Today, Scifi.com starts their 10 part webisode series which will lead up to the final season of Battlestar Galactica. I was extremely pleased to learn that they revolve around one of my favorite characters, Gaeta. Well, they deliver those aforepromised “astonishing revelations” in spades. SPOILERS, ya’ll. Continue reading
Please Be Careful Out Theeeeeeeere
Schmader loves Cop Rock as much as me. And he should. It was pretty incredible. It’s absolutely ridiculous but everyone in the cast plays it completely straight. The result was…well, better than Trapped in the Closet.
When is this gonna be on DVD?!
Hotter with a Beard: Jason Priestly Edition
His camp turn on Tru Calling rekindled my crush on Jason Priestly. And re-watching all the old Beverly Hills 90210 episodes on SoapNet reminds me how it started. He was hilarious on that show and the only character who was never annoying.
J.P. is hot with a beard, but he’s also adorable clean-shaven. He’s the one pin-up from that era whose popularity I really got. He had Wolverine hair before Hugh Jackman and Marcel cornered the market. And those side burns were something else.
I also recommend a hilarious little movie called Cold Blooded, written by Simpson’s writer and Wes Anderson’s BFF, Wallace Wolodarsky. Jason plays a bookie who discovers he has the loose morals needed to be a successful hit man. The killer cast also includes Robert Loggia, Janeane Garofalo and Michael J. Fox. It’s only available on VHS but it’s worth buying used or renting from your friendly neighborhood indie video store. Dust off that VCR and watch it.
Freaking Hot Topic. That Explains Everything.
I guess Trey and Matt are as tired of Twilight-mania as I am. Sure, they’re not as solid as they once were, but it makes me very happy that South Park can still crank out inspired gems after all these years. I loved the first goth kid episode and I’m happy to have those characters back. And, of course, every Butters-centric episode is usually a winner.
In “The Ungroundable”, the goth kids are usurped by the Vampire Kids, former Banana Republic preps who are inspired by Twilight (though it’s not mentioned by name, the characters are) and have decided to become dark and brooding. But they get it all wrong.
Trey has a perfect understanding of Old Skool Gothdom. I don’t know if he ever hung with the goths in high school but I know that the Cure is his favorite band. That’s probably why he was perfectly able to mimic Joy Division and Siouxsie and the Banshees to play in every Goth kids scene. It’s nice to have my teenage subculture accurately represented on TV. What happens to the South Park goths is similar to what happened when Marilyn Manson became big. Suddenly, everyone was wearing pleather and people suddenly lumped me in with those guys. ANNOYING.
Butters finally helps them track down the source of the problem: Hot Topic. Now they know what they must do.
After that, they hold a school assembly to explain the difference between them and the Vampire kids.
If you hate life, truly hate the sun, and need to smoke and drink coffee, you are goth. If, however, you like dressing in black cos it’s fun, enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks, and following the occult while avoiding things that are bad for your health, you are most likely a douchebag vampire wannabe boner. Because anybody who actually thinks they’re a vampire is freaking retarded.
I watch South Park to laugh, but every once in a while, they also make me feel like I’m reading my dairy. For that reason, no matter how many crappy episodes they make, I will be a South Park fan forever.
She’s All Ears
ANTM Cycle 11 continues to entertain with the makeover episode. And I was on board with almost all of the end results (I even warmed up to Elina’s transformation into Tori Amos…eventually).
But McKey’s (Mmmmkay?) never worked for me. The black hair is nice, and probably more versatile than her bright red hair but why the big chunky sideburns? All they do is accent her ears which I never noticed before but now can’t stop noticing.
Awful. Why not a cute little chunky bob instead? This is NOT a good haircut. In panel all the judges seemed brainwashed. Nigel and Paulina were so monotone when they talked about her new look. “Oh yes, this is quite an improvement. Yes, we love it. Looooooove iiiiiit. Braaaaaains.”
My favorite part of the episode, of course, was Tyra’s wonderful little Snow White skit in which she ate the poisoned apple given to her by the evil witch Ms. J, convulsed into a coma and had to be revived by her one true gay boyfriend, MR. J. I couldn’t even believe what I was watching. Is there really so little actual drama in the house that they have to write skits to fill time? Or is Tyra just demanding more screen time because she’s such a “good” actress. She sure can play the hell out of a Makeover Fairy. That high-pitched faux British accent is DEFINITELY how real fairies sound. Give that bitch an award!
ANTM: The Eleventh Time’s a Charm
As per usual, I sat down with a group of friends to watch the new cycle of America’s Next Top Model. I expected Tyra take the crazy up another notch. I expected a bunch of dumb little strips of bacon to embarrass themselves in front of a panel of judges. I even expected the tranny (thanks to a media tip-off). But there were two things I didn’t see coming…
1) The special effects. Apparently Tyra is a really big “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?” fan because she totally stole their state-of-the-art lightening and beaming effects. She also clearly worked with a cyborg dialect coach. Excelsior!
2) I actually LIKE some of these girls. That hasn’t happened in forever. I was pretty convinced that every aspiring model in the world was a small-minded, selfish, vapid, evil backstabbing bitch.
But while Isis (the tranny) comes off as a little slow, she also seems like a really good person. She works at a non-profit and she is actually a trained model. She even impressed Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker with her lighting knowledge (though not so much with her booty which the camera caught him checking out. That was a yuck face if I’ve ever seen one.)
I was really impressed by McKey (Mmmkaaaay) who stood up for Isis when the clear villain of the cycle, Clark (with no E), was picking on her. I predict that the Alaskan Moose Girl is going to be brainwashed and become Clark(e)’s minion. I hope I’m wrong, but right now I’m a little down on unworldly Alaskans.
Additionally, I’m pulling for Marjorie to stop slouching, speak up and show everybody what her lanky Fronch arse can do. What she needs is a lesson from Benny Ninja. But really, don’t we all?
I also dig Sheena. She’s loud (in a Rosie Perez kinda way) but earnest, confident (real confidence, not fakey model confidence that comes from extreme insecurity) and positive about herself and her fellow contestants.
I’m glad they kept our home-town girl, Elina, but I see many facets of her personality (vegan, pants-only lesbian) becoming stumbling blocks in future challenges. She is screwed the day they do the “cock skirt” photo shoot. But at the very least, there will be some interesting hot tub scenes before she goes.
The rest of the girls’ personas, if they exist, have yet to emerge. But I can’t wait to see what happens. My early prediction, barring any unforeseen disaster, is that Isis will take it. She really knows her stuff and looks great on camera. Tyra wants to give it to the tranny SO BAD. If Isis wins, she will be able to afford the full operation and we know how Tyra likes to take credit for everything she possibly can.
First Impressions of 90210 TNG
More like 9021-Oh my god what did I just watch?
Yes, I watched the original and I know it wasn’t exactly high drama, but damn was it entertaining. The clothes! The hair! David Silver’s white rapping and b-boy dancing! Very special episodes! It earnestly campy and that’s why it worked.
But the two hour pilot of the 2.0 version was kind of a disaster.
I’m embarrassed for all of you.
There is no standout talent. No new Shannen Doherty. (But at least we have the original Brenda.) Just a bunch of pretty (I guess) “kids” who are stiffer than Julia Stiles in a high school production of MacBeth.
The actress with the most potential is AnnaLynne McCord who plays the resident bitch with potential to have more than one dimension. Unfortunately for AnnaLynne, her physical resemblance to Elizabeth Berkley is so overpowering, that even when she’s doing a perfectly acceptable job reading her lines, I still expect her to slam her french fry basket down on the table and scream “Different places!!” at any given moment. Her character’s name is even Naomi.
They made a huge mistake rushing into the back story on the first two episodes. The dialog was painfully expository. The first 20 minutes all the characters explained their relationships to each other.
Annie (the new Brenda): “Well, you’re my adopted brother and that’s why I love you. And I’m glad we moved here from Kansas City so that our dad can be the new principal of West Beverly High.”
Mom (the new mom): “And there are still weddings in California, right? So I can photograph them. Because that’s what I do for a living!”
Dixon (the new Brandon): “And look, there’s Ethan, the guy you met 2 summers ago and kissed!”
And I know these are high school kids whose emotions are generally all over the map but how can Annie disapprove of Ethan’s skanky ways one minute and then forgive him immediately and usher in the sexual tension? You don’t have to wrap everything up in the pilot. It’s supposed to be a SERIES. Frankly, I expected more from Rob Thomas. But it seems Veronica Mars was more an exception than the rule.
And what’s with the look of this show? Is it always going to be so over color-corrected? It’s so dark and orange at times that it feels like it was shot on VHS.
Of course, I’m still gonna watch. At least as long as Brenda is in the cast. (I don’t give a rat dog’s golden poo about Kelly Taylor. She’s as boring as ever.) There were one or two moments that didn’t make me cringe and/or wretch so maybe it will get better now that we know absolutely everything about all the characters.
On a related note, have you seen Jason Priestly lately? I guess he and Zach Galifianakis totally bonded on the set of Tru Calling because Brandon is looking quite fetching these days in his big grizzly beard. I didn’t know he had it in him.
Rrrrrrroooooowr!
Jensen Ackles: Food Actor
The brilliant food acting of Jensen Ackles is pretty much the best reason to watch Supernatural.
Also sometimes people die bloody deaths. But mostly it’s the food acting.
Goodnight Moon(light)
Questions brought up by TV’s Moonlight whilst watching the series finale.
1. Why are vampires brought into an orgasmic state and vamp out when they drink blood from humans, but can drink blood from a glass like it’s a fine Cabernet?
2. Why are the human lady friends always so appalled by the fact that the vamps like to drink small amounts of blood from volunteers? a) That is SOOOOO much better than killing them and b) Vampires drinking blood from you is totally sexy. It’s like making out vamp style. Don’t even act like you’re not turned on by that, Beth.
3. How many times have sensitive vampires said the line “One thing about being a vampire is you’re always having to reinvent yourself.”
4. For that matter, how many times do they start a sentence with “One thing about being a vampire…?”
5. Why do vampires seem to blend in so well fashion-wise, are in fact HYPER fashionable, to the decade in which they are currently living? Aren’t they like really old people? Old people don’t advance WITH the trends. They shun them and praise the old ways. They are confounded by change. I liked that Angel could never figure out how to use a cell phone though.
6. Who wears their hair that this, REALLY?
7. Is wanky pop singer-songwriter balladeering really the appropriate soundtrack for a show about vampires?
8. Is the last scene of the series the biggest anti-climax in supernatural drama history or is there something lamer? Tru Calling, perhaps?
Dancing with the Stars Proves America is a Jerk
I never got into viewer-decided competition programming. I have still never seen an episode of American Idol though I’m still well averse in the vocabulary. I know all about Simon, Paula, Ryan Seacrest, William Hung, etc. I couldn’t ignore it if I tried. And believe me, I have tried.
Consequently, I was never interested in Dancing with the Stars. Who cares if fading celebrities can ballroom dance? I didn’t care if they could do circus tricks either. There was nothing they could do to get me to tune in. Until they brought in the Guttes…
I love Steve Guttenberg. LOVE him. His movie persona was ingrained in me as a child and I never stopped appreciating him. He of the curly locks, inappropriately tight pants, dorky grin and patch of chest hair. He’s the most wholesome guy to ever play smarmy and the smarmiest guy to ever play wholesome. And then he reinvented himself as a bad guy on one of the greatest TV shows of the last 10 years, Veronica Mars. The guy is practically a genius.
But whoo boy, he cannot dance. Not a bit. I checked out DWTS for him and him only and expected to watch only until he got kicked off. It was pretty clear from the get-go that he didn’t have long. But then something unexpected happened. I developed a girl crush on Shannon Elizabeth. Continue reading
Effed by the Wind 
