was something unprecedented, unnatural

Last night I felt pretty awful (probably from eating too much cookie dough as I did some holiday baking), but I forced myself to go to yoga anyway, as I don't know how long I will be out of commission after surgery. I am really glad I did. I've never been a competitive person as far as sports are concerned. Probably because I was never GOOD at any sports. (Or any physical activity, really. Having gimpy knees will do that to you). But I have to say that I LOVE it when these skinny girls in skimpy little bikinis show up to yoga for the first time and just DIE. Yesterday there were two such girls in class. They were struggling through the standing positions and they had to lie down for most of the second half. Our teacher came over to make sure they were ok. Meanwhile, even though I was pretty nauseous, my balance was in top form and they were actually looking at me to see how to do the positions. It didn't hurt that the teacher gave me several compliments on my form. I was eating it up with a spoon. Take that, skinny girls who were probably picked first in gym class! I felt so tough! So I'm telling you, Bikram Yoga is THE “sport” for gimps.

And now, as promised, I have a link to the second batch of pictures from the fundraiser. Click for the kind of excessiveness that only a drunk photographer can produce. I apologize for the fact that most of the pictures are of me. Jacob was pretty hammered and was taking pictures of whatever was in front of him. That happened to be me and Andrew's friend Chris. I've even edited out a good number of them. So when you're getting sick of my drunk face, remember…it could have been worse.

Countdown to Operation Deflation: 11 days.

sacrilege, darling

I just watched the first trailer for the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie (which can be seen here at Aint We Cool News) and all I have to say is: WHAT IS THE POINT, TIM BURTON?! Did you POSSIBLY think you could improve on the original? Maybe if it were 1990 and you'd just finished Edward Scissorhands, I MIGHT have some confidence. But one Sleepy Hollow, one Planet of the Apes and one Big Fish later, I realise you are all out of ideas and so you have to make a movie that, from what I can tell, is a terrible “update” to the beautifully surreal look of the original.

Bite me, Burton. Bite me.

that the cat's Browning

Gonna go BACK IN TYME!!

Since I have time to blog now when nothing is happening, I am going to talk about last week when stuff was happening but I didn't have time to blog. So there. Now…let's see how much of last week I remember.

So I spent most of last week hurriedly dressing up the Old Red Hook Brewery for the fundraiser with the very capable and wonderful crew of Snow Day. Meep led us all with her amazing x-mas decorating skills and hundreds of lights purchased from Target. In the end, I think we made that stink-hole look pretty kick-ass!

Friday I left work early to first go to my “pre-op” appointment and then to do last minute prep at brewery. I went in to my appointment a little nervous and left feeling a lot better about the surgery. Not that I was having doubts about it. Just that surgery is always stressful, even if you know it will help you. (And I consider myself somewhat of a surgery veteran, whatwith the two knee surgeries and that hardcore oral surgery it took to get my wisdom teeth out). They assured me that they wouldn't overdo the anesthesia which is comforting because last time I got General Anesthesia, I took to it VERY badly. They also told me that what I'm having done (liposuction instead of the choppy chop type) is a lot easier to recover from and won't hurt as bad. The downside to that is that I only get 30 Vicodin. So I guess we won't be having those Vicodin parties. But who am I to complain about less pain? The one thing they told me that was somewhat disappointing was that I wouldn't notice results right away. In fact, I will probably be BIGGER for as long as a MONTH due to the swelling. So I guess I have to postpone that major bra shopping trip. I can't wait to see what kind of a freak of nature I will look like with EVEN BIGGER breasts. Probably something like this:
title or description

I do have stories from the fundraiser itself but I'm hoping I'll be able to let the pictures do the talking. I should get the rest of them sometime this weekend.

“LOST” SPOILER ALERT:
They ALMOST got me last night. It was the last episode before sweeps so I knew there had to be a big cliff hanger. I remember reading that (for some reason) Charlie, Jack and Kate were all safe from being killed off this season, but that ONE main character WOULD die before season's end. So when I watched Jack beat the crap out of Charlie's lifeless body for what must have been 5 minutes (which converts to at least half an hour in TV land time), I thought Charlie was gone and I began to wonder if I would even watch the show anymore after that. I would still have Sayid (Rowr!) but Dominic Monaghan was the whole reason I started watching to begin with. Furthermore, I can't take much more trauma of people killing off my favorite characters. (I'm looking at you, Joss!) And then Jack REALLY starting hitting Charlie and he woke up in a gasping coughing fit. So now poor Charlie is TOTALLY traumatized because his new girlfriend has been kidnapped, his chest is extremely bruised and he probably has some brain damage from being dead that long. (Which is why he can only speak in short sentences). :)
I can't wait till after sweeps!!!

later a sweating silver

I’m back!

For those of you that don’t know, I was in Phoenix for 2 days on my very first business trip. I was being trained for my day job. They were all very nice there and they fed me silly on good food. I also got to stay in the Ritz Carlton (and realised that I MUCH prefer staying in a mid-low budget hotel. They may have nice mattresses in the Ritz but they charge you for EVERYTHING. For $200 a night, I want some free tea or coffee, at least. A bottle of water was $5!). But at least now I know I’m not missing anything when I live it up at the Days Inn for $60/night.
I haven’t flown in a long time. (Well, not a LONG time…but long for me). And now I have an unshakable feeling every time I get on an airplane that I am about to be stuck on a mysterious island with these people. Of course, I would probably actually have to fly over WATER (and/or the Bermuda triangle) to crash on an island. Unfortunately, on my island, there probably wouldn’t be so many delicious and enigmatic characters. OR an Iron Giant. Damn you, TV for giving me such high expectations about freak accidents!

I am very tired. Of COURSE when I arrived back there was a giant pile of work on my desk. And guess what, I’m not doing any of it right now! Ha!

Work is boring. On to other topics.

The good news: The fundraiser was a BLAST! Thank you for everyone that helped and attended and partied their hearts out. I was pretty stressed for about half the evening and then the wine on an empty stomach kicked in. By the end of the night, I was plowed and having a grand ‘ol time. There are SOME pictures here. You can definitely see the before and after of drunkenness for me and Faye. Of course, the BEST pictures (I wager) are on Jacob’s camera and I can’t wait for him to get back from Germany so that I can see them! Among them are a giant group picture with Zombie Santa and a plastered (yet surprisingly coherent) Gene!
The bad news: We only raised HALF of our MINIMUM budget. So now we are going to have to pester our friends, family and strangers (in other words: EVERYONE) to donate so that we can even THINK about shooting the movie in January. I’m a little scared because it’s not like any of US have that kind of money laying around in case we can’t raise it elsewhere. I suppose severe credit card debt is an option, but I wanted to save that for the feature.

I wish I had time to go into more detail about the drunken revelry of the fundraiser, but now I really DO need to get to work. So you’ll just have to glean a story from the pictures. I’ll update when I get the juicy ones from Jacob. Until then, rock on, you hard rock zombies!

no clever spam title

I'm worth $1,898,454.05! How much are you worth?

Somehow I thought it would be less than this. So I'm pleasantly surprised. I wonder how much money my double d's are worth and how much my worth will go down (or up) after December. Yes, that was a question in the quiz for girls. I wonder if it asks guys how big their penises are.

42805

Something is in the air today. Something baaaaad.

When I went to the post office, the cashier told me that a man was hit by a car outside our building. The driver sped off and later ditched his/her car by the waterfont. The man who was hit died a short while later. For some reason, the cops still have the street blocked off even though the man was taken away a while ago. There is police tape everywhere. It looks like C.S.I.

I walked up to Pike Place Market to pick up a fundraiser donation from Golden Age Collectibles. There were TONS of transients around moving their big carts and handtrucks full of bags. I've never seen so many at one time “moving”. Do they know something we don't?

The smell of the donut shop inside the market overtook everything with a sickly sweet fried scent.

Walking back to the office, the wind whipped my hair and clothes around violently. It seemed to have changed direction so that I was against it going and coming. The rain was light enough but felt colder than usual because of the wind. Everyone walked with their heads down and therefore I had to be careful not to bump into anyone. People were huddling their entire bodies into their coats rather than let their faces emerge and pay attention to where they were going.

Back in the office, everyone is working quietly and subdued in their offices. This is unusual, at least for the guys.

I was recently informed that Rossi took Washington State by 42 votes. That means there are at least 42 more literate fundies in Washington than there are normal people.

It's a holiday tomorrow but it today doesn't feel like it.

Wood

I am so tired and my life is booked solid for the next several months. Getting surgery will be awesome because I will finally be FORCED to not do anything for a week. I will also get some lovely Vic-O-din.

Countdown to Operation Deflation: 30 days

missing leg wrapped in

Auditions for Snow Day all weekend. Not done yet. Callbacks tonight. Decisions must be made by tomorrow morning. Can't speak/write in complete sentences. So very tired.

Are You Small?

Doood!
I just got the following email from Lil D. (AKA Baby Hitler).

“Do you know why the coffee table is in a weird place?”

I looked over, and sure enough, the coffee table had been moved slightly closer to the wall than before. Being the logical person that I am, I quickly deduced that the cleaning people must have moved it when they vacuumed over the weekend. I told her so, ignoring the overwhelming urge to be a snarky bastard about it. She wrote back:

“Can you move it back when you get a chance?”

Um…I CAN. But why didn’t YOU move it when you noticed it, seeing as how it’s bothering you so much, you little Obsessive/Compulsive beyotch. I know you’re a 90lb weakling with negative booty, but the coffee table probably weighs 20lbs tops as it is from Costco.

But of course I WILL move the coffee table. Because that’s apparently in my job description, right under “erecting cubicles”, “cleaning the coffee pot”, and “picking up the newspaper from the floor”. (That’s right…if anyone gets here before me…rare, but it happens…they will LEAVE THE NEWSPAPER IN THE DOORWAY).

GRARG.

The ritual use of

WEEEEEEEKEND RECAP

Friday
Faye, Sherrard and I headed to the Wok and Grill around 7:00, prepared for a long night of annoying the old lady that closes up on the weekends. We ordered food and drink and plugged our $5 into the juke box. I must admit that I'm losing a little steam on that Juke Box. There's only so many times I can pick the more upbeat Joy Division songs and still keep the evening fresh. When we arrived, the music was in a sad state, as Garth Brooks (or some such country drivel) was blaring from the speakers. When I went back to the box, I realized why. There was an incredibly drunk man sitting at the bar next to the box. He was the very definition of belligerent. I knew they were his songs because every once in a while, he would sing a word or two with great reverence, and then forget what he was doing and go back to tormenting the bartender. He also took notice of me and said “HEY! I like your boots”. He said this a few times before I looked up. When I did look up he said “That's right, I'm talking to YOUUUUUU!”. I said thank you and tried to select as quickly as I could. Before I could get back to the table, I heard him loudly protest to his drinking buddy “I did NOT sleep with her!! Why would you say that? I DIDN'T! Why would you say something like that when it's not true?!” (To the bartender who was shushing him) “But I DIDN'T sleep with her. He's spreading LIES about me! I'm just trying to defend myself!”. He left (was kicked out?) about half an hour later.
So back at the table, we were joined by Andrew and ate and drank heartily. We were inspired by some music to retire to Faye's for a “dance party”. But first, we had to stop at the ridiculously huge new QFC on Broadway. We got extremely distracted by all the choices and the giant inflatable turkey, but eventually, we made it back to Faye's where we met Dom and Chris. Unfortunately, QFC had exhausted us, so a dance party was out of the question. Instead, we watched The Jerk and called it a night. Ah, old age.

Saturday
Unable to convince anyone of its potential, Faye and I set out alone to see a matinee of Seed of Chucky. And let me be the first to tell you (in print, anyway), that you MISSED OUT, FOO! The opening title appeared on screen. It was then washed away by dripping white goo. The SEEEEED! Don Mancini finally realized that the tale of a killer doll is not frightening so much as it is Comedy Gold! The movie is riddled with clever jokes and self-references. Jennifer Tilly is great! Jason Flemyng (heart) is great! John Waters is great! Best of all, however, is Billy Boyd (Pippin!) as THE SEEEEEED! He is hilarious! Seriously!!! There is also a kick ass pumping neck wound, a fantastic disemboweling (or disensausageing , as I like to call it) and a really neato beheading! I can't stop using exclamation points!! That's how good it all was!!
Loved it. Will stop now.
Later, I ate dinner with my friend Erik at Chutney's and discovered deliciousness at my doorstep. Oh Chutney's, you were this close to me all this time and I had no idea of the wonders you had in store for me. Probably because your sister branch in Queen Anne is crap. It is the less attractive, slutty sister. But you, dear Chutney's on 15th, are the beautiful and sweet one. And I love you. Will you PLEASE go to the Winter Formal with me? Oh, you're waiting to see if Billy will ask you? Ok. Just let me know. Thanks.
Later still, I headed to the Canterbury for Gene’s birthday! I drank so much cider that they ran out. Yikes. Then I went for a “walk” and partook of some of Gene’s birthday present. I won’t say what it is. But I will say that it made me extremely paranoid and I had to run home and eat a grilled cheese sandwich shortly thereafter. It’s a bummer cos I’d been waiting to hear the Buzzcocks album that Faye and I put on the juke box and it didn’t start until RIGHT as I was leaving. Bastards.
Still fun was had by me. And I think other people too. Happy Birthday, Gene!

Sunday
Der. Hello, hangover. How are you? Glad to hear it. I’m not so good. Thanks to YOU.
It’s ok though. I deserve it. And as punishment, I will give myself a good thrashing at yoga. But you know what? It was all worth it.

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