First Impressions of 90210 TNG

More like 9021-Oh my god what did I just watch?

Yes, I watched the original and I know it wasn’t exactly high drama, but damn was it entertaining. The clothes! The hair! David Silver’s white rapping and b-boy dancing! Very special episodes! It earnestly campy and that’s why it worked.

But the two hour pilot of the 2.0 version was kind of a disaster.


I’m embarrassed for all of you.

There is no standout talent. No new Shannen Doherty. (But at least we have the original Brenda.) Just a bunch of pretty (I guess) “kids” who are stiffer than Julia Stiles in a high school production of MacBeth.

The actress with the most potential is AnnaLynne McCord who plays the resident bitch with potential to have more than one dimension. Unfortunately for AnnaLynne, her physical resemblance to Elizabeth Berkley is so overpowering, that even when she’s doing a perfectly acceptable job reading her lines, I still expect her to slam her french fry basket down on the table and scream “Different places!!” at any given moment. Her character’s name is even Naomi.

They made a huge mistake rushing into the back story on the first two episodes. The dialog was painfully expository. The first 20 minutes all the characters explained their relationships to each other.

Annie (the new Brenda): “Well, you’re my adopted brother and that’s why I love you. And I’m glad we moved here from Kansas City so that our dad can be the new principal of West Beverly High.”

Mom (the new mom): “And there are still weddings in California, right? So I can photograph them. Because that’s what I do for a living!”

Dixon (the new Brandon): “And look, there’s Ethan, the guy you met 2 summers ago and kissed!”

And I know these are high school kids whose emotions are generally all over the map but how can Annie disapprove of Ethan’s skanky ways one minute and then forgive him immediately and usher in the sexual tension? You don’t have to wrap everything up in the pilot. It’s supposed to be a SERIES. Frankly, I expected more from Rob Thomas. But it seems Veronica Mars was more an exception than the rule.

And what’s with the look of this show? Is it always going to be so over color-corrected? It’s so dark and orange at times that it feels like it was shot on VHS.

Of course, I’m still gonna watch. At least as long as Brenda is in the cast. (I don’t give a rat dog’s golden poo about Kelly Taylor. She’s as boring as ever.) There were one or two moments that didn’t make me cringe and/or wretch so maybe it will get better now that we know absolutely everything about all the characters.

On a related note, have you seen Jason Priestly lately? I guess he and Zach Galifianakis totally bonded on the set of Tru Calling because Brandon is looking quite fetching these days in his big grizzly beard. I didn’t know he had it in him.

bearded brandon
Rrrrrrroooooowr!

Jensen Ackles: Food Actor

The brilliant food acting of Jensen Ackles is pretty much the best reason to watch Supernatural.

Also sometimes people die bloody deaths. But mostly it’s the food acting.

Goodnight Moon(light)

Questions brought up by TV’s Moonlight whilst watching the series finale.

1. Why are vampires brought into an orgasmic state and vamp out when they drink blood from humans, but can drink blood from a glass like it’s a fine Cabernet?

2. Why are the human lady friends always so appalled by the fact that the vamps like to drink small amounts of blood from volunteers? a) That is SOOOOO much better than killing them and b) Vampires drinking blood from you is totally sexy. It’s like making out vamp style. Don’t even act like you’re not turned on by that, Beth.

3. How many times have sensitive vampires said the line “One thing about being a vampire is you’re always having to reinvent yourself.”

4. For that matter, how many times do they start a sentence with “One thing about being a vampire…?”

5. Why do vampires seem to blend in so well fashion-wise, are in fact HYPER fashionable, to the decade in which they are currently living? Aren’t they like really old people? Old people don’t advance WITH the trends. They shun them and praise the old ways. They are confounded by change. I liked that Angel could never figure out how to use a cell phone though.

6. Who wears their hair that this, REALLY?
mick

7. Is wanky pop singer-songwriter balladeering really the appropriate soundtrack for a show about vampires?

trucalling8. Is the last scene of the series the biggest anti-climax in supernatural drama history or is there something lamer? Tru Calling, perhaps?

Dancing with the Stars Proves America is a Jerk

I never got into viewer-decided competition programming. I have still never seen an episode of American Idol though I’m still well averse in the vocabulary. I know all about Simon, Paula, Ryan Seacrest, William Hung, etc. I couldn’t ignore it if I tried. And believe me, I have tried.

Consequently, I was never interested in Dancing with the Stars. Who cares if fading celebrities can ballroom dance? I didn’t care if they could do circus tricks either. There was nothing they could do to get me to tune in. Until they brought in the Guttes…

steveguttenbergI love Steve Guttenberg. LOVE him. His movie persona was ingrained in me as a child and I never stopped appreciating him. He of the curly locks, inappropriately tight pants, dorky grin and patch of chest hair. He’s the most wholesome guy to ever play smarmy and the smarmiest guy to ever play wholesome. And then he reinvented himself as a bad guy on one of the greatest TV shows of the last 10 years, Veronica Mars. The guy is practically a genius.

But whoo boy, he cannot dance. Not a bit. I checked out DWTS for him and him only and expected to watch only until he got kicked off. It was pretty clear from the get-go that he didn’t have long. But then something unexpected happened. I developed a girl crush on Shannon Elizabeth. Continue reading

Time Sucker Re: Time Sucking

Pilfered from the great Maura_F.

Empire Magazine's list of the “50 Greatest TV Shows” ever.

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
3. Post your answers

50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City (This show offends me.)

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm (Need to see more of these.)
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation (I THINK.)
36. Father Ted (I've seen a lot of these.)

35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas (What's so special about the Vegas one?)
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter (It's in my library queue.)
29. ER (I can't believe this show is still on.)
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under (Never could get into it.)
26. Red Dwarf

25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs (Enough to know I loathe Zach Braff with every fiber of my being.)
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who (2005+) (Or at least very nearly.)

15. Heroes (Definitely saw all of second season.)
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (2003)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld (Might have missed some episodes here and there.)

10. Spaced
09. The X-Files (Very nearly all though.)
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons (I've seen a hell of a lot of these, but I've missed some new ones over the last couple of seasons.)

West to East

Jesus Christ. How many Twin Peaks alums did Dawson's Creek employ anyway? So far I count 3:

Know Your Way Around Third Earth

Dushku!

I'm going to ignore how terrible and “Dark Angely” this sounds and just be happy that Whedon and Co. are returning to television. For now.

Oh the Horror!

American TV plans to ruin yet another brilliant British program. And this one is sure to be a big disaster. At least it's not sanctioned by the original creators. At all.

This is Why I Can't Take 'Smallville' Seriously

Clark: They're after the map…
Chloe:and the treasure!