IBS Be-Gone!: Day Two

I woke up this morning with a headache. I was extremely dehydrated, despite having had a couple of big glasses of water before going to bed. In general, I drink a lot of water so I don't know if the probiotics are using the water or if it's something to do with the sugar withdrawal.

And yes, I think I must be going through some major sugar withdrawal that will only get worse. I am still light-headed and my headache hasn't really gone away, though it's gotten better after downing ungodly amounts of water.

Being the carbophile that I am, it's hard enough to avoid yeast, but the sugar is going to be the real rooster in the hen house here. There is sugar in EVERYTHING. I wasn't even careful enough when shopping yesterday. I grabbed a couple of cans of soup that I know to be vegetarian, without looking at the labels. When I got them home, I realised they had sugar in them. Lentil soup and split pea, I can't eat you. Luckily, I can still eat my organic tomato and my organic corn chowder, but NOT my Progresso roasted tomato. I venture to guess that Progresso (and probably all of those major canned soup brands) have sugar in them.

As I'm typing, I notice I'm making a lot more errors than usual. I also seem to keep adding superfluous E's to the ends of words. Naturally, I'm correcting as I go, but I am having a great deal of difficulty concentrating. I think my brain is jonesing for a sugar rush.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: Bowl of cheerios with milk and banana. Cup of tea with milk.

I now know that this was cheating in a big way. I ate the cheerios (low in sugar) before I confirmed that I am not allowed to eat ANY sugar. Also, bananas are on the high end of the sugar spectrum as far as fruits are concerned. I think this is OK though, because I ate breakfast before I bought the probiotcs. So, technically, my diet started at lunch.

Lunch: Salad with baby greens, tomatoes, mozzarella and balsamic vinaigrette dressing. 2 organic frozen black bean tacos with fresh Whole Foods salsa.

I was ready for my afternoon snack MUCH earlier than normal. Nothing I ate seemed to really fill me up.

Snack: Jicima and 4 yeast-free, organic crackers.

Dinner: Red potatoes, red peppers, garlic and tomatoes cooked in olive oil. Two rice cakes with Adam's creamy peanut butter. (I have a feeling I am going to be eating a lot of these.) A glass of milk.

Snack: (Because by 8:00, I was starving again) A few bites of the rice I made to bring to work today.

My saving grace here will be the fact that I can still eat low-sugar fruits. Apparently, the naturally occurring sugar is good for the probiotics. But I'm not allowed to overdo it. Most of my favorite fruits are, of course, high in sugar and therefore off the menu. No bananas, oranges (or orange juice) or pineapples.

I can have grapefruit, cranberries, raspberries (and all-natural raspberry jam!!), blueberry, blackberries, peaches and apples. But only in moderation. Moderation is tough for me in almost every aspect of my life.

I do have a plan for the drinking, however. I will be smuggling cranberry juice into bars because I'm fairly certain most places only serve that from-concentrate frankenjuice. I can also have martinis without the vermouth. (Yes, even vermouth has sugar in it!) So I won't have to be giving up all my vices at once.

January 23, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: , . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

IBS Be-Gone!: Day One

I decided to keep a record of my progress on my probiotics diet.

First, a little background: I developed IBS about 2 years ago. At the time, it seemed to arrive out of nowhere. I saw a G.I., who very helpfully told me that it happens to a lot of women around my age, there's no cure and it may go away one day as quickly as it arrived. OR it may never go away. Regardless, I can take some over-the-counter meds and I should be fine.

I bought these meds. They helped a little. I sought some more natural remedies. They worked better. Regardless, I still HAD to take these meds, in conjunction, every day or I would not be able to go normally. Even WITH the meds, I would still have alternating bouts of diarrhea and constipation. They always seemed to come at inopportune times, though I don't know when an opportune time to have these problems is.

I was concerned about having to take meds every day and wondered what they were doing to my system. I called the G.I. He said it was fine. Nothing to worry about. I asked my OBGYN. She also said it was “probably” nothing to worry about.

Flash forward two years later, I am still having these issues, still taking the meds every day, and the pain when I have problems has gotten worse. I have also seen some blood. I was getting ready to go on a whirlwind tour of Seattle G.I.s and, possibly even a naturopath when Brugos' friend Joey saw me taking my meds and asked me about them.

She told me she had the same problem several years ago. She developed this problem after a year of having taken antibiotics. For me, this triggered a memory. I had an unusual number of UTIs the year before developing IBS and had taken a lot of antibiotics for them.

She went on a treatment of probiotics (the opposite of ANTI! HA!) and had eliminated sugar and yeast for a month. This had re-developed the bacteria necessary for normal digestion into her body and she hasn't had a problem since.

I jumped all over the prospect of being rid of this issue. No sugar or yeast will be a nightmare for me, especially since I don't eat meat, but I am willing to try anything once if it means having a normal digestive system once again.

So here I am, Day One. I haven't had any sugar or yeast in almost 24 hours now. I am feeling a bit light-headed and kind of hungry. I am going to the store after work to stock up on beans, potatoes, low-sugar fruits and nuts. I may lose some weight over the course of this month. Especially since I can't drink wine, beer or cocktails either.

It's about to get weird. But, hopefully, it's for the best.

January 22, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Weekend Recap

FRIDAY

After pre-cleansing our bodies with a nice, big salad, B. and I attended a wine and cheese party at his friend's house. We were both still a bit rough-around-the-edges from having gone out the night before so we didn't last too long, but we managed to socialize till a respectable 12:45, before heading home to bed.

SATURDAY

Too much cheese + IBS = pain. I woke up in the middle of the night with my tummy not very happy with me. The problem continued to plague me throughout the day. Regardless, I was able to be out and about. We brunched at my favorite restaurant (food-wise…not as much atmosphere), The Vegetarian Bistro. The other attendees seemed dubious but agreed to try all-veg dim sum because the meat-loving B. attested to its deliciousness. They all seemed to be pretty happy with the outcome, apart from Darsh who was mortified to discover the abundance of mushrooms in everything.

Next, Andrea drove Brugos and me to the opening of the Sculpture Park. It was a lovely day and we wanted to be outside. This was the best idea we had for doing so. The park was pretty neat, but also packed with people (and guys in dog suits schilling for Target). It will be nice to go back once the fanfare has died down.

We returned to my apartment to rest and pick up some movies for Brad's DVD night. I chose 6 titles from which the group could decide at a later date.

The bus to Wallingford took forever and my stomach was not happy enough to allow me to walk very far. We finally arrived with enough time to play some Cattan before everyone else got there. Brugos cleaned up this particular island.

The Brit Boys, and Elle arrived, and later Justin and Steve and some people who's names I can't remember. We ended up officially watching “Cannibal! The Musical” and “Brain Candy” and unofficially watching parts of “Bloodrayne” and “Jaws 3” on TV. Later, I slept through most of “Bubba Ho-Tep” on TV. By then, my stomach was taking no prisoners and it hurt to move.

We thankfully got a ride home from Elle at 2am and said goodbye to the Brit Boys, who were very fun to hang out with.

SUNDAY

The medicine kicked in and I woke up with my stomach issues all but (temporarily) taken care of. I was given some great advice from Brugos' friend, however, on how to possibly cure my problem. I am starting a month-long pro-biotics/no sugar or yeast diet. It's going to be very difficult but will hopefully re-balance my system and get rid of this IBS once and for all.

ANYWHO, after breakfast and loads of sitting around, we organized a little game night with the Boobergs and the Brunswicks. We hopped on a bus to the Hill and picked up some ice cream and wine for my last meal of sorts. The Boobergs brought over some delicious brownies as well.

We played Apples to Apples, Uno and Dominoes. I had never played Dominoes, other than to set them up and knock them down. It was actually pretty fun, even though it's centered around luck-of-the-draw and quick math: two things I'm patently lousy at.

January 22, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Fresh Meat

So says the myspace: Tired of those same old 55 questions about me surveys? Well here are 55 I guarantee you've never answered.

1. Is your second toe longer than your first? No.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? black gel pens or ultra fine point sharpees.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing? I'm going to be in Austin at SXSW so I will probably be drunk at noon and going to shows.

4. What color are your toenails usually? Toenail-coloured.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted? A holiday in my day planner.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains? White venetian blinds.

7. What color are the seats in your car? My seat is lily white.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? Nope. They've all been tortoise shell or ginger.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? Christmas card.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? Negative.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? To have cash.

12. Who is the last baby that you held? Dom's niece.

13. Do you know any twins with rhyming names? I don't know any twins. Which is good because they give me the creeps.

14. Do you like cinnamon tooth paste? Never heard of it but it doesn't sound so bad. I enjoy cinnamon dental floss.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago? No car.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators? I don't even know what sport you're talking about.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags? Once when I was 8.

16. Do you have wall paper in your house? No.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow? Legal pad.

20. Last person to give you a business card? My supervisor.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? My landlord.

22. Closest framed picture to you? No framed pictures in my cube. Just photos tacked to the wall.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you? Brugos made me soup when I was sick.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare? No. I tried to get unemployment once but they said I hadn't been working there long enough.

25. How many emails do you have? I'm all caught up. That's why I'm doing a meme.

26. Last time you received flowers? It's been a very long time. It might have been when Neil died. That's ok though. I think flowers are a waste.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man and a woman? Trick question. There's no such thing as sanctity. PS: I HAVE answered this question before, meme!

29. Do you play air guitar? Does Guitar Hero count?

30. Do you take anything in your coffee? Cream if necessary.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines? Likely not since I don't know what they are.

32. What is your high school's rival mascot? Our rival was St. Christophers. I don't remember their mascot. My distaste for sports started in high school.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? Camping?

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? Sure.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room? Same as bedroom.

37. What is in your inbox at work? Since it's forwarded to my gmail, lost of emails that aren't work-related. Also many emails that are work related.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? I haven't read anything but the headlines in a long time. I prefer the internets.

39. What was the last pageant you attended? A Christmas Carol in middle school.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? Wherever that pizza I ate on Monday was from.

41. Have you ever worn a crown? A Burger King crown.

42. What is the last thing you stapled? An intern resume to an application.

43. Did you ever drink Clear Pepsi? Once. For curiosity's sake. It did not make me feel any more refreshed.

44. Are you ticklish? Yes. In weird places.

45. Last time you saw fireworks? New Years Eve.

46. Last time you had a Krispey Kreme doughnut? It's been years. I foresee never eating one again. I think they're revolting.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call? Eh…Ryan?

48. Last time you parked under a carport? Personally, never.

49. Do you have a black dog? No.

50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge? Why, yes.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle? No.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? My baby.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck? In The Hitcher, a new film from Rogue Pictures starring Sean Bean.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? Indeed. I sang “I Hate Everything About You” karaoke recently. I did fairly well, but stumbled over the fast-talking part which I'd forgotten about.

55. Do you have a little black dress? Most of my wardrobe is little and black.

January 19, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Bob Dylan Wrote Every Song…Ever.

This probably included “Crazy”. Man, that guy really does look a lot like Bob Dylan.

January 17, 2007
Categories: YooToob . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Thundercasting

A Thundercats movie is slated for '09. This is one of those concepts that has been bandied about forever. But they have a release date so there must be SOMETHING lined up. I don't know if it's going to be live action or C.G. I don't think the powers-that-be know either. There is no information about the film, but the website gives you the opportunity to sign up for the mailing list and also to give casting suggestions. Of course I couldn't resist suggesting a cast. Here is what I came up with:

Lion-O:
Cheetara:
Panthro:
Tygra:
Snarf:
Jaga:
Wilykit:
Wilykat:
Mumra:
Mumra the Ever-Living:
Slythe:
Jackleman:
Vultureman:
Monkian:
All the Robear Berbils:

What do you guys think?

PS: In the process of researching pictures for this entry, I found an extremely disturbing amount of Thundercats Slash. Grrrrrross.

January 16, 2007
Categories: Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

DreamMeme

1. What was your latest dream?
I haven't remembered a dream in a while. I think the last one I remembered was a pretty disturbing nightmare that I don't care to detail or relive.

2. Which of your friends do you dream about the most?
Faye is often present in my dreams, even if she doesn't have a speaking roll. So is Tobe. Otherwise, Brugos has been a regular character for a while.

3. Have any of your dreams come true?
In high school I had a dream that I made out with my lab partner and when I woke up I suddenly had a crush on him. This has actually happened a few times. I'm not sure if I had suppressed crushes on these people or if my dreaming about them created the crush.

Also, I once had a dream that I was really good friends with Layne Staley and found him having OD'd in my bathroom. This was not so much a prophetic dream as an educated prediction. Other than that, none of my dreams have come true. This is a good thing because the world would have been destroyed several times over if I were a prophetic dreamer. They tend to be a little Michael Bay.

4. Do you usually remember your dreams?
I go through periods where I remember most of them and then dry spells where I don't remember any. I'm currently in one of the latter.

5. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had?
So difficult to choose, but contenders include the one where Spiderman was trying to kill me and the one where Trent Reznor and I had to escape an alien occupation.

January 12, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

I just really thought I was gonna find the treasure.

After laughing to the point of tears at this montage of clips from last year's remake of The Wicker Man, it's got me wondering about Nicolas Cage's acting choices. I've never thought of him as a good actor, per se, but I enjoy his over-the-topness immensely in Wild at Heart (one of my favorite films, period) and thought his performances in Raising Arizona and Adaptation were incredibly heartfelt and earnest. Is he phoning it in on purpose in The Wicker Man? Granted, it must be pretty hard to make a line like “Oh no, not the bees!” seem believable and I am always in favor of camp, but most actors are EITHER camp or drama. Not both. Perhaps Nic Cage really IS the only one who can walk in both worlds.

PS.

January 11, 2007
Categories: Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Only slightly repetitive meme.

Meme from ZeroShapiro.

Elaborate on your default icon.
Kitten passed out in food bowl. Self-explanatory. Also, highly symbolic!

2. What's your current relationship status?
Happily smitten.

3. Ever have a near-death experience?
Sorta kinda. Anesthesia allergy and careless drivers.

4. Name an obvious quality you have.
A.D.D.

5. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
“Warning” by Green Day.

6. Name a celebrity you would marry.
Kal Penn.

7. Who will cut and paste this first?
I'd say Elyse, but I got this from her.

8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
I've gotten Patricia Arquette often.

9. Do you wear a watch?
No.

10. Do you have anything pierced?
Ears.

11. Do you have any tattoos?
Three.

12. Do you like pain?
Certain kinds. Like Elyse, I enjoy hair plucking.

13. Do you like to shop?
On the internet, yes. In stores, no.

14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Booze.

15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?
Starbucks breakfast sandwich and latte.

16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
Brugos.

17. What is on your desktop background?
Jensen Ackles with two guns. Hawt. (Thanks to Ahe).

18. What is the background on your cell phone?
The London Calling album cover.

19. What was the last movie you watched?
“The Jerk” was on TV again. Even though I own it, I couldn't NOT watch it edited on TV. What is wrong with me?

20. What was the last book you read?
I'm almost done with “Don't Eat This Book” by Morgan Spurlock. I love it.

21. What phrase have you been waiting for the exact right moment to use?
“This time the stakes are for keeps.”

January 10, 2007
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

The Brigadoon of Gay Bars

Since 2/3 of our trivia team were otherwise indisposed, Roxy and I decided to do a mini pub crawl last night. We started at Tango. I'd tried to go there once before on a Friday, but it was too crowded. During Happy Hour, time's a wastin', so you can't afford to wait for a seat at one establishment. We'd abandoned the notion in lieu of the Honey Hole.

We found that Happy Hour at Tango on a Tuesday was doable. In retrospect, it's Friday popularity had done us a favor. Tango lacks atmosphere and the food is all pretension with little payoff.

We finished our weak, overpriced drinks and bolted to the Honey Hole to catch the last 30 minutes of their happy hour. We polished off a couple of $3 martinis and a plate of Gilroy Chips. We'd ordered twice as much at the Honey Hole as we'd done at Tango and our bill was still cheaper. Tango sucks.

When trying to decide where to go next, I'd remembered an awesome gay bar around the corner from Chop Suey that Meep and I had killed some time in about a year ago. It was called Martin's. On the night that Meep and I had gone, they were playing some GOOD 80's music (Hall and Oates and New Order, as opposed to Love Shack) on the juke box. Men were dancing their hearts out everywhere. The bartender was on ROLLER SKATES and he was wearing an orange vest with no shirt, hot pants and a goddamned yellow hard hat. Naturally, he had a mustache. A very drunk gay man told me and Meep that we were beautiful. We drank our beers and reveled in the, well, revelry. EVERYONE in this bar was having a blast. It was as if someone was making a movie and wanted to create the most fun gay bar stereotype they could. It was glorious. We had to leave after one beer because we were meeting our men folk and we knew that they wouldn't be interested in such a scene. But for us, it was perfect and we vowed to come back when we were again without our boyfriends.

I told this to Roxy. She had never been inside Martin's. She seemed surprised that it was like that inside. We walked up to the door. Through the window, I could see that it was dark inside. This was certainly in contrast to the brightly lit bar I'd remembered, but I proceeded to open the door anyway. A few steps inside the door, I could hardly recognize the place. The juke box was gone. There was no dancing. I'm not even sure there was music playing. If there was, it was at a subliminal volume and was certainly not an 80's classic. Everyone was sitting down at intimate tables talking quietly. There was a fireplace. The decor was dark and boring. The place looked like a ski lodge. We backed out the door slowly and cautiously and ended our night at the more consistent Twilight Exit.

I was floored. What had happened? And how long ago? Did the Martin's that Meep and I had loved so dearly for one night even exist? Or had we stumbled into some alternate dimension that we will find again? Perhaps our Martin's was the Brigadoon of gay bars: For one magical night every 100 years, you can visit it, but you'd better live it up and leave before last call, or you'll be trapped. When you reemerge, everyone you love will be long dead.

Thank you, Martin's, for letting me and Meep be a part of your fleeting magic.

January 10, 2007
Categories: Dear Diary, Seattle . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

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