Superior Narcotic Opportunities

PARK CITY RECAP: PART 3

FRIDAY
We had another nice leisurely morning, and then went to the galleria mall to steal their wi-fi connection. Then we grabbed perhaps the worst lunch we’ve ever paid too much for, a cow-themed deli/ice cream parlor called…COWS. The omnipresence of cows did not make the cold, hard pizza taste better. DZ ate turkey chili for the second day in a row and remained unimpressed.

After that, we went back to the condo to relax.

Later, we decided to check out the Cantina Brew Pub above the Wasatch. Despite the presence of Galaga, it wasn’t that great. Meep couldn’t even PLAY Gallaga because it was wedged behind the pool table, which was in active use. Instead, we took loads of pictures of each other and then went back to the condo.
I suppose we were all ready for a good night’s rest, anyway.

SATURDAY
This was the latest Meep and I had gotten to sleep in. We rose around 11 and hung out for a while. Back to the Future was on TV! The boys all left; DZ and BenDur to check email, and Kamikaze to start his day of watching Troma movies.

Meep and I got ready and met DZ and BenDur back at the galleria mall. We hit the last few “lounges” we hadn’t been to, in a last ditch effort to accumulate as much free stuff as possible. Meep attempted to find the red Sundance shirt she’d seen at the beginning of the week, but they appeared to be all sold out.

The 4 of us got sushi at Kampai, a place that DZ and BenDur had been to before we got there. The food was, of course, a bit more expensive that sushi should be, but it was DAMNED tasty.

Next, we met Kamikaze at Rum Bunnies Beach Bar, where the Troma festivities were happening all day. We got there in time for the last film, Horror Business, a feature documentary about the difficulties of being an independent, extremely micro-budget horror filmmaker. It featured the guy from American Movie, finally coming back to directing after a 6 year absence, and the makers of a movie called Zombie Honeymoon that DZ knows. It was a pretty amusing documentary, but most of it had to do with how WACKY some of these guys are. One guy was just an ANGRY person, and actually yells at a drive-thru employee at one point. Another guy is a horror animator, and he is interviewed sitting in a high-backed black chair, in front of a fireplace, shrouded in darkness. I love this guy and must seek out his cartoons, one of which is called Son of God vs. Son of Godzilla. Who knew a goth could have a sense of humor (besides me, of course).

After the last movie, they set up for the panel discussion which was called “Filmmaking in the age of the $15,000,000 independent movie”. It was actually quite an informative panel. Everyone was really honest and Lloyd used his “moderating” duties to make lewd jokes about oral sex the entire time. I love that guy. One of the guys on the panel is involved in making a number of upcoming video game movies including…PAC MAN. Not kidding. He said he had no idea how it was going to be shot.

After the panel, we met Matt Foster, the programmer for Dragon*Con (which played Snow Day, Bloody Snow Day last year). He was very nice and told us that we should have been at Dragon*Con because the theatre was standing room only. We said we’d wanted to go but didn’t have enough money. Maybe next time.

We also gave a screener to a guy from the Willamette Weekly who had spoken during the panel. Not sure if anything will come of it, but it doesn’t hurt.

We grabbed a quick dinner at Doolans’, a sports bar across the street, and then returned to Rum Bunnies for the long-awaited Troma Party.

At Lloyd’s book signing, he’d given us “invitations” to the party, so there was a small hope that the $10 cover charge would be waved. No deal. The invitations were as meaningless as Kiel telling us they’d show “Snow Day” at a secret screening. Oh well. I guess I don’t mind giving $10 to Troma.

While we were waiting outside for the doors to open, we met an actor and another filmmaker and chatted with them briefly. The actor gave us his reel and his business card (something I’d seen for the first time in Park City: an actor’s business card is like a mini headshot resume without the resume).

Finally, the doors opened, and we went in and commandeered a booth. Kamikaze, BenDur and Meep took advantage of $2 Stellas (again with the Stella), and I drank increasingly large glasses of wine for $4. See, the bartenders weren’t the usual staff of Rum Bunnies, but Troma volunteers. So they did NOT care how much wine they gave me. This led to me getting retardedly hammered. But more on that later.

DZ began to draw cartoon portraits of all of us on napkins as comic book characters. It began with him drawing Meep as Joey Lauren Adams (because she had been doing an EERILY accurate impression of the squeaky actress for the past few days). Then he drew a picture of Kamikaze that made him look like Preacher. So that led to him drawing me as Little Orphan Annie and BenDur as Doc Ock. Faye was drawn again as Jean Grey and me again as Michelangelo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. The filmmaker we’d met outside saw this happening and wanted one of his own, so DZ drew him as Aquaman. For some reason, neither Meep nor I can remember who DZ drew himself as. Regardless, Meep has the napkins at home and will scan them at a later date. Meanwhile, the actor we’d met outside began talking to me, and, Meep observed, getting a little bit lecherous. Gross.

Eventually, the two of them wandered off, and a bohemian looking woman came over. Turns out she was the writer and director of a short film called Confederate Zombie Massacre, which had played at many a festival with Snow Day. She said they’d been tracking our progress because our films were similar in theme (and therefore audience reaction), so she knew that if an audience liked Snow Day, they’d probably like her movie too (and vice versa). She was really cool, and invited us to their condo the next night for a spaghetti dinner and 3D movie-a-thon. I wish we’d met them earlier in the week.

DZ and BenDur began to tire and decided to walk home, leaving me, Meep and Kamikaze to our own drunken devices. Well, me and Kamikaze were drunk, anyway. Meep managed to stay pretty sober and cognizant.

At some point, a local Utah band called “The Street” played. They hearkened back to the age of hair metal anthems, and we were really enjoying it at the time. We all got free CDs so I’ve yet to check and see if they still sound good without having imbibed a bottle of wine. They played several original songs and then broke into the covers (which were crowd pleasing, but not as impressive). Lloyd showed up and danced around a bit. There was also a dancing Toxie.

At one point (and I say this because most of the night is a blur after DZ and BenDur left), we were approached by a reviewer from Slug Magazine, who remembered us from then panel discussion. (DZ had asked a question and introduced all of us and our film to the room). He was pretty drunk too and we had a fun (I think) conversation for a long time. Meep gave him our card and told him to email us and we’d send him a DVD. I’m thinking we should probably try to follow up with him though. He was still drinking heavily when we left the party.

I’m not sure what time we left, but by the time we did, I was having a great deal of difficulty walking on my own volition. We decided to walk home through the fresh fallen snow (it had been snowing really hard all day), and this would have been a fantastic idea if I hadn’t been so wobbly. Part of the trouble was that Meep kept making me laugh. And it was that hard laughter that makes it difficult to move even if you have all your faculties in tact. And I definitely didn’t. I remember little from the walk home apart from Meep holding me up and trying to motivate me by talking me through it like we were hobbits trying to get back to the Shire. At one point, she told me we were in Mordor. I believe there are pictures on her camera of me in Mordor.

After we passed through Mordor, we stopped at the Prancing Pony…I mean 7-11…for some nachos. I panicked, proclaiming that I was far too drunk to go inside. Instead, I banished myself to the corner behind the garbage can, and waited for Meep and Kamikaze to return with sweet cheesy chippy salvation. Luckily, 7-11 was a stone’s throw from the condo, so I didn’t have far to stumble after that.

Once home, I stuffed my face with nachos, loudly stomped around the condo waking up poor DZ, drank water till uncomfortably bloated, and then passed out in bed. Troma really does know how to party.

SUNDAY
I woke the next morning AMAZINGLY lacking in physical consequences for the night before. I was marginally under performing, but there was no headache and only a few moments of nausea later in the day. I don’t know why the hangover fairy has been so good to me lately, but I’m going to do whatever I can not to piss her off again.

Kamikaze was the first to get ready, so he took one for the team and went to the theatre to get in line for our first movie of the day: The Decent. This is the movie that we managed to buy ONE ticket in advance for. BenDur joined him later, and then, later still, DZ, Meep and I managed to venture out. We were able to purchase one more ticket for the movie from a random person who was selling, but since we were first in the wait list line, and the last day of the festival is apparently the least crowded, we were all able to get in no problem.

The Decent kicks ass. By the director of Dog Soldiers, it is about a group of “extreme” women who go on a spelunking expedition in the Appalachians. And yes, they do encounter some monsters eventually, but the character development between these girls is so understated and effective, and the caves they navigate are SO treacherous looking, that you are terrified long before they encounter anything unnatural. All I could think during the first hour was “People actually go spelunking for FUN?!”

I would like to see this movie again in the theatre with an audience that has actually been to a movie. This was seriously the most irritating audience at a horror film I have ever encountered. They talked at normal volume throughout the movie asking things like “Oh wow, are those BONES?!” and “Look at all that blood!”

We went back to the condo for lunch after the movie. While we were waiting in line for The Decent, Kamikaze managed to score 2 tickets to the last movie of the festival, a horror movie called Salvage. Meep was going to go, since she’d only been able to see two movies during the festival, but she wasn’t in the mood when the time came, so I went in her stead.

Salvage was OK. It wasn’t terrible. I’ve certainly seen worse no-budget horror films. But it did have one of those irritating “twist” endings that people are so fond of sticking in their horror movies these days. Jesus. When can a psycho killer go back to JUST being a psycho killer and nothing more?

Kamikaze and I met the gang back to the condo and then we headed up the block to the Confederate Zombie Massacre condo.

The room was full of like-minded indie filmmakers and artists. We went around the room introducing ourselves and then spent the rest of the night shooting the shit, helping them finish their food, and watching stuff on one guy’s 3D movie projector.

I think we’ll definitely keep in touch with these guys. They were really easy-going and friendly. Hooray for Tromadance bringing people together!

Unfortunately, we had to call it an early night, as we were all pretty bushed and we had a plane to catch.

The next day, we bid a fond farewell to our condo and Park City. Goodbye, Park City. It’s been fun. We’ll hopefully see you again some day when we’ve earned some credentials.

Park City Pictures: batch 1

Here are the first batch of pictures from our Park City adventure. I will link to the second batch once Faye uploads her pictures (including the one of me and CHG!)

Get rid of everything you are indebted for with out sending an other cent

PARK CITY RECAP PART 2

Things forgot to mention yesterday: Dom, Sarah, Jacob and I saw Roger Ebert on the bus, bundled up in his green parka. Dom and I saw Joey Pants walking down the street, being interviewed and Ben walked next to Paris Hilton who “smelled like money”.

TUESDAY
We had a nice leisurely morning in the condo, and then Ben, Dom, Jacob and I went to Main Street for lunch. Faye, sadly, was still too ill to move. As we perused the menu of a “bistro”, I heard a familiar voice. We looked up in time to see Crispy and Courtney (how cute!) walking in to the bistro. They emerged a few seconds later, Crispy stressing about not having enough time to eat before they had to get somewhere. Ben happened to note a girl doing a double take as Crispy and his bride-to-be passed her.

We settled on lunch at “The Eating Establishment”. This is the restaurant where it had taken Sarah ages to get seated and served. There wasn’t too long a wait this time and Sarah had liked the food she eventually got, so we decided to give it a try. We didn’t have much time to argue, as we had a movie to get to. I probably should have ordered breakfast because their lunch menu was lacking in vegetarian options. I got a simple, cold veggie sandwich, the ingredients of which probably cost about a $1. Including tax and tip, I paid $12 for it. For bread, lettuce, cheese, cucumbers and mustard, it wasn’t a BAD sandwich. It just felt like a rip-off. Everyone else seemed to like their fancier, meat-filled meals. We all tried some of Dom’s warm, fresh-made beer bread and THAT was delicious. So it looks like I just screwed myself. Still, it wasn’t the first overprices, mediocre meal I had in Park City, and it wouldn’t be the last.

After lunch, we caught the bus to our theatre to see the only movie we had physical tickets for: “Wristcutters: A Love Story”. Starring that doe-eyed kid from that Cameron Crowe movie I hate about classic rock music and groupies, and Shannyn Sossamon, flat line-delivery extraordinaire, “Wristcutters” is a dark romantic comedy about suicides searching for meaning in their purgatorial afterlife. It sounds kinda cool, and there are some elements of the movie I really liked. The music, for instance, was really interesting and set the tone well. The color-correction was interesting. The make-up, or lack-there-of, on all the actors definitely made them look dead, without looking cheesy or vampiric. The performance by Shea Whigham was amusing and engaging. But damnit, I hate Shannyn Sossamon. She is so irritating and untalented. Therefore, I had NO interest in seeing her and the lead get together. There were a number of “conveniences” indicative of a romantic comedy that they used which pissed me off and, as the movie was based on a short story with a rather bleak (albeit REALISTIC) ending, they decided to Hollywood-ize it for the script. This resulted in a groan-worthy happy ending which, I feel, totally undermined the tone of the entire story. Of course, I’m sure that hot-topically depressed teenage goth girls, and fans of Cameron Crowe in general are going to “discover” this movie and adore the crap out of it.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the movie was introduced by the director of programming at Sundance who admitted to being friends with the director and said that he submitted the film “just in time” and that “luckily” he was selected. Boy, that really IS lucky.

After the Q and A, Ben went up to talk to the director, and to find Jake Busey, who was in the movie too. He found Busey on our way out the door, shook his hand and said hello. After we’d moved on, Ben regretted not having asked for a picture with him. Not to worry, though. His day would come…

We went back to the condo and checked on Faye. Everyone was pretty tired, but Jacob and I decided to go out anyway. We met some of his friends from California, as they were just finishing up dinner at Bandit’s. We had two drinks there, and then they left us to go back to their condo to get drunk in their hot tub. They invited us to go with them, but we wanted to be out. We could get drunk in our OWN hot tub.

Next, we checked out a cover band in a basement bar called The Spur. They weren’t bad, but they were kind of loud. Also, the place was full of uppity types adorned in fur, and Jacob’s one ounce of scotch cost more than it should have.

We then checked out O’Shucks. As soon as we walked in the door, we knew we’d made the right decision. They were playing classic rock, there was no fur or white puffy ski jackets in the entire bar, you could shuck (get it?) your peanuts onto the floor, and you could buy a beer that was AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD. Jacob got one of these beers, and I got a house wine which was still quit impressive in its own right. It took a while for Jacob to get through his beer, and they rung the bell which sounded like last call, so we took off. Jacob suspected, however, that they were being pretty lenient with last call times that week. We vowed to return to O’Shucks to make the most of our “membership” amidst the divey goodness.

WEDNESDAY
Faye was finally feeling better and was ready to face the world. Before we headed out, we said goodbye to Sarah who had to return to her life. Then Faye, Jacob and I headed to the Box Office to see if we could buy any tickets for any of the movies we wanted to see the rest of the week.

I had the brilliant idea (as it had been so much fun before) to walk to Main Street. There was a small sidewalk along the road that could be seen from the bus, and it didn’t look that treacherous. I’d walked back from two places already (albeit from a different direction), so I didn’t think it would be that difficult.

It was. The wind whipped us all around. The altitude got to us, and we were all breathing hard within minutes. Faye hadn’t been up for two days, so she wasn’t enjoying herself either. The mere MILE we had to walk seemed to take forever. So much for THAT bright idea.

When we finally, got to the Box Office, we discovered that there was ONE ticket left to ONE of the movies we wanted to see. We bought it, and then went to find something to eat.

We got a table at the Wasatch Bar and Grill. (By the way, everything in Park City is a bar and grill.) I thought perhaps I could order the deluxe quesadilla without any chicken. “The quesadillas are pre-made,” responded the waitress. Really, what I wanted was the beans, so I asked if they had a side of beans I could order. “Nope. Everything is pre-made”. So I got the plane, pre-made cheese quesadillas. Faye ordered some chips and salsa for us all, and a salad, and Jacob got the pre-made chicken fajitas which came with…a side of beans. I didn’t mind my quesadilla at all, but Jacob wasn’t impressed with his meal. The chips and salsa, we all agreed, were quite delicious, however.

We stopped, quickly, at a candy store to buy reinforcements before meeting Ben in the waitlist line for “The Darwin Awards”. This was the premiere, and though we’d been to a premiere before (“Art School”), this one was crazy. People were DESPERATE to get in there to see, I guess, Winona Ryder and Joseph Fiennes and Metallica. I really could take it or leave it, but we didn’t have any other plans for the day and thought, since we were getting there 3 and a half hours early, that we would be alright.

The scene was a most horrific display of humanity. People were selling wait list numbers (which aren’t worth anything if there aren’t any empty seats for ticket holders), and people were trying to scam their way into the wait list line. We met Evil Scarf Lady, whom Ben had seen before, yelling at the theatre VOLUNTEERS, and trying to shove her way in front of everybody. Some crazy lady singled Faye out and kept trying to get Faye to give her her phone number so they could “double their efforts”. It was impossible to tell what she really wanted because she kept changing her story. First she was meeting a “friend” there and then she just wanted to hook up with someone as a “safety measure” for getting in. We’d say “no thank you”, but she just kept coming back. Eventually, they told us that if we weren’t in the first 20 people, we weren’t getting in, and that perhaps even those 20 people might not get in (take that, Scarf Lady), so we left. But not before losing a little more faith in humanity. If people act like this about a stupid fucking MOVIE that they’ll be able to see (for cheaper) in a few months anyway, imagine what they’d be like after a major disaster when money is meaningless and food and medicine are scarce.

We headed back to the condo and decided to spend our evening watching one of our free “Cry Wolf” DVDs. “Cry Wolf”, as we learned when we received the DVDs, was made because the filmmakers won some contest as put on by Chrysler. Their script, and accompanying short film, earned them $1m and lots of help to make this movie. They shot it in Richmond, VA (and I swear to god, one of the locations is my high school cafeteria), with no-name actors and Jon Bon Jovi, and had nothing but incredibly nice things to say about how Hollywood treats independent filmmakers. Well, you won a fucking CONTEST sponsored by a big American car company. Of COURSE they’re going to be nice to you. But why you won, we can’t figure out because your script is AWEFUL. Another stupid “twist” ending “horror” movie with very little blood and NO redeeming values whatsoever won this contest? I’m not sure if that gives me hope for our script or makes me think that we will never be appreciated.

Their winning short was on the DVD too. It was a poorly scripted, flashy little thing featuring a Chrysler sports car.

THURSDAY
I really wanted to see “Stay”, the film written and directed by Bob(cat) Golthwait. We didn’t have tickets, I was slightly disheartened by what happened at “The Darwin Awards”, so Jacob and I got to the theatre FOUR hours early. It paid off. We were first in the wait list line. We chilled, listened to comedy on my i-pod, ate burritos from the burrito stand across the way, enjoyed the beautiful mountainous scenery. Dom joined us after a few hours, and the three of us ended up being among the 15 or so that they let in to see this VERY sold out movie.

“Stay” is a fantastic film. It’s a great example of how a very solid script and great acting can make the fact that you have a $0 budget seem like a minor inconvenience. The movie is hilarious and fucked up (everything that happens is a result of one misspent night, by the main character, of dog fellatio) and uncomfortable and universal all at once. I daresay it brought tears to my eyes at one point, and that’s no easy feat for me. SEE THIS MOVIE, if you are able.

After the movie, Bobcat gave a little speech about how humbled he was that so many people had come out to see his movie. He said he was very nervous and was going to keep it short, lest he throw up on stage. He also relayed a story about a woman at a previous screening who, as a result of seeing the movie, felt compelled to tell him about HER experiences with receiving cunnilingus from her dog. She said “I can tell you this because I know you won’t tell anyone”. “Sure,” he said to us, “until the next screening.”

Jacob, Dom and I bussed to Main Street to catch Lloyd Kaufman signing books at Dolly’s Bookstore. After some prompting, Lloyd remembered us, and “Snow Day”, from the ComicCon. He asked why we didn’t submit it to Tromadance. Of course, I told him that we DID submit it and were rejected. He said he was surprised, because our movie was so good. He called over one of the directors of the festival and introduced me to him. He said “This is one of the directors of this really good short. We should try and squeeze it into the Secret Screenings tonight.” The guy said OK and took the DVD. He gave me his cell number and told me to call him “later on” to find out when and where the Secret Screenings would take place. Lloyd took another button and the festival director, Kiel (yes, that's how he spells his name…should have tipped me off), had a DVD and business card. Things seemed promising at that point.

Next stop was the liquor store, to buy the biggest, most potent bottle of wine we could find. I touched base with Faye who, along with Ben was having her own adventures on Main Street. She and Ben had just happened upon a concert/expo thingy for Brendon Small’s new cartoon. Then they were to catch a special bus full of VW owners (of which Ben is one), that were to be whisked to a secret screening of “Little Miss Sunshine”, the big darling of the festival.

Jacob, Dom and I stopped in at the Stella Artois tent, where they were giving out free Stella and free Stella MINTS! Jacob and I each drank our allotted beers and the three of us chatted with some students from New York who were a lot of fun.

By the way, you should know that during Sundance, ALL of Park City is sponsored by Stella Artois. In fact, EVERYTHING is sponsored by something. This is why, whenever possible, we decided to take photos of each other displaying a corporate logo of some kind. It would have been harder to AVOID logos in our pictures.
After our fast and furious Stella orgy, we got some dinner at the Hungry Moose, and went back to the Condo for a brief rest. I called Kiel and left a voicemail. Then I laid down for a nap. I was asleep for 10 minutes when Faye called. I told her I was waiting to hear back from Kiel, and she told me that she and Ben were on their way to a super secret VW party. I told her I’d call her when I knew what was going on.
Shortly after that, Kiel called me back. It was obvious that he hadn’t listened to my voicemail and just called back his missed call. I asked him what was going on for the night. He said “I just got out of the shower. Call me back in half an hour”. I realized after we hung up that he had no idea who I was.

I called him back in 45 minutes, and explained who I was straight away. He was very gruff and said the screenings probably wouldn’t happen until around 1 or 1:30. If we were still “out and about” then, I “could give [him] a call. Right now, we’re going to Cicero’s for karaoke”. I told him I’d call later. I thought perhaps he was just awkward on the phone. I was very excited to tell Jacob that I knew where there was karaoke in Park City! I called Faye, who was in the midst of lots of free VW sponsored Stella with Ben. She said she’s meet us at Cicero’s when we got there.

The lady at the door was very nice. She asked if we were filmmakers. We said we were. I waited for her to say “Can I see your credentials?”. She didn’t. Instead, she handed me and Jacob a voucher for the cover charge and said “We want to take care of the filmmakers.” I’m glad SOMEBODY does. We moseyed in and found a table and started looking through the book. They had NONE of my sure-fire standards and this was not a crowd for experimentation. I finally settled “heaven is a place on earth” which had gone over well before. Faye (2 Stellas in) and Ben (9 Stellas in) showed up a short while later. Apparently, Jack Busey had been at the VW party. Ben and Faye sat next to him and eavesdropped as he chatted up two ladies. Ben would loudly exclaim “Did you hear what Jake Busey just said?! Did you see what Jake Busey just did?! I’m losing respect for Jake Busey!” Of course, Faye DID hear and see what Jake Busey said and did, because he was RIGHT NEXT to them. Ben did get his picture with Busey, though.

Jacob saw a Tromette that has been at the book store and started chatting her up. I saw Kiel on my way back from the bathroom and smiled at him. He smiled an annoyed “please God, don’t talk to me” smile back at me so I decided to leave him alone and resign myself to the fact that he only took the movie because Lloyd told him too. Why does Troma hate “Snow Day”? I would have thought it would be right up their alley. Oh well.

Faye, Ben and I all put in songs. Ben got to sing early because he bribed the karaoke DJ. Faye and I, to our knowledge, were never called.

The karaoke festivities were curtailed by a screening of a short called “One Sung Hero”, about a karaoke singer. That was when we figured out that the party was SPONSORED BY the short, which starred some lady, a chick from Mad TV and Kyle Gass of The D. The short was pretty bad. It was like a Mad TV sketch without the budget. After it was over, Faye, Ben and I left and Jacob remained with him Tromette. I guess he eventually made it to the Troma condo with her, but of course, “Snow Day” was never played.

Stay tuned for the final installment…

renewal peasant

PARK CITY RECAP PART 1

As with my last long trip, I will break this up into segments so as to give myself time to compose, as well as to assuage the eyes of my readers.

SATURDAY
Faye and I arrived in Salt Lake City around 12:30 and were promptly picked up by Dom and Sarah. On our way to Park City, we stopped at a strip mall to eat lunch at the “Training Table” and buy some new pants for Sarah. The Training Table was an interesting concept wherein people find a seat, decide what they want to order and then pick up the phone that’s behind their table and call in the order to the front. When your order is ready, they call you on your phone and you go up front to pick it up.
As we ate our burgers, Dom noticed a drip coming from the ceiling and landing onto his tray, dangerously close to his food. The drip was a suspicious brown liquid leaking from a creepy swell in the ceiling above our heads. We decided to finish eating as fast as possible, and get out of there, lest a rotting corpse crash through the ceiling at any given moment.
Our next stop was the Nordstrom Rack, so that Sarah could replace the jeans she’d trashed in a drunken outing the night before. The place was packed with scary ladies and skankilly clad teenage girls. Welcome to Utah!

We pulled into our condo in late afternoon and got settled in. Ben was waiting for us. I very briefly met one of the other girls who were staying with us (friends of Sarah’s from Colorado). The other girl, I never met, for reasons that would become clear eventually.
Next, we hit the grocery store for essentials like tea and bread for toast and felt pictures to color with markers.

After a brief rest, we headed to Main Street to check out the heart of Park City. Immediately, we had a celebrity citing in the form of Nick Nolte. He was just as liquored up as when then the others saw him a few days earlier. How do I know this? Well, he was hanging his head out the window of an SUV like a puppy, gawking at the passersby. I can only hope, for his sake, that he was as tanked as he looked.
We didn’t stay out too late, as we were travel-weary and we couldn’t really get in anywhere anyway. We didn’t have the energy to stand in line and pay covers. We figured there would be plenty of time for that later.

SUNDAY
We were supposed to see a shorts program at 8:30am, one of which was written and directed by Bob Odenkirk. We had tickets and everything. The trouble was that the box office was in one direction, and didn’t open until 8am, and the theatre was in another direction. There was no way we could make it. Instead, we ate breakfast and moseyed at a country pace over to the box office to pick up the rest of our tickets. Given my lack of understanding for Utah geography (one theater was apparently a good 3 hour drive away), as well as scheduling conflicts, we had to exchange most of our limited pre-purchased tickets for vouchers. This is the first of many lessons learned about the whole festival process, should we ever decide/have reason to come back. 1) DO EXHAUSTIVE RESEARCH ON MOVIE TIMES, LOCATIONS AND PARTY SCHEDULES BEFORE LOGGING ON TO PREPURCHASE YOUR TICKETS DURING YOUR LOTTERY TIME. They don’t let you come back, or exchange for other shows, and by the time you get to Park City, everything will be sold out. You can wait in waitlist lines in case people don’t show up, of course, but who wants to do that for every show? Apparently, us.
We decided to get some lunch at a Thai restaurant. We were seated right away and the food was delicious. Sarah called us from having breakfast with her Colorado buddies. In the time it took us to head to Main Street, get tickets, find a place for lunch, sit down and get served, Sarah had been waiting to be seated and eat at another location. She joined us just as we were finishing up our delicious meal.

After we finished eating, we wandered the streets looking for free crap. There is much free crap to be had in Park City. Unfortunately, most of the GOOD stuff is allocated to people with “credentials” (i.e. filmmakers with films in the festival and actors who are recognizable). We discussed choosing celebrities we could pass for. Dom, it turns out, bares a striking resemblance to the current incarnation of Paul Giamatti. We know this because there is a picture of Mr. G in a Sundance publication and the similarities are uncanny. (side-by-side comparison forthcoming). Faye and I were really screwed, however. The closest celeb Faye could pass for is a young Jane Curtain and I a fat Thora Birch. We couldn’t think of anybody for Ben. Jacob looks just like Tom from Queer Eye, but he hadn’t arrived yet, and we were pretty sure that if we didn’t know his last name, we couldn’t pull it off anyway.

Instead we settled for the plebian freebies which included lots of magazines, mints, chap stick, vitamin supplements, sunscreen, mints, crappy DVD’s mints, coasters and mints. Everybody had a damned mint with their logo on it. Nobody in Park City had a reason for foul breath.

We also checked our email briefly at one of the free email stations. Dom came over and told me that he’d just seen Fairuza Balk upstairs. Of course, I ran upstairs to see if she was still there. I heart Fairuza. She WAS still upstairs, wandering around looking confused.

Sarah took her leave of us and then we began the exhausting task of trying to find somewhere to watch “the game”. I generally not in the least bit interested in football, but Faye and Ben wanted to watch and I wanted to drink with them. Dom came along because he is cool like that. As we wandered, we ran into someone that Ben new from a movie he was in. We chatted briefly, and continued our search, eventually finding a table in a basement bar called “Bandits”. Just then, Mark called me and I talked to him as best I could with loud sports fans shouting around me. A Denver game was just finishing up. We ordered some beer and Dom tried to order a snack, but they were apparently out of everything he wanted.

Then, the guy Ben knew walked in with his wife. The young Seattle couple, Holly and John, were also looking for a place to watch the game, so we invited them to sit with us. Everyone enjoyed the first half of the game, and then the bar owner informed us that we had to leave at half time due to a private party coming in. John went to scout another location, and came back minutes later to tell us that there was actually a small faction of Seahawks fans in the bar next door. Not only that, but there was PLENTY of room for all of us. We drank up and went next door. Indeed there was a faction, lead by a very drunk man in an Ichiro jersey (even I, a non-sports fan, can appreciate the humor in that). He was extremely excited that the amount of Seattleites in the bar had just doubled. As a show of his gratitude, he bought us all a round of “Seahawks”, a blue drink he’d just invented which looked like barbicide and tasted like cough syrup. Still, a free drink is a free drink. We muddled through them. The waitress informed us that we had to order food if we were ordering drinks. John asked her if this was one of those weird Mormon rules, and she said that it was.

To my surprise, they had a “full strength” beer menu alongside their 3.2% menu. I immediately began ordering Stelllas to make up for the urine-colored water I had been drinking previously. The rest of the game went by swimmingly, as the Seahawks kicked ass. And I found myself enjoying the camaraderie and city spirit. I’m still not a football fan, but I love Seattle, and I’m glad that such things can make my city happy.

After the game, we met up with Sarah and went to the No Name Bar. When we got to the door, the bouncer informed us that it was “one in one out” and to wait in line outside. Just then, a group of locals entered the bar. He told them the same thing. One lady loudly proclaimed “but I live here and I know ______”. He let them in. We waited patiently outside. More people saw us in line, went in anyway, and were ushered outside. Eventually, about 10 people had left, and he said we could come in. In Utah, bars are allowed to have full-strength beer if they are “private”. That means that they can charge you for a “membership” which is good for 3 weeks, and, with that membership, you can bring in up to 8 guests. Sarah bought a membership, and I guess, there was a cover as well, because Faye forked over $20 for us and we were let in. The place was standing room only, the music was loud and it was full of fratty types. It was the kind of place where, in Seattle, I would have turned right around and walked out. But we were on an adventure and we’d paid, so we stayed. Eventually, we wormed our way onto a table. Dom and Ben left and it was just us three girls. We shared the table with a gay couple for a while. They were waiting to get a “call” so that they could get into the private party at the Queer Lounge, where apparently, the year before, they’d witnessed Alan Cumming dry humping someone in a corner all night. After they got their call, the three of us had seats, and the straight men in the bar swooped in like vultures. It was alright for a while. They were gentlemanly enough and they paid for our beer. Lots and lots of beer. Faye played shuffle board with one of them. Eventually, though, new guys showed up and started getting a little pushier. I had to pull the “that’s my girlfriend” move on Sarah and we realized it was time to go. We had been drinking (albeit lots of weak beer) for 8 hours, so there was little argument on the matter. As we were gathering our stuff, I heard a guy behind me chatting up two girls. “I’m the executive producer of this movie”, he told them. I turned to see who he was. Just as I turned, I saw him point directly at me and say “and she’s the star of the movie. That guy over there, he’s in it too. So is she.” “Aha,” I though. He’s pulling the old “I’ll make you famous” scam on them. But outside the bar, Sarah gave me a postcard she’d gotten from the director of the very movie the guy was talking about. And lo and behold he WAS an executive producer. Why he told them I was in his movie is beyond me. Perhaps he was so drunk that he thought I was someone else?
We got back to the condo, I drank uncomfortable amounts of water, we carb loaded, and then went to bed.

MONDAY
Poor Faye awoke with a terrible illness. Not a hangover, mind you, but some sort of horrific, vomitous, feverish flu. She wasn’t going anywhere for a while. Sarah and Dom went to try and catch “Giant Buddha’s”. I gave Jacob a call because I realized that we had NO IDEA when he was getting in. Jacob called me back and said that he was at the SLC airport and would be at the condo in an hour.
He arrived in time for me, Jacob and Ben to catch the Q and A for “Science of Sleep”. Well, we WOULD have, had there been a Q and A. But apparently, Michel hadn’t shown up for the screening. Instead, we walked back to the condo in the snow. It was a pleasant and short walk. I picked up some fries and milk shakes for us and Faye at BK and we ate them while watching Patton Oswalt’s Comedy Central special. Laughter and grease did not help Faye feel any better, unfortunately. She was not well enough to go with us to wait in line for “Art School Confidential”.

Ben, Jacob and I agreed to wait in line for Dom and Sarah, who had just spent the morning in a line and didn’t want to do it again.

We passed the time with free magazines and Battleship on my cell phone. The 3 hours went by quickly. We managed to squeeze in to the theater and Dom and Sarah arrived JUST in time to squeeze in with us.

I really liked “Art School Confidential”. It was written by Daniel Clowes and directed by Terry Zigoff, the same team that made “Ghost World”. To me, it felt exactly like a Daniel Clowes graphic novel, with off-beat (and sharp-featured) characters, bizarre jokes and an ambiguous ending. Sure, it had some problems, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. After the movie, was, perhaps, the WORST Q and A I have ever witnessed. Questions like “you were really funny in this movie! You’re really funny! Are you going to be in anything else?” and “I would like to preface my ‘question’ with a very long, pretentious ‘insight’ into your film and then ask you something asinine that I think makes me sound intelligent and impressive.” Luckily, Clowes fielded most of the questions and he refused to pander to such inanity.

After the movie, I bolted to the bathroom. Ben, I guess, had lingered behind. I met Dom, Sarah and Jacob in the lobby. Dom was on the phone to Ben, who was telling Dom that CRISPIN GLOVER was still inside the theatre. There was a bit of confusion (by Dom) and panic (by me), as we tried to figure out what was going on and if Ben was once again going to get to meet one of my favorite people without me. Ben knew his testicles were on the line, so he snuck me back into the theater. At first, I had trouble FINDING Crispy. I was looking for an 8-foot tall pale man with black greased back hair. Instead, Ben pointed me toward a perhaps 6 foot tall tan man with light brown hair. Crispy was Hollywood. But he was still smartly dressed in a blue pinstripe suit and escorting a TINY blonde woman. I nervously approached him, told him I was very excited to meet him, that the Beaver Trilogy is one of my favorite movies, and could I trouble him for a photo. He was very cordial, agreed to the photo and asked where we were from. I told him Seattle, at which point, he plugged his “What Is It?” tour and told us to check the website for a future date in Seattle. And then he went on his merry way, and I was left in the afterglow. I wasn’t nearly as smooth as I’d imagined I’d be and I couldn’t remember any of the questions I’d always wanted to ask him, but he was clearly trying to get somewhere else and was nice enough to stop for as long as he did. And now I’m met Crispy. New MySpace photo forthcoming. Thank you, Ben, for sharing your “Jessica’s Idol” magnetism with me. I forgive you for the Joss Whedon incident.

Then we headed back to the condo. We stayed there briefly, and then Dom, Sarah, Jacob and I headed to a cast and crew party for “Crossing Arizona”. Sarah and Dom had met one of the producers in line at a previous movie. In their conversation, she discovered that the producing team was also behind the “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” documentary. Since pretty much all of us are huge Hedwig fans, the producer said we should come to their party. It was held at a Mexican restaurant in a strip mall. The drinks were free (and mixed by the crew themselves), as was the chips and salsa bar. Yum! We chatted with a bunch of people and promised to try and see their movie later in the week.
We decided to walk back to the condo, which I really enjoyed. The magic of being in a wintery wonderland still hadn’t worn off for me. Everyone else, I think, was just cold.

To be continued…

Have swim by quiff

I'm back in Seattle and Crispin knows I have a ton of monkey work to catch up on so who knows if I will be able to post my Park City recap this week. I do want to say hello to everyone though. So hello! I missed you guys. Park City was so much fun and a lot of good things happened to propel us toward making the feature. These things were more so in regard to emails we received whilst there than to do with things that happened there. However, just BEING there put me (and others, it seems), in a positive frame of mind. We CAN make movies. We ARE talented (or at least in league with other successful people). We just need to remember the first rule of MovieClub: ABP (Always Be Pimping). It may seem annoying to us, but EVERYBODY does it and that's how they get noticed and meet people that can help them on their way. As long as we pimp in a NICE way that is respectful to other people (more rare than you'd think), we shouldn't ruffle any feathers and most folks will (ideally) become just as interested in our work as we are based off of our rampant enthusiasm.

We got some REALLY REALLY good news upon our return from Park City yesterday. I'm not sure I can say what it is yet, but let's just say that investing in our movie just got a lot more attractive.

GO TEAM!

ghostly the color of life? pink, white, green or blue? …

I've discovered that the greatest thing about myspace is the abundance of fresh new memes! Some people have pictures of strange naked girls who pretend to be your friend. I have these.

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5’3”

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Sort of. It was opium. And it was pretty nice.

3. Do you own a gun?
Not a real one. Down with the NRA.

4. Have you ever been to rehab?
Nope.

5. Would you ever “do” someone in their parents’ bed?
I have in the past. But I probably wouldn’t now.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Veggie dogs are really really yummy. As for regular hot dogs: eat at your own risk.

7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
“Lonely Jew On Christmas”

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water and tea. Tea made from water.

9. Do you do push-ups?
Not very well.

10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
No. But I want to before I die.

11. Are you vegan?
No.

12. Do you like painkillers?
Who doesn’t?

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Tits. Not really a secret.

14. Do you own a knife?
Many.

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
You bet.

16.Date Of Birth?
9/8/78

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. I can not WAIT to go on vacation.
2. 3 hours to go in this work day.
3. I ate too much at lunch.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
1. Happy Hour dinner yesterday.
2. A few groceries.
3. Chai

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
1. Water
2. Tea
3. Wine
4. Milk
5. Cook’s

20. What time did you wake up today?
7:00

21. Current hair?
Blue streaks. The rest brown and black with a few gray hairs sneaking in all the time. Still trying to grow at that black.

22. Current worry?
How much longer do I have to be at this job?

23. Current hate?
The terrifying decline in personal privacy.

24. Favorite place to be?
Anywhere with my friends.

25. Least favorite place to be?
Work.

26. Where would you like to go?
Many places. But I’d really like to get to New Orleans, Vegas and New York in the near-ish future.

27. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
Full set of men’s jammies if it’s cold. If not, just men’s pajama bottoms and a tank top.

28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
I HOPE I’ll still be in Seattle, but I’ll be doing something I love for a living. If I’m not doing something I love by then, I’d better have a damned good reason. (i.e. I’d better be in a coma).

29. Do you burn or tan?
Burn or just stay very very pale. I think my skin actually reflects light.

30. Last thing you ate?
Margherita Pizza.

31. Would you be a pirate?
Hell yes!

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
Tuesday night.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever is in my head. It’s usually an 80’s song.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
The Incredible Hulk.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
Receipts. Cell Phone. Keys.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Bitching about everybody at work with my buddy from PTLD.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Strawberry Shortcake sheets were the only sheets I had when I was a child. When I got older, I got purple ones.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
After my knee surgeries I was on crutches but I wouldn’t call them “injuries” because they were effed from birth. So I guess it was my broken arm received whilst roller skating.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
BenDur.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
Faye.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
If they do, they haven’t told me.

44. Do you wish on stars?
Nope. But I occasionally wish on 11:11. I don’t think it’s going to DO anything, I just think it’s kinda neat.

45. What is your favourite book?
It’s a tie between Catcher in the Rye, Perv: A Love Story, and Life Without God.

46. What is your favourite candy?
Something I haven’t been able to eat for years: Skittles. Stupid gelatin.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
If I were to do such a thing, it would be “Slide Away” by Oasis.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
The Electric Six or any other music that would get people up and dancing. I want a proper, happy Irish wake.

49. What were you doing 12AM this morning?
Trying to fall asleep.

50. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
I don’t mind it. I’m still trying to find the perfect shop at which to get a new one.

Give me a shot out

I'm going to be pretty busy at work this week, so I'm going to attempt a quickie (I know. Shocking.), weekend recap from home. Followed by a stupid little meme.

QUICKIE WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY
Meep, Borg and I grabbed some delicious Asian-Fusion Bistro food at a new place called Azura. It was yummy. We ate too much and then met loads of people at the Comet for the Bobcats show. The first band, The Degrees, was too loud and caused most of our party to leave. Borg, Meep, Dom and I retreated upstairs (yes, there's an upstairs) to play pinball and video trivia and try to keep our ears from bleeding. Sherwood stayed downstairs with the remaining ex T-Towners who have less sensitive ears. The Bobcats finally came on and rocked the joint. We weren't too cool to boogie. They are going to be huge.

SATURDAY
Spent the day doing very little and getting frustrated with myself as a result. I did manage to dye my hair blue, but I might go back to purple soon, as I feel the blue brings out the blue (which I never knew existed) in my icy cold Irish complexion.

Eventually, Sherwood, Borg, Meep and I made our way to Brugos' house for a karaoke birthday party in honor of his roommate, Brad. Brad, as the shirt says, puts the Rad in Brad. He also puts the ad in rad. But that's beside the point. There were many a legendary karaoke performance. Everyone seemed to be in top form. I love these karaoke parties because I get to experiment with songs that I'm not as sure of, without having to worry if I fuck up or not. Of course, everything was hazy for me by the night's end.

HIGHLIGHT: Got to hang out with the illustrious !

SUNDAY
I took care of a lot of chore-type things and absolutely did NOT watch Slackers for the second time that weekend on Comedy Central because I don't find the juvenile humor in any way hilarious and endearing.
In the evening, the Troika watched Sundown and Meep and I played with the paint-by-numbers kit I got for Christmas from Erin.

MONDAY
I got my hair cut (I guess this weekend was all about my hair), and then Meep and I bought things we don't need before meeting Ahe to see Hostel. It wasn't bad. There were some pretty cool gory moments. Meep noted that Eli Roth is best when there's little dialog. Luckily, the second half of the movie is basically Jay Hernandez running around trying not to get mutilated. There were basically only two things that Meep and I found shocking the movie.
1) It was shockingly LOUD. Seriously, psychotic wealthy international businessmen. Can't you put your chainsaws on “quiet”? No? Ok. Just thought I'd ask.
2) It was shockingly unsettling that the other lead guy in the movie, who we all agreed was cute, turned out to be this guy from Dumb and Dumberer. Talk about a stiffy killer.

After the movie, Meep and I returned to my house to gorge ourselves on salad and watch the Golden Globes. Hooray for Sandra Oh for being kinda adorable about how genuinely giddy and grateful she was about winning. Hooray also for Hugh Laurie for being British and therefore understatedly hilarious.

And now for the promised stupid meme posted verbatim from myspace:

Body: sex ratings
Start at 50 and add or substract points as stated for each statement that applies to you…

Above 50 means you are not so good in bed..and not so fun, below 50 means you are real fun and damn good in bed.

AFTER your done… put your name at the bottom (a.k.a. comments)along w/your score

Add 10 if you are a virgin
Subtract 5 if You have had sex before
Subtract 5 more if you have had sex with more then 5 people.
Add 5 If you have never had oral sex
Subtract 5 if you have had or performed oral sex.
Subtract 2 if you have had sex in a public place
Subtract 3 if you have done 69
Add 5 If you have never had an Orgasm
Add 5 If you cant name 3 types/brands of condoms
Subtract 2 if you have masturbated
Subtract 3 if you have fingered/ given a handjob to someone else.
Subtract 5 if You have used someone for sex(one night stand)
Add 5 if You have never seen someone of the opposite sex naked
Add 5 if you havent kissed more then 3 people(unrelated)
Add 3 if you havent been kissed in the past month
Add 2 if You have never masturbated
Add 5 if You have never seen or watched porn
Subtract 5 if you have made your own porn
Subtract 3 if you have participated in anal sex
Subtract 2 if you have used lube duiring sex
Add 5 If you cant remember your last perverted thought
Subtract 5 if you have used sex toys
Subtract 3 if you have had a perverted thought in the past hour
Subtract 2 If you have kissed someone of the same sex

The Baxter's score is all of 6! Somehow, I think most of my readers will be about the same, if not lower.

NEXT TWO WEEKENDS:PARK CITY SHENANIGANS. So I won't be doing any long updates for a while. But I will hopefully have many a tale when I get back.

pontifical eyelash

Another one from Ahe’s myspace situation. Thanks, Ahe.

1. Do you still talk to your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
No. I’m not even sure if he’s still alive. He had mental problems.

2. What should you be doing right now?
Working.

3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
The following albums in constant rotation: “Dirty Dancing Soundtrack”, “Footloose Soundtrack”, Cyndi Lauper “She’s So Unusual”, “Thriller”, Lionel Richie “Dancing on the Ceiling”, and the “Beverly Hills Cop Soundtrack”.

4. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Heh. Swallow.

5. Beer or Liquor?
Both.

6. Are you against same sex marriage?
No.

7. Have you been on a date in the past week?
I had a date with the television set.

8. Have you ever kissed someone you don't like?
They kissed me.

9. Quote an Nsync song lyric?
Ain’t no lie/Baby, bye bye bye

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
New by some standards. Old by mine.

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
A table and some chairs.

12. Do you like your parents?
Sometimes.

13. BLANK
Um…ok.

14. What state/country are you from?
Virginia, USA (the RVA)

15. Tell us about the last conversation you had?
I can't. It was about a client. Besides, it's not that interesting.

16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
Counting down the days to SXSW.

17. What is your favorite smell?
Camp fire smell.

And 18 is in survey heaven…
That’s too bad.

19. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment?
1:12pm, 43 F

20. What are you doing tomorrow?
Bobcats at the Comet!

21. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Yeah. It worked for a while.

22. Have you ever Played Spin the Bottle?
Yes. Right around puberty. It was socially mortifying and I’ve yet to recover.

23. Have you ever Toilet Papered someone's house?
No.

24. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Yes. Dude. Who hasn’t?

25. Have you ever gone camping?
Yes, but not recently.

26. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's or sister's friend?
No. Most of my brother’s friends are either mentally challenged or Christian.

27. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Yes. But I didn’t participate.

29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
No. Sandy vag is not appealing to me.

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
Sort of.

31. Have you ever been in love?
Yes.

32. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No. And the older I get, the less likely it is to happen. Unless it’s somewhere REALLY dark.

33. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Yes.

34. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober?
Yes. I don’t recommend it.

35. Have you ever cheated?
Once. On a chemistry test.

36. Have you ever met one of your myspace friends?
I’ve met most of them. I’m not one of those whooooers.

37. Have you ever felt betrayed by your “best friend”?
Not my current best friend.

38. Have you ever lied to your parents?
Oh yes. I would STILL be grounded if I hadn’t.

39. Have you ever been out of the US?
Yes.

40. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Yes. But it wasn’t anything like the fantasy.

rebate Meidicagtions

TWO MEMES Pilfered from MYSPACE.

A BRIEF SCIENTIFIC SURVEY ON KISSING.

Age of first kiss:
First peer sanctioned kiss (i.e. Spin the Bottle) = 12
First voluntary kiss = 13

Number of people you've kissed:
I don’t know. Probably at least twice the amount of people I have slept with.

French kissing is:
What people do.

The worst kind of kiss is:
Slobbery and unskilled.

The best kisser you know:
I haven’t kissed everyone I know.

The worst kisser you know:
Toothy McBadtiming in a pub in London.

The celebrity you'd like to kiss:
Cillian Murphy. A.k.a. pillow lips.

Friend you would like to kiss:
I am SO not answering this.

Favorite movie kiss:
Trey parker and Matt Stone in Baseketball.

Do you kiss on the first date?
If I like the person, I see no reason not too.

Eyes open or closed?
Both.

Average number of kisses you get a day:
1-3.

Ever kissed a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend?
No.

The last person you kissed:
Domingo.

Best placed to be kissed:
Neck.

Have you kissed someone of the same sex?
Yes.

What about the opposite sex?
Yes.

Do you consider kissing cheating?
It depends in the intention.

The longest you've gone without a kiss:
I don’t know. 6 months?

The kiss you regret most is:
This one dude in high school. We were friends and he got SOOOO mad at me for not wanting to be his girlfriend after that he never spoke to me again.

Kissing in public is:
Ok in moderation and MPAA rating.

Tongue rings are:
Annoying.

Two girls kissing is:
Great!

Guys kissing is:
The best way for two men to show their respect for one another. With me watching.

23 RANDOM QUESTIONS

Delete one question you don’t want to answer and add your own random question to the end of this chain (but don’t answer it) and paste in your blog (or in the comments section) for super happy fun times.

Do you like the smell of gas?
Yeah.

What piece of clothing could you not live without?
Black cardie.

What is the scariest book you ever read?
Pet Cemetary.

Superman or Batman?
Batman. Superman is a pussy.

Have you ever broken a bone?
Left arm.

Rivers Cuomo, Colin Meloy or Ben Gibbard: Do, Dump or Marry?
Apparently, I already AM doing Ben Gibbard (since many people seem to think Dom looks like him). I would have said marry Rivers in the Pinkerton days but now he has been replaced by a whiny ho. I am indifferent about Colin Meloy (who I think looks kinda like Christopher Reeve as Clark Kent) so I’ll say dump, do and marry based on looks. In terms of personality, I would say dump, marry and do.

What's the closest you have ever come to dying?
They had a hard time waking me up after one of my knee surgeries.

What is the last song you had stuck in your head?
Right now I have “I Don’t Want to Live Without You” by Foreigner in my head.

What was the last dvd you watched?
Faye was kind enough to show me some Home Movies episodes last night.

Where do you want to run away to?
San Diego Comic Con.

Do you collect anything?
Media.

If you could have one season year round, what would it be and why?
Summer. More fun things happen and people are generally in a better mood.

Ever won something from the claw machine in arcades?
No. But a boyfriend won me a shark in a tuxedo.

Do you have a beach house?
No.

Ever fired a gun? Did you like it?
No. But I kind of want to. Even though I’m anti-gun.

Are you a myspace whore?
No.

What voice part are you?
½ Alto.

What color are the sheets on your bed?
Beige.

Which Friend are you?
The one that doesn’t hang out with those guys.

Have you ever had a hamster?
No. But I had two gay gerbils named Smithers and Burns!

What rhymes with cellophane that is longer than 4 letters?
Champagne.

Darling, dear, what have you done? Your clothes are torn, your make-up runs…
I got really drunk on too much Cook’s and fell into a bathtub.

What is your favorite lame joke?

Our Swiss accessories are to express your good taste

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

I left the office late because our meeting went over. Conveniently, Lil D and the Other One had left early for vacation so they were pardoned from having to stay late on a Friday. I got a call from Elyse and Wade to say that their Beer Hour had been canceled so they were coming downtown. I suggested trying Bernard’s for happy hour. It was an ill-conceived idea. Or, at least, the timing was off. Our waitress was either drunk or high and it took forever for her to take our order. The only food served were a finite amount of dubious looking chicken wings sitting on a hot plate. Wade and Elyse bravely tucked into them. The waitress brought us our one beer and bitched at us about using coasters to protect the badly scuffed table. We drank our beers and, when it was clear that the waitress was not coming back to either ask if we wanted another one or to bring us our bill, we dropped some money on the table, tipped her far too much because we didn’t have exact change, and headed out. I’m that after we were gone, she found the money and the empty beer glasses and thought the tooth fairy had brought her a present. She was that messed up.

We then caught the 11 back to Capital Hill. Usually, my bus trips home from work are uneventful. The buses are full of commuters who just want to get home and start the weekend. An hour and a half later, the crazies head home from whatever it is THEY do with their day. It was this bus that we happened to catch. Or maybe it wasn’t the riders at all, but a frazzled bus driver at the end of his rope. It was difficult to tell because we were crammed all the way in the back with people in the aisles blocking our view and a noisy heater impairing our hearing. All we know is that the bus driver kept yelling “If you don’t stop, I’m going to pull this bus over and EVERYONE is getting off!” He then DID, in fact, pull over every block or so and walk to the middle of the bus to yell at someone. “Don’t you touch her!” he said. “You don’t touch people on the bus! I’m going to make everyone get off. I’m serious!” We joked that we felt like we were about to get a week’s worth of detention from this guy. We couldn’t tell who was making the trouble. One very tall man got off the back of the bus and then came back on the front. We felt like we were taking Mugatu’s Crazy Pills. The bus lurched forward for another block and then the bus driver slammed on his breaks again. He stormed to the middle of the bus and started yelling at a girl who was on her cell phone. It was unclear if she was the object of his rage previously. “Give me that,” he demanded. She handed him her cell phone. “Who is this?” he yelled into the cell phone. “I am a Metro Bus Driver!” he shouted. The rest of the conversation was muffled by the heater. Damn, I wish we’d been sitting closer. Meanwhile, a guy in a pimp outfit, who was wedged into the back corner, kept saying “I don’t have time for this shit. I’m getting off.” He would stand up to move, but the people in the aisles ignored him and, rather than say “excuse me”, he would just sit back down.
Eventually, we made it to our stop and we fought our way forward, thanking the bus driver, as usual, for the ride as we exited. We’ll never know why he was having such a bad day.

Now, I know that a lot of people hate riding Metro for this reason. And sometimes, I can’t handle the crazy either. But other times, I find it makes for some pretty great City Theatre. That is, if you are able to hear all the dialog.

After we got off the bus, we stopped at the Baguette Box for, what Elyse swore, were incredible sandwiches. I had never been there before but I am always willing to try new places as long as they have a veggie option for me. While we ordered, chatted with the nice Permabake behind the counter. (Man, I really love Seattle). I (of course) got their braised tofu sandwich.

We continued up the Hill, meeting Meep and Borg and QFC for beverages. We weren’t sure if it was the one beer each on empty stomachs, the surreality Bernard’s and Metro, or something else, but Elyse, Wade and I were definitely having a collective whack attack. We picked two bottles of wine (which took forever), and decided that it would be faster to use the new-fangled self-check. Maybe it WOULD have been faster had it been anyone else working the thing. But for us, it took ages, and many a helping hand from a QFC employee, to get us through the process. We also discovered that one of the bottles, which we had thought was $10, actually cost $20! None of us are in the habit of purchasing expensive wine, if for no other reason than we can’t tell the damned difference between a $20 bottle and a $5 bottle. But we had come this far so we decided to go with it. Besides, if we couldn’t even self-check a normal purchase, imagine the trouble it would have been to exchange the bottle for something else!

Eventually, we made it back to the Zookster pad (losing Borg on the way), and found Gene and Dom ready for the evening’s activity; a screening of one of Wade and Meep’s favorite movies, Condorman!

I had been so distracted by the journey from office to home, that I had forgotten to ask Dom if he’d wanted me to pick anything up for him. Sorry, Dom! So I guiltily made him some tacos. Then Elyse, Wade and I retreated to the bedroom to take care of some weedy business. Meanwhile, Sherwood arrived.

We tucked in with our expensive wine, sandwiches and accouterments. Finally, we were all ready to begin the movie.

I actually HAVE heard of Condorman. Besides Meep mentioning it as a family favorite, my brother happened to catch it once on the Disney Channel when we were kids. It had enough influence on him for him to actually adopt the moniker himself, for a while, and subsequently pen a rap which placed him in the role. I hadn’t thought about this in years. But Wade had managed to score a copy of the movie (European bootleg) and, perhaps for some, too many expectations had been set on it. For the rest of us, it was easy to enjoy for what it was: a dorky old Disney movie with a silly premise, a smoking hot leading lady, and a built-in drinking game. Nice!

After the movie, we broke out the karaoke show-tunes, which quickly alienated several people. So we compromised, by putting on a few episodes of The Young Ones, before calling it a night.

SATURDAY

I woke up hangover free and ready for a nice mellow day of kicking it. Meep and I had plans to have no plans. Gene called before I left to see what we were up to and I happily invited him to do nothing with us. Dom helped me carry over one of my DDR pads to house at Meep’s house for future impromptu DDR sessions whenever her neighbor goes out. She’s lucky because her downstairs neighbor actually LEAVES the house periodically, whereas mine is an angry hermit. Anywho, Meep fixed me and Gene tea and biscuits and we tucked in to watch The Baxter (no relation). I was the only one who’d had the opportunity to see it in the theatre (with Michael Showalter in attendance!) I enjoyed it quite a bit and was excited to watch it again. I am pleased to say that it’s even more delightful upon a second viewing. You are able to catch more of the subtle Stella references and Justin Thereoux is just PRICELESS as the “perfect” leading man whose profession is Geodes and who cannot have a conversation without blubbering. Michelle Williams is also exceedingly adorable in it. (Want her haircut). Actually, it’s just chock full of some the most underrated actors (comedic or otherwise) including Paul Rudd, Peter Dinklage and everyone who was in Stella. It’s got physical comedy, irreverent humor, silliness and some truly mortifying moments of missed opportunity. It’s the perfect ultimately cockle-warming romantic comedy for people who typically don’t go in for that sort of thing.

After the movie, Meep and I got in a few games of DDR (her version has the Neverending Story!) and then we headed out to get a snack. It was too early for dinner so it took us a while to decide where to get something small that wouldn’t spoil our appetites for later. We ended up at Guaymas. Then we stopped in at Crossroads so that I could search in vain for a warm sweater that didn’t make me uncomfortable. Next, we killed time at Everyday Music, where I miraculous escaped without buying anything. While I browsed, I realized that I should have used the restroom at Guaymas. Of course, they wouldn’t let me use it at Everyday, so I foolishly nipped over to Smack in the Box where I bough the cheapest thing on the menu for the privilege to use their urine-soaked toilets. As I waited for the ladies room, I became aware that it was occupied, not by another lady who was doing her business, but by two men who were seemingly having a friendly discussion and not showing any signs of exiting anytime soon. Eventually, I got into the men’s room and regretted it. At least I was done. I picked up the fries that were my consolation prize. They smelled awful and there was NO WAY I was going to actually eat them. Usually, Broadway is full of homeless people so I thought it would be easy to give them away. Perhaps it was because it was particularly nippy outside, but there were no needy people anywhere in sight. So instead I lugged these rank-smelling fries back into Everyday, and hid them in my hat (no food or drink allowed) while Meep and Gene finished shopping.

We left the store and went up the street to meet Dom, passing no hungry people on the way. Finally, as the four of us waited for the bus to go downtown, I left the grease-stained bag on top of the garbage can. I turned my back for a minute and, when I looked again, the bag was gone. At least SOMEONE picked them up. Though I hope they didn’t get sick. Those things really smelled awful.

As it was dinnertime, we went to the Crocodile. Gene, Meep and I were still kind of full from our snack, however. We got small portions anyway.

Finally, we arrived at our destination, and the only location that was in our plan all along: Shorty’s. What followed was 5 hours of drinking, playing video games, reading from the fun little free sex magazines they have on the windowsill, eating amazingly delicious nachos, some heavy conversation, some light conversation and generally some great fun with friends. We were joined by Sherwood, just off the boat from his office holiday party and Borg, taking a break from making us all rich and famous. We also met a sweet little Rottweiler mix who roamed the bar and conned everyone into giving her hot dogs. We closed the place out, and Borg drove our drunken asses home, which I’m sure was a welcome change for Dom.

SUNDAY

I am Jack's useless lump.

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