The Lizard King

I don’t know what’s happening here but I like it!

Thanks, Dlisted.

Checking In with Joaquin

Yep. Still bonkers. And kind of a dick.

Aaaaaaand the Apology

Christian Bale Sez:

“It’s been a miserable week for me. I know I have a pottymouth, everybody knows that now. I have no confusion whatsoever. I was out of order beyond belief, I was way out of order. I acted like a punk, I regret that and there is nobody that has heard that tape that has been hit harder by it than me. I make no excuses for it, it is inexcusable and I hope that is absolutely clear. I’m embarrassed by it. I ask everybody to sit down and ask themselves, have they ever had a bad day and have they ever lost their temper and really regretted it immensely. Feel free to make fun of me at my expense; I deserve it completely.

He’s asking you to walk a mile on his set!

Regarding Mr. DP:

“We have resolved this completely…I have no intention of getting anyone fired. There is no problem whatsoever.”

I bet he freezes like a squirrel during takes now. So no problems there.

“One thing that has really disturbed me throughout this is I’m not familiar or comfortable with this notion of being a movie star. I’m an actor and I’m don’t quite know how to handle [the movie star thing]. The thing that disturbs me so much is that I’ve heard a lot of people saying that I seem to think I’m better than anybody else. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I’m a lucky SOB. I never forget that and that is why I put so much into what I do and I care so much about it . Sometimes that enthusiasm just goes awry.”

I’m just an actor. I never wanted the fame!! It’s haaaaaard.

Prepared answers aside, it’s nice that he apologized. Wesley Snipes never did.


Thanks, Cinematical.

Bale vs. O’Reilly

The inevitable Bale/O’Reilly mashup! The internet works quickly, people.

Again, audio NSFW.

Thx, Sherwood.

Christian’s Old Timey Lemonade

Someone made some pretty kick ass lemonade out of Balegate.

Language definitely NSFW. And neither are those fresh beats.

Actors are Jerks

Even Christian Bale, apparently. TMZ has released some recorded audio from the set of Terminator: Salvation, in which Bale goes all verbal poo flingy toward a crew member who walked through the shot. Listen to the whole thing here. Every other word is an F-bomb so it’s NSFW unless your boss is David Mamet.

At first I thought he was talking to a grip, but it turns out he was actually yelling at the Director of Photography. This is a guy who oversees the shots so it makes sense that he was checking lighting. His timing might not have been perfect but I bet he checked the monitor first to make sure he wasn’t in the shot. This doesn’t matter, of course, to Mr. Bale who can’t work with such distractions. Actors are trained monkeys. They work fine as long as they are kept happy. But if something sets them off, you’re gonna have a mess on your hands. It doesn’t sound like the doomed D.P. is even arguing with him. He’s just standing there taking abuse and then getting fired.

Why is it that good acting and a complete lack of respect for other human beings seem to go hand in hand? Maybe all that yo-yo dieting made him crazy. Either way, I am so glad I never moved to Hollywood to pursue a career in film.

On a related note, I guess I retract my previous belief in his being innocent of Mum beating.

Thanks D-listed.

Hotter with a Beard: Corrections and Retractions

Oh noes! It was bad enough that Joaquin Phoenix lost his ever-loving, dyslexic mind and verbally abused reporters on the red carpet. But now he’s let it go to his beard. I still maintain that he looked cute the day he announced his retirement from male model-…er…acting. But he has neglected to do any beard maintenance or, say, bathing, since then and now he is pretty much indistinguishable from your average vagrant who raided the dumpster behind the Claire’s Boutique.

Look at those haunted eyes! He is one bottle of MD 20/20 away from hitting the rails for good. Perhaps he has already turned his Oscar into a crack pipe. It’s difficult to say. Regardless, he is off my hot list. He barely makes the Hobo Hot 100.

Thanks, dlisted!

Notter with a Beard: Jared Leto Edition

Lest you think me undiscerning, here’s someone whose appearance is NOT improved by a beard.

Jared Leto always looks ridiculous and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing he can do about it. Best of luck to you, Leto!

Bonus: Leto Mutilation Montage!

Bye Bye Bettie

Bettie Page, the woman who launched 1000 bangs and defined the pinup girl, has died. As you might have guessed, we’re big fans of Bettie at my house and very sad to hear of her passing. Recently someone asked if we’d heard the news…that Bettie Page was still alive. It’s true that she hasn’t been in the media much since she quit modeling. We forget that in the old days, when a supermodel retired, that was it. They dropped out of the public eye and returned to normal lives. Nowadays she probably would have had a recording contract and a reality show and/or talk show to help drive her career into the ground. Instead, her iconic and untainted visage was burned into the collective consciousness forever.

It was tarnished only slightly, 3 years ago, when Mary Harron made that corny biopic. It was then that I first saw a picture of Octogenarian Bettie. She was still gorgeous (and still had her signature hair). Now that she’s gone, I hope someone is inspired to make a decent celluloid tribute to her life. But we’ll always have those amazing pictures…and Rockabilly chicks, to remember her by.

Hotter with a Beard: Hugh Jackman Edition

Once again, Lindy West has crawled inside my brain and perfectly summed up my feelings with utmost hilarity. She’s absolutely the funnier version of me. I guess that makes her my nemesis though I have no desire to defeat her and my fist-shaking in her general direction is minimal.

I have always felt this way about Hugh Jackman, ever since I saw him as Wolverine (perfectly cementing my longtime crush on that little hairy dude) and then as someone called Leopold. Bearded Hugh Jackman is the only Hugh Jackman worth lusting after. Bearded Hugh is grizzled and sexy. Clean-shaven Hugh is, well, really effeminate looking. And while some people really enjoy that look in a man, I am not one of them.

The beard is the thing. Moreso than any other actor I can think of. Or even any other PERSON. It’s a practically supernatural phenomenon. Hugh Jackman has a magic beard. It’s the only explanation.