Klostermeme VI

Chuck Klosterman IV is rife with meme fodder. The Klostermeme series will feature these questions, my answers, my speculations on how Klosterman would answer and an invitation to the reader to answer these questions in the comments! It will also challenge my recollection Roman numerals.

And so…

You have been wrongly accused of a horrific crime: Due to a bizarre collision of unfortunate circumstances and insane coincidences, it appears that you have murdered a prominent U.S> senator, his beautiful young wife, and both of their infant children. Now you did not do this, but you are indicted and brought to trial.

blind justicePredictably, the criminal proceedings are a national sensation (on par with the 1994 O.J. Simpson trial). It’s on television constantly, and it’s the lead story in most newspapers for almost a year. The prosecuting attorney is a charming genius; sadly, your defense team lacks creativity and panache. To make matters worse, the jury is a collection of easily confused sheep. You are found guilty and sentenced to four consecutive life terms with virtually no parole (and – since there were no procedural mistakes during the proceedings – an appeal is hopeless).

This being the case, you are (obviously) disappointed.

However, as you leave the courtroom (and in the days immediately following the verdict), something becomes clear; the “court of public opinion” has overwhelmingly found you innocent. Over 95% of the country believes you are not guilty. Noted media personalities have declared this scenario “the ultimate legal tragedy”. So you are going to spend the rest of your life in prison…but you are innocent, and everyone seems to know this.

Does this knowledge make you feel a) better, b) no different or c) worse?

My answer: Worse. If the criminal justice system has failed me this badly, what hope do other innocent people have?

Klosterman theory: No different.

How would you feel? Tell us in the comments!

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1 Comment

  1. Better, actually. Because if 95% of everybody thinks I’m innocent, then hopefully that will include my fellow inmates and also the guards at the jail. So I may not get beaten, raped, and possibly shanked as a result, if public sympathy extends to the big house. Plus I’d get fan mail from nice people instead of wackos. And somebody would surely make a documentary about me! Maybe even a Hollywood movie with a famous actor playing me (see previous Klostermeme).


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