Watch Out Kiddies

Today, for the first time, I passed a song on expert mode in D.D.R. That is all.

Hotter with a Beard: Jason Priestly Edition

His camp turn on Tru Calling rekindled my crush on Jason Priestly. And re-watching all the old Beverly Hills 90210 episodes on SoapNet reminds me how it started. He was hilarious on that show and the only character who was never annoying.

J.P. is hot with a beard, but he’s also adorable clean-shaven. He’s the one pin-up from that era whose popularity I really got. He had Wolverine hair before Hugh Jackman and Marcel cornered the market. And those side burns were something else.

I also recommend a hilarious little movie called Cold Blooded, written by Simpson’s writer and Wes Anderson’s BFF, Wallace Wolodarsky. Jason plays a bookie who discovers he has the loose morals needed to be a successful hit man. The killer cast also includes Robert Loggia, Janeane Garofalo and Michael J. Fox. It’s only available on VHS but it’s worth buying used or renting from your friendly neighborhood indie video store. Dust off that VCR and watch it.

Freaking Hot Topic. That Explains Everything.

I guess Trey and Matt are as tired of Twilight-mania as I am. Sure, they’re not as solid as they once were, but it makes me very happy that South Park can still crank out inspired gems after all these years. I loved the first goth kid episode and I’m happy to have those characters back. And, of course, every Butters-centric episode is usually a winner.

In “The Ungroundable”, the goth kids are usurped by the Vampire Kids, former Banana Republic preps who are inspired by Twilight (though it’s not mentioned by name, the characters are) and have decided to become dark and brooding. But they get it all wrong.

Trey has a perfect understanding of Old Skool Gothdom. I don’t know if he ever hung with the goths in high school but I know that the Cure is his favorite band. That’s probably why he was perfectly able to mimic Joy Division and Siouxsie and the Banshees to play in every Goth kids scene. It’s nice to have my teenage subculture accurately represented on TV. What happens to the South Park goths is similar to what happened when Marilyn Manson became big. Suddenly, everyone was wearing pleather and people suddenly lumped me in with those guys. ANNOYING.

Butters finally helps them track down the source of the problem: Hot Topic. Now they know what they must do.

After that, they hold a school assembly to explain the difference between them and the Vampire kids.

If you hate life, truly hate the sun, and need to smoke and drink coffee, you are goth. If, however, you like dressing in black cos it’s fun, enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks, and following the occult while avoiding things that are bad for your health, you are most likely a douchebag vampire wannabe boner. Because anybody who actually thinks they’re a vampire is freaking retarded.

I watch South Park to laugh, but every once in a while, they also make me feel like I’m reading my dairy. For that reason, no matter how many crappy episodes they make, I will be a South Park fan forever.