Klostermeme XIV

Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series features these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments!

While traveling on business, your spouse (whom you love) is involved in a plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. It is assumed that everyone on board has died. For the next 7 months, you quietly mourn. But then the unbelievable happens: it turns out your spouse has survived. He/she managed to swim to a desert island, where he/she lived in relative comfort with one other survivor (the miraculously located most of the aircraft’s supplies on the beach, and the island itself was filled with ample food sources). Against all odds, they have just been discovered by a Fijan fishing boat.

The 2 survivors return home via helicopter, greeted by the public as media sensations. Immediately upon their arrival, there is an international press conference. And during this press conference, you cannot help but notice how sexy the other survivor is; physically, he/she perfectly embodied the type of person your mate is normally attracted to. Moreover, the intensity of the event has clearly galvanized a relationship between the 2 crash victims: they spend most of the interview explaining how they could not have survived without the other person’s presence. They explain how they passed the time by telling anecdotes from their respective lives, and both admit to having given up on the possibility for rescue. At the end of the press conference, the 2 survivors share a tearful goodbye hug. It’s extremely emotional.

After the press conference, you are finally reunited with your spouse. He/she embraces you warmly and kisses you deeply.

How long do you wait before asking if he/she was ever unfaithful to you on this island? Do you never ask? And if your mate’s answer is “yes”, would that (under these circumstances) be acceptable?

My Answer:My original answer was a bit different. And then Elyse alerted me to the fact that it is seven MONTHS, not years. For the record, I typed out all these questions months ago and saved them as drafts. It probably doesn’t excuse the fact that I am lousy at attention to detail. So here’s my updated answer: I’d wait as long as I could but I’m sure I’d be bursting at the seams about it. I would be very happy that my husband was alive returned to me. But given the fact that I sometimes get jealous at the thought of EX girlfriends, I’m sure their “special relationship” would be on my mind constantly. If the answer is yes, I would probably forgive eventually. Everyone, including me, thought he was a goner. But I’m sure I would find it impossible to be in the same room with his island buddy and it would take me quite a bit of time to get over it.

Klosterman Theory: Months or years, I think his answer would be the same. He would ask within 5 minutes of their reunion.


NFT Radar: Mighty O Donuts

I was never really a donut person. I could easily forgo the greasy gut bombs on the board meeting snack tray in lieu of a nice bagel and some shmear. I never boarded the Krispy Kreme Krazy Train. I honestly thought donuts were kind of gross. And then I had a Mighty O. Now, I’m not vegan. Butter and cream marry with sugar just fine and can live harmoniously in my stomach. But apparently, you don’t need ’em. One bite of those cakey, frosted treats and I was in love. And what variety! The usual suspects like sprinkles and nuts sit alongside new classics like French Toast and Lemon Poppy. But their seasonal specials are where they excel. Fall brings Pumpkin and Apple Spice! Other seasons feature Ginger Raspberry, Strawberry Shortcake and Grasshopper (it’s chocolate-mint, silly). What goes better with donuts than coffee? They’ve got that too. And its really, really good. Unfortunately, just because it’s vegan doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Whatever you do, don’t look at the nutrition information on their website. It will utterly destroy the fantasy.

2110 N 55th St 98103

X-posted from Not For Tourists.