WEEKEND RECAP
FRIDAY
A while ago, Sherwood alerted my attention to a little porn film called “Re-Penitrator”. In theory, this sounded like the greatest idea ever. They even managed to convince me through their trailer that it would be pornographic parody genius. So I assembled a group of enthusiasts (Dom, Meep, Sherwood & Ahe) and we set to watch the film. Unfortunately, like so many films in general, the trailer was better than the execution. In fact, at only 20 minutes in length, the trailer pretty much WAS the movie. And though we came away from it with many quotable lines, it’s actually much funnier when we quote them than when they were originally said in the film. The production value was awful, the sex awkward, and the set sparse. When the sex fiend killed Dr. Breast, it was KIND of cool, but only in that disemboweling was a welcome relief to the boring, recycled shots we’d watched previously. Furthermore, the characters promised that afterward they were going to get “fucking drunk” and it never happened. For shame.
We poured over what could follow such a let down. Eventually, we settled on Roger Corman’s “Fantastic Four”, a film that was never released. I scored a bootlegged copy of it on ebay for Dom for his birthday (on two VCD’s. Yeah, I know I could have done better) and we started the movie with an air of cautious optimism. This time, we were not let down. Of COURSE the film was terrible, but only in that delightful, ridiculously low budget, horribly acted, rife with homoeroticism Roger Corman kind of way. It was hard to believe that the film was made in 1994 as it looked like something out of the early 80’s. I will briefly outline the delightfully non-sensical plot for those not in attendance:
In the not-so-distant future, 3 grad school students and best friends, Ben, Reid and Victor, worked on some kind of project involving lasers. Reid and Victor have all kinds of sexual tension. Meanwhile, the young Storm siblings watched TV and ran amuck in their house. Reid and 10 year old Sue Storm also have sexual tension, though it’s mostly on her side. Something goes wrong with the laser project and Victor is killed. Or so they think. 10 years later, the Storm siblings grow up and became a spazzy Jay Underwood and a karaoke video hottie with the intelligence of a stick of butter. Reid (who has developed his trademark gray stripes) and Ben (who spends his days knocking over hot blind ladies) are now working on some kind of a space project and needed to go into space in a rocket ship in order to conduct their experiment. They also need to take the Storm children with them, despite their lack of astronaut training or pubic hair. However, while they are picking up the Storms, The Leprechaun, at the behest of Dr. Doom, switches out some crystal brain that’s integral to their experiment. This is designed to kill them when they’re in space. But wouldn’t you know it, instead it gives them super powers which are linked to their greatest weaknesses. Reid can stretch his arms because he was always trying to stretch himself in life, Sue Storm turns invisible because she was shy, Johnny Storm can create fire because of his fiery temper (not seen in the film) and Ben turns into The Thing because he used his muscle and not his brain. While they are figuring this shit out, the blind hottie that Ben knocked over is kidnapped by Dr. Doom’s henchmen and made The Queen of Little Latveria. The Fantastic Four are kidnapped also, and Dr. Doom reveals himself as the very bitter and not so pretty anymore Victor. The F.F. escape. Then Sue makes them uniforms but no one will wear them apart from her. Then they go to rescue the blind hottie. She tells Ben she loves him. This makes him turn human again just when he is being attacked. He runs outside and turns back into The Thing. Finally, everyone puts on their uniforms and fucks shit up, accept for Sue who is utterly useless. Mr. Fantastic lets Dr. Doom fall to his death but his hand, which comes off in the fall, is still moving. This means that hopefully someone will make a sequel, this time including all the musical numbers that they hinted at so often in the original. The end.
After the movie, we kept up the tradition of terrible cinema by watching a little “Matrix Re-Loaded” on TV and then we went to bed because we had an early call time.
SATURDAY
Woke up early to shoot a movie for as Atom Films competition. The only criteria is that we had to incorporate a magic wand into it somehow. I won’t go into too much detail about the plot we devised because it’s better if you just watch it. Hopefully it will be edited in the next two weeks and posted on Storypipe. The shooting went well. We were ably directed by Meep and we all had a GREAT time shooting. What a fun group of people. I love our little film collective! We finished shooting around 6, in time for dinner. Meep, Dom, Dusty, Elyse, Borg, Gene and I went for Mexican at Torrero’s. After that Dom and Meep were tired and wanted to go home. Gene wanted to go sit at someone’s house and drink beer, so he went with Dom. The rest of us met up with Brugos and his roommate to find some adventure. We started at Jai Thai looking for karaoke but it didn’t appear to be happening, so we went up the road to the Jade Pagoda. We had a couple of drinks there and then, still looking for karaoke, headed to the Crescent. I haven’t been to the Crescent in 3 years. The last time I was there, it was completely dead, with only a few grizzled old gay men sitting at the bar. We pretty much had the run of the place for singing. Not so anymore. It’s now hot and happening, filled with plenty of young people. It was loud and there was nowhere to sit. It had a nice, happy vibe, but we were all feelin’ it, so we decided to find an elsewhere. We ended up at Bill’s but, by then, we were all starting to get kind of tired, so we didn’t stay long. Gene met Elyse and we parted ways. Despite a lack of karaoke, I had a great time and good conversation and didn’t get home till 1:30.
SUNDAY
I did nothing apart from a few chores and finishing Queer as Folk season one. It left me in tears and I am very glad no one else was there to see me sobbing like a baby.
Next weekend: Kayobi’s birthday and Bellingham!
Effed by the Wind 