Effed by the Wind

Five Questions meme

Five questions meme. Here's how it works:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Thanks ! This is a truly original and fun meme and definitely beats the hell out of a myspace survey.

Marks questions and my answers follow:

1. What three things does Richmond, Virginia have over Seattle, Washington?

A) The fact that you can order grits and sweet tea in pretty much every restaurant that’s not ethnic. Of course, this is only an advantage if you like these things.
B) Its proximity to a sandy, warm beach.
c) History is all around you. I didn’t really appreciate this when I was a kid going on field trips, but looking back, it was pretty neat to be able to see where Thomas Jefferson lived, to visit Williamsburg, and best of all, to be able to walk past buildings that were several hundred years old on a regular basis. Pioneer Square is the only real historical area in Seattle, and it’s overrun by frat boys and derelicts.

2. Would you be willing to eat one 16 ounce steak every day for a year if it meant you'd get full funding and wide theatrical distribution for your first feature film?

This is obviously tough for me for two reasons. The first is, of course, my moral objections to eating meat and the second is what such a diet would do to my health. In the first instance, since such an opportunity would positively affect the careers of not only me but my friends and colleagues, I would certainly consider putting aside my personal beliefs temporarily to make us all happy in the long run. However, in the second instance, if I died young of a heart-attack, I would not live to enjoy the spoils of a successful film. So I suppose my answer is thus: Provided I had this deal in writing, I would give it at try, but ask that if I found my health ailing, that I could either quit, or transfer the task to Faye.

3. If you had to be a contestant on a nationally televised reality TV show – in which you'd have to earnestly participate, not goof around – which one would you choose?

This is difficult because I am not at all qualified to be on any of the reality shows that I enjoy watching. I’m way too fat to be on America’s Next Top Model. I’m not formerly famous enough to be on the Surreal Life. I’m not ditzy OR geeky enough to be on Beauty and the Geek. If I could find a way to make myself fit, I would choose to be on Supergroup. Does Scott Ian need a personal assistant?

I apologize if this didn’t satisfactorily answer the question. Maybe there are more reality shows for non-famous, non-bachelorette people that I am not aware of.

4. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing about women in general (in terms of behavior, personality, etc. – not a physical trait)?

The fact that every single woman on the planet, with the possible exception of Paris Hilton, has honestly, and usually erroneously, thought she was fat. Of course I am guilty of this myself.

5. Would you rather go to jail for 10 years for a crime that all your friends and loved ones knew you didn't commit, or go to jail for 2 years for a crime you DID commit and which horrified all your friends and loved ones?

The first one.

July 13, 2006
Categories: Dear Diary, Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Goodbye Liam

Condolences to Meep.

Liam, you'll be missed.

July 12, 2006
Categories: Pets . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

headroom liberated

Redundant/inane questions removed for the reader’s benefit. Overall, however, this was one of the better ones.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Usually open because they are so full of crap that I can’t close them.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Yes. And then I never use them.

3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room?
One of the best things TO do in a hotel room.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No. But I have stolen a traffic cone.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Oh yes.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I occasionally use coupons from the Val-Pak but the ones I get from Safeway go right in the garbage.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bear. I’d like to think some innate Beastmaster shit might kick in and the bear would become my friend.

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
I certainly try. Unless it’s a “theme” picture, in which case the theme dictates the expression. I’m not terribly photogenic though and my forced smiles often do unfortunate things to my face.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
I don’t use a top sheet. It always ends up bunched at the bottom of my bed. I’m a sleep kicker, apparently.

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
No. I’m not THAT OCD.

13. Do you like candles?
They’re pretty, but I mostly use them to eliminate odors.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
What do I look like, a hippie? Don’t answer that.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Nope. Just my fingers.

16. Do you go swimming a lot?
There really isn’t a convenient place to swim around here. But I certainly enjoy it when it’s possible.

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
Hell yes.

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Sure. But it’s important to remember that it’s not everyone’s color.

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Not the Saturday morning variety, but there are plenty of cartoons for adults these days. And I will always love the Transformers.

21. What’s your favorite scary movie?
Rosemary’s Baby.

22. Where would you bury treasure if you had some?
Center of the Earth.

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Water and sometimes booze.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Honey and/or mustard.

25. What is your favorite food/cuisine?
Indian.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Back to the Future, Zoolander, The Jerk, Billy Madison, Out Cold…countless others.

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
B.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Brownie. It was LLame. I ALWAYS sold the most cookies though.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
For the right price. Assuming any current magazine would even be interested in my body type.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I used to write letters all the time. It’s not as much fun if people don’t write you back so I’m all email these days. I think the last letter I wrote must have been from the UK.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
I’m sure I COULD. I’ve heard it’s not difficult.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Nope. I got pulled over once but my boobies talked my way out of it.

33. Ran out of gas?
Not yet.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
I couldn’t POSSIBLY choose. The sandwich is a beautiful and diverse creature.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Anything involving eggs and potatoes.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I can’t remember everything but I seem to recall Wonder Woman (several times…I just wore my underoos and a mask), a Hershey Kiss, a television set and the Statue of Liberty.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Harpers and Astonishing X-Men (if that counts).

42.Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs?
No contest. Did LINCOLN have a SPACE version of his logs? I think not.

43. Are you stubborn?
Only when schedules are involved. Otherwise, not so much.

45. Ever watch soap operas?
I’ve had my periods. There was a Days of Our Lives (Jensen Ackles!) period in college. And you can’t live in the UK without getting sucked into Eastenders and Emmerdale.

46. Afraid of heights?
No. Just elevators plummeting from them.

47. Sing in the car?
If I’m riding with someone I know well.

48. Dance in the shower?
That’s dangerous!

49. Dance in the car?
Does head-bobbing count?

50. Ever used a gun?
Never.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Two years ago we had pictures taken in my office for our website.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some of them. But those are usually the most enjoyable ones.

53. Is Christmas stressful?
Not anymore. It certainly was when I lived with my family. It’s taken me several good Christmases with friends to not HATE the holiday.

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
Sure.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
Apple’s a classic.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Undercover cop (21 Jump Street), zoo vet, filmmaker

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
Sometimes.

58. Ever have Deja-vu?
Of course.

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Yes.

60. Wear slippers?
Pink mice.

61. Wear a bath robe?
Sometimes.

69. Ever take dance lessons?
When I was a kid I took “jazz tap” and was even in a recital. I was, of course, a terrible spazz and didn’t stick with it.

71. Can you curl your tongue?
Nope. Recessive gene.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
Good LORD no. Before spell check, my writing was embarrassing.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes.

74. Own any record albums?
C is for Cookie and various 45’s. I gave the rest of my records to Dom because I don’t have a record player and I’m too lazy to buy a new one.

75. Own a record player?
See above.

76. Regularly burn incense?
No. In fact, some incense gives me hives.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
I’ve pretty much seen everyone alive that I’d like to see.

79. What was your last concert you saw?
Twilight Singers.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?
Hot. But you can’t beat a cold sweet tea. I just wish someone in Washington knew how to make it.

81. Tea or coffee?
Tea.

82. Favorite kind of cookie?
Oatmeal with either chocolate chips or raisins.

83. Can you swim well?
Not WELL.

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes.

85. Are you patient?
Heh. Not especially.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
DJ. If you don’t like the band, you’re stuck with them for the rest of the night.

90. Can you knit or crochet?
No. But it’s pretty hot right now among girls my age.

91. Best room for a fireplace?
The living room. I would REALLY love a fireplace.

94. Who was your HS crush?
Michael Cross. And how.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
I’m actually not 4 years old.

98. Whats your favorite color?
Red

July 11, 2006
Categories: Dear Diary, Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

anymore

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

The evening kicked off for me when Meep and I hopped on bus downtown to meet B. for dinner. At a loss for where to go, and worried that we wouldn’t be able to get a table later, we opted for a dinner of nachos and veggie dog at Shorty’s. It was stiflingly hot inside but we were in it for the long haul and knew how sought-after our table would become, so we stayed put. For my first drink, I enjoyed the red boozie smoothie. Meep and I followed that with a round of Kamikazes for hearkening purposes. Throughout the night, I didn’t drink the same drink twice, yet somehow, I managed to avoid dire consequences the next day. Highlights of the evening include:

-B. kicking ass in a mini Medieval Madness tournament.
-Me playing some mediocre but fun Lord of the Rings with Elyse and Wade.
-A.B. demanding a piggy back ride from Sherwood
-Sherwood declining to accommodate A.B. for the ride, but accepting a ride from A.B.
-A.B. demonstrating his “fool proof moves” that he uses on the ladies

SATURDAY
After breakfast and TV, I met Meep for a trip to Value Village so that we could buy our costumes for Emolee’s Johnny Depp-themed birthday party that night. I had already bought a costume a few weeks prior, but when I tried it on that morning, I realized that I was going to die of heat stroke if I wore it, so I decided to get something with a slightly more breathable fabric. Meep was in search of a bathrobe so that she could accurately portray Mort Rainey. I needed a pink sweater and pencil skirt for Ed Wood (the only Johnny Depp costume that would allow me to still wear a skirt). Meep and I lunched at the Elysian and then returned to my house to watch Dave Chapelle’s Block Party.

At 8:15, B. picked us up, looking pretty awesome in his Officer Tom Hansen outfit and we were on our way. It can’t imagine what people must have thought of us as a guy in a denim vest, a girl in a bathrobe and another girl in a cheesy wig with a mustache drove to Kenmore in a red Mustang convertible.

We arrived at Emolee’s bar of choice, the Cozy Inn, a small roadside bar off Bothell Way. I haven’t the slightest idea how she even found the place, but walking in, past the crusty bar flies, we began to wonder if we’d been duped. Would anyone be dressed up? Were we about to get our asses kicked? Well, some other people WERE dressed up, but certainly not to the extent that we were. BenDur was in some pirate (but not Captain Jack) garb. Emolee was dressed as a whore from From Hell, hardly a Johnny Depp role. (Hey, I wanted to look pretty too, but I made it work within the theme!)

On my way to the bathroom, a particularly crusty man mumbled something at me that didn’t sound like a compliment. Was a gay bashing in my future? Luckily, I peed without incident and B. and I drank some no frills PBR.

Alas, we had another party to go to, so B. and I took our leave. Meep remained behind.

I had a change of clothes for the second party, but B. and I decided to leave our costumes on for a good story. At the party, it took people a little while to figure out who we were supposed to be (“Tango and Cash?” “Cash and Cash?” “Tootsie?”), but eventually, and with hints, people got it.

For some reason, “Snow Day” came up in conversation, and eventually, it was decided that we should all watch it. A screening was organized and the film was well-received (with the aide of illicit substances, I’m sure). After that, our host set up the DDR. I don’t know what it is about the X-Box DDR, but I always have a much harder time with it. Maybe it’s the system or perhaps it’s the pads, but I rarely score above a D and I certainly never get the As and AAs that I get on my PS2. I’m sure that the illicit substances don’t help either.

After the DDR, it was hot tub time. I began to feel a little weird and recounted everything I’d consumed that day: A reasonably healthy breakfast omelet, a few bites of a far-too-spicy veggie BBQ sandwich, a salad, chai, soda, some organic cheesy poofs, a glass of wine, two PBRs, a Miller Lite, some smoke, two bites of some KFC mac and cheese, and a lump of mashed potatoes. Compounded with the heat of the tub, it’s actually amazing that I was only feeling slightly woogy. That kind of blatant disregard for my stomach is a rare occurrence and I was remembering why. Frankly, I was lucky that I wasn’t recounting my day’s diet in reverse.

Once I got home and had some water, I began to feel better. I’ve been very fortunate with the drinking this summer, experiencing almost no hangovers. I’m not sure what I’m doing differently (if anything), but I am very grateful to my body. I really should be nicer to her.

SUNDAY
In an attempt to reverse some of the debaucherous effects, B. and I began our day with yoga. I know I’ve been lazy about THAT this summer. I’d like to think that I’m more active in other ways in the warm weather, but there’s nothing like the full-body treatment of a good yoga class.

After lunch, B. took off to tend to his car, and I played some awesome new recahd-making DDR by myself. I contemplated doing some housework, but opted against it in favor of time-wasting and laziness.

Then it was time to collect Meep and celebrate her birthday with Mexican food. Those who were in on her big birthday surprise (minus one, Mark T. K. who couldn’t be there for obvious reasons) met at Torreros. We managed to keep her in the dark about the surprise until the last minute. After the grumpy waitress and her staff gave Meep a complimentary birthday shot called “Dog Shit” and we sang happy birthday to her whilst she donned a sombrero, it was present time! The pictures of Meep’s face when she realized that we pitched in to buy her dream camera are priceless. I shall post them this week (along with picture from the Johnny Depp party, et al). Happy Birthday, Meep!

Sadly, I had to take my leave early so that I could say goodbye to a friend who is moving to Alaska. I met him at an art gallery to watch a noise rock band. Their set was mercifully short, for which I was eternally grateful on account of the stifling heat and the fact that I am SO not into noise rock.

After the gig, we had a little PBR picnic on the sidewalk and talked, as we always do, of movies and the means for making them. And then I walked home, passed my elderly and/or vagrant neighbors and was asleep in no time.

July 10, 2006
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: weekend recap . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

15 Daisies for $29!

LONG-ASS WEEKEND RECAP

There was a lot of drinking involved. Let’s see if I can remember everything.

FRIDAY
The plan was to meet B and Alex at McCormick’s but, even though we got there a little past 4, it was already full. Ashley, our receptionist, came with us. We walked down 1st for a bit but everything was pretty crowded, so we decided to hop on the bus and head to Tia Lou’s, a nice little Mexican restaurant with a rooftop deck. We got there before we opened so we thought we’d have a quick drink at a snooty place next door. Upon examination of the menu, however, we learned that the average cocktail ran $10-12. No thanks. So instead we pretended to be having trouble deciding as we killed time. After the second time the waitress came back, we decided we would do better waiting outside the door at Tia Lou’s. This whole process only took about 10 minutes, but we still felt kind of bad. Still. $12? How good can your drinks really be?

Tia Lou’s is home of the delicious, bottomless chips and salsa and the $4 happy hour quesadilla, as well as the $6 fuck your shit up margarita. They take a while to bring the bill though. Ashley took her leave of us (perhaps offended by the bad things we were saying about Forest Gump?) and the rest of us headed to the Lava Lounge to meet Sherwood.

Sherwood was killing time before seeing Sonic Youth and was sitting with his show posse. There wasn’t a lot of room at the table for us. No matter, though. We had designs on the shuffleboard table. For the first game, I miraculously beat B. Then, more true to form, Alex beat me (though it was kind of a close game). Then B beat Alex and then me again. The drinks kept coming and the music they were playing (80’s hits) only got better. The euphoria of good music combined with woe too much vodka and tequila is what undoubtedly made me believe it was a good idea to meet Ryan and the Kidd at Ozzie’s.

I never have a good time at Ozzie’s, but for some reason I keep getting convinced that it will be fun. Maybe because everyone ELSE seems to like it so much. But I don’t. I can’t explain it, really, other than to say that the vibe is all wrong. I feel like I’m crashing a frat party. Also, usually someone in my crew ends up pissing off another patron at some point in the evening. Last time I was there, I pissed off the waitress by asking for water when there was CLEARLY a poor-your-own station not 5 feet from where I was sitting. And then I spilled my drink. This time, I was just not having a good time. And I was extremely drunk which always makes ones bad time a hundred times worse. Maybe singing would have made me feel better, but I didn’t want to sing. I just wanted to leave. And eventually, we did, managing to pour ourselves into a cab and astonishingly make it home.

SATURDAY
The way to spend the day after a night of debauchery is, of course, to do nothing. And that’s what I did. B and I lounged around in the sun and read for, well, probably too long, as we got a little burned. But it was a nice day for it.

Then it was off to the Seattle Center to watch the results of the 24 Hour Play competition of which Meep, Dom and Ben were a part. We had some time to kill before the doors opened, so B convinced me that we should ride the little roller coaster they have there. It did look like fun, and I always liked the coasters at King’s Dominion back home. However, the big coasters apparently feel a LOT safer than the little ones. Our little car shook and creaked as it zipped around the sharp turns and near vertical drops on the tracks. A minute later, it was over, and I was only slightly sheepish about fearing for my life.

There were 6 plays that ran a little over 10 minutes each. They had been written, cast and rehearsed within the previous 24 hours. Meep directed one, and Dom and Ben each performed in one. Most of them weren’t terrible for having only been a day old. Meep’s piece was definitely the most solid, if you ask me. Poor Dom was in one of the more poorly scripted ones. Ben was in the best scripted, but weirdly blocked one.

After the show, we headed to Kozak’s where Brian’s birthday inebriation was already in progress. Kozak’s is a bar that seems to get worse every time we go. For a bar that usually has NO clientele, the waitress sure is inattentive. We had to get our drinks from the bar. It is also the home of the worst karaoke sound system and DJ in Seattle. The guy has no charisma, takes forever to find your song (and often gets it wrong), and plays horrible, K-Mart collection funk in between each performance. There’s no stage, just a table on top of a table that we’re meant to stand on. And you can’t hear anything. It makes good singers sound bad and bad singers sound even worse. These things become less of a problem when 5 drunk boys sing “Fat Bottom Girls” (which was dedicated to me and Meep…um…thanks…) at the top of their lungs. However, it makes me very sad that there is karaoke on a SATURDAY so close to where I live and it’s awful.

SUNDAY
The early part of the day was spent playing child’s badminton ($5 at Walgreens!) in B’s back yard. Then we got invited to join some Amazonians at Beer Fest in the Seattle Center. This was perfect, as we had plans to see Superman Returns 3D at the IMAX. Despite the world’s worst music (white-boy funk followed by cheesy, half-assed Scottish bluegrass), the Beer Fest was fun. The events proceeds went to PAWS, so there were dogs everywhere and a little PAWS booth full of kittens. Kittens and beer. Who could ask for a better way to spend a Sunday?

Apparently the IMAX show was sold out, so we rushed to the theatre to pick up our tickets and hopefully not get too shafted on seats. We were in the second row, but it wasn’t as unpleasant as I’d expected it to be.

I liked the movie. I didn’t love it. As everyone is saying, it was basically a rehashing of the plots of Superman: The Movie and Superman II, minus the glorious camp of Terrance Stamp and Gene Hackman. And while that Routh kid is indeed a spot-on Christopher Reeve, and Singer knows how to frame a shot, who really needs it? It didn’t help that the parts they chose to 3D were LLame. Ooh. Young Clark Kent is leaping through the corn field RIGHT AT US. Whatever!

I’m also a little concerned for Kal Penn’s career. I really like that kid and I don’t want to see him become either Bad Indian Stereotype Guy or Career Background Character #2. I think he had one line. And they didn’t even let him sing Wilson Phillips.

MONDAY
Though I had to work, Monday fell within the holiday weekend and shared characteristics with a Friday, so it is included in the recap.

In the evening, I joined B in Ravenna for some more child’s badminton (which is much easier to play in a park then in his back yard). Then Sherwood and crew and the Brunswicks stopped by his house for a little impromptu BBQ action.

After some REALLY good stuff that made us talk about poop and yard sales, the Sherwood crew took their leave, and B and I walked over to the Knarr with the Brunswicks.

At the Knarr, I was reminded why I never play pool. I suuuuuuck. I’m much better suited for being in charge of the juke box (which, apparently is stuck in a 1996 time warp). We finished our games, the Brunswicks headed back to the Hill, and B and I played pinball while we waited for my songs to finish. To our dismay, both South Park and Medieval Madness were possessed by evil, quarter-eating demons. An actual PIECE of the South Park game became dislodged during play and Medieval Madness kept registering tilt at the SLIGHTEST force. I hate those bastards.

TUESDAY
The day began with breakfast followed by a nap. Well rested, B and I then headed to a BBQ at his friend John’s house. There were good people, REALLY good food (must procure some of that olive and fig tapande), and deliciously evil Sangria. We played some more badminton and B challenged a few other people to some games. I’m getting quite good at child’s badminton. Perhaps I should find some children to destroy in a match.

John’s porch had a nice, only slightly obstructed view of the AT&T fireworks which, as I’m sure you local folks know, featured some sweet-ass new fireworks this year. I particularly liked the ones that looked like jellyfish. We could also see the show put on by the poor bastards that are the 4th of JulIvars. I feel kind of bad for them. Their show pales in comparison to the AT&T spectacle. I guess there’s just not that much money in chowder.

And now, a short but inspiring tale of Human Kindness: As we were leaving we realized that B’s car, which was parked facing up a rather steep hill, was stuck in the sand that lined the side of the road. He spinned the wheels for a while to no avail. Just as we began to devise alternative methods for getting home, a neighborly gentleman appeared with two wood planks and the know-how to get us loose. Apparently, this kind of thing happens all the time on that hill. He put the planks under the back wheel; B backed onto them, and was able to then pull forward to freedom. The gentleman advised us that were we to park there again, we would be wise to do so facing down the hill. Nice people like that give me the warm fuzzies.

I will never understand why we don’t have the day AFTER the 4th of July off instead. It’s as much of a drinking holiday as New Years.

NEXT WEEKEND: Meeps birthday and Johnny Depp.

July 5, 2006
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . Tags: weekend recap . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Remember kids, God is dead and we're alone.

Now it's my turn to link to YouTube! Check out a clip from comedy genius Louis C.K.'s new sitcom on HBO. YouTube is the only place I will be able to see this show until 2010 when HBO releases it on DVD. In the meantime, I can take comfort in the fact that this clip is pretty funny and true to C.K.'s form. He takes the premise of the loser family man sitcom and actually makes it watchable. I have yet to see the interactions with his wife character but I have faith that he won't just do the usual sexist as hell “My wife always nags me and all I want to do is watch the game” jokes.

June 29, 2006
Categories: YooToob . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

ridicule

This article was seriously on the FRONT PAGE of our local paper this morning. What? There's nothing more important going on the world than teenagers feeling alienated by MySpace?

June 28, 2006
Categories: This is the End . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

looking for you

Plight is on hold. The budget is just too unfeasible for a first-time feature. This doesn't mean it won't get made. It just means we're putting it off until we can make it right. In the meantime, we will be focusing on Faye's ghost story script, Fetch (which has little to no special effects and only a few characters…think Japanese horror film but without Toshio!). This also puts ME on the back burner a bit. The only reason both of us were directing Plight is because we both wrote it. So this time 1 writer = 1 director. Dom said I can co-produce but what does that mean in terms of an uber indie film? It sounds kind of like “associate producer” and anyone who's seen State and Main knows what that means.

I'm excited for Fetch. The concept alone makes my skin crawl and the Japanese horror film style is hot right now so it has a good chance of going somewhere. There's also a chance that we could get one of our favorite little blonde teen detectives to star in it. I always wanted Faye to get Fetch made. I just assumed it would happen after we got famous together.

In the meantime, I have been commissioned to work on some of my ideas “just in case”. Unfortunately, none of them are particularly cheap or as much of a winning concept as Faye's. They are more along the lines of “hollywood horror for a quick buck”. One is basically an Eli Roth movie. Maybe I'll write that one and send it to him along with a picture of my boobies and see how far that gets me. Going through my short Rolodex of hackneyed ideas makes me feel a little bit like, well, a hack.

Anyway, I'm just a little worried about how I fit into this new GadZook plan, is all. I am happy to take one for the team if it means I will be brought back into the picture at a later date. I just feel a little redundant right now.

I'm sure Faye and Dom will try to argue with me here (or at least I HOPE they'll feel the need to do so) but there's no need. I know I'm still part of the team and blah di blah. I just wanted to whinge a little.

June 27, 2006
Categories: Dear Diary, I Made Movies . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

my zejom

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

The weekend kicked off with dinner and cocktails at the Liberty. In attendance were Brugos, Elyse, Booze (who would apparently be disturbed to learn that she is being mentioned in a blog) and Scott. This was a totally different experience than my first one with Meep on a Sunday afternoon. Of course, a Friday will always have a different vibe than a Sunday as far as clientèle and crowd size, but this was also (and perhaps more so) an employee issue.

The sushi chef and waiter were different than the ones Meep and I encountered previously. I ordered the same drink that I had gotten before, but, for some reason, it wasn’t nearly as delicious (partly due to lack of a sugared rim?). The sushi rolls that Brugos and I ordered, whilst still delicious, weren’t presented as fancily. Perhaps these details had something to do with the difference in treatment of two single girls on a Sunday versus a group of mixed gender folks on a Friday. Regardless, it was a bit disappointing.

Things only got more uncomfortable as our waitress’ demeanor was slightly odd. She seemed like she had never waited tables before and was extremely nervous about it. She was meek and forgot drink orders repeatedly. Still, she carried a certain charm in her shyness. And she seemed to appreciate the fact that every time she came to our table, we were talking about something weirder. We also had a little drink mishap wherein the drink that Booze ordered (being the same drink that she had just gotten and liked) tasted different, and not at all pleasant. We passed the drink around and confirmed: it was gross. Scott remarked, with the waitress present, that it tasted like baby aspirin. The waitress thought he had said “baby ass”. Luckily, she seemed to find that funny, and not at all disturbing that this man might know what baby ass tastes like.

The small space began to fill up and, by 9, there were groups of people playing table vulture. Our couch spot was much coveted, but we were just about done anyway. A new waitress arrived on the scene. Unlike our cute and sensibly dressed shy waitress, this new blonde girl wore a ridiculously short shirt which would make it impossible for her to daintily lean down to take the orders of people sitting on couches. She, clearly believing herself to be super hot, didn’t seem bothered by this. She helped clear our table and asked Scott if he would like another beer. He said no thank you and she respondede with a bitchy smile with what I SWORE sounded like “good”. What the fuck? I asked Scott if she had just said “good”. It was loud in there so he wasn’t sure. However, after we had settled the bills with our shy little muffett, the blonde bitch (who Booze and I had just witnessed making a BIG show up putting her long, flowy hair in a ponytail), came up to us to collect our bills. “Are we all set here?” she asked. We said yes. This time, in NO uncertain terms, she flashed her cunty little smile at us again and said “good”. It occurred to me then that she was taking over the shift and knew that she wouldn’t be collecting the tip from us, so she wanted us out of her section ASAP. But she shouldn’t make it THAT obvious to people who may, one day, be in her section and responsible for her tip. Needless to say, I won’t be spending a lot of time in that place on a Friday or Saturday. Sunday is the way to go.

After we vacated the Liberty, the Boobergs and I crashed a birthday party for one of Brugos’ friends at the Canterbury. The birthday girl was extremely drunk. I’d never met her before, but she apparently felt it was her duty to mention the fact that she caught Brugos leaving Capital Hill at 7:30am on a weekday. She didn’t “want to get [him] in trouble” though. She mentioned it two more times, even after I told her that there was nothing suspicious about this and that the girl she saw him with was most likely me.

T’was the evening of the bitchy blonde waitress. I missed that sweet little blonde waitress with the piercing and said so, realizing after the fact that it made me sound like an 80 year old man. I suppose that wouldn’t be the first time I have sounded as such.

SATURDAY

I spent most of the day getting ready for the Hovelwarming: Two trips to Safeway, one trip to Walgreens, one trip to the liquor store and one trip to the party store on 15th. (Thanks to the ailing Meep for accompanying me on errands). This was followed by a good cleaning of the apartment. Of particular note, I used TWO lint rollers in their entirely in order to clean all of Tobe’s hair off the couch. And this was AFTER I vacuumed it. Note to self: invest on a cream-colored couch cover and pillow set ASAP. Or shave Tobe.

I then started in on the baking. I finished decorating the Triscuits with easy-cheese just as the first guest arrived.

The party was a lot of fun. And most of you should know as you were there. Thanks to the Boobergs for the truly lovely orchid (my first plant in the new place…god, I hope I don’t kill it) and to Meep for the AWESOME framed picture of my sweet little Tobe. Thanks Borg for the long-coveted costume dress (which I can only hope looks at hot on me as it did on Borg). Thanks, Ahe for the gourmet boxed wine and to Howland for the traditional Franzia variety. I now have enough cheap wine and beer in my apartment to last at LEAST a week.

The only awkwardness occurred when LITERALLY everyone I work with arrived. They had been drinking since noon. They were in frat mode. They didn’t mesh with my other guests. They also may have pissed off my neighbors when they loudly shotgunned several beers out back. Note to self: keep co-workers and friends separate when’ere possible. Further note: hide rubber novelty dildos when boss is in apartment, for he will surely chase the receptionist with said novelties.

The evening finished out with Sherwood, Borg, Howland and me enjoying the cool night air in the parking lot and debating not whether or not the destruction of humanity will occur, but when and how. It looks grim, but if I find myself at the end of the world with similar company, I won’t complain.
SUNDAY

Something compelled to wake up early and clean. Perhaps it was the knowledge that I had a bit of a search on my hands for all the kitchen objects that my boss and the intern had decided to hide the previous night. Perhaps it was the dips and hors de’ oeuvres festering in the kitchen. Regardless, I was quite proud of myself when, an hour later, the only evidence of a raging party sat in 3 bags of recycling. If I can keep up this kind of compulsive cleanliness, I might actually be mistaken for an adult.

Brugos joined me for breakfast, after which we hit the road to seek out the ultimate mini-golf experience. This experience was found at Parkland Putters in Tacoma. It was a lovely day to be outside. With 4 courses to choose from, we ventured the “wild and hilly” course. It was indeed challenging, but we welcomed it. And we each scored a hole-in-one during the course. We received ribbons to commemorate our competition. Brugos was sported the blue and I the red, but it was a close game. Besides, everyone knows that first place is second loser. NO FEAR!

We wanted to do a little T-Town karaoke but had hours to kill before this would happen, so we decided to fill our bellies and hang out at Point Defiance for a bit. We lunched at El Toro (not the one that Meep and I used to frequent, since that one was reduced to ash and rubble in a fiery inferno, along with our dreams and innocence), grabbed delicious Antique Sandwich Company milkshakes and snagged a nice little spot on the world’s softest grass on which to digest.

After that, we wandered around Never Never Land, Fort Nisqualy, and the waterfront, before heading to Bob’s Java Jive to await the karaoke.

Bob’s Java Jive is the very definition of a punk rock dive bar. Why there isn’t a place like that in Seattle is beyond me. Brugos pointed out that were a punk rock dive bar that had a smoking patio and karaoke 7 nights a week in Seattle; it would have been packed with people, even on a Sunday. In Tacoma, however, the place was empty. Eventually, the DJ showed up. Brugos and I were the only people in attendance who weren’t close personal friends of the Java Jive. The song selection was pretty good and there were definitely some unusual selections available. We were kind of nervous to be singing at what essentially felt like a private party that we were crashing. They didn’t seem to thrown by our presence though. Twice when Brugos was up, the ENTIRE room (which was only 4-5 people) went outside for a smoke. This included the DJ.

Before we knew it, it was 11:45 and, this being a school night, DEFINITELY time to hit the road. Since it was late Sunday night, we assumed that I-5 would be empty and that we would be home in no time. Dead wrong. Apparently, some genius decided that Sunday night was the perfect time to reduce I-5 from 4 lanes to ONE. Very frustrating. This was compounded by the fact that we both had to pee. Eventually, the merging was complete, we had peed, and traffic was moving normally. But it was well after 1am by the time I was snug in my bed. Amazingly, I am only HALF a zombie today.

June 26, 2006
Categories: Dear Diary . Tags: travels, weekend recap . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

confederacy now?

I know a lot of people have blogged recently about the governments' proposition to put severe, ridiculous restrictions on abortion and birth control. This week, The Stranger has an article that outlines all of these threats in one, horrifying, concise list. It's all very Handmaid's Tale and it makes my vagina clench with fear. There isn't, however, any suggestion on what can be done about these threats. Just the notion that we should all be aware of what's being proposed. So we're aware. Now what? I don't want to wake up one morning and find out that I must now make babies for wealthy white men and their frigid wives through a hole in a sheet, or else run away and become a prohibition-style whore. But to whom can we voice such concerns (besides the other liberal bloggers out there)? And how can we make sure this doesn't happen?

June 22, 2006
Categories: This is the End . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

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