NFT Radar: Banya 5

Global warming means cold winters. A recession means busting your butt at work so you don’t get a pink slip. Banya 5, means extreme relaxation to help you forget about these trying times. Unwind like a gangster in this authentic Russian bathhouse. If you want a deep tissue massage or salt scrub, you might have to tap the mattress bank. But you can spend all day in hydrotherapy for only $35. The entry fee includes the hot tub, steam room, tepid pool, sauna and cold plunge. You’ll feel a little like a brick oven pizza in the 200 degree sauna, but a dip in the cold plunge will cool you right off. After that, the tepid pool will feel like a hot tub. Take a break from all that detox with a cup of tea in the lounge. You don’t even have to change out of your swimsuit. You’ll be so warm when you leave that every room you’ll be in for the next several hours will become a steam room. This is exactly how the Russians survive their winter. Well, that and the vodka.


217 9th Ave N 98109
206 262-1234
www.banya5.com

X-posted from Not For Tourists.

Wreck of Love…LITERALLY

What was I just saying?. Apparently one of the Rock of Slut buses was in an accident, resulting in the fatalities of 2 teenage girls and the serious injuries of an elderly couple. I think we all now know what continuing to shoot and air this show will bring…

Ragnarök.

NFT Radar: The Honey Hole

It’s a “hole” because it’s dark and warm. The “honey” part comes from the retardedly delicious sandwiches and drinks. Both the veggie and regular BLTs will satiate that persistent bacon craving. A series of Hollywood monikered sammies feature the meats you love uniquely complimented by the perfect cheeses, veggies, and condiments. No less than 3 of them involve honey roasted ham. You can choose to go hot or cold. It doesn’t really matter. Almost everything is heaven between two slices of bread. The only thing I don’t recommend is the too-literally named Dirt Burger. Nothing helps wash away a bad day at work than a Honey Hole happy hour. $3 pints and $3.50 fresh juice wells are the ideal accompaniment for your comfort food. It’s time to relax under the warmth of red lighting in a cushy booth and pack on the winter calories and this is the place for it. They have also have pizzas and stuff but trust me, you’re gonna want the sandwich. No, it’s not a sex shop, but if you’ve ever considered a carnal relationship with your sandwich, it would probably be one from the Honey Hole.


703 E Pike St 98122
206-709-1399
www.thehoneyhole.com

X-posted from Not For Tourists.

Give Me Down to There Hair

Why is it so hard to get a decent haircut in this town. Seriously. Is it me? Is it something I do? Because I’m really getting tired of this. There are irritating innate aspects of a haircut which I am happy to put up with like the small talk and having to pick tiny hairs off your neck and face for the rest of the day. But I am only happy to put up with these things if the end result is satisfactory.

I used to see a girl at Vain who I LOOOVED. When I first started going to her, her cuts cost $30. Over time, they increased in $5 increments until they were $50. This was too rich for my blood. But she couldn’t be the only decent girl at Vain, could she? So I made an appointment with someone else. They sucked. They missed large chunks of my bangs and my layers were weird.

So I tried a place close to my house. The haircut was OK. The bangs were even good. But the girl wouldn’t stop complaining about her life. It was kind of stressful. And when I got home, I noticed a big chunk of bang which she’d missed.

A while later, I got another recommendation for a girl at Vain who was in the $35 range. So I went to her and was pretty pleased. We still had the bangs issue, but she got everything else right and she was affordable. She also minimized the small talk. She was my new girl. She even did my hair for my wedding.

And then suddenly and without warning, she moved out of state. Crap!

So I picked another girl in the $35 range. She was kind of OK but still messed up my bangs. Plus, she had a sign posted which read that her haircuts were going up to $45. She was not worth $45 so I decided that after my free touch-up trim, I would go back to my old girl. $50 was apparently the going rate for someone who knows how to cut my hair. Even though my hair is perfectly straight and very fine, it seems to pose a problem for people. Even cutting my bangs in a straight line seems to be problematic. Didn’t we learn to cut in a straight line in kindergarten? And the missed bang chunks thing is especially baffling to me because my bangs have long been a different color than the rest of my hair.

But guess what. My original girl at Vain is gone too. She moved to the Ballard location. That might have been fine. A bit of a pain but I have a car. Only now her haircuts are $60! This is a LOT of money for me right now. And short hair must be cut every 2-3 months.

Which brings us to today. Whilst walking on the ave recently, I noticed a new salon had opened up which boasted “all haircuts $20”. Better yet, they had online appointment scheduling. Any time I don’t have to talk to an actual person, I am a happy camper. So I made an appointment and…

Sucksville.

I told her I wanted chunky layers and straight bangs. Surely, she could tell what I’d had previously based on how it’s grown out, right? I mean, isn’t she TRAINED in this business? But the layers are WAAAY too chunky. Furthermore, there are two weird side-burn like chunks in the front now. I’m really not sure what she was going for there. I suspect something like this. But at least the bangs seemed OK. I was happy she at least got one thing right. When she was done, she said “We don’t blow dry. That’s extra. If you want a blow dry next time, you have to schedule more time”. So not only do they charge you to blow dry, but you have to pre-schedule the 5 minutes it would take to do it. I put my hat on my sopping wet head and walked home in the cold.

Upon blow drying my own damn hair at home, I noticed that she’d missed a chunk of bangs.

$60 and a drive for a haircut is starting to sound pretty reasonable.

Portends Re: Rock of Love Bus

You may wonder why there were so many commercials for Herpecin during Rock of Love Bus. It is because you can contract herpes by simply WATCHING Rock of Love Bus. If you watched an episode in its entirety, chances are you now have eye herpes.

That completely insane extra draggy version of Daisy who had to be escorted off the set at the end of the pilot, now lives behind the studio dumpster and haunts the dreams of aspiring actresses who just moved to Hollywood from Deep River, Ontario.

When the final episode of Rock of Love Bus airs, it will open a portal to hell. Only Dean and Sam Winchester can stop this from happening.

Year End Meme 09 – Better Never Than Late!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Got married. Traveled to Italy. Performed in a band in public. Continue reading

Hotter with a Beard: Corrections and Retractions

Oh noes! It was bad enough that Joaquin Phoenix lost his ever-loving, dyslexic mind and verbally abused reporters on the red carpet. But now he’s let it go to his beard. I still maintain that he looked cute the day he announced his retirement from male model-…er…acting. But he has neglected to do any beard maintenance or, say, bathing, since then and now he is pretty much indistinguishable from your average vagrant who raided the dumpster behind the Claire’s Boutique.

Look at those haunted eyes! He is one bottle of MD 20/20 away from hitting the rails for good. Perhaps he has already turned his Oscar into a crack pipe. It’s difficult to say. Regardless, he is off my hot list. He barely makes the Hobo Hot 100.

Thanks, dlisted!

The Girls Would Turn the Color of an Avacado…

Pablo Picasso’s car is parked up the street from us. He must live in the neighborhood.

Here it is covered in snow.

Damn, that’s a cool car. No wonder he never got called an asshole.

Windocalypse?

My husband just informed me that the buses are still on a “holiday schedule” even though there isn’t any snow left on the ground. Since when was December 29th a holiday? Or is it just an excuse because of all the articulated buses which went out of commission during the snowstorm? This might make sense under normal circumstances because a lot of people leave town this time of year. But this year, no one COULD leave town so we still need to be able to get around.

Also, it is very windy right now. The wind has been rattling my windows in a frightening fashion and I just had to pick up the recycling from our yard after the bin tipped over. It’s a very large bin and overflowing as well since the garbage trucks haven’t been able to pick anything up. Everyone has very full garbage and recycling bins out in hopes that it will all get hauled away sometime soon.

But anyway, apparently this wind is causing more problems than just strewn garbage. Apparently it is also causing power outages. Whatever the hell could be next? Stay tuned for Yeti-watch 2K9.

Snowpocalypse Recap

Almost all the snow is gone and things are basically back to normal. So it’s hard to believe that just a couple of days ago, our street was still level with the sidewalk. Did you guys know it SNOWED?!

Continue reading

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