Bad Movie Monday reviews are back! Read this. It's safe for work. Unless laughter is frowned upon at your work. Soon, the old Bad Movie Monday reviews will be up and then I can go back to reading Faye's review of “The Butterfly Effect” once a week and people who did google searches for “pretend to be an amputee” and found our site will no longer be disappointed.
Happier days with lower interest rates
WEEKEND RECAP
Friday
Well, the long awaited, much fretted over day was upon us. I headed to the Cinerama straight after work to meet 1 Ben Dur and get in line. I am that much of a geek. However, since Ben and I were the first to arrive, we decided to lay low in his car until a line began to form. This is after I got a dirty look and an eye roll from the girl at the ticket counter. Hello, Cinerama employees. Do you know where you work?
Anywho, Ben and I pulled out our towels and waited. People began to trickle in, many dressed in bathrobes, many more with towels. This would have been fun were I not so damned nervous.
We got our seats in the balcony, which I will never sit in again. I didn't realise that they are designed for people over 6 feet, as there is a giant bar right at my eye level. So I knelt on my feet and prepared for the movie. I was hoping for a Serenity trailer but instead got “Monster in Law” and “Herbie: Fully Loaded”. Interesting demographic.
Spoilers contained herein.
The movie started and I was genuinely excited. I loved the dolphin musical number. I loved Martin Freeman as Arthur straight away. I also loved Mos Def as Ford and immediately forgot about the accent. He was perfectly awkward and quirky.
When the Earth blew up, I got chills. Fantastic. But they started hammering home the love story hooplah from the word go (a camera phone picture? Come on! Arthur is NOT that sentimental). I'll just go on the record right now and say that not only is Trillian not the love of Arthur's life (it's Fenchurch, as annoying as she was at times), but that the whole idea that Arthur would fall in love with some girl he met once at a party and harbor “feelings” for her after all these years is ridiculous. Furthermore, it's directly in opposition to the character of Arthur who is presumably so level-headed that he would never suspect his best mate to be an Alien. So un-romantic that it took him ages to work up the courage to do anything heroic. This is not a man who would hold out hope for a fleeting crush. If anything, Arthur's fixation on that party was more the fact that his manhood was called into question by Zaphod than a love-at-first-site situation.
As for Zaphod, well, I was TOTALLY buying Sam Rockwell’s performance…until that fucking second head popped up and I realized I would have rather had them have NO second head than do what they did. That flip top, Pez Dispenser thing looked cheap and was very distracting. That moment where chaos breaks out on the Heart of Gold and Zaphod runs around like an idiot with his head popping up and saying things is so horrible. Once he had the head removed, I could deal with Zaphod again.
The Humma Kavula episode was boring and contrived. I know they said Douglas Adams wrote this part himself but I can’t help but think that what he wrote was vastly changed post-mortem.
That strange woman who was in love with Zaphod was also boring and contrived.
Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast was probably one of my favorite parts. He was perfect and he reminded me of Jennifer Saunders from AbFab which was a take on that character that I never would have thought of.
Alan Rickman as Marvin was aight. Marvin just didn’t have much to do is all.
The ending made me want to vomit.
All in all, and I’ve thought about this quite a lot, the movie wasn’t as bad as it could have been. But it also wasn’t nearly as good as it could have been. I know that they had a lot of pressure to cater to the fans and also to a new audience, but unlike Peter Jackson, they chose the wrong things to take away from the story, leaving it an empty shell of a film. I realized after my post-film drinking binge, that most of my favorite parts of the story are Douglas Adam’s little philosophical tangents. I love how he dis-proves the existence of God. I love the bit about the 3-breasted whore. I love all the stuff about Ford’s past and how he is just basically this mooch who likes to get drunk and hang out with women. You don’t see any of that stuff in this film. I suppose, it’s to be expected because it’s a Disney film. But still, that darkness is part of Adam’s humor and, if you ask me, a very important part of the essence of the story. I don’t see how they could possibly made a decent sequel or sequels to this film without all that darkness because it only gets worse in that world for all those characters. Faye was right. Seeing this film, for me, was like seeing Fellowship of the Ring for her. It was more painful and stressful than just a fun movie-going experience. I need to see it again to solidify my thoughts because right now they are more emotional than reasonable.
And that’s all I’ll say about that. For now.
End of spoilers.
After the movie we went to the Nite Lite to drown ourselves in Journey sing-a-longs and beer. Aaaaah….
Saturday
Tobe went to the vet in the morning and we learned that he has gingivitis but is otherwise fine. We also learned that when he’s nervous, he has the ability to shed his bodyweight in fur.
After that, Faye and I took naps because we were HUNG OVER. Then we finished the script that we have been working on for 3 and a half years. Hoorah!
By that point, our brains were too fried to do anything but rent “Wild Things 2”. And thank god we did. Comedy. Gold. Faye is writing a review for it as we speak.
Sunday
Yoga hurts.
the day of reckoning…
Tonight is the night of truth. I'm going to see the long-awaited, much scrutinized, somewhat criticized and all around thin-ice-treading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with some fans of the books and some people who just like movies. It will be interesting to see what the fans think as opposed to the uninitiated. I am nervous. I don't want to hate it. I want to love it as I loved LOTR. Moreso, I want to love it more than I've ever loved a movie based on a beloved book. Time will tell. (And that time is 7:00 tonight).
In an unrelated topic, why is it that animals are cute when they yawn, but people aren't?
turnaround gurkha
After much anticipation and trepidation, I watched the “Hitchhiker's” trailer last night…
Here are my very mixed impressions. For anyone who cares. Which is probably just me.
Good: Straight off the bat, it was thrilling to see Arthur in his bathrobe.
Bad: It hurt to hear Ford's American accent although he says “What if I told you I was from another planet?” instead of “What if I told you I wasn't from Guilford”. So maybe this Arthur thinks his friend Ford is from Detroit. Regardless, it's changing a major characteristic of Ford and I don't like it.
Good: I still think Mos Def is a good actor and he JUST MIGHT be able to pull it off.
Good: The Vogons!
Bad: There's some slapstick jokes in there. They might be great in context but I worry that they might have stuck too many of these in just to appeal to the sub-intellectual American audience.
Good Trillian's cute little pajama-space outfit. I think she will be a charming Trillian and much more interesting than the one in the book and (especially the BBC series).
Bad: The obvious push for the Arthur/Trillian “love story” which is evident even in the split second that Trillian is being attacked by something or other and shouts “Arthur!”. Trillian was never in love with Arthur! She had the classic “Bad Boy” syndrome and that's why she chose Zaphod.
Good: The few lines I heard from Sam Rockwell were delivered very well. I still think he was a great choice for Zaphod.
Bad: I STILL hate the situation with Zaphod's head. When his first head “flips back” to reveal his second, he looks like this He-Man action figure I used to have. VERY cheesy. And it's not at all the way it was described very clearly by Douglas Adams. I just don't understand why they couldn't have done what they did in Men In Black 2. I can understand being on a budget but it would have been SOO worth it. That is something that I, as a director (or producer or anyone in an position of power) would NOT have been flexible on. And after waiting for 10 years to make this film, you'd think they'd want to get it right.
Good: Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Martin Freeman is the PERFECT choice. And he even gives a little “Tim” look to the camera when Zaphod says that he and Ford shared 3 of the same mothers. Hopefully Martin Freeman's acting will overshadow all of the other little problems that I forsee.
I'm still pretty excited about the film. I realise I'm being hard on it. But that's what fanboys and girls do.
But seriously, guys…is having TWO PROPER HEADS too much to ask?! Apparently, yes.
Amatuer Match
Last night I watched the DVD compilation of the work of Michel Gondry. It is very entertaining and I enjoyed it as much as I enjoy his films (Human Nature being one of my favorite movies), but I found this DVD to be EXTREMELY intimidating as well. Part of me was thinking “if only my dreams were as eccentric as his, I could come up with cool ideas for films and videos too!” But it's not just his IDEAS. The man gets an idea and then he knows EXACTLY how to pull it off. It's one thing to think “I want Beck to follow his shoes. I want dozens of Kylies to walk around the block together. I want the White Stripes to be made of LEGGOS!”. It's another thing to DO it and make it look awesome and not at all special-effects laden. I was in AWE watching the Kylie video. I honestly could not figure out how he did it. I fell back on the notion that it must be a blue screen. BUT IT WASN'T! HOLY SHIT! He's just some sort of savant!! It's a good thing my film aspirations are low concept (lots and lots of bloody gore) because otherwise, just knowing Michel Gondry exists would be enough to make me want to crawl into a hole and never attempt to make a movie again.
On a different note: The “Hitchhiker's” trailer is finally on line and I can't bloody watch it till I get home!!! Poo sticks!
nonono!
So I just saw this link with some prototypes of action figures for the upcoming Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie (for which I'm equal parts deliriously excited and pants-pooping terrified). And I noticed (even before I read the text) that Zaphod Beeblebrox is suspiciously one-headed and two-armed. That is 100% unacceptable. I read a rumor a while back that they were saying his second head was in his ear. Here they are saying something about his face flipping up to reveal a second head. Either way, they are wrong wrong wrong!!! Now, I know that it's a book and therefore open to interpretation, to be sure. But Douglas Adams SPECIFICALLY described in extensive detail about how Zaphod has two VERY VISIBLE heads and four arms. Otherwise, why would Zaphod have to wear that elaborate Halloween costume in London where he meets Trillian?! There are countless other gags that will be ruined by this retarded “interpretation” of the character's look. Not to mention the fact that it would be EASY for them to give him a CG head. Just look at what they did in Men In Black II:
Maybe there were budgetary issues, but this seems to me like something that they should be uncompromising on. It's one of the worst things they could have changed. I am not happy. And neither will the millions of rabid Adam's fans be.
The rest of the action figures look great though. Especially the Vogons. But that little Trillian plush thing makes her look like a Bee Gee.
Still no word on whether or not Ford will have an English accent.
PS: Someone give Lara Flynn Boyle a sandwich i.v. stat.
sacrilege, darling
I just watched the first trailer for the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie (which can be seen here at Aint We Cool News) and all I have to say is: WHAT IS THE POINT, TIM BURTON?! Did you POSSIBLY think you could improve on the original? Maybe if it were 1990 and you'd just finished Edward Scissorhands, I MIGHT have some confidence. But one Sleepy Hollow, one Planet of the Apes and one Big Fish later, I realise you are all out of ideas and so you have to make a movie that, from what I can tell, is a terrible “update” to the beautifully surreal look of the original.
Bite me, Burton. Bite me.
Don’t Panic
Last night, a group of us went to see National Treasure as presented for free by The Warren Report. I shan't spoil the delicious badness because Faye is going to write it up as a special Bad Movie Monday review. Check back for that because I'm sure it will be well worth your time (much more so than seeing the actual film). But that's not important now. What I wanted to talk about it was the preview that came before the movie. We don't usually get previews with Warren Report films. Therefore, I was very surprised when I realised I was in the midst of the teaser for the upcoming Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy film. I've blogged about this film before and how excited I am because I really think there's a good chance it's going to be pretty damned good. I've also seen the teaser before on the very very small screen that is a Quicktime window on my computer. In that capacity, it seemed “cute”. On the big screen, however, when the Earth explodes in a great big ball of blue and bits of planet come flying toward you, it is a-effing-mazing! Seriously. I got chills and everything. So that made me pretty happy. Waiting till May will be tough.
This morning, I was reading The Salmon of Doubt which is a posthumously published collection of essays by and interviews with Douglas Adams. In it, there is an interview he did with the Onion in 1998. He was talking about how the rights to the film had just been purchased by Disney and how glad he was that it was finally being made. At that time, various parties had been trying to make this film for 15 years (by now it's 21 years). Adams said that the whole process had been rather frustrating for him because the project was something that meant a lot to him. I won't go into all the details. I'll just mention who has tried to make the film: Ivan Reitman, Michael Nesmith(!) and Jay Roach with Disney (I'm glad that last one didn't pan out. The guy who did Meet the Parents has no business directing this film). I don't know the whole story about what happened to the film after this interview and why Jay Roach isn't directing. (Instead it's Hammer and Tongs, who are best known, by me, as the guys who made Blur's “Coffee and TV” video). I do know that when Douglas Adams died in 2001, the only visual realization of his story that he witnessed was the fairly silly BBC version, which he admits was disappointing. In the interview, he sounded so excited that he would FINALLY see his work on film. He said that he was confident it would be something he could be proud of because special effects have come a long way since the film was first pitched. I'm sure that when he died, he was happy about a lot of things besides movies. But he never will get to see bits of Earth hurling toward him in a dark theatre. I'm sad that he didn't have the opportunity to get chills. Sure, many authors never get a chance to see their characters on film. (And for many of them, that's a good thing). Adams, however, was always “close” to seeing it get made and it just didn't happen in time.
Team America: Fuck Yeah!
Last night I finally saw Team America. (I know it's been out for less than a week, but there was a time when I would have insisted on seeing it on opening night. That was impossible this time).
The review in The Stranger had this criticism of the film:
“It's far too one-sided for its own good. The film is so busy skewering the pomposity of liberals that it almost lets conservatives off the hook, as though the filmmakers took a dare to try to make the most outrageous political satire possible without mentioning a certain name. It's telling that the right's biggest puppet, dear old Dubya, is basically given a pass.”
Reading that before seeing Team America, I was a little worried. I've seen less than perfect South Park episodes. Then again, I've also seen sheer genius. (The Great Expectations episode and the Radiohead episode come to mind).
Well, the movie started and I was laughing from the get-go, whatwith the exploding opening credits followed by another explosion. The songs are, as usual, a strong point (I especially like the ballad “Pearl Harbor Sucks (And I Miss You)”). And then there is the “criticism” of liberal Hollywood. It was then that I realised that some liberals just can't take a goddamned joke. And that's all it was. It IS silly that these celebrities take themselves so seriously. They're fucking actors for christsake! They have the same ideas as any other liberal, yet somehow they feel that just because they are famous, it is up to them to “save the world”. It's true that money talks. But it often feels like it's more of a publicity thing for them than it is social work. Bono is a good example of this.
As for Bushy's absence in the film, I didn't miss him. For one thing, the man practically makes fun of himself. If I need it pointed out to me, Jon Stewart already has that market cornered. It seems to me that Trey and Matt set out to have a good time. They've mentioned before that they only want to make each other laugh. It is clear in interviews that most of the motivation for the jokes are just that “it's funny to see puppets do stuff”. And it is. Especially when puppets fight and explode and die horrible, gruesome deaths. That IS funny. And it's just as funny to see Susan Sarandon splat on the sidewalk as it would be to see Bushy die in a similar fashion.
In short, Team America is a comedy. These are heavy times, so it's nice to see smart that's also light on the social. For the most part, they just wanted to make fun of actors and the silliness of action movies. And I don't mind. I think people expected too much because Bigger, Longer and Uncut was so political. But I honestly don't think they were going for that so much this time. If I want to laugh about politics, I will watch The Daily Show. If I want to laugh about Ben Afleck, I will watch South Park (“You almost make me forget about tacos!”) or Team America. And I'm fine with that order of things.
U R Stupid Dumbass If U Pay Retail Pri-cee For Softwares understand miserable goodbye
A word of warning. I'm going to geek out here today.
A while ago, I caught wind that they were making a Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy movie. This prompted me to re-read the books so that I could enjoy the story once more before it was visually tainted by Hollywood. However, the more I read about this production, the more I think it might actually be pretty good! I've seen small bits of the set and it looks pretty cool. Then there's the issue of casting. All the characters are so great that one bad casting decision could ruin the whole thing. So far, I'm pretty happy with who they've chosen. Especially the choice of Martin Freeman (Tim from The Office) as Arthur Dent. He already displayed his “everyman” qualities in The Office and did so very well. Put him in a bathrobe and he already IS Arthur Dent. I'm also very excited about Sam Rockwell as Zaphod. I was extremely impressed at his charisma in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (and Stella! :P) and I think he could pull off Zaphod pretty well. Of course, there is the question of how they are going to give him 2 heads without it looking ridiculous. Well, as horrid as Men In Black 2 was, I remember being fairly impressed with the realism of Johnny Knoxville's second head. So it might work out just fine. Then there's the question of Mos Def as Ford Prefect. I don't doubt Mos Def's acting ability. My only concern with this decision is that it is unclear whether or not they are going to make him do an English accent. If they don't, the whole joke about Ford pretending to be from Guilford will be lost. If they DO and it's terrible, the whole character will be lost. I have yet to hear a decision on the accent.
The script doesn't worry me either as MOST of it is actually from Douglas Adam's original adaptation. (Well, it doesn't worry me unless I think about Nick Hornby's original screenplay for Fever Pitch. But let's not revisit that one…ever.)
One thing that DOES annoy me already (just in the sense that it's a rude thing to do) is their decision to use Warwick Davis as the BODY for Marvin, the Paranoid Android, but not the voice. What the shit is that? You hire a professional and well known actor to, essentially, act as a double? Why not just save money and hire Mr. Cheapo Small Person to do the body? What's wrong with Warwick Davis's voice? If he can be a scary Leprechaun, he can bloody well play a manic depressive robot.
I began watching the BBC series of the books last night. It was made in 1981 and it is pretty dated. I don't know whether or not I want to keep watching because it's pretty embarrassing at times. Especially the part where Zaphod has a mullet and Trillian, who's supposed to be brilliant, talks like Chrissy Snow from Three's Company.
So that's what I have to say about the matter so far. I'm excited to see what's going to happen and I'm feeling fairly optimistic about it at this point. It helps assuage my fears (and horrors) about the film of Confederacy of Dunces that they're making. Thanks for bearing with me through my little Aint It Cool News moment.
Effed by the Wind 
