I really hate ALL of the FreeCreditReport.com commercials, but the one that especially bugs me is the “Dream Girl” one in which the guy sings that if only he’d checked his wife’s credit he’d “be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard”.
So…the only reason she was your dream girl was because you thought she could buy you a house? Why don’t you get a real job so that YOU can buy the house instead of sitting around in the basement playing your shitty songs while she does the laundry. Asshole.
Do you like drinking, laughing and partial nudity? Don’t even act like you don’t. I know you people. And Monday, September 15th is your lucky day because the first installment of the new series of the hit variety show, Get Loweded, is coming to the Rebar! It’s hosted by Jackson Lowe, a man who looks suspiciously like Chas Roberts of Tough Guy Mosh fame. And the new series is something really special because it’s regarding something we all need to know about: The Apocalypse!
It’s a glimpse into our inevitable future in which gas is a rare and precious resource, people make dubious fashion choices and history is revisionist and cobbled together from patchy memory by a group of traveling gypsies who will steal your wallet…and your hearts. But they will leave you with entertainment and drink specials.
Featuring music, comedy, disrobing ladies, the Andy Kaufman of the future and TriviaBots.
$8 or a gallon of precious precious petroleum gets you in the door. Here’s a flier:
(Click picture for enlarged version!)
Also featuring yours truly as the Assistant Production Manager and Arsenio as the Robot!
I’m not sure what it is with hipsters and hunting themes but it seems to work. The Redwood nails Log Cabin chic with wood paneling; antler lamps and burlap animal targets abound. But unlike a Linda Dershang bar, this place skews more animal-friendly than carnivorous. Vegetarian meatloaf sandwiches, vegan chili burgers, sweet potato fries and yes, some real dead cow as well. And there’s more. You’ll only pay backwoods prices for your cocktails and they’ll throw in free peanuts to boot (go ahead and toss those shells on the floor). However, while you may feel like you’re drinking in the Appalachians, don’t forget to use your indoor voice, even when you’re outside smoking. The neighbors will call the cops on your city slicker ass. For serious.
514 E Howell St 98122
206-329-1952
www.redwoodseattle.com
X-posted from Not For Tourists.
Sooooo…
My friend was in a wedding this past weekend and guess who was her groomsman. I’ll give you a hint. I don’t call these posts LoggiaMemes! She left me a voicemail asking me if there was anything I wanted to ask him. Of course, at the time I was rocking too hard at the Baxttle of the Bands (more on that later) to hear my phone and for some reason said phone neglected to alert me of a new message so I didn’t hear it until today when it preceded another message. Anywhosel, I may not have gotten to crack the Kase of the Klosterman Theory by having her annoyingly ask him his real answers to all 23 of his questions he asks people to find out if he can really love them, but I can carry on with the Klostermemes and theories in this blog. And so I shall!
Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series features these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments!
You are in a plane crash in the Andes Mountains, not unlike those people from the movie Alive. As such, you will be forced to consume the human flesh of the people who died on impact; this will be a terrible experience, but it is the only way for you to survive. Fortunately, you did not know any of the victims personally.
Would you rather eat a dead baby, or would you rather eat a dead elderly person? Would gender play a role in the selection process? And how much would it bother you if this meat turned out to be delicious?
My answer: I may be a vegetarian, but I am fully prepared to eat meat in the event that I must do so in order to stay alive. Since I already have qualms about meat-eating, I reckon people eating wouldn’t be much more difficult for my conscience. Especially if I don’t know any of the victims and they are already dead. It doesn’t matter if it turns out to be delicious. Meat is delicious but I am bothered by it enough to refrain from eating it. So in essence, being a vegetarian for moral reasons has already mentally prepared me for this sort of situation. Hooray!
As for which meat I would prefer, I’d probably want to eat a young person or a baby. Their meat would be the healthiest and therefore tastiest (and best for you), right? Gender wouldn’t play a role but I would rather eat a nice, plump person than an anorexic.
Klosterman Theory: He would agree with me on the meat selection but he would probably have a harder time dealing if he ended up liking it, since he’s a staunch meat-eater currently.
Comment me with your answers! More information on this (non) story as it (doesn’t) develop(s)!
How I’ve missed you, Gina Gershon. I hope she continues her comedic acting career because this video is hilarious. Tim and Eric need to give her a call ASAP.
Gina, as Sarah Palin, clears up a couple of misconceptions.
Via dlisted.
It may not be the best sushi in Seattle, but it’s definitely the best conveyor belt sushi. Blue C is all about instant gratification and they have it in spades. Once seated, it won’t be but a second or two before something delicious passes before your eyes. And what variety! They got the standards like the California Roll. The salmon and eel rolls are especially competent. You can’t go wrong with any of the tempura rolls from the shrimp to the tofu. Vegetarians rejoice, because unlike most conveyor belt places, you don’t have to special order an animal-free dish. If you’re lucky, they’ll have the delectable V8 roll, stuffed with crunchy veggie tempura in an avocado blanket and doused with hot sauce. Otherwise, the plain old Kappa Maki and Inari are good enough to satisfy. Be sure to grab a potato dumpling hot plate or pickle salad to share. Save room for a cream puff but take small, easy bites lest you squirt cream filling on your date. It’s crowded around dinner time, but with no waiting for service, the turnover is quick. Enjoy a cocktail or sake in the upstairs bar while you wait.
3411 Fremont Ave N 98103
206-633-3411
www.bluecsushi.com
X-posted from Not For Tourists.
I didn’t feel as different after getting married as I do after a day of being 30. I guess one difference is that I was actually looking forward to the former. Everyone (in their thirties) says I’m gonna love my thirties, but it sure has been more difficult to look in the mirror. Hopefully it’s more due to the fact that I’m settling into new work and a new schedule than that I am now no longer in the youth market.
Now I’m gonna go unwind the adult way: by watching the new episode of 90210.
Dlisted reports that David Duchovny is, in fact, a skank and it was the old “Don’t divorce me for cheating” compromise that sent him to “rehab” after all. I know that the “sources” come from the National Enquirer and Us Weekly so there still aren’t any hard facts here. I want to believe that Mulder isn’t a manslut but it doesn’t make sense that a wifey as down-to-earth seeming as Tea Leoni would force him to do something so humiliating over a little web surfing. In this case, Scully’s Razor stands.
If there is a heaven, I imagine it is a lot like Shorty’s. Here, a pocket full of quarters will buy you an evening in their pinball room full of old favorites like Medieval Madness and Monster Bash, plus more recent nerd fare such as The Lord of the Rings and the new Indiana Jones game. Yes, it references that silly crystal skull, but it also has mini replicas of the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail and a Sankara Stone (What? It’s COOL!). When you tire of flippers and plungers, trade them in for buttons and joysticks and kick it with Mario or destroy some asteroids. But this isn’t just an arcade time capsule. There is also plentiful booze and hot dogs (both veggie and mystery meat) which will energize you enough to return to your alien-battling mission. If you’re feeling tropical, try one of their “Boozie Smoothies”, a slushie-like beverage that’s rumtastic. It comes with an umbrella. That swell secret bar in the back is available for private party rentals too. Man, I love this place.
2222 2nd Ave 98121
206-374-0569
www.shortydog.com
X-Posted from Not For Tourists.
As per usual, I sat down with a group of friends to watch the new cycle of America’s Next Top Model. I expected Tyra take the crazy up another notch. I expected a bunch of dumb little strips of bacon to embarrass themselves in front of a panel of judges. I even expected the tranny (thanks to a media tip-off). But there were two things I didn’t see coming…
1) The special effects. Apparently Tyra is a really big “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?” fan because she totally stole their state-of-the-art lightening and beaming effects. She also clearly worked with a cyborg dialect coach. Excelsior!
2) I actually LIKE some of these girls. That hasn’t happened in forever. I was pretty convinced that every aspiring model in the world was a small-minded, selfish, vapid, evil backstabbing bitch.
But while Isis (the tranny) comes off as a little slow, she also seems like a really good person. She works at a non-profit and she is actually a trained model. She even impressed Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker with her lighting knowledge (though not so much with her booty which the camera caught him checking out. That was a yuck face if I’ve ever seen one.)
I was really impressed by McKey (Mmmkaaaay) who stood up for Isis when the clear villain of the cycle, Clark (with no E), was picking on her. I predict that the Alaskan Moose Girl is going to be brainwashed and become Clark(e)’s minion. I hope I’m wrong, but right now I’m a little down on unworldly Alaskans.
Additionally, I’m pulling for Marjorie to stop slouching, speak up and show everybody what her lanky Fronch arse can do. What she needs is a lesson from Benny Ninja. But really, don’t we all?
I also dig Sheena. She’s loud (in a Rosie Perez kinda way) but earnest, confident (real confidence, not fakey model confidence that comes from extreme insecurity) and positive about herself and her fellow contestants.
I’m glad they kept our home-town girl, Elina, but I see many facets of her personality (vegan, pants-only lesbian) becoming stumbling blocks in future challenges. She is screwed the day they do the “cock skirt” photo shoot. But at the very least, there will be some interesting hot tub scenes before she goes.
The rest of the girls’ personas, if they exist, have yet to emerge. But I can’t wait to see what happens. My early prediction, barring any unforeseen disaster, is that Isis will take it. She really knows her stuff and looks great on camera. Tyra wants to give it to the tranny SO BAD. If Isis wins, she will be able to afford the full operation and we know how Tyra likes to take credit for everything she possibly can.
Effed by the Wind 
