So I was not blacked out of email at work today. But I am DEFINITELY still under close scrutiny. And whatever the little spy did to keep me in line was backfiring like crazy today. The internet just kept going out and I'd have to email him to get it back on line so it was making it hard for me to do my real job! When I asked him why it was doing that, he said “well, did you just dump your temporary internet files? Cos that would reset the security that I've put on there”. Of course, that's what I do every day before I leave the office (to no avail, apparently) but I hadn't done it yet so I could honestly say “Nope. That's not the problem”. Still, after that I was so paranoid about what he had done to my computer that I waited until he left at 2:30 to try and log into my email. I was still able to get in but I know for DAMNED sure now that it may not last long. So I will probably be fairly incommunicato, only checking my email once or twice and after 2:30 for a while. At least I can still look for another job while I'm there. So far I've only gotten one call back and it turns out that the company was in Shoreline, even though their ad said Seattle. So I had to say no to that one. I am NOT busing to Shoreline every day. I have applied to quite a few jobs at this point so SOMEBODY has to be calling me back, right? Damnit, I'm a fucking PRIZE! Get me out of here!
look through the email – longer longer longer
Things are very very fucked at work. I logged on to my computer this morning and immediately noticed some more sneakiness afoot. I opened internet explorer and a PASSWORD WINDOW came up. So I emailed the I.T. guy and was all “Why do I need a password to get on to the internet now?”. He replied with a highly suspect story about it being a function of transferring data to the new server. (Highly suspect because no one else complained about internet issues. Usually when there is an internet problem, everyone is the office calls me at the same time to tell me to get the I.T. guy on the phone). He promptly “fixed” the problem but I watched him do it and saw him access a few dubiously labeled folders like “restricted” and “limited”. Later, he emailed me to request that I tell him when I leave for lunch because he has to “do something on my computer”. He leaves at 2:30 (because he arrives at 6:30 am to fiddle with people's stations before they get in) and I didn't get a chance to take lunch before he left, but my theory is that when I arrive to work tomorrow, I will find that I am blacked out of any sites that would allow me decent human contact. It's a wonderful feeling to be so loved. At least all this Big Brother shit has got me so nervous at work that have very little desire to eat lunch, let alone succumb to the office munchies. I just may lose those “vanity pounds” this way. Thanks, Big Brother!
I am still actively seeking employment elsewhere. PLEASE GOD let me find something soon.
Is wait as expound
WEEKEND RECAP
Friday
After a particularly trying workweek for me and Meep, we decided to have a relaxing and quiet-ish evening at the Canterbury. We started out just the two of us and whiled away the time by outlining our new web series “America's Next Judge Reinhold”. I'll just let that sink in.
After a while, Sherwood showed up and later Borgia and Dom. Sherwood was already drunk and ended up leaving early. Around 11:00, we tired of the Canterbury and decided to try our luck with an adventure elsewhere (sans Dom who had to get up at 5am the next morning for a shoot). We paid our bill, leaving one of my remaining New Kids on the Block trading cards along with the tip. (I bought a pack at Archie McPhee's and have been leaving them all over town. The response is surprisingly positive). Anywho, once outside, we were at a loss for where to go. Nowhere on the Hill seemed to temp us. Finally, I remembered one of the places Faye and I have always wanted to go: 13 Coins. How can one NOT be seduced by a dodgy sign on the side of a major road with an arrow pointing to seemingly nowhere that boasts “24 hour dining and lounge”. So we hopped in Borgia's car and headed down there. When we finally turned down the right street and feasted our eyes on the green awning for the first time, we had mixed feelings. We couldn't really see inside and so whatever was on the other side of the door was going to be a surprise. To our shock, it was POSH inside. We went into the lounge which looked like Gentlemen's Club (but with ladies inside and no one wearing robes). We took a gander at the menu and found everything to be overpriced. Not what we expected at all. (And kind of not what I'd hoped. It was no Great American Dive Bar). But with 13 coins shellacked into the table, a mosaic ship lamp in the corner, and menthol cigarettes on the menu, everything checked out. We had one beer and called it a night. My curiosity is now sated and I can check 13 Coins off the list.
Saturday
I went to the noon yoga class and was happy to discover that the slow-talker wasn't teaching. When I got home, I felt pretty good. I had way more energy that I usually have after the 4:00 Sunday class. I think I will start trying to go to Saturday noon more often. SOOOOOO, after a shower and a small lunch, I met Faye to go to Value Village. We were costume shopping for “Retard to Retard” which we are shooting next weekend, right before the Earth opens up and swallows us. After that, we relaxed for a little while and met BennDunn for dinner at the Red Line. After having an orgasmic sandwich there a couple of months ago, I have been bugging Faye to go back there with me. (Actually, I've been bugging everybody, but she was the first one I could talk into going). The sandwich actually wasn't as orgasmic as the last time but it was still good. And a cool crisp beer is just what I needed to wash it down. Then we headed down to the Crocodile for the comedy stylings of Eugene Mirman. (If you visit his website, make sure you are on a computer with speakers). The opening act was the most ADORABLE cross between Chuck Barris and Cat Stevens. His name is Langhorn Slim and he's a 23 year old bluegrass prodigy. He plays guitar like the devil is after him. He dances around and sings songs about heartbreak like only a literate 23-year-old prodigy can. I think Faye and I were utterly smitten after about the second song. It's funny. I went in there all jaded and skeptical, ready to hate whatever he was about to play. I have been so displeased with new music lately. But when he started playing, I could actually feel my cold, dead heart melt and turn into ice cream and puppies. Buy his album. You won't regret it.
After Chucky Baby played, it was Ron Lynch from Home Movies. When Faye and I first got tickets, Brendon Small was on the bill. But according to his website, he done got busy. So we got Ron Lynch instead. It turned out great because my face hurt from laughing long before Eugene even hit the stage. Holy crap. The man is funny. I especially enjoyed his character bit in which he is a comedian who's suffered a nail gun injury. He stands on stage with a bandage on his head and just stares straight ahead. Meanwhile, on his lap top, his bit is played through a Stephen-Hawking-style voice generator. Effed up. And awesome.
Then Eugene came on and was even better than the first time we saw him with Stella so long ago. The best part was when he played a real recorded phone conversation between him and a Christian phone company that tries to get you to switch to their service by telling you that other phone companies support gay marriage. He totally takes the piss and they have NO IDEA. It's AMAZING to me how few Christians seem to have a sense of irony. Particularly the ones who say “ya'll”. Buy HIS album too.
After the gig, we drank some more and played a new game we made up wherein we decide which filmmakers, actors and films should be awarded “hacks”. As an example, Eli Roth gets 5 hacks. Were “Cabin Fever” not so over-hyped as being so extremely edgy and violent (which it isn't), we may have been less harsh. Kevin Smith gets 4 hacks. The only reason he doesn't get 5 is because of “Mallrats” which is entertaining enough. “Ferris Bueler's Day Off” gets 5 hacks because it turns out the character of Ferris Bueler is not endearing but rather a mooching, manipulative arsehole. Now you play!
Faye and I started craving some nachos from Shorty's so we popped over there for a Nacho Nightcap. BennDunn snapped some very compromising photos of Faye and I deep-throating a veggie dog. Hopefully they will never see the light of day. Ordinarily, we're all for amusingly inappropriate photos, but these didn't turn out that way. I can't explain why but they really do look disgusting and wrong. Horribly horribly wrong.
Sunday
I really DO love not having the pressure of 4:00 yoga hanging over me. It was very liberating. I went to the grocery store, tidied up a bit and watched a TON of tv. Delightful. I also happened to catch the end of “Pretty in Pink” on TV. And once again I realised that a film I found enjoyable as a kid is actually a huge load of crap. So at the end, the beloved Ducky, who is in love with Andie, “lets her go” be with Andrew McCarthy because he's such a nice guy. Aw. Poor Ducky. I bet this is going to be awful for him. Unrequited love is horrible. But wait a second…who's that young thing making eyes at him from across the dance floor? I don't know but she's hot! Andie who? And with that, all of the reason for us to care about him goes out the window. If they had only played it out a little bit different. Maybe if Ducky had flopped his sad ass down in a chair and the cute girl came over to find out what was wrong. She sits down and starts talking to him. He's still sad, but there is a hint that this young chicklet might help him get over it soon. But no, they had to go for the instantaneous erasing of any open-endedness. NO ONE CAN BE SAD. This is John Hughes' world. No one is allowed to have more than three emotions and CERTAINLY no one can go into the fade-to-black with unresolved issues. John Hughes, I give you 5 hacks.
Later, Faye and I went to the Mercury which, once a month, hosts a neat little shindig that's open to everybody. They have video games, music, drinks and legos! On this particular night, they were showing our movie so we went to introduce it. It was a great crowd and despite the fact that the sound and picture were AWFUL on their system, the audience was really receptive. Our movie didn't go on until 11 so we didn't get home until after midnight but it was worth it, I think.
the human head weigth 8 poundthhhhhhhh!
Dear God! This brings a little sunshine to my day. Jonathan Lipnicki (Woops. I mean “Jonny”) is a super stud!
Also, check it out! It's Sledgehammer and that guy from Happy Gilmore! That's a film event not to be missed!
enhance your anatomy
Everything is so fucked up right now. I'm so glad it's Friday. I need beer now. And maybe a good cry later. I won't go into it…now.
I will say that last night Dom helped me revamp my website (not Tangent…the stupid personal one I was forced to make at the Art Institute). I decided that I no longer needed a website for “editing” because I will never get a job as an editor (I'm already outclassed by all those slick kids with after effects skills). But since I like my jbax email (easy to remember), I'm keeping the site. It's now about me and how dumb I am. Yay.
Beer. Beer. Beer.
bacon
Things are kind of frustrating right now. Here are some of the things that are burning my bacon.
When are they going to post the schedule for the San Diego Comic Con? It's in a month and plane tickets are not getting any cheaper. I really want us to get in, obviously. But I don't want to find out a week ahead of time and then have to ask for time off work AND pay $500 for a plane ticket. I hope all festivals don't take their sweet time like this.
Marilyn will NOT stop bullying poor Tobe. This morning, Dom discovered that Tobe has been peeing in the corner by his food. I thought about it and it makes sense. That's the only corner in the house that's HIS corner. Whenever Marilyn chases him and hisses at him, he runs over there. So he's probably marking his meager territory. He's probably also scared to use the litter box. On SEVERAL occasions, I have seen him go in there, only to have Marilyn follow him a minute later and chase him out of there. Where is my baby supposed to poop? I don't understand why Marilyn is giving him such a hard time. He's SO mellow and offers no resistance. I hate being mad at a cat. It makes me feel kind of evil.
If one more person who HASN'T seen “Snow Day” says “it sounds like a rip-off of 'Shaun of the Dead'.”, I will…I don't know what. I'd LIKE take away their movie-watching privileges because if they don't realise that there is MORE THAT ONE move allowed within a genre, they don't deserve to see any more movies.
My job, of course, is frustrating. Tuesday, after several days of me looking for other work, my boss called me into his office. He told me he'd had a “revelation”. He realised that not everybody who works in a job needs to be trained in and/or planning on doing that job for the rest of their lives as long as they work hard while they're there. He also realised that people with a more diverse background are better in a job because they can offer a different perspective. That lead him into saying that he didn't know where I was with moving on, but that he would like to keep me here as long as he can. He said I did really good work and that he really appreciated everything I added to the company. He knew that eventually I would need to move on and pursue my movie career but that if I'm just looking for another office job, he would really like me to stay here. He said he'd talk to the Powers That Be about getting me involved in profit sharing and that he would welcome any suggestions from me as to how to make the work environment happier. He even said he understood that while working hard is important, a happy work environment is also essential. I certainly wasn't about to suggest that he let me have my LJ back, but I found the whole conversation to be very confusing. I hate to compare my job to a bad relationship again, but that's really how it feels. I'm in a relationship that isn't right for me. But I've been in it for so long that it's hard to imagine being without that person. There are a lot of perks that I would miss (free bus pass, for one). And if I did get a different office job, I'm sure the bullshit would still exist. It would just take on a different form. Profit sharing, eh? Fuck. I don't know what to do. This place really does depress the shit out of me. I'm certain that this job is, in part, why I've been so moody (and tired) all the time. But right now there isnt necessarily anything available to me that would be better. Not until I can actually con someone into paying me to make movies. Fuckety fuck.
I need some funny pictures of celebrities to cheer me up.
who's my daddy?
Last night, Faye, Ahe and I went to see “The Crow: Wicked Prayer”. As usual, I won’t spoil the review that Faye will eventually post for Bad Movie Whateverday, but I want to make a comment or two.
First, I want to say that I LOVED the noc noc happy hour. Who can argue with $1 beers and $2-3 meals? Not me. I can argue with some of the juke box selections, but you can’t have everything. Best of all, the happy hour goes till 9:00! I will go back there again, to be sure.
After 4 beers, I had a nice buzz going, and we headed over to Pacific Place. When we walked in, we were the ONLY ONES in the theatre. This was very exciting. I thought that meant a night of heckling was in store. Sadly, a John Gulager-looking fellow strolled in. (After we realized that it was a Dimension film, Faye joked that it probably WAS John Gulager). Then later, two girls sat behind us. We couldn't talk through the whole film NOW. But there were still some jokes that needed to be made because
1)When did Edward Furlong get so strange looking? I actually found the “romantic” scenes completely unbelievable (and a little nauseating).
2)Tara Reid’s hair was ridiculous.
3)David Boreanaz either took this role because he knew he would completely outshine everyone else in the cast, or else his baby needs new diapers. Regardless, he basically played Angelus which I always enjoy.
4)I think Macy Gray is developmentally challenged. In the brain.
5)Dennis Hopper plays a role that was obviously written for a young rapper and not an old character actor. Hearing him call Tara Reid “shorty” just sounds wrong.
So all the above elements made it funny. But there were a few things that annoyed me too. When the original Crow came out, I was in high school and already a fan of the comic. I certainly wasn’t cinematically educated at that point in my life (as Faye so deftly pointed out when I was still trying to put this emotional response into words) but I knew that I loved the movie. I found it funny and delightfully violent and beautifully sad (without being pukingly so…save the irritating little girl). Brandon Lee was so good. He really understood the character he was playing. He knew that even though Eric Draven was a man who was the victim of tragic circumstances, after he was brought back to life by the powers that be, he was no longer a man, but a spiritual force designed to “put the wrong things right”. He held the painful memories of what had happened, but he used them only as a tool to complete his task. He was still haunted by his past somewhat but because he was no longer a man, these ghosts didn’t prevent him from doing what needed to be done. And when the Crow kicked ass, he was like an automaton. And it was COOL. Edward Furlong’s Crow is a whiny sniveling “why me” little bitch and I so wanted Angelus to beat his ass. But sadly, that didn’t happen.
My hang-ups about the past aside, I really did enjoy the movie. All you naysayers who didn’t come with us, you guys missed out.
On an unrelated topic, I'm very sad about Anne Bancroft. I didn’t even know she was sick. I hope that Mel Brooks is OK. I saw an A & E biography on him and when the two of them talked about when they first fell in love, they were glowing. YEARS LATER. It was really cool. Especially when Mel Brookes said, only half joking, that he couldn’t believe he’d conned her into marrying him.
from the pouch of
Mark is a genius. This totally works. I'm very excited. I just have to be super duper careful now. Everyone is at lunch so I should be ok.
And now, on with the sneaky!
This is freaky and hilarious at the same time. I like the one where Angelina Jolie looks like a demon (although that's not much different than what she normally looks like). I also like alien David Duchovny, sad DeNiro and Sith Lord Pope.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
WEEKEND RECAP
Friday
The Troika (being Dom, Faye and myself…I decided I needed a nickname for us because I'm usually writing about the three of us. What better nickname then a reference to three slightly evil geeky villains from Buffy?) arrived at the Rendezvous for the “Opening night Gala (or Gayla, depending on how you pronunciation preference) for STIFF. We had no idea what to expect. The program suggested that it was 5 hours long and we thought they couldn't be showing movies for 5 hours. Turns out they WERE showing movies for 5 hours. Since we were very hungry and tired and seeing a midnight movie that night anyway, we opted for being social and fed. I think we made the right decision. After all, I would have had to share an audience with my nemesis, Fan Boy. And that would have done no one any good.
We left around 10:00 to go to the Neptune to see “Night of the Living Dorks” (or however you say that in German). Even though I had consumed 5 ciders, I had only the slightest buzz. I think I may be regaining the Karen Allen in Raiders-esque alcohol tolerance that I possessed during my 8 boozy months of living abroad. Hmmm. Good or bad? Anyway, we got in line for the movie and Dom and I passed out “Snow Day” postcards promoting the screening the next day. We, in turn, received free energy drinks from the Jones Soda crew that I will NEVER drink. Every time I think of ANY energy drink, it reminds me of Red Bull which I've only had once in conjunction with too much vodka and an early-morning three hour charter bus ride. Suffice it to say, I will never drink Red Bull again and don't even want to be reminded of the taste, smell, texture or concept.
Moving right along…we took our seats for the movie, armed with a last hoorah of carbohydrates. We were treated to a short before the feature. When I say treated, I actually mean we were taunted because this “little” short about a high school geek who makes a pact with the devil to be good at basketball was ALL special effects and nothing else. THIS is the kind of thing that SIFF accepts as independent? Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Almost every festival with the word “international” in it is basically a hollywood-sponsored dealy. But I was surprised. And jealous. But that was nothing compared to the sheer disgust that all three of us felt once the feature started.
I don't know who these guys are that made this movie. I did a little internet research and from what I can tell it's two old German men who basically make American-style teen sex comedies en masse. So why they needed the help of an “independent” American film festival is beyond me. But that said, I think they will do fine because the audience FUCKING LOVED it. The film was essentially a cross between American Pie and Idle Hands. (The latter of which I marginally enjoyed). The audience was chalk full of eager beavers who ERUPTED in laughter at every stupid cliche boner or weed joke. I also realise now that the so-called geeky protagonists WEREN'T EVEN THAT GEEKY. They smoked pot on the way to school, they got laid and they were even marginally attractive. In fact, the “geeky” goth-girl love interest was EXTREMELY attractive (and don't even get me started about the gratuitous scene involving this alleged high school virgin sleeping in lacy underpants and a tight t-shirt). As for the horror aspect of it, well, it was luke warm. There were more gross-out moments involving excrement and jizz than there were gorey moments. It's like they threw the whole zombie bit in there as an afterthought; some cheap way of making the otherwise cliche “losers-get-laid” plot stand out. Awful awful awful. But I guess we were the only three people who thought so. I just hope it was because it was a drunken midnight movie audience who was eager to laugh at anything. Because I was actually EMBARRASSED when the audience shrieked with glee at a reference to Seattle and Kurt Cobain. (Although Faye has a theory that they actually change that line to be city-specific. So if it's playing in Lubbock, Texas, the line is “If this spell works, we can fly to Texas and resurrect Buddy Holly” WOOOOOHOOOO!). After all that mental exhaustion, I went home to sleep the sleep of the sex-crazed, dorky German zombie.
Saturday
Faye and I headed down to the Seattle Art Museum around 1:00 to catch the screening of all the Weekend Film Challenge films. In particular, we wanted to see the one that Dom, krk, Ben, Borgia and Jef made on the big screen. For the challenge, several teams got a prop, a genre and a line of dialog on Friday night and had to complete a film (written, shot and edited) in 72 hours. The prop was lotion. The line of dialog was “Basically, everything that comes out of my mouth is good” and the genre, for our boys, was sci-fi. The short that they created from those criteria is nothing short of comic brilliance. I can't even begin to describe it, but I will definitely link to it when it appears on Storypipe later. The rest of the films were pretty funny too (except for the one that wasn't), but I still think “Future Good” was the cream of the crop.
After the screening, Faye and I got interviewed for Storypipe which was weird. I'm still not used to being in front of the camera. But we did get to tell “bad date stories” (in our ongoing effort to extinguish all stereotypes about women filmmakers).
Dom had to run off to interview some legitimate artists, so Faye, Borgia and I killed time at Shorty's before our screening at 6:00. I have never played Lord of the Rings pinball before and I have to say it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite pinball after South Park pinball. If for no other reason than the moving Balrog piece.
The screening went as well as can be expected for a space that only holds about 30 people. I can't wait till we can get this thing in front of a horror audience though.
After the screening, we hung about the Rendezvous for a while longer and then headed over to the Nite Lite to take over their juke box and keep it Garth Brooks free for a while.
Sunday
I was utterly useless. Except when I was stricken with my monthly bout of guilt for living in filth, and cleaned the house.
image Spike Oil
Today I discovered that the Tangent Productions site is also blocked from my work computer. That is LOW, man. It's also creepy because I haven't actually BEEN to that site from my work computer in a while. I have two theories.
1) They found it from my LJ which means that they actually WERE reading my journal and it's a good job I'm locking them.
2) They googled me.
I'm not sure which theory creeps me out more. I realise I sound a bit paranoid but this website blocking business has got me all bugaboo!
Luckily, my genius friend Mark showed me a neat trick for bypassing the block. I tried it and low and behold it WORKED! So my LJ days may not be over just yet. For now, though, I'm going to lay low because obviously I am under scrutiny. I can't take any chances. The Red Squad will never take me alive! The cheese stands alone!
Whoa. What? Where am I?
In other, less paranoid news, I was going through intern resumes today and found two very hilarious sentences on two separate cover letters.
First, “During my employment as a lifeguard, I enjoyed the responsibility that I had over people's lives.” This was from some frat boy who apparently likes to play god.
And more disturbingly, “I hope that we can meet soon so that we can go over my qualifications and discuss my exceptional potency.”
That one made me laugh so loud that others in the office came to see what was going on. They found hilarious and tried to convince me to bring him in for an interview as a joke. Apparently, he is Russian so it's possible that because of the language barrier, he doesn't realise that he sounds like he wants to impregnate someone. Or worse…or better?
Effed by the Wind 
