic or lazy?
Somewhere in between. I like being active but I am by no means athletic.

Intelligence or attraction?
They are not mutually exclusive.

Have you ever run away from home?
That's kind of what I did when I went to college. Never looked back. And from 9-14 I kept a packed backpack in my closet just in case.

Have you ever cried when someone died?
Of course.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
yourself? Mostly.
miracles? Mostly not.
love at first sight? Kiiiiiind of.
sex on the first date? Guilty.
kissing on the first date? No kissing. Just straight to penetration.

Are you old enough to vote?
Many times over.

Have you ever liked someone solely because of their appearance?
Yes. But attraction died if they couldn't back it up with their personality.

When was the last time you cried?
Don't remember exactly. I'm kind of an easy crier so that's a good thing.

What's your favorite curse word?
Cunt.

Still have pictures of your ex?
I don't get rid of pictures. I don't believe in revisionist history.

What is the last thing you said aloud?
“OK. Let's do that.”

What's the last sporting event you watched?
The 5th annual Dodecathelon. I watched it from the field and took 3rd place!

What color is your watch?
Cell phone-colored.

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Marsupials.

What is your favorite number?
11 or 42.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Mary Janes.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
29

How did you get one of your scars?
Trying to plow through a door with my walker when I was 2.

Are you currently drinking?
No.

How many years have you taken a language?
4 years of Spanish. 1 year of Latin. 29 years of English.

Who's on speed dial 2?
My dialing fingers are fast enough.

Do you wish on 11:11?
No. But I love it when I see it. Cos I LOOOOVE the number 11!

Good advice if you ever go camping?
Don't get high before a hike.

Are you a bad influence?
People have free will.

Have you ever been called a bitch?
Yep!

What song is on?
“Humming Computers” by The P.C.s

Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
I have The Ozzman Cometh album.

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
I sing endearingly.

Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one is home?
See above. I prefer an audience though.

Have you ever stripped?
Daily.

Do you like fire?
OMG DO I!!!

Did you draw pictures for your first crush back in elementary?
My art was for me. If anyone else liked it, that was a bonus.

Have you ever written a poem or story about your life?
I wrote a lot of poems. You have to, to get your Goth Card.

When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
I think we all know the answer to that.

Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
I like Dryers. Is that weird?

Fly or road trip?
Whatever it takes to get there. Though I LOVE stopping at roadside diners and driving through podunk downs.

Who can make you blush without even trying?
No one. I am unblushable.

If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?
Bath tub brewery.

Do you believe world peace is possible?
Nope.

I'm a genie. Name your wish.
A functional socialist state.

Name one thing about the opposite/same sex that automatically turns you off?
Fake tan.

Name one thing about the opposite/same sex that automatically turns you on?
Wolfman-like harriness.

Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
Soap. Then shampoo. Then condition while I shave.

Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?
Dorm.

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
Strummer. Elliott Smith.

Who are more complicated – guys or girls?
Girls. Needlessly so.

What's your favorite store?
Amazon.com

What is your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
Happy hour followed by Karaoke!

Do you like mustard?
Beaver brand sweet and spicy mustard is quite possibly the greatest condiment known to man.

What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
That I am still very very fortunate all things considered.

Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Actually, I kind of feel awkward giving them with the acception of a handful of recipients.

What books, if any, have made you cry?
“Life After God”, “Perv: A Love Story”, “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius”.

Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I forgave my father.

Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No. I liked school.

Where are you?
The Bat Cave.

Name your favorite animal?
I couldn't possibly choose a favorite, but among my favorites are cats, rats, pigs, and goats.

Are you too forgiving?
It's good to forgive.

Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes!

Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
No. She had no idea how to guide me.

Who was the last person that made you cry?
My grandma died. SHE didn't MAKE me cry, but her passing did.

What is one thing you've learned about life?
You have to make your own justice.

August 31, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

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