The umbrella fiasco continues…

Due to this apocalyptic fucking weather we're having, my trip to the library resulted in me having to buy YET ANOTHER umbrella after the wind ripped my trusty polka dot number to shreds. I briefly mourned the loss of a good umbrella which has served me for over a year (and which I miraculously hadn't lost) before ducking into Bartell to buy another umbrella. I know I still have the one from Portland at home, but this isn't the kind of day in which you can be umbrella-less even for a second. As it is, they only serve to keep parts of you dry. The rest of you is wind-blown.

Let me take this opportunity, too, to mention how incredibly jealous I am of people with naturally curly hair or otherwise natural body to their hair. Seattle in winter is not the place for people with naturally straight, bodiless hair, as anything we do to it in the morning is negated in a matter of minutes. I know it's like this every year in Seattle, and this will be my 10th winter here, but am I the only one who feels like it's SO much darker and miserable this time? Wonder why that is.

Borat in the news

I wonder which two of the three bigoted little frat boys in the movie have decided to sue Sacha Baron Cohen for suffering “humiliation, mental anguish, and emotional and physical distress, loss of reputation, goodwill and standing in the community…”

Yes, it must be horribly anguishing to be revealed to all of America that you're racist, moronic drunks. I would put money on the fact that their fathers are behind the lawsuit. “Son, you've shamed me and you've shamed our family. But Daddy will take care of this. Now, stop crying like a faggot and get to class.”

It Doesn't Matter If It Is Good, It Only Matters If It Rocks

Last night Brugos and I saw an advanced screening of Tenacious D's “The Pick Of Destiny”. The first 6 minutes are AMAZING. The end is also pretty damned good. The stuff in the middle? Eh. The opening scene is all sung, rock opera style, and features Meatloaf, Dio, and a little genius who plays a SPOT ON Jack Black (and who also apparently played young JB in Nacho Libre). When they sing, it's hilarious and engaging. When they stop singing, it looks like a crappy little low-budget comedy. I don't know why they didn't just go with a full-fledged rock opera. It could have been genius. Instead, it was mediocre. But I definitely recommend watching the opening scene, and then sneaking into another theatre to watch Borat again.

This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.

I'm quite sad to have learned of this too late.

'Alien'

(STAGED READING) The talented freaks of Brown Derby inflict their theatrical gifts on Alien, the literally gut-busting 1979 space-horror classic. Tonight the screenplay will be brought to life by a collection of beloved local hams including Nick Garrison, Imogen Love, Dusty Warren, and Rebecca Davis. Plus, stuffed animals and Silly String. (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 223-9873. 8 pm, $12 cash at the door, 21+.)

However, I won't make this mistake again when, in January, they will be doing the same thing with TOTAL FUCKING RECALL!!!!!!

Pictures!

Here are the pictures from Portland, including Andrew's pics.

Also, here are some pictures from Halloween proper when I threw together a half-assed Lenore costume.

Weekend Recap

FRIDAY

Friday was somewhat of a trying day. It started at work with a bunch of issues I won't get into right now. But after, I met Brugos, Elyse, Meep and Ben at Bill's for a quick beer/meal before Crispin Glover's movie/slide show/lecture. I don't know what's been happening to that place but the service and the food have been steadily declining over the last couple of years.

My honey mustard dressing, previously considered by me to be the best in the city, tasted like water. My quesadillas were pretty dry too. Ben said his tortellini was pretty bland as well. It took Meep 20 minutes to get a beer even though the waitress actually passed our table 7 times. Also, her attitude (the waitress') was generally poor. It's a bummer because when Bill's had good food and a nice waitress, it was one of the Hill's gems, since you could always get a table, even at 11:00 on a Saturday night.

Anywho, Meep and Ben went to get in line at the Broadway Performance Hall whilst Elyse, Brugos and I went to grab some contraband for the movie. We got to the theatre just before they started letting people in. The theatre is small (ish) but it was packed. Although, it was NOT the crowd I was expecting. For some reason, I was expecting a bunch of freaky goth kids. Instead, I got Seattle's Most Pretentious Film goers. I would have preferred the goths. Listening to the conversations that people were having around us was somewhat excruciating. Also, there was no food and drink allowed in the theatre, so it was impossible to utilize our contraband.

Crispy came out with little fanfare, and started his slide show, in which we theatrically read to us from his “books” and accompanied the performance with slides of the pages. He creates his “books” by finding obscure public domain books and blacking out certain words, manipulating the pictures, pasting in his own pictures, and drawing and writing in the margins. In some cases, little manipulation is necessary to reach the desired result: strange-ass stories. I own the ones that can be purchased from his website. My favorite of the night, called “Round My House”, is sadly, not available for purchase. It sounded a bit like the first-person narration of a Dostoevsky character. I personally enjoyed the slideshow, but it did seem to run a little long. This ended up being a theme of the night. Continue reading

Story of My Life

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4.You can not change the song (I made acceptions to this because I have so much stand-up comedy on my ipod. You can skip through spoken word. Unless your film is HIGHLY experimental).
5. For every question, type the song that's playing.
6. When you go to a new question, press the next button.

I imagine that the more ecclectic your i-tunes, the weirder the movie turns out. Mine is pretty damned weird. I really like the idea of having a mental breakdown to Atom and His Package, Ween playing my prom and dying to “Sloop John B”. Also, what the hell is this movie ABOUT?! There's a prom, breakup, birth and BATTLE?

Opening Credits:
“Don't Bring Me Down” – Electric Light Orchestra

Waking Up:
“Randy Described Eternity” – Built to Spill

First Day At School:
“Rain When I Die” – Alice in Chains

Falling In Love:
“The Ballad of Ira Hayes” – Johnny Cash

Fight Song:
“Dance Hall Days” – Wang Chung

Prom:
“I Don't Want It” – Ween

Life's OK:
“Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and Be Loved)” – Bright Eyes

Mental Breakdown:
“Head (She's Just A)” – Atom and His Package

Driving:
“Electric Avenue” – Eddy Grant

Flashback:
“Ain't It Fun” – Guns N' Roses

Getting Back Together:
“Candy” – Iggy Pop

Sex Scene:
“Extra Ordinary Thing” – Aqualung

Wedding:
“Dance Hall Music” – Murder City Devils

Birth of child:
“Oscillate Wildly” – The Smiths

Final Battle:
“Holiday Sunrise” – Rancid

Death Scene:
“Sloop John B” – The Beach Boys

Funeral Song:
“I'm Just a Lucky So & So” – Sam Cooke

End Credits:
“Gravel to Dirt” – Avail

More pics.

Scrappper's Scary-oke pics are better than mine.

Also, I bought some snacks earlier today. The total was $6.66. Rad.

Halloween Pics

My pics from Friday are here.

Weekend Recap

FRIDAY

As soon as I could leave work (5:15), I hopped on a bus to Ravenna to help Brugos set up for the party. He was supposed to have left work at 3:30 and so, when he wasn't at his house, I assumed he was at the store or something, and well into his preparations. I let myself in and set about look at pictures of bruises on google for my costume. When he got back around 6, he was kind of stressed out. I guess he had left work pretty late and had gotten nothing done. So I tried to be as helpful as I could by doing a little decorating and fetching us dinner. It all worked out in the end. The karaoke machine arrived around 7:30 and the first guests about an hour later. By 11, the place was packed. About half of the guests were people I didn't know (and many of them, apparently, were also strangers to Brugos). There was much singing and dancing and making out. It was every bit the rager. Elyse and Wade's Fraggle costumes were adorable. Brugos looked quite good as Al Swearengen. Apparently, my bruise makeup was pretty realistic because Rocko thought I'd actually been battered. Meep was sexy as an undercover assassin. Things got a little out of control for a while. Someone drank all of my vodka. There was some crying. At one point, apparently, Matt's (Brugos' roommate) dog bit a crazy girl in the nose. Brugos and I began to slack on the DJing and strangers struggled to opperate the machine, so we heard a couple of songs twice. Around 3:00, a group of people no one knew, yet who were among the last to leave, began to sing the entire Beastie Boys catalog. It was then that I realised I don't like the Beastie Boys. Brugos exacerbated his bruised rib by attempting to do The Worm. Eventually, the strangers left and Brugos and I were just about to go to bed when one of his co-workers and a guy in a poncho came in from the back yard. They quickly exited the front door. We probably should have made sure that the last few people who left were ok to drive, but we just wanted to go to bed. It was a fun party, to be sure, but Brugos declared that it was the last one he would ever throw. This is probably an overstatement, but I could see his point.

SATURDAY

We stayed in bed for as long as possible so as to prolong dealing with the wreck downstairs. Eventually, hunger forced us out the door. The scene at Cafe Racer was surreal as usual. This time, however, it was not the owner, but the clientèle that was making with the weirdness. A fey bald man in sunglasses and a trench coat came in with his straggly, vaguely homeless looking companion and ordered a drink with 3 shots. The owner attempted to explain that they brew double shots and so if he wanted the extra shot, he could have it. While this was clear to everyone listening, it was not clear to the bald man. “You are not understanding me. I would like THREE shots,” he demanded. The owner once again explained that he could have his 3, but there would be a 4th that would go unclaimed unless he wanted it in his drink. “I would like THREE shots. Do you understand what I am telling you, Cochise?” said the man. Yes, really. Cochise. “And my friend here would like a cookie.” As the owner prepared the coffee for the companion, he asked the bald man how he was enjoying his coffee with the THREE shots, he replied “I have not yet TRIED my coffee. I am standing here waiting to pay you.” Good lord. There was also a strange exchange between a Husky football player and the vagrant companion about origami. I didn't hear it as I was still listening to the bald man be bitchy, but Brugos said the vagrant hilariously repeated himself in his explanation of the concept. “It's about paper and folding and zen and your soul and paper and your soul and folding.” If I believed in that sort of thing, I would suspect that Cafe Racer actually existed in an alternate dimension.

Our bellies full, we walked back to the house, picking up the keg cups and bits of Fraggle costume that had made their way to the end of the block. We then plowed into the cleaning. Several trips to the recycling bin and several of Brugos' declaration about never having a party again later, we had actually made some headway. We took a few songs breaks (until the machine was taken away) and one ANTM break so that I could confirm that Fabio is indeed the creepiest”sex symbol” alive. We were done with all but mopping by 2:00, at which time Brugos had plans to go to the Husky game and I had a meeting to attend.

I was supposed to meet Brugos back in the U.D. for dinner, so I decided to leave the Hill early in an attempt to avoid the Husky traffic. I wandered around a little bit and checked out Tiger Tiger. I've always wanted to go in there but avoided it since I loathe shopping unless it's under very specific circumstances…like time killing by myself. After that, I got an Irish coffee at Flowers and read until Brugos called to say the game was in overtime and that I should meet him at his friend Joey's house. I wandered up to Joey's and hung out with her and her Chihuahua brood until the boys returned from the game. We got some Mexican takeaway and played the new Marvel game for X-Box (which was pretty fun) until it was time to go to the House of Fun party. We made a decision early on that we didn't feel like bothering to dress up again. We're not really sure why, but people kept asking us why we “changed our costumes”. Umm…this is actually just what we look like. But thanks!

The scene at the H.o.F. was kind of weird. We didn't really know that many people there besides Elyse and Wade (I guess Brugos' friends showed up later) so instead we decided to go back to Ravenna with Brad and his girl to smoke and play Catan. That sounds awfully nerdy in print. I was glad we did it though. I didn't feel physically hung over but I was definitely emotionally wrecked. Partying is hard work, dudes.

SUNDAY

We spent a leisurely morning eating leftover curry and watching BSG. Then Brugos and I raked leaves in his backyard. When I was a kid, I loathed yard work. I would probably feel differently if it was something I HAD to do, but in this case, I actually enjoyed it.

After showering, we went out in search of nachos, only to find many bars closed. I found out today that it was due to power outages. It was certainly bastardly windy yesterday so in retrospect it makes sense. We finally found nachos (and a fireplace! and football for the lad) at Dante's. We had a lovely chat and Brugos beat me twice at air hockey.

Then we returned to the Hill to watch a little Angel before heading to Scrapper's to watch brilliant b-movie/gay porn horror film LEECHES! on his giant TV. Dudes. Leeches! Netflix it now.

When I was a kid, I also hated Sundays. Now, I love them.

NEXT WEEKEND: Crispy and PTLD!

Also: Halloween pics forthcoming.