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WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

We began the evening by stopping at the Shitty Market in our old hood for movie snacks, before strolling down to Pacific Place to see The Brother’s Grimm. I was delighted to find not only BOTTLES of Blackthorn’s for sale, but also CANS of Strongbow. I felt like I was back in London for a brief moment. The Strongbow beckoned me and I had to purchase a 4-pack for the movie.
Oh Terry Gilliam. How the mighty have fallen. The movie wasn’t BAD certainly. But one has come to expect more from such a man than a cliché script, fairly ho-hum visuals and a whole bunch of jokes about the French. There were one or two cool Gilliam-esque special effects and I must say that the acting was, for the most part, enjoyable. Matt Damon isn’t terrible, even if his accent is (it’s reminiscent of a region of England that Meep would call Genericshire). Heath Ledger was only as annoying as his lines, though he played his character inexplicably gay. Perhaps he was preparing for his upcoming gay cowboys eating pudding film? Jonathan Pryce was, well, Jonathan Pryce, and therefore great, if not underused. It was delightful to see Gareth, even though he is well on his was to Type-cast Town. Overall, however, the film was a bit of a yawn, and that hurts coming from the man who made Time Bandits. It was almost saved by a hinted-at moment of homoeroticism, but they chickened out. Damn you, PG-13!
Meep, Dom and I all felt similar about our luke-warm feelings toward the film. Borg liked it. Krk, a die-hard Python and Gilliam fan, was pretty devastated. So devastated, in fact, that he could only go home and go to bed. The rest of us went back up the hill for a late-night snack and drink at the Canterbury. I was only two Strongbows ahead of everyone else. The Canterbury was fairly uneventful apart from the French-fry orgy.

SATURDAY

I had planned to go to yoga but I decided to forgo exercise for finishing Season One of Battlestar Galactica. As most of you know, it ended in true That-Carnivale-Guy fashion by making everything very open-ended and effed up. Thanks, guy! Even if you are sometimes mediocre, you really know how to leave your audience hungry for more. Luckily, Ben is going to get us caught up on Season Two thanks to his TeVo.
I did my yoga video, which is in no way as intense as the Bikram, but still reasonably effective, and then we got ready to go to Brugos’ Birthday Dodecacathelon. Oh happy day! We loaded the DDR in the car and the Troika + Sherrard headed Brugos-way for a day of games and drinking!
Well, games for everyone else. For me and Meep, it was all DDR all the time. Some of the games we didn’t participate in included Tang (something to do with speed-drinking), Egg-Tossing, Botchee Ball (sp?), and Keg Stands. To our surprise, Sherrard took part in the Keg Stands not once, but TWICE, consequently propelling him into instant drunkenness very early on. The party was, as Sherrard pointed out, a Sausage Fest. The result of this is many many drunken, shirtless men running around being obnoxious. This isn’t as sexy as it sounds. But I didn’t care. I was playing DDR. Meep and I got in round after round. For a long time uninitiated people would periodically pop their heads in and laugh at us before running to the backyard to binge drink. Eventually, a nice, open-minded couple (of course I’ve forgotten their names) who’d never DDR’d before showed up and were intrigued. They played a few rounds, and before long, they were just as addicted as us. The guy actually turned out to be some sort of prodigy, going from “beginner” mode to “light” (which is a fucking misnomer if I’ve ever heard it) mode with ease. Before long, he was playing everyone in light mode while they stayed on beginner and was KILLING the competition. Amazing. After dinner, Meep and I started drinking. For a while, the alcohol seemed to be helping. But only for a little while…
Things started to get a little hazy after that. I noticed the house was getting pretty trashed. I feel kinda bad for the Birthday Boy, who doubtless spent all day yesterday hung over and cleaning. I know there were conversations in the backyard, people eating raw eggs and running laps, a pie-eating contest, Borg, and some other guy jamming in the basement with Dom on drums. Meep and I sang “El Scorcho”. There was some playing with Brugos’ cat, Lucy. There was a crazy Russian guy who broke all Keg Stand records (I think his best was 45 seconds or something) and then passed out on the lawn. There were some drunk jerks (who were probably jerks sober as well) running around insulting people. There were some drunken declarations of admiration (in which I participated). And finally, there was karaoke on the X-Box. The selection was rather limited but I sang not one, but TWO Skid Row songs and had a fucking blast. I also got in a horrific rendition of “Cum On Feel the Noise”. Luckily, I got help on both that song and “I Remember You”. I need more butt rock on our at-home karaoke system, man. It reminded me of sophomore year of college when I hung out with Beth, Allison, Ann and KT at their on-campus house. Erik would pull out the acoustic guitar and we would sing all the butt-rock favorites until the sun came up. I’m telling you, Warrant is the perfect campfire sing-a-long band.
ANYWAY, at 2 or so (I think), poor Dom had to drive all our hammered asses back to the hill. At least I’m pretty sure he had a good time before people became incoherent.

SUNDAY

I may have had two bottles of Cook’s to myself, but it was over the course of 10 hours (yes, the party was that long. Longer, in fact, as we arrived late. THAT is why everyone was so useless by the end of the night.) That and sweating out the booze as I dance dance revolutioned all night. Furthermore, Dom was an angel with the water-bringing. So all I needed was to sleep in till 11 and I was fine.
Sunday was mine and Dom’s 3-year anniversary. Our big plans started with beginning Deadwood Season One. Then we showered and went to the Interbay Golf Course for some mini-golf. The weather held up nicely. Mini-golf was fun apart from the 4-5 year-old girl and her grandma who were speeding through the holes behind us and chasing us through the course. We would have let them play through but they would finish their last hole when we were ¾ through our hole and so it seemed like waiting would take forever. Instead, we finished the whole course in under an hour. Then we stopped at Fred Meyer in Ballard for a quick, romantic shopping trip, before going to dinner at Louis’ Chinese Restaurant. The food was really good, but about half-way through our meal, it became family hour. After dinner, we decided to drive to the U-District to see if we could catch a movie. We decided on The Aristocrats. See Mark, we DO see indie films in the theatre sometimes! We probably should have picked something else though. In retrospect, it seems like a waste to spend $9 on a mini-DV documentary. Overall, the film was interesting, but really not that funny. It wasn’t OFFENSIVE or anything. It was just kind of mediocre humor. Plus, I’m not a very big fan of most of the comedians they featured. Give me the Comedians of Comedy over Drew Carey any day. Plus, I don’t think I like seeing comedies with American audiences. They are so eager to laugh that they don’t really stop to think if the joke is funny or not. They just recognize the fact that they’ve just heard a punch line and so they laugh right on cue. This is, I think, why Meep, Dom and I tend to find ourselves laughing out loud in a silent theatre and vice versa. We actually LISTEN to what’s being said and, if it strikes us as funny, we laugh. It can’t be that our sense of humor is SO VASTLY different than the rest of the country’s, can it?

And thus endeth the anniversary date and the weekend.

NEXT WEEKED: Meep and I celebrate a finished script, and I take Sherwood to Bumbershoot for his Birthday.

August 29, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, Hug Your Television . Tags: , , . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Titular

Last night DZ and I went to a free screening of the film The Baxter, the movie that gives my surname a turkey-like connotation. The director, Michael Showalter, was to be in attendance. In the interest of protecting the innocent (us), I shall heretofore use pseudonyms for the antagonists of the story. As DZ and I waited in line, we were shocked to witness a rare event: A prominent figure in the local film making scene. Let’s call him James Lipton, was HIMSELF checking people’s names off the list. “Oh great,” I said to DZ. “This should be interesting,” I thought to myself. Mr. Lipton approached us and took our names. As I suspected, he recognized DZ’s name (from the numerous times DZ has sought out assistance from him, or invited him to a screening of OURS to no avail. The following exchange took place between DZ and Mr. Lipton as I stood off to the side willing my eyes to stop rolling.

Lippy: DZ! You do animation, right?
DZ: Uh…no. But I make movies.
Lippy: (with a look of complete, smarmy ignorance) And when am I going to see one of your movies?
DZ: Well, we submitted one to One Reel.
Lippy: Oh yeah? Which one was yours?
DZ: Snow Day, Bloody Snow Day.
Lippy: Ah yes. I remember that one. It was good. You came very close. But as I said in my [rejection] email, we had to make room for a lot of retrospective stuff. That takes up around six hours of programming. (DZ nods). Well, keep making movies!

I don’t actually remember what he said as a closing statement. It might not have been “Keep making movies”. But around the time he said “We HAD to make room for a lot of retrospective stuff”, my ears filled with blood and I went deaf with rage. I’m sure whatever he said was equally as dismissive. You HAD to make room for retrospective stuff?! Because there’s not enough of THAT in Seattle? It’s not like we have TWO THEATRES dedicated to showing retrospective works or anything. Who wants a film festival dedicated entirely to the works of local filmmakers? That would be BORING. I’m really glad Meep wasn’t there to see that. Actually, I’m NOT glad she wasn’t there because it would have been REALLY cool to see her shoot laser beams out her eyes and make his head explode. Sure, it would have been messy, but SOOOOO worth it.

Anyway, that little incident concluded, we went into the theatre and settled in for the movie. Another nemesis (a local editor who is EEEEEVIL), sat down across the aisle from us. Lippy came down to the front of the theatre to introduce the movie, doing his usual sycophantic/morning D.J. shpiel of getting the audience to repeat things back to him and cheer for various other projects that the director has been involved in. For the record, I only conceded out of my admiration for the director in question. Anywho, the movie began and I could tell immediately that it was going to be very different from Wet Hot American Summer or Stella. It was very subdued. Very quiet. Almost formulaic. But the cast was spot on and there were many little quirky moments of Stella-ness (non-televised Stella, I might add) thrown in. Justin Theroux was HILARIOUS. The man has got the looks AND the comedic chops. I was pleased to see Peter Dinklage in a role that doesn’t make reference to his stature. He is a very fantastic, understated actor. Many of the Stella/State favorites were there including David and the other Michael, Zach Orth, Joe Lo Truglio, A.J. Miles and even Ken Marino! And I don’t care what anybody says, I like Michelle Williams. She is really very good at being cute and likable. Sometimes it’s hard to look past her Jen Lindley years, but I think she definitely put Jen behind her in this movie. Overall, I would say that the film is worth watching at least twice, but I definitely prefer the Wet Hots of the world. As far as romantic comedies go, however (being a genre that I typically find intolerable), it was very enjoyable and just quirky enough to keep me from losing interest.

After the movie, Lippy introduced Mike Show who is surprisingly reticent without the company of his Stella cohorts. I was also a bit taken aback at seeing him, not only NOT in a suit, but dressed in a very indie looking plaid shirt and jeans. I’m sure he doesn’t wear a suit every day, but I’d gotten so used to seeing him like that. Anyway, Lippy asked his own questions for a while before opening it up to the floor. Here’s where the REAL fun started. God, I hate James Lipton audiences. They try so hard to ask questions that sound insightful and original, but instead they come off as snobbish or sycophantic or just plain crazy.

When Lippy mentioned the editing of the film, Eeeeeevil Editor actually CLAPPED. Why? Because he wanted Lippy and Show to acknowledge HIM. And it WORKED. “Oh, are you an editor?”, asked Lippy? WHO CARES? This isn’t YOUR Q&A! Later, Eeeeevil Editor asked a question about the editing and you could tell that he wanted Show to ask him a question in return. “That’s how WE edited The Baxter. How do YOU edit YOUR movies, Eeeeevil?”

Other stupid questions included:
“Did you have a dwarf in mind when you were writing the wedding planner character?” Answer: No.
A question about the plot that I won’t go into detail about for risk of spoilers, but rest assured that anyone who paid attention to the film would have already known the answer.

And finally…”When is The State coming out on DVD?”
Answer: “I don’t know.”

There were a few good questions in there too. Not everyone at these things is developmentally challenged. Someone asked if “the Baxter” is a real term. Answer: “No. I made it up.” Essentially, Show wanted a word that sounded nebbish and square and a bit old fashioned and that’s what he came up with. The person who asked the question said “Well, I think it works perfectly”. HEY!!!! But yes, it does. Damn.

Someone asked why Show decided to go it alone on this one and he answered that it’s a story he’s been thinking about for a while and it’s basically another side of him that he’s wanted to explore. But he can’t really do that with the other guys around because it always ends up being about dildos and necrophilia. Heh.

I really want to know what these directors think of James Lipton when they come to Seattle. Do they think he’s a tool? Do they think that he revered by all the people that are on his list? Do they think he’s a swell guy?

Despite all my bitching, I would say that it was an enjoyable experience. It was a good movie which I will see again (with Meep, whose crush on Justin Theroux is doubtless going to skyrocket) and it was cool to see a different side of Michael Showalter. But damn that James Lipton.

August 26, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, I Made Movies . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

thu

I missed YET ANOTHER opportunity to see a preview of Serenity. This time it was through the Warren Report. I JUST checked the website yesterday afternoon and then checked it again yesterday evening. During that time, Serenity had been posted and filled up. It’s ok. I have always assumed I was just going to see it for the first time on opening night. But it’s a bit frustrating because who the hell ARE these people that either have fantastic timing, or troll the relevant sites 24/7? In addition, this sort of thing makes me fear for opening night. I realize now that this is likely to be something of LOTR proportions. And that’s GREAT for Joss and the Browncoats because it means we will probably be treated to two more Serenity films. But it also means that no matter where the movie is playing (Cinerama?), I will probably have to get in line straight after work.
I am also sad to report that Dom will be out of town on opening night. The Troika will not be seeing it together. I only hope that Dom will be able to find someone equally (or at least MARGINALLY) excited to see it with him on opening night in Hell-A.

I think I can already hazard a guess as to whom else out of my faithful LJ-ers are planning on descending on their local cinema in coats of brown on 9/30. The day draws nigh, my friends.

August 25, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Red Eye

Last night I went to see a free screening of Wes Craven’s new “thriller”, Red Eye. I wasn't expecting brilliance, of course, but, being a fan of horror, I thought it might at least be entertaining. I really should have taken it as a bad omen when the film opened with a trailer for a movie called Just Like Heaven.

Just Like Heaven is about a cute young successful nurse, played by Reese Witherspoon, who is leading an otherwise “unremarkable” life. (And by “unremarkable”, they mean that she doesn't have a boyfriend. For shame!) One day, Reece dies in a freak accident. (Boo hoo!). But don't cry for Little Miss because then she returns as a spunky, adorable GHOST who, not knowing she’s dead, haunts her old apartment, (now occupied by Mark Ruffalo). The unlikely pair run around trying to convince people that Ghost Reece actually exists and that Mark Ruffalo isn't crazy. Hijinks inevitably ensue. When Napoleon Dynamite shows up as an ineffectual paranormal expert, the hijinks just keep on ensuing! Later, exhausted from all the hijinking, Ghost Reece and Mark Ruffalo discover that…wait for it…they’re fallen in love! Finally, to throw some peanuts on that sundae, the marketing department rapes a Cure song by using it for both the title AND the theme music. It’s Ghost meets The Man with Two Brains but without any of the sexiness of the former or the comedy of the latter! Would that I were joking, friends. WOULD THAT I WERE MAKING THIS UP!! Clearly, the only thing that could redeem a film like this would be to have one of two surprise endings.

1. Ghost Reece is revealed to be the adorable, spunky incarnation of The Prince of Darkness, who, in true Beelzebub fashion, only convinces Mark Ruffalo to fall in love with her so that he can impregnate her and their hybrid offspring can usher in the end of days.

2. Mark Ruffalo is actually in an insane asylum and the entire move was just a hallucination brought on by enough sedatives to bring down an elephant.

Sadly, I have a feeling that neither of those things is going to happen.

As for the feature presentation, it truly amazes me what Wes Craven agrees to put his name on these days. Cillian Murphy I can forgive for participating because I'm sure that when he agreed to make this film, he had no idea that Batman Begins would became a box office success. And also because he’s so very pretty. I could watch a 3 1/2 hour Kenneth Branagh remake of Moulin Rouge if it meant getting to gaze into Cillian's big blue eyes the entire time. But I digress.

But Wes, dude! Were you even awake when you were directing this? Were you stricken temporarily BLIND at the start of filming but were afraid to tell anybody for fear of halting production? I realize that your legacy isn’t exactly filled with think-pieces, but at least movies like Nightmare on Elm Street were FUN. This wasn’t fun. Well, it was fun at TIMES, but only in the sense that scoffing at plot holes with your friends can be fun. However, making fun of plot holes becomes tiresome when you realize that NOTHING in the movie makes sense.

And the characters were so BORING. I couldn’t care one iota about Rachel McAdams’ character. She was dim and uninteresting. Cillian's Jackson Rippner (get it???!!), was engaging at first, whatwith the piercing blue eyes displaying a charming evil which suggests that you would almost enjoy being stabbed to death by his lovely Irish hand. But once I realised that he was given NOTHING to work with, I just wanted to movie to be over. Even the comedy of Cillian's inexplicable display of T-100-like invulnerability wasn't enough to hold my interest. Once again, this movie would have been made SO MUCH BETTER by the surprise introduction of supernatural elements. But alas, we weren't given such a reprieve. We were only given boring, far-fetched political assassination plots. The only person I DID feel sorry for was Brian Cox. Not Brian Cox’s character, mind you. Brian Cox the incredibly gifted actor, who was forced to spend much of the movie sitting in his living room watching “The Comedy Marathon” and acting into a phone.

So what, you ask? You saw a bad movie. There are loads of them out there. What’s the big deal? The big deal is this: While Dom, Andrew and I sat agape at the ridiculous monstrosity before us; the rest of the audience was eating out of Wes Craven’s blind, incontinent hands. They clapped whenever anything remotely actiony happened. They gasped at the extremely predictable “startling” moments. One girl two rows behind us was so invested in the story that she threw herself against the wall in response to a jump cue. The women directly behind us actually said “You go, girl!” I don’t think I have to tell you that I take moments like this as categorical sign of the impending apocalypse.

Maybe Reece Witherspoon is trying to tell us something…

August 17, 2005
Categories: Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Have close of amp delusion

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

Faye and I decided to have a nice, mellow evening in and watch one of the free screeners I have from Lion’s Gate. We were joined by Dom, Sherrard and Borgia. We settled on “Cross Bones”, which looked to be about a zombie pirate and “reality TV”. To say it was awful would be a gross understatement. It felt like we were watching just some guy’s really bad independent horror film. But, in fact, we were watching some guy’s really bad film that’s distributed by Lion’s Gate. What? It also, at many times, felt like we were watching audition tapes. That’s how stiff and embarrassing the acting was. Somehow we managed to make it all the way through this thing, but we decided against watching “the Off Season”, which in theory sounds great, but the trailer made it look even worse than “Cross Bones”. Instead, we decided to watch something we knew was good. So we put in “Transformers: The Movie”. I never tire of the non-stop rock and nostalgia of that film. Plus, it’s always great to watch it with someone who hasn’t seen it since they were a kid because it never fails to blow their minds when they see who supplied the voices for the movie. When you’re a kid, you don’t give two handfuls of crap about Robert Stack or Orson Wells. You just want to see some cool alien robots fight each other.

Thus, fully saturated with rays from the TV, we retired.

SATURDAY

Dom and I set out to get his windshield fixed, since it’s still cracked from “The Time I Almost Drove Dom’s Car”. We went to Novus, hoping they could just fit us in that day. No dice. Dom had to make an appointment for later this week. We also found out that the whole windshield has to be replaced and that Dom’s insurance won’t cover it, since their generous deductible is $150 higher than the actual cost of replacing the windshield. Auto insurance is so useful.
After that we had planned to go and see “Last Days” at the Varsity, so we headed over to the U-district to grab some lunch and hit the Buffalo Exchange beforehand. We had a very pleasant meal at Thai 65 and I had moderate success at Buffalo Exchange (adding a red top to my ensemble!). With 20 minutes to go before the movie started, we were about to head to the theatre when Faye called. I had thought she was going to be indisposed for much of the day as her parents were in town. But they had just left to go to a concert so she wanted to do something outdoorsy (this being a gloriously sunny day). I had been wanting to go swimming for ages, so I asked Dom if he minded us bagging out on the movie. I don’t think he really wanted to see “Last Days” anyway, so he said OK. We were just going to check 2nd Time Around real quick-like to see if they had a copy of DDR when we ran into Andrew and Chris Brugos who were…on their way to see “Last Days”. We chatted with them for a few minutes and then scanned 2nd Time Around to no avail. That’s what I get for wanting to save $10 by not purchasing a copy of the game with the pads. Instead, I ordered a copy from half.com and it still hasn’t arrived. Meanwhile, the pads sit in the living room in their boxes taunting me.
Anyway, we went home so I could grab my suit and then we picked up Faye and drove to Magnuson Park (which Mark might remember from his brief Seattle visit) to swim! It was, of course, extremely crowded, but we managed to find a small patch of grass and rock all to ourselves. Faye and I baked ourselves in the sun briefly so we could be warm enough to go into the water. Meanwhile, Dom scouted out the area. Then Faye and I ventured in to the water as well. So, at Magnuson Park, there is no sand. Only rocks. Lots of rocks that tenderize your feet. I suppose you are meant to wear sandals into the water but Faye and I weren’t about to ruin our shoes so we just tried to ignore the pain. And the algae. The water, despite looking very clear from a distance, is actually filled with a veritable forest of algae (undoubtedly cultivated in the urine of children). It’s kind of gross. But we went in anyway. The water was a pleasant temperature and I’m always a fan of playing in the wake of boats. But I never could fully get over the algae and after a while our feet couldn’t bare standing on rocks, so we stumbled back to the shore (or at least, I stumbled) and lay down in the sun for a bit before heading back to the cit-ay. Despite the way it sounds, it actually was a lot of fun. But next time, I reckon I’d like to find some cleaner water and some goddamned sand.
On our way back, we got some Slurpees and made a plan to look for DDR at Hollywood Video. If it was there, we would have a mini, indoor BBQ and play some DDR. It wasn’t there. It also wasn’t at either of the video stores on 15th (On 15th and the Other One), Rainy Day Music, or Blockbuster (that’s how desperate I had become, that I would be willing to rent from that Christian monopoly). So we gave up the ghost, had our indoor BBQ, and instead of doing something active, we watched Upright Citizens Brigade. We were joined by Sherrard. A few hours later, Faye had to go home and meet up with her parents, and Sherrard and I wandered down to the Nite Lite to meet Ryan, the Kidd, Dan and Marie. Somehow, the fact that it was Seafair weekend had eluded us and we actually had to run through a damned parade to get to our destination. Who the hell has a parade at 9:00 at night?
I would like to that this moment to declare how much I LOVE the Nite Lite. It’s really one of the few bars in Seattle where I feel 100% comfortable. The tough-as-nails woman that runs the bar is always so nice to me (and she REALLY knows how to poor a glass of wine). As divey as place looks, I feel perfectly safe there because I’m sure that if any of the bar flies tried to start something, she would dispose of them herself. I also really love the juke box there. Sure, there’s a lot of bad country on it and I haven’t spent one evening there without hearing “Friends in Low Places”, but the classic rock selection can’t be beat. It’s hard to spend a LOT of money on drinks and it’s easy to have a conversation. Of course, there are two sides to the Nite Lite. I’m not sure why that is. But my love of the Nite Lite is entirely for the Left Side. Sometimes the Left fills up or closes early and you have to go to the Right Side which is louder and less intimate. But when you can get a booth on the Left, it’s heaven.
Sherrard and I chatted for a while and waited for our friends who were in various states of delay. Ryan was waiting for some house guests to show up and Marie was lost. Both of them were held up by this Seafair foolery. Eventually, everyone was accounted for and a good time was had by all. Sherrard and I were left alone once again at the end of the evening to finish our last drinks on the Right side, before stumbling back up the hill to bed.

SUNDAY

I woke up feeling a bit despondent and began cleaning. I knew it was time to go to yoga again. I had been neglecting it for far too long. So I cleaned right up until yoga time. Naturally, since I hadn’t been to yoga in over a month, it destroyed my sorry ass. I am so sore today that it is actually impairing my walking. I needed it. After class, I stopped at Madison Market to spend too much money on vegetarian goodies and then returned home to make a nice pasta dinner and relax. I finished cleaning (who knew my bedroom had a carpet!) and watched George A. Romero’s “Bruiser” before retiring early. “Bruiser” is kinda cheesy, and not quite bloody enough for my taste, but it stars the delectable Jason Flemyng so I’m not complaining.

PS: I finally received DDR in the mail today!!! I am planning to have a Saturday afternoon DDR tournament/fondue party soon. I’m tentatively thinking the 13th or the 20th. Who’s in?

August 1, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

I fly at forsaken

Like most movies that kick complete and utter ass, The Devil's Rejects is even better the second time. It's very rare that I anticipate a DVD release IMMEDIATELY after seeing a movie.

Some soon to be classic lines in cinema:

“I love famous people. They're so much better than the real thing, ya know?”

“Don't you like clowns?! Don't you think they're fuckin' funny?!”

“The next words outta your mouth better be some fuckin brilliant fucking Mark Twain shit cos they're definitely gonna be printed on your fuckin' tombstone.”

Thank you, Rob Zombie, for making a film so brilliant that it can make you laught, cry and leave the theatre loving all the characters, yet not having any compassion for anyone. And then, when you find you DO have some compassion for the extremely fucked up serial killers with the hilarious lines, you feel a little wrong about it. It's what Todd Solondz has been trying (and failing) to do for years. And you, Mr. Zombie, made it happen. And threw some pretty sweet blood spurting and brain splattering in all the while. Love. This. Movie.

title or description

PS: I'm also all the more convinced that Dave Sheridan should play Lyle in PLOTLD.

July 27, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Mingle Mangle Mix-A-Lot

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

Jacob met me at the office around 4:30, suitcase in hand, and we blew on up to the Hill. Dom, Jacob and I got some delicious Thai from a place around the corner from the Zookster pad, and then we met Faye at her place to be really geeky and get to Pacific Place early enough for The Devil’s Rejects. We got temporarily distracted by the broadcast of “Firefly” on Sci-Fi, but managed to tear ourselves away around 7:45 for the 8:30 showing of the movie. We never know what to expect for these things. We’ve been shivering in anticipation for months for this movie, but we have no way of knowing if the rest of American feels the same way. It ain’t Harry Potter. Still, better safe than sorry. When we got to the theatre, there were only about 20 people already seated. However, as 8:30 drew nigh, more and more people (and by people, I mean teenagers) trickled in. One guy even came dressed in a spot-on Captain Spalding outfit. He was talking like Captain Spalding too, which prompted another audience member to tell him to “Shut the fuck up”. We were subjected to the usual billions of commercials, followed by quite possibly the WORST set of trailers ever collected (including “The Cave”, that moto-cross movie and, of course, “The Skeleton Key”, which is quite possibly the WEIRDEST ad campaign for a horror film I’ve ever seen). By this time, the theatre was getting quite full (though still not packed), and we were definitely among the oldest people there. Let me put it this way; to look at the audience, you’d think Hot Topic was the official clothier of The Devil’s Rejects audience.

But then the movie started. Despite the fact that some bonehead left the house lights up until around 10 minutes into the damned movie, we were enraptured and immediately sucked into the world of Rob Zombie. The movie did not disappoint. At all. It was quite possibly one of the most violent movies I have ever seen. It was hilarious and moving and disturbing all at the same time. Now, I HATED “Natural Born Killers” (and not because “it glorified violence” or anything, but because it was supposed to be this big parable, but the main characters were so irritating that I just didn’t care what Oliver Stone had to say), but Rob Zombie made these characters so complex. Sometimes you really did forget that they were cold-blooded killers and you wanted to see them win. Other times, you couldn’t possibly root for them because what they were doing was so horrible. And then he made The Law into the most vicious character in the movie. Kudos, Mr. Zombie, for making a film that was fun and also made you think. Not about “society and media” but about the many levels of these characters that you have created. You have made a damn good, solid film. And when that girl got splattered all over the road by a truck…well, that was pretty sweet too.

After the movie, we were giddy and exhausted. We met Borgia and headed back up the Hill to the Six Arms. After one beer, Jacob, Dom and I were ready for bed. Faye and Borgia stayed out so I don’t know what hi-jinks ensued after that.

SATURDAY
We slept in for a very long time. Jacob and Dom watched “King of the Ants” (very good movie) on DVD while I flitted in and out and dyed my hair. We called Faye, but I guess she must have stayed out pretty late because she was in no mood to make decisions about the day. Jacob and I took matters into our own hands and went out to get some coffee and rent the new “Constantine” DVD with 18 minutes of deleted scenes and an alternate ending. We did enjoy “Constantine” quite a bit (not Shakespeare, of course, but it was a fun movie), but because the original ending of the movie was kind of dumb, we thought perhaps the alternative ending would make the entire viewing experience more satisfactory. Now, since I saw “Constantine”, I took up reading the Hellblazer comics from which the character was taken, and have grown quite fond of the story. Of course, the specific Hellblazer story that the movie is “based on” is pretty much nothing like the end result, and is, in fact, far superior. But if you forget all that when you watch the movie, it’s still a good way to waste a Saturday afternoon. Especially the part where the Gavin Rossdale demon dies. And I always like me some Shia LeBouf wackiness. The deleted scenes, however, were weird. Apparently, they had another character entirely in there (a demon with whom Constatine has a sexual past; a character who actually is in the comic), who they cut out. The dialogue is still the same. They just re-shot the scenes for the movie without her character in there. I guess they thought the notion of Keanu Reeves having sex with a demon was too horrific, even for a PG13 audience. Or something. And the alternate ending is SO GODDAMNED CHEESY! SPOILER ALERT So Shia’s character (who, in the comic, is actually a 35-year old man with a wife and kid; not the rookie apprentice they made him in the movie), dies (of an instantaneous concussion, I guess) and it’s all sad and whatnot. But they leave it at that. In the alternate ending, Constantine visits the cemetery with his new girlfriend, and as they are leaving Shia’s grave, Constantine turns around to see Shia’s ghost sitting on top of the gravestone. But then…get this…he sprouts motherfucking WINGS and flies up to heaven. I’m not kidding. So. Lame. Give me Keanu on a rooftop looking broodily out onto an L.A. skyline and then popping some nicarette any day over that “Touched by an Angel” bullshit any day. I guess that’s what the test audiences thought too.END SPOILERS. Also, END RANT.

We touched base with Faye at this point, still trying to keep the location of the evening’s belated birthday party a secret, while still coaxing her downtown in time. The plan, we thought, was for me, Jacob and Dom to hang around downtown while Jacob checked out some sales at the “overpriced cotton dress shirt” store, and then to meet Faye, Borgia and Sherrard at the Noodle Ranch. But because Faye didn’t know where we were going to end up later, she though the Noodle Ranch was too far away. Plus, she’d already eaten a big snack. So we waited another hour (at Von’s which Sherrard described as an upscale TGI Fridays. I agree. Worst $7 martini ever). Sherrard hooked up with us and we met the attractive couple at Bambuza. I’d always wanted to try it. The meat dishes are a bit overprices (undoubtedly due to the word “bistro” in the name of the restaurant) but the vegetarian dishes were pretty normally priced, so we just got 5 or 6 of those to share. The food was AMAZING. The long beans were succulent. The noodles were heavenly. Highly recommended.
During dinner, we witnessed one of the most priceless Sherrard moments in history. Bare in mind that we were still trying to keep the evening’s events a surprise for Faye. At an unexpected interval, Sherrard announced to the table “So, I’m really excited to go to Gameworks”. The table fell into dead silence for a moment as everyone stared blankly at Sherrard. “What? Do I have something on my face?” he asked. I turned to Faye and said “Surprise! That’s where we’re going” and everyone irrupted in laughter. Sherrard was very embarrassed but we were all just really amused. It was a priceless, cinematic moment. And besides, Faye apparently already had a pretty good idea where we were going anyway. There’s not that much to do downtown. Still, I had really wanted to play a joke on her by leading her into the Fox Sports Grill and shouting “Happy Birthday”.

So with full bellies, we wandered over to Gameworks. We began with a drink and met up with Kayobi, Matt and Legolas (I can never remember his real name). Later, Adam showed up. Later still, B-Rex and B-Rex-ette (I guess I’m bad with names in general, and she doesn’t resemble anyone in LOTR). With a nice buzz going (for some of us), we retreated to the floor to get our game on. I haven’t been to Gameworks in quite some time. We were pleasantly surprised to learn that there are a lot of interactive games now that are almost like working out. There’s air hockey, which I’ve always enjoyed immensely, that is pretty intense, there’s a bicycle race game where you actually have to peddle, there’s the basketball and baseball games in which you actually swing and shoot respectively, and there’s even a soccer game where you have to kick a ball. Best of all, of course, is Dance Dance Revolution. I had never played before. I was always a little wary of it due to my extreme lack of coordination. But Kayobi talked me into it and, after two games, I was completely hooked. By the time we left, two hours later, I was sweating. Gross. But fun. Fun as hell. Apologies to Faye for keeping her there longer than she wanted so that we could get our DDR Ya Ya’s out. Hopefully Faye still had an OK time.

Then we headed back up the Hill to Bill’s. Lily Taylor the waitress was back. She was her usual giddy self. We replaced our burned calories with cheese pizza and beer and then headed home to sleep.

SUNDAY

Sherrard joined Jacob, Dom and I for breakfast at the Canterbury. We were going to try Coastal Kitchen for once, but when we got there, we realized why we probably never tried to go there before. There was a 30 minute wait for a table. On Sunday morning, you do NOT want to wait for a table.
At Canterbury, we had a top-notch waiter who was cool, polite, and attentive. Best of all, he when the cook got our order wrong, he corrected it in less than a minute. I wish he has been there when Mark was there instead of the lazy, lackadaisical waitress. Breakfast was perfect and hit the spot. Following that, we needed some TV time. We finished up the last episode of Buffy (I still can’t help but tear up at several moments in that damned thing. Especially when Andrew tells Xander how Anya died and Xander says “That’s my girl. Always doing the stupid thing”) and then put in some The Office, Season 2. Jacob and I had planned to go to yoga, but it was just too beautiful a day to ruin with indoor exercise. So we went downtown so Jacob could check out one more sale, and then we finished off my Gameworks card for a few more matches of air hokey and one more round of DDR. We returned home where I prepared a glorious nacho orgy, and then we had a PLOTD meeting. The meeting part isn’t the most exciting way to end a Sunday, but it had to be done. Besides, we were discussing our dream cast for PLOTD, and that was kind of fun. Even if I know there’s no way in hell we could get Steve Coogan. –sigh-

Thanks, Jacob, for coming up this weekend. It was a rare treat to see you two weekends in a row!

PS: Who wants to catch another showing of The Devil’s Rejects sometime this week (possibly Wednesday)?

July 25, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Spoiler Town

AAAAAARG! On the bus on the way home, a well-meaning Joss Geek noticed the Serenity patch on my satchel and asked if I'd seen the movie. I told him no and before I could say that I didn't want to know ANYTHING, he let a mild spoiler slip. I won't say what it was because I don't want to spread the bad ju-ju but needless to say it was the hint of a doozy and now I can't stop thinking about it. This is why I don't talk to strangers!!!

July 5, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

apache

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

A bunch of us went to see the LONG AWAITED new George Romero zombie film “Land of the Dead”. We knew it was going to be cool because it's the man who INVENTED the genre. Still, I was a little worried about there being name actors in the film. I always liked the anonymity of the actors in the other “of the dead” movies. It made the whole situation seem more real. My fears were assuaged early and often. Simon Baker is dashing and dreamy, Asia Argento is the cutest lil Italian prostitute with a machine gun ever. I want to put her in my pocket. Even John Leguizamo was really good. Dennis Hopper, of COURSE, was tremendously amusing. The violence was creative and delightful. The zombies looked cool as hell, and Romero totally sold the whole “smart” zombie thing. There were two really exciting cameos too. The first was that of the endearing “smart” zombie from “Day of the Dead, Bub. The second was Tom Savini. Tom Savini rules. Supposedly, Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright are in there as zombies somewhere too but we didn't see them. It was, after all, a LAND of the dead. And it was really quite a perfect film.

After the movie, Faye, Sherrard and I headed over to Queen Anne for Dan's birthday. He was having an “Iron Curtain” themed party. There were people there dressed in whatever they considered to be european 80's club attire. I rifled through my closet to find something acceptable but Dom told me I looked like Brittany Speares and Faye said I looked like a “Madonna Supporter”. I'm not proud of either of those comparisons. Turns out it didn't matter too much anyway. It was a party and everyone was HAMMERED. Only about half the attendees were in costume. Faye and I saw an old college friend who we were actually happy to see. That so rarely happens. Everyone was in a pretty good mood too. Fun party. The only downer that happened was that a particularly snobby Tacoman decided to make fun of my drunken state by quoting one of my less than intellectual sounding utterances in Ahe's book. I was quite heavily intoxicated at this point in the evening and I knew that I would be too hung over to attend the Saturday yoga class. So I commented to Sherrard (I think this is pretty close to what I said) “I am so not making it to yoga tomorrow. I am so fucking serious”. Admittedly, it sounds pretty stupid when taken out of context. The context being the fact that I was drunk and that yoga carries with it a certain stigma that I don't normally subscribe too. Regardless, what she did was cruel and unnecessary. And why she decided to direct her cruelty toward me at that moment is beyond me. I may never have exchanged more than 10 words with this person. Admittedly, what I said sounds pretty stupid when taken out of context. And I make fun of people I don't know all the time. But to do it in such a way that she knew I would see it. It just wasn't nice and it kind of brought me down for a little while. Still, it might help me curb what I say about people I don't know…for a little while at least. After a while, the embarrassment and hurt subsided and I continued to enjoy myself well into the wee hours.

SATURDAY

Ow. I slept well past noon in an attempt to alleviate a very painful hangover. I was in my pajamas till after 4, at which time I showered and prepared myself for the evening's festivities. We started with dinner at the Canterbury where we gorged ourselves on too many fries and milkshakes. Then it was off to a Nimble Productions fundraiser to help the fine fellows earn enough money to buy the festival rights to “Here Comes Your Man” by the Pixies. They screened the short and made a very good case for why they needed that particular song. It was a very funny and well produced short so I hope they can make it happen. After that we headed back to the Hill for Kayobi's housewarming party. We met Kayobi's three awesome cats (one of whom is the very definition of butter ball) and saw their very cute new apartment . For their gift, I brought them a drinking game called “What the F*ck”. In this game, a person must choose between two undesirable activities and everyone else must guess what the person in question will choose. Those who guess incorrectly must drink. It's pretty simple because, well, it has to be. Complicated drinking games never go over well. This one didn't go over as well as I thought it would, however. A lot of people were disgusted by having to choose between two human secretions to consume (in popsicle form) or deciding what they would rather insert into their various orifices. After a short while, the game trailed off. I, for one, enjoyed myself. But then again, I've proved myself to be rather anti-intellectual this weekend, whatwith brain-busting quotes and high-brow games about boogers. Faye wasn't feeling well, so she left the party early with Borgia. I walked home on my own and had a GREAT time. I had never strolled through the quiet parts of Capitol Hill by myself so late at night. There are so many huge beautiful houses in tucked-away cul-de-sacs. I've been living in the city for so long that I forget how rare it is to have total silence. As I was walking through the neighborhoods, all I could hear were my own footsteps and the occasional backyard fountain. It was creepy and exciting all at the same time.

SUNDAY

Another lazy morning. I woke up around noon to the sound of helicopters overseeing the Gay Pride Parade. Dom and I tooled around the apartment for a few hours, enjoying doing nothing. I wrestled with Tobe a little bit. Then we headed to West Seattle for Dom's sister's baby shower. It was a pretty atypical baby shower. It was really more like a party. They had a keg and people were just hanging out and talking. There were, however, kids everywhere. That many kids around makes me nervous. I'm not sure why. We found out the possible names of Dom's future niece or nephew. If it's a girl, she will be called “Indie” (but that's Dr. Jones to you). If it's a boy, he will be either called “Vann Damon” or “Issac”. We were dismayed that they weren't going with our suggestion: Optimus Prime. It works for either sex!
We had to take our leave to go and record audio commentary for the “Snow Day” special edition DVD. Recording commentary is hard. You want to impart useful information and you also want to be funny. Marrying the two is where it gets tricky. I think next time we definitely need to be drinking. I think it's the key. Everyone knows the best commentary in history is the drunken commentary on “Cannibal, The Musical”. Apparently, there's a drunken commentary on the new “Orgazmo” special edition too. I've yet to hear that one.

And now the weekend comes to a close. We have quite a full week ahead of us, starting with meeting Bruce Campbell tomorrow at his book signing in the U District. We plan to hand him a copy of “Snow Day” but there are all kind of crazy rules printed on the signing ticket so he may tell us primitive screwheads to piss off. Like in the deal. Wish us luck.

June 26, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, I Made Movies . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

who's my daddy?

Last night, Faye, Ahe and I went to see “The Crow: Wicked Prayer”. As usual, I won’t spoil the review that Faye will eventually post for Bad Movie Whateverday, but I want to make a comment or two.

First, I want to say that I LOVED the noc noc happy hour. Who can argue with $1 beers and $2-3 meals? Not me. I can argue with some of the juke box selections, but you can’t have everything. Best of all, the happy hour goes till 9:00! I will go back there again, to be sure.

After 4 beers, I had a nice buzz going, and we headed over to Pacific Place. When we walked in, we were the ONLY ONES in the theatre. This was very exciting. I thought that meant a night of heckling was in store. Sadly, a John Gulager-looking fellow strolled in. (After we realized that it was a Dimension film, Faye joked that it probably WAS John Gulager). Then later, two girls sat behind us. We couldn't talk through the whole film NOW. But there were still some jokes that needed to be made because

1)When did Edward Furlong get so strange looking? I actually found the “romantic” scenes completely unbelievable (and a little nauseating).
2)Tara Reid’s hair was ridiculous.
3)David Boreanaz either took this role because he knew he would completely outshine everyone else in the cast, or else his baby needs new diapers. Regardless, he basically played Angelus which I always enjoy.
4)I think Macy Gray is developmentally challenged. In the brain.
5)Dennis Hopper plays a role that was obviously written for a young rapper and not an old character actor. Hearing him call Tara Reid “shorty” just sounds wrong.

So all the above elements made it funny. But there were a few things that annoyed me too. When the original Crow came out, I was in high school and already a fan of the comic. I certainly wasn’t cinematically educated at that point in my life (as Faye so deftly pointed out when I was still trying to put this emotional response into words) but I knew that I loved the movie. I found it funny and delightfully violent and beautifully sad (without being pukingly so…save the irritating little girl). Brandon Lee was so good. He really understood the character he was playing. He knew that even though Eric Draven was a man who was the victim of tragic circumstances, after he was brought back to life by the powers that be, he was no longer a man, but a spiritual force designed to “put the wrong things right”. He held the painful memories of what had happened, but he used them only as a tool to complete his task. He was still haunted by his past somewhat but because he was no longer a man, these ghosts didn’t prevent him from doing what needed to be done. And when the Crow kicked ass, he was like an automaton. And it was COOL. Edward Furlong’s Crow is a whiny sniveling “why me” little bitch and I so wanted Angelus to beat his ass. But sadly, that didn’t happen.

My hang-ups about the past aside, I really did enjoy the movie. All you naysayers who didn’t come with us, you guys missed out.

On an unrelated topic, I'm very sad about Anne Bancroft. I didn’t even know she was sick. I hope that Mel Brooks is OK. I saw an A & E biography on him and when the two of them talked about when they first fell in love, they were glowing. YEARS LATER. It was really cool. Especially when Mel Brookes said, only half joking, that he couldn’t believe he’d conned her into marrying him.

June 8, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

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