Unopened (fwd) Gushing Squirting jessica

It always creeps me out when my name is in the subject line of a piece of spam email. Especially when I'm apparently both gushing and squirting.

Anywho, as irritating as the phrase “T.G.I.F.” is (as well as the chain), I'm beginning to understand the origin all too well. There is definitely genuine relief when I wake up on Friday morning, knowing I won't have to be back in this place for two days. Especially when this Friday has started off pretty badly. I bought cupcakes for my boss's birthday and the frosting melted and slid off. They look pretty horrorshow at this point. Happy Birthday, boss. Here are some nasty looking cupcakes from your street urchin of an assistant. I found a giant run in my stockings on the way here as well so I had to stop at the drug store to get some replacements. And then I got here, knowing all the work I had to do, feeling relieved that the intern could help me with some of the more mundane tasks, and I found out that she quit yesterday. Threw in the damn towel and she's moving to New York to persue her dream of being a cake decorator. I am not joking. It's strange how she never mentioned this dream in her interview when she was telling me how excited she was about learning more about finance. She told my boss that this internship was “boring”. Well, duh, honey. What did they teach you in business school that made it sound interesting?

I really think this job is making me less clever. It's frustrating. I also realized today that even though it's less painful than most jobs I've had, as far as my day to day duties, it's still a desk job. And since I don't have ANY friends in this office (most people I know have at least one co-worker they can talk to), it's pretty fucking lonely here too. Thank god I have you, livejournal. You're not as nurturing as I would like and you never offer any advice, but you always listen and you never make me feel inferior.

Hedwig is tonight!

July 16, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

n/a

1. Who do you admire the most and why?
I admire lots of different people for lots of different reasons. But one person who comes to mind is my friend Kristie who joined the Peace Corpse and was stationed in Uzbekistan where she was pelted with rocks every day by men who called her a whore, and then she got a stomach parasite and lost 20 pounds (she was very thin to begin with) and she still didn't leave until her village was invaded and evacuated.

2. What would you have as your last meal if you were on death row?
I would say Daal, Garlic Naan and papadums. But it's so hard to find good curry in America that I would be afraid that it would be a waste of a last meal. So maybe just the classic pasta with tomato sauce and garlic bread. That's pretty hard to screw up and always delcious. Especially if the sauce has a loaded gun in it with which I can break out of prison and go on the lam. I'm INNOCENT, I tell you!

3. What is your earliest memory?
It's either watching The Dark Crystal in the theatre or sitting on the front steps of my house in Oregon with my brother. I don't know which came first.

4. If you had 3 wishes, what would your 3rd wish be?
My third wish? Why my third wish? Whatever. Probably for my brother to have a normal life. He pretty much got shat on by a vengeful god.

5. If you had to be blind or deaf, which would you choose?
I'm already losing both and so far the vision is more troublesome. So I'm gonna go with that. Besides, if I were deaf, I would never have to hear another Creed song as long as I lived, so that's gotta be a blessing in disguise.

6. Have you ever been dared to do something where the risk exceeded the reward (ie. jump off a building for a penny)?
I'm not one for doing things that endanger my own life. Especially not for a penny. I'll leave that stuff to the Jackass guys.

7. If you had a superpower, which superpower would it be and why?
I've ALWAYS wanted to be able to stop time like that girl from “Out of This World”. And then I could sleep in every day and still make it to work on time.

8. What is your favourite vegetable?
Can't really go wrong with red peppers.

9. In how many different languages do you know the meaning of at least one word?
Do items on a menu count? Cos that would increase the number. Before menus: 11
After menus: 13

10. What did you want to be when you were a child?
A boy.

11. What one event (if any) would you change in your personal past if you had the power to do it once? Can't think of one specific turning point that I would have changed but I might have told my 7-year-old self to take it easy on the knees.

12. What’s the one question you want to be asked of you in an interview?
Is $500,000 enough for a starting salary?

13. Have you ever cheated death?
Apparently during my first knee surgery, they had a hard time waking me up from general anesthesia. But I obviously don't remember that so it wasn't that scary.

14. What was the most important decision you’ve ever had to make?
Deciding where to go to college. It didn't seem THAT important at the time, but my life would be 100% different if I'd gone to Emerson in Boston instead of UPS in Tacoma.

15. Which sports team do you support the most, and why?
The one with your mom on it.

16. Mobile phones (cellphones) – evil or good?
Both. That's kind of a dumb question to end this meme on. So I'll add one.

Bonus: What movie do they show 24-7 in your own personal hell?
Moulin Rouge.

July 15, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary, Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

What the devil does

So my job description is pretty vast. I get to do a lot of random things like plan parties and seminars I won't attend and order the fancy food I won't eat. Today I am looking for an apartment that I will never live in or even see. We have clients in Alaska and we are trying to get more so my boss told me to look for a studio apartment in Anchorage and someone from the office will go up there for a week once a month and stay in this apartment. It's really strange looking for an apartment in a city you've never even been to. I have no idea what a good price for an apartment is, where the good parts of town are or anything like that. I just have to take the ad's word, which makes me nervous. It seems like there aren't NEARLY as many apartments for rent in Anchorage than there are here in Seattle (or even in Tacoma, for that matter).
I also don't like the fact that for every single rental site I go to, (including the Anchorage Daily News Classifieds), I have to register before I can even see what they have. Why do you need to know my gender or date of birth when all I want to know is if you have any furnished studios available?! I've never considered myself a conspiracy theorist, but I can't help but think that somewhere there's a file on me to which they're adding “searched for apartments in Anchorage on July 15, 2004”.

July 15, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Meme of the Day

Here's a shorty since I've already blabbed enough today. I don't know if it's a meme exactly or just 5 questions but I found it on a meme site, so I'm doing it anyway.

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
Everything I have wanted to do that I've had the balls to do, I've pretty much done (apart from little things). I've always wanted to have the nerve to sky dive. But i've heard too many freak stories and I don't have the best luck in the world…

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
Depends on who's asking. If it's a good friend, I tell them the truth (in a nice way). But if I don't know them that well, I'll probably tell them it's great no matter what. I think that's pretty normal, right?

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?
Yes. A friend of mine slept with another friend of mine and she told me details about him that STILL pop into my brain unexpectedly when I'm talking to him. Ew.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
The Buffyverse. I think I'd do pretty well since I know more about it than some of the characters. I'd become a watcher and go live with Andrew in Italy. And then I could smack Dawn over the head whenever I felt like it. I'm going to stop talking about this now before I show my full geek face to the world. It ain't pretty.

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
That is EASY. I wish I could sing/have a stage presence. I have always wanted to be in a band and I have even tried (Faye knows all too well) but no matter how much I want it, there's no arguing the fact that I have ZERO musical talent. I can't even sing on key. It's retarded.

July 14, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary, Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Cockles

I can’t believe it’s only fucking Wednesday. This week is going to be the death of me.
So, I have mentioned the bitch monster that works here with me. She’s 24 years old and is my superior. That wouldn’t be so bad if she weren’t such a little princess and didn’t treat me like crap. Case in point, this morning, at our weekly meeting, she decided (and everyone agreed, including me) that “we” need to organize the office, empty boxes, consolidate, move certain furniture etc. But then I realised that she meant RIGHT NOW and also, “we” meant ME. “Someone has to do it” she said. “I don’t care who”. But then everyone went back into their office and she reminded me that it needed to be started on this morning. So here I am in one of the shortest dresses I own, moving bookshelves, breaking down boxes and sprawling out on the floor doing manual labor. I love to be everyone’s butt monkey! And now it’s 10:30 and I still haven’t done any of the work that’s in my “job description” this morning. Granted, I could be doing it RIGHT NOW instead of blogging. But fuck, I need a break, and I’m too pissed off at that spoiled little designer suited bitch to do any real work.
On a lighter note, I saw a free screening of I, Robot last night with Dom and Faye. It wasn’t as bad as we’d expected. In fact, while certainly not being Shakespeare (or even Asimov), it was pretty damned entertaining right up until the end when it got all Jerry Bruckheimer-pointless slow motion-unrealistic gravity-defying stunts-y on us. Also, there was a pretty weird scene with a cat. I guess they were trying to establish what a nice guy Will Smith’s character was. Whatever. Anyway, I probably wouldn’t recommend paying full price for it. MAYBE a matinee if you’ve already seen everything else. But definitely worth a rent for a mindless evening involving beer.
And Faye promised to start a blog :P so I’m leaving the full review up to her for her first entry. Go Faye!

July 14, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

The Final Countdown

10 bands you have been listening to a lot lately:
-ELO
-The Electric Six
-Everything on KJRfm since that's what I listen to at work
-The Divine Comedy
-Muse
-The Tangents
-Chicago
-The Polyphonic Spree
-The Velvet Underground
-Hall and Oates

9 things you look forward to:
-Sleeping in
-Putting my jammies on
-Nip/Tuck
-Parties
-Lunch
-Doing meme's
-Elyse doing my meme's
-Summer
-5:00

8 things you like to wear:
-Eyeliner
-Black clothing (though not always. I swear!)
-My jammies
-My party dress (50's style with cherries on it)
-A shit-eating grin
-My birthday suit
-Chap Stick
-Dom

7 things that annoy you:
-Being overly full
-People who don't stand to the right on escalators
-Baz Lurhmann
-When people say “You brought this weather with you/took it with you”. Do they actually think that I can control the weather?
-Dropping my gum and not being able to find it and knowing that when I do find it, it will be all over something important (that just happened)
-When it's not busy at work all day and then, at 4:30, I suddenly have 100 things to do
-Having mosquito bites the size of quarters that itch like a motherfucker
-Only being able to list 7 things that annoy me :)

6 things you say most days:
-I heart living in Seattle
-My job is sucking my will to live
-Germans love David Hasselhoff
-I think Faye is mad at me
-I can't wait till my breast reduction surgery
-Shut up, Marilyn

5 things you do every day:
-Check my email
-Poop
-Sleep
-Eat
-Obsessively chec/add things to my daily planner

4 people you want to spend more time with:
-Dom (I know I LIVE with the guy but we're both so busy all the time
-Elyse and Gene
-4 sexually curious hobbits (I'm counting that as one, cos they're small)

3 movies you could watch over and over again: (and you bet I do)
-Transformers: The Movie
-Zoolander
-Showgirls

2 of your favorite songs at the moment:
-Rocket Man
-Elyse and Gene's version of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light”

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
-4 sexually curious hobbits

July 13, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary, Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

A Girl With Extra Baggage

So I'm feeling much better today. It's not Tuesday and even though I'm very tired, I seem to be mostly over my emotional slump. Maybe it was getting drunk on a Monday that did it. I'm still very very tired and looking forward to hopefully having a nice quiet evening at home one night this week. It won't be tonight, though, because I'm going to see a free screening of I Robot which will surely be craptastical. But free. And it will allow me to write a scathing review in this space tomorrow, which will be fun and I won't have to be sad once again that Aint It Cool News is slighting my reviews.

I'm also excited because I'm going to see Hedwig, the live show, on Friday with Elyse, Faye, Chris and whoever else we convince before Friday. It's a chance to see it either a) without the interruptions of the Goth Girl superfan who sang along loudly to every song last time or at least b) one of us having the balls to tell her to shut the fuck up this time. If the latter is necessary, that person will surely be Faye. She's good at blasting scathing insults so cold that it makes you want to crawl up into your own asshole for warmth.

Guess what, you guys! I found a page with, like, 100 meme's on them! My arsenal is full and I will be keeping myself busy for weeks to come! Or at least until I get this horrible meme addiction out of my system. Whichever comes first.

Until later, daffidiles.

July 13, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Did you know Abe Lincoln didn't have a dipl0ma?

You know, I'm starting to get a little depressed about my job again. (I was somewhat enjoying it for a while. Or at least dealing with it). But for the last few weeks I have been really dreading coming in and have even called in sick a couple times. This is not the sign of a happy worker. I feel a little bad about it. Especially since a) my boss is nice, b) I realize that not only is my job not too bad, but a lot of other people have much worse jobs. And I'm not even talking about worse office jobs (Faye). I could be working at Dick's or that place I temped a few years ago wherein all I did was (literally) enter social security numbers into a data base for 8 hours a day. So deep down (or not even that deep) I know I shouldn't be complaining. But right now I have a childlike indignence about the fact that I can't “be what I want to be when I grow up”. And that is to DANCE! Just kidding.
Anyway, It doesn't help that one of my co-workers is really kind of a mean, spoiled brat and she is my superior.
Also, I seem to have a pretty bad “case of the Mondays” as it were. Not to sound too much like a Garfield cartoon, but I broke the coffee pot this morning for no discernible reason. I was just washing it and I hit it a little too hard on the door on the way out and it just shattered in my hand and I spend the next 20 minutes cleaning up glass. I feel quite foolish about that. Then, when I sat down to type this, I whacked my elbow in the desk. It's very silly.
But at least I did have an enjoyable weekend whatwith the karaoke and the zombies. I highly recommend renting a karaoke machine from Seattle's Best Karaoke But of course, everyone who is READING this post was AT the party so I'm basically preaching to the choir here.
I shall undoubtedly be back later with a meme or some such nonsense.

July 12, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Addendum

I've also been told that my interest in straight guys making out is a little freaky too. Though I fail to see how this could be since men are all about straight WOMEN making out. Regardless, I find that scene in Baseketball where Trey Parker and Matt Stone share a passionate make-up kiss to be hotter than most gay (or straight) porn I have ever seen. And now I have made myself all worked up at work. Perhaps that is what I was subconsiously trying to avoid with my first lame entry.

July 9, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Apologies and Retractions

Elyse gave me a proper metaphorical ass kicking by pointing out that my previous answer to the “unusual turn-on's thing” was L.A.M.E. So I posted this comment and then decided I should add it to the front too. So that people know how sorry I am for pretending NOT to be the big freak that I am.

-I apparently also love poor guys. The only rich guy I ever dated was a HUGE jerk and he STILL made me pay for everything cos he'd already spent all his allowence on weed. So that's probably why everyone since then has been equally as, if not poorer than myself. I seem to have carried this fetish over into who I select for my friends as well. Damn. No sports cars for MY birthday.
-I love guys who wear old spice deoderant. Yummy.
-I apparently had a proclivity to date men with receding hairlines. Probably 90% of past boyfriends had one, including one guy who was just straight up prematurely BALD.
-Glasses are also very very sexy. I seem to be copying your answers. Sorry! I didn't study for this quiz!
-Men who wear makeup, particularly eyeliner, are VERY VERY sexy. Unfortunately, like most things, there are some people go overboard and make this NOT sexy. Here are some examples.
But every once in a while, there will be a guy who you didn't find cute and then they whip out the eyeliner, and holy miss moley, I'm smitten like a kitten
-A guy in a dress is always great. Particularly if they're skinny and hairy to begin with. This might have something to do with my latent bi-sexuality.
-Which reminds me, hairy is also good. The more spiratic the patches the better. Just as long as it's not on their shoulders. And it has to be good and dark. That might explain my obsession with hobbits.
-I guess these things also explain why I find the above comedians so damn hot. They all fall into one of these categories. Though I have yet to find a guy besides my dad to wear Old Spice. I wonder if I can get Dom to start wearing it so I don't feel so creepy.

July 9, 2004
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

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