Klostermeme XIV

Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series features these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments!

While traveling on business, your spouse (whom you love) is involved in a plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. It is assumed that everyone on board has died. For the next 7 months, you quietly mourn. But then the unbelievable happens: it turns out your spouse has survived. He/she managed to swim to a desert island, where he/she lived in relative comfort with one other survivor (the miraculously located most of the aircraft’s supplies on the beach, and the island itself was filled with ample food sources). Against all odds, they have just been discovered by a Fijan fishing boat.

The 2 survivors return home via helicopter, greeted by the public as media sensations. Immediately upon their arrival, there is an international press conference. And during this press conference, you cannot help but notice how sexy the other survivor is; physically, he/she perfectly embodied the type of person your mate is normally attracted to. Moreover, the intensity of the event has clearly galvanized a relationship between the 2 crash victims: they spend most of the interview explaining how they could not have survived without the other person’s presence. They explain how they passed the time by telling anecdotes from their respective lives, and both admit to having given up on the possibility for rescue. At the end of the press conference, the 2 survivors share a tearful goodbye hug. It’s extremely emotional.

After the press conference, you are finally reunited with your spouse. He/she embraces you warmly and kisses you deeply.

How long do you wait before asking if he/she was ever unfaithful to you on this island? Do you never ask? And if your mate’s answer is “yes”, would that (under these circumstances) be acceptable?

My Answer:My original answer was a bit different. And then Elyse alerted me to the fact that it is seven MONTHS, not years. For the record, I typed out all these questions months ago and saved them as drafts. It probably doesn’t excuse the fact that I am lousy at attention to detail. So here’s my updated answer: I’d wait as long as I could but I’m sure I’d be bursting at the seams about it. I would be very happy that my husband was alive returned to me. But given the fact that I sometimes get jealous at the thought of EX girlfriends, I’m sure their “special relationship” would be on my mind constantly. If the answer is yes, I would probably forgive eventually. Everyone, including me, thought he was a goner. But I’m sure I would find it impossible to be in the same room with his island buddy and it would take me quite a bit of time to get over it.

Klosterman Theory: Months or years, I think his answer would be the same. He would ask within 5 minutes of their reunion.



  1. Seven months! Months!

  2. What? Oh. That changes everything, obvs.

  3. I think that Chuck would be more concerned about what he’d tell his loved one since he had a couple of nights of fun in the seven month period (I mean, she was supposedly dead, right?)

    • Yeah, but I think he’d still ask right away to find out if he was off the hook or not.

  4. I’d probably ask her that very day, though not immediately. Probably during our conversation where she was telling me everything about her experiences over the past 7 months.

    If her answer was “yes,” I’d accept it, and wouldn’t stew about it unless the guy wound up living in LA and hanging out with her everyday. I’d worry less about my spouse’s intense feelings for the guy, and more about the guy’s feelings for her.

    A more telling question would be how long one would wait at home before dating someone else. 7 months is a short time, but yeah – at one point do you say, “this person’s probably dead, I need to move on”? For me, a year and a half. No sooner.

    • Agreed. There’s pretty much NO WAY I would have dated anyone else within 7 months if I though my husband was dead. I imagine that sort of thing is a little harder to get over than a breakup.

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