A GGood Boner Back in My Life

WEEKEND RECAP

Friday

After a hellish week for both Faye and me, all we wanted to do was chiiiiiill and watch a bad movie. We managed to rope Ben and Sherrard into watching it with us and we even pre-funked by watching part of the “Muppet Wizard of Oz” starring Ashanti. Well, not even Pepe the Prawn in a starring role could save that pile of excrement. So after we had a sufficient buzz going, we started the movie. The movie was “American Psycho 2”. Since Faye is going to post her review about it, I shant spoil it. I will only say this. It was in NO WAY a sequel to American Psycho. In fact, I'm pretty damned sure that it was only given the box office gold “American Psycho” title because after the producers saw the first cut of the film they thought “Well, we certainly can't sell this turd based on Mila Kunis's acting. And since she doesn't take her top off ONCE, we are fucked. Unless we can think of some way to tie this thing to another movie as a sequel. Hmmmm….what movies are about serial killers? Well, there's “Silence of the Lambs” but this isn't even on par with “Hannibal”. There's those “Urban Legend” movies but this doesn't have an ensemble cast and all the college student characters die within the first 40 minutes. Wait! I got it! “American Psycho!” Sure, at the end of the story we learn that Patrick Bateman didn't actually kill anybody but most people who saw that movie didn't even read the book so they couldn't be sure WHAT the hell the end of that movie meant. We'll just shoot one extra scene wherein Mila Pug-nose witnesses Patrick Bateman killing her cousin, thus fucking her up for life. Perfect! We may even make back a quarter of our budget on video sales this way.”

Near the end of the movie, Elyse and Gene showed up and were bored instantly. Luckily, Tobe was there to melt their hearts. After the movie, Faye and I couldn't bring ourselves to join people at the Rosebud so we watched the “Reefer Madness” musical instead (which we seem to be alone in appreciating).

Saturday

Faye and I decided to be girly and shop a little before seeing “Layer Cake” at SIFF. After shopping, we still had some time to kill and we went for some drinks. There had been some crazy street fair in the U that day. I don't know if that's what brought the freaks out or if it was the usual clientele. But at Finn McCool's we were annoyed by a young, obnoxious named Tyler (of course) who bet us we “couldn't shake his hand”. We were in no mood for this so we downed one drink and left, passing Tyler who stood on the porch trying to smoke a cigarette through 3 straws.

At Big Time, things were much more calm. The eyecandy was in effect and the enjoyment of the beer was uninterrupted by students. But then we were approached by an old man who's cheeks were rosy with drink. At first, we thought he just wanted a friendly chat. He asked if we were vendors for the art thingy. We said we weren't. He said he worked with wood but we could never quite pinpoint what he DID with the wood. He them told us that was his hobby. He really worked for the Seattle Storm. He assumed that we must be into the Seattle Storm too. At first, we had no idea why he would think this until it became apparent that he thought we were lesbians. Faye said “No, we're just best friends” which he thought was beautiful, but ultimately, not as interesting at lesbians would be. He asked us what we did and we told him we were filmmakers. This prompted him to tell us that he was a “multi-billionaire” and he tried to get us to tell him why he should give us money. We weren't really prepared to pitch but if he WAS an eccentric billionare, we didn't want to pass it up so I started into my shpiel. He stopped me saying “No! No. What do you WANT”. I told him we wanted to make films for a living. He said “NO! What do you WANT”. I said “We want money to make the films”. He said “YES! Ok. [to Faye] What do YOU want”. Faye tried the same tactic but it was too late. He turned to the girl at the table next to us and said something to her. She responded and he turned back to us and said “Now, SHE'S interesting”. And that's our cue to exit. I think the only reason we'd stayed around that long was because he'd offered to buy us drinks. But he never did. Billionaires are so stingy.

We still had time to kill before the movie so we tried to get in one more at the “All American Bar”. It was at that point that we realised we were in no mood to sit quietly in the dark for the next two hours. So we just picked up our SIFF tickets and bussed it back to The Hill. We met Sherrard and Borgia for a few more at the Lava Lounge and Belltown Pizza before calling it a night.

Sunday

Nothing exciting to report.

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