October 6, 2006
Categories: Hug Your Television . Tags: bsg . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment
Ooh! Check it! We like Moesha.
Occasionally, a Stranger writer actually writes a review that I agree with completely. Here, they capture my frustration with the Stella TV series in contrast to the absolute genius (meant not at all in a hyperbolic sense) that were the Stella shorts. The author is particularly keen in pinning down the single biggest failure of the TV series: The lack of dildos for comedic effect.
At the Porcupine Racetrack
Do you like to laugh? If so, you might be excited to note that at long last, Season 1 of MTV's early-90s sketch comedy show The State is now available for download on i-tunes. They have been trying to put out a DVD of this show for years but have run into a lot of trouble securing music rights. If enough people download the sketches on i-tunes, they may FINALLY release a DVD of this brilliant show. If you've never seen The State, you may still be familiar with the work of the members on shows like Reno 911, Best Week Ever, every VH1 show about a decade and in numerous films and series guest spots over the years. Michael Ian Black was also on some show that my dad liked called Ed. Dreamy Ken Marino had an inappropriate teacher/student relationship with Joey on Dawson's Creek and impregnated Cordelia with his demon semen on Angel. Even if you think you won't like it, download it anyway. It's only $10. I would personally guarantee your money back if you don't laugh but then that would mean that you have no soul and souless people don't deserve money.
contraband sabbatical
WEEKEND RECAP
FRIDAY
Faye and I needed a break from partying. And besides, a half-Cylon baby was being born on BSG, so we decided to have dinner at Kozak’s followed by a night in. A word to the wise about Kozak’s. I know everything on the menu looks really delicious and that might make you think you should order several different items. You shouldn’t. Each entrée and appetizer is enough food for 2-3 people in and of itself. Just make up your mind to come back many times to try everything on the menu and you’ll be better off.
Since Faye made me watch the “House of Wax” remake (which was a remake in name only) on Thursday, I made her watch “Cursed”. “Cursed” was worse than “House of Wax”. (By the way, Mark, we also watched “Dead Serious” on Thursday.). There were two pretty funny parts in “H o W”. There was nothing funny in “Cursed” except, perhaps, Michael Rosenbaum’s hair.
We finished “Cursed” in time for BSG to start. As Borgia is a relative newcomer to the BSG universe, he had many many questions. You don’t realize how much they DON’T dumb down the script for the audience (as they do on, say, Lost) until you watch it with a virgin. I chose a bottle of wine that, based on the packaging, led me to believe that Cylons might drink it. I know, I’m a dork. It was pretty good wine though, for $8.
I was a little disappointed that the Cylon baby looked totally human (unlike the hybrid baby on V). But maybe it will display some weird characteristics later. Like, maybe when it’s nursing, its spine will glow red. Or maybe it will accidentally hurt some other kid on the playground because it doesn’t know its own strength. Of course, since everything on BSG moves slowly, we won’t get to see this kid grow up. I don’t think the kid will grow up Species fast because it seemed like the gestation period was pretty normal. I’m sure all my speculations are fascinating.
SATURDAY
Having gone to bed pretty early the night before, I woke up bushytailed at 9am. Dom and I set about doing a bit of much needed tidying. Then I met Faye at the bus stop so that we could catch a matinee of “Nightwatch” with Andrew at the Neptune.
Andrew was running late and we were running early so we went into Zanadu to kill time, vowing not to buy ANYTHING. Miraculously, we succeeded in leaving empty handed. It wasn’t easy to say no to the Punisher Valentine’s Day issue. Did I mention I have a crush on the Punisher? I don’t know what it is about the hulking, half-crazy chap with a dubious set of morals, but when he’s written by Garth Ennis, he makes me all tingly. Not so much with the Tom Jayne though.
Anywho, Faye bought $20 worth of snacks for everybody and we settled in to watch “Nightwatch”. There was a Russian couple behind us who was very excited about seeing a Russian movie with English subtitles. I don’t blame them. I think there may have been much lost in the translation, because they laughed heartily at a few moments that came off as only mildly amusing to us Americans. They also laughed at the first appearance of the lead, one Konstantin Khabensky. I assume there is some stigma associated with this actor that made his lead role in a Russian Matrix-style trilogy hilarious. Kinda like Keanu is for us? All I know is that I found the guy kinda hot. I realized later that it’s because he reminded me a bit of Steve Coogan. The movie itself wasn’t that great, but I enjoyed it. Andrew really liked it and Faye hated it. We were like the three bears. I agree with Faye’s complaints about it, but they didn’t bother me as much as they bothered her. We were both extremely annoyed by the liberties they took with the subtitles though. Words turned red, were bolded for emphasis, or disappeared behind furniture. It was very distracting and heavy-handed. I’m not terribly motivated to seek out the other two. But I didn’t feel like it was a waste of time or anything.
After the movie, we planned to eat dinner at Araya, but it was still early. Instead, we wandered down to Bulldog news. It only killed a half an hour. So we decided to go into Flowers and do a round or two of shots. Faye and I started with chocolate cake shots, and Andrew, ever the manly man, got straight tequila. For our second round, Faye and I switched to angel food cake shots (which taste pretty similar to chocolate cake shots, but are lighter in color), and Andrew got another tequila. With a pretty good buzz blaring, we walked to Araya which still doesn’t have a liquor license. Last we heard they were applying for it. The waitress made it sound like a big drama transpired and now it was all hopeless. I knew this was bad news because once you start a buzz, it’s not a good idea to stop drinking, lest the sleepiness overtake you.
As per usual in all vegetarian restaurants, Faye and I freaked out a little bit. We’re not used to having EVERYTHING ON THE MENU at our disposal. We settled on 3 entrées and an appetizer to split. Everything was extremely delicious.
We then rushed to a new bar to salvage some of the buzz. Faye was supposed to meet Borg at Big Time, but I convinced everyone to hit Fin McCool’s first because I wasn’t ready to switch to beer. Continuing the evening’s tradition of drinking sorority girl drinks, Faye and I ordered chocolate martinis. I really liked mine, but it was impossible to drink fast. Andrew switched to coffee because he was driving.
Andrew took his leave of us, and Faye and I headed to Big Time. It was too late, however. We had messed up the process and were both tired. Borgia drove us home and I finished out my evening watching Aeon Flux (the cartoon, not the movie), and helping Dom put together a production book.
SUNDAY
Faye, Dom and I interviewed our new set designer for the movie. Then we watched Dom film a bunch of webisodes for his “production diary”. It’s kind of a cheesy motif. Dom is a “mogulsexual” telling people how to dress like a producer, by wearing functional stuff like hoodies and beards. Faye and I were forced to participate in two of the skits.
Then Faye and I headed back to the hill, leaving Dom to his giant pile of work. I stopped briefly at Faye’s to see if her neighbor was out, allowing us to DDR. No such luck. Instead, I went home and made biscuits and gravy, paid some bills, did some mending, and watched some episodes of “American Gothic”. A mellow end to a very mellow weekend. Oh well. It’s good to have those every once in a while. The weird thing is that I’m still just as exhausted today as I am every Monday.
Star Watch: Brendan Fletcher
Tonight’s Supernatural (Episode 1.14 – Nightmare) was the best episode of the season so far. Between Jensen Ackles’ wacky physical comedy with cocktail wieners, some really over-dramatic acting by guest stars, Jared Padalecki’s poor facial acting and the freaky-good acting of that pale, sweaty fellow, Brendan Fletcher. I was really enjoying every minute of it. That pretty much settles my internal debate on whether or not I want to get the series on DVD. I must be able to watch that episode over and over again. Or at least just the funeral scene with “Father Simmons and Father Frehley”.
Next Week: Supernatural: Hostel!
An interesting bit of trivia: Despite being only 24 years old, the odd fellow has been in 65 shows and movies, including such favorites as “Freddy vs. Jason”, “Ginger Snaps: Unleashed”, “Ginger Snaps: The Beginning”, an episode of Tru Calling and Alone in the Dark! It looks like his career has been heavy with the horror, so perhaps we should get his people on the phone before he gets all famous and demandy.
Jons cool info
SUPER LONG WEEKEND RECAP
WEDNESDAY
The evening began a little early for me. The Other One in the office bolted at 3 because his wife was having a baby. As a result, Boss Man’s heart grew 3 sizes and he let us all go home. I decided to take the opportunity to watch “Finding Neverland”, which I needed to return to the library. I had been putting it off because it’s hard to get excited about watching a movie in which you know someone is going to die of a horrible disease. But I found myself in a rare, weepy mood, so I put it in. And weep I did. You see? I’m not entirely made of stone. I may be annoyed by Nora Ephron movies, and derive glee from watching teenagers get hacked to death, but I can be moved by consumption, loves that can never be and, very occasionally, small children who have seen too much pain.
After dinner, I headed over to Faye’s for ANTM and Veronica Mars. I can take or leave ANTM in general, but it’s a lot of fun to watch with Faye. I was saddened by the outcome if only because now we can’t make anymore “Just One of The Guys” jokes. And how often do you get to do THAT in life? Veronica Mars was consistent with the good writing. I’m glad Faye finally turned me from the Dark Side of Wednesday night TV. I can only habitually watch SO MANY shows on which all the characters annoy the crap out of me. Not one to waste an evening off, I was determined to tie a few on. So after TV, Sherwood stopped by Faye’s apartment and we headed off into the gloriously foggy night. We hoped to find a seat at the Comet, but, since everyone had Wednesday off, the Comet was packed. Sherwood and I opted for the perpetual Plan B, which is the Canterbury. I think Plan B was better anyway because we wouldn’t have been able to have our conversation at The Comet. It was one of those nostalgia-filled conversations that make you feel all warm and fuzzy and also a little sad.
THURSDAY
Dom and I woke late and got a late start. It’s hard to get up and go on your first day off in a long while. We stayed in our pajamas until noon and didn’t leave the house until 1. Armed with pies and bags of groceries, we sped off to West Seattle to catch the ferry to Vashon. As we rounded the corner, we realized that if we were to remain in the car, like most stubborn Seattleites, we would never get on the damned ferry. So we opted, instead, to park and haul everything onto the ferry as walk-ons. Even though we parked up a hill and the bags were heavy, it was definitely the optimal decision. Besides, in Dom’s car, I never would have met the Mighty-O Donut angel who was inexplicably wandering around the waiting area handing out free vegan donuts!
Dom’s dad, Phil, waited for us on the other side and drove us and our haul to his house, where I was immediately put to work in the kitchen. It turns out that it doesn’t take very long to cook a Thanksgiving meal if you aren’t roasting a turkey. Veat “poultry” breasts can be ready in half an hour, even with a marinade involved. An hour and a half later, we were sitting down to dinner with Phil and Phil’s employee, Jerry. Everyone seemed to enjoy their meal, even though I was the only vegetarian present. After dinner, we watched a few “Greg the Bunny” episodes on IFC, and the boys played with the HAM radio. I played with Catalina, the world’s smallest adult cat. And of course, there was PIE!
After pie, I either needed a nap, or to just go to bed outright. It was after 8, I think, when we started back to Seattle. Holiday time is hard to judge. Anyway, I slept well that night.
FRIDAY
I cooked a little breakfast for me and Dom and we were utterly useless for a few hours. Around 3, Dom left for the Gadzook office, and I got ready for whatever the evening might bring. The evening, at first, brought Sherwood and his lap top. He offered to allow me to peruse his i-tunes for albums I’d like to burn. I’m sure he regretted it immediately, because he was hungry and ended up burning about 12 CD’s before we left for dinner. Sherwood was craving Won Ton soup; so of course, we went to the Wok and Grill. We were trying to decide what to do after that. Brugos wanted karaoke (and, of course, I can’t turn that down), but he wanted to go to the Mandarin Gate. Faye, I believe, said she would rather eat her own face than go there again. I got a hold of a Stranger and we discovered, to our delight, that Angel was spinning the karaoke at the Wild Rose. Faye, Borgia and Brugos met me and Sherwood at the Rose 30 minutes later. Sherwood sang “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”. Brugos sang “Still Loving You” by the Scorpions, and I sang “Angels” by Robbie Williams. After our round, we were ready to move to greener pastures, meaning we would go to Faye’s place and play drinking games. After a few failed attempts at “the word association game” and “the movie actors game”, we tried to play Kings. Borgia could see Sherwood’s hand and kept giving him advice and no one, it seemed, could concentrate. So before long, Borgia passed out in Faye’s bed, and Brugos and I watched Faye and Sherwood play Katamari Damacy. What I learned: Drinking games are only good as a means to an end, not as a perpetuator of drunkenness. Still, we managed to keep the party going until FOUR in the morning. No WONDER we all felt like the fuzzy end of the lollipop the next day.
SATURDAY
There was nothing for it but a big, greasy breakfast at the Canterbury, as served by the World’s Worst Waitress. Dom, Borgia, Faye, Sherwood and I were in attendance. After breakfast, Borgia left us to go watch hockey. Faye, Sherwood and I huddled together in the living room and giggled at the “Contractual Obligation Album” by Van Morrison. Sherwood went home for about an hour and a half, and Faye and I ventured out into the world for reinforcements. I was in the mood to watch young people get slaughtered. We got two movies from On-15th and then to went to Rainbow Grocery for soy jerky and not at ALL to ogle the new hottie pie that works there. When we got back, we ordered pizza and dessert to be delivered from Palermo, a mere two blocks away. THAT’S what the previous night’s antics had turned us into.
We made a bad call on the slasher movie. We rented the utterly intolerable “R.S.V.P.”. Even when scripts are uninspired, I don’t usually notice bad camera work on a studio picture, but it was really evident here. The plot was non-existent, when it wasn’t being pilfered directly from another movie. Even the presence of Glen Quinn didn’t help. He’d been obviously having a hard time deciding whether his character was Irish or American. And, since it turned out to be his last film, I think we can safely blame his involvement in that cinematic disaster for his drug overdose. Sherwood and I decided to light up. Faye mercifully began fast-forwarding through the movie. Sherwood, couldn’t handle it anymore and went home to listen to music. It’s too bad too, because next we put in Martin and Orloff, which Sherwood would have loved. It has a quieter humor than the “Upright Citizens Brigade” TV show, but it’s still just as bizarre. Faye correctly likened it to the “Brain Candy” of UCB. I can’t remember when we watched the small dog category of the Purina Dog Show, but that happened too. Damn, those little dogs crack me up. Especially the ones that are so furry, they look to be gliding across the arena without legs. Some SNL reruns also happened. Faye astutely observed that even though there are some very funny people involved, the current cast would be utterly lost without Amy Poehler.
SUNDAY
I was in a rare, productive mood, so I took care of some internet shopping, some tidying, some mending and some digitizing of VHS tapes. I also went to yoga! In my ongoing attempt to see the classic films that I should have watched years ago, I watched “Dog Day Afternoon” while I mended. There’s PROOF for you that Pacino has gotten very very lazy. I watch his subtle nuances in “Dog Day Afternoon” and I can’t help but be moved. Contrariwise, I watch him scream his head off in “The Devil’s Advocate” or “Any Given Sunday” (or even, if you ask me, “Scent of a Woman”) and I can’t help but feel that his ongoing critical acclaim is just force of habit.
Next Weekend: Aeon Flux, anyone?
Hard Like Steel QGS6
ParentsTV.org released a list of the top 10 best and worst shows for family viewing. In other words: the top 10 lamest and 10 most interesting shows on TV. They couldn't even find TEN shows for Jesus. Too bad, Jesus.
guys, where are we?
I hate “Lost”. Tonight Faye and I realised the thrill is gone. Was there ever a thrill to begin with? Or was “Lost” just a rebound from “Angel”? I don't know. All I know is I'm watching “Veronica Mars” with Faye from here on out.
Your Account Statement is Ready to View buttock
WEEKEND RECAP
FRIDAY
We began the evening by stopping at the Shitty Market in our old hood for movie snacks, before strolling down to Pacific Place to see The Brother’s Grimm. I was delighted to find not only BOTTLES of Blackthorn’s for sale, but also CANS of Strongbow. I felt like I was back in London for a brief moment. The Strongbow beckoned me and I had to purchase a 4-pack for the movie.
Oh Terry Gilliam. How the mighty have fallen. The movie wasn’t BAD certainly. But one has come to expect more from such a man than a cliché script, fairly ho-hum visuals and a whole bunch of jokes about the French. There were one or two cool Gilliam-esque special effects and I must say that the acting was, for the most part, enjoyable. Matt Damon isn’t terrible, even if his accent is (it’s reminiscent of a region of England that Meep would call Genericshire). Heath Ledger was only as annoying as his lines, though he played his character inexplicably gay. Perhaps he was preparing for his upcoming gay cowboys eating pudding film? Jonathan Pryce was, well, Jonathan Pryce, and therefore great, if not underused. It was delightful to see Gareth, even though he is well on his was to Type-cast Town. Overall, however, the film was a bit of a yawn, and that hurts coming from the man who made Time Bandits. It was almost saved by a hinted-at moment of homoeroticism, but they chickened out. Damn you, PG-13!
Meep, Dom and I all felt similar about our luke-warm feelings toward the film. Borg liked it. Krk, a die-hard Python and Gilliam fan, was pretty devastated. So devastated, in fact, that he could only go home and go to bed. The rest of us went back up the hill for a late-night snack and drink at the Canterbury. I was only two Strongbows ahead of everyone else. The Canterbury was fairly uneventful apart from the French-fry orgy.
SATURDAY
I had planned to go to yoga but I decided to forgo exercise for finishing Season One of Battlestar Galactica. As most of you know, it ended in true That-Carnivale-Guy fashion by making everything very open-ended and effed up. Thanks, guy! Even if you are sometimes mediocre, you really know how to leave your audience hungry for more. Luckily, Ben is going to get us caught up on Season Two thanks to his TeVo.
I did my yoga video, which is in no way as intense as the Bikram, but still reasonably effective, and then we got ready to go to Brugos’ Birthday Dodecacathelon. Oh happy day! We loaded the DDR in the car and the Troika + Sherrard headed Brugos-way for a day of games and drinking!
Well, games for everyone else. For me and Meep, it was all DDR all the time. Some of the games we didn’t participate in included Tang (something to do with speed-drinking), Egg-Tossing, Botchee Ball (sp?), and Keg Stands. To our surprise, Sherrard took part in the Keg Stands not once, but TWICE, consequently propelling him into instant drunkenness very early on. The party was, as Sherrard pointed out, a Sausage Fest. The result of this is many many drunken, shirtless men running around being obnoxious. This isn’t as sexy as it sounds. But I didn’t care. I was playing DDR. Meep and I got in round after round. For a long time uninitiated people would periodically pop their heads in and laugh at us before running to the backyard to binge drink. Eventually, a nice, open-minded couple (of course I’ve forgotten their names) who’d never DDR’d before showed up and were intrigued. They played a few rounds, and before long, they were just as addicted as us. The guy actually turned out to be some sort of prodigy, going from “beginner” mode to “light” (which is a fucking misnomer if I’ve ever heard it) mode with ease. Before long, he was playing everyone in light mode while they stayed on beginner and was KILLING the competition. Amazing. After dinner, Meep and I started drinking. For a while, the alcohol seemed to be helping. But only for a little while…
Things started to get a little hazy after that. I noticed the house was getting pretty trashed. I feel kinda bad for the Birthday Boy, who doubtless spent all day yesterday hung over and cleaning. I know there were conversations in the backyard, people eating raw eggs and running laps, a pie-eating contest, Borg, and some other guy jamming in the basement with Dom on drums. Meep and I sang “El Scorcho”. There was some playing with Brugos’ cat, Lucy. There was a crazy Russian guy who broke all Keg Stand records (I think his best was 45 seconds or something) and then passed out on the lawn. There were some drunk jerks (who were probably jerks sober as well) running around insulting people. There were some drunken declarations of admiration (in which I participated). And finally, there was karaoke on the X-Box. The selection was rather limited but I sang not one, but TWO Skid Row songs and had a fucking blast. I also got in a horrific rendition of “Cum On Feel the Noise”. Luckily, I got help on both that song and “I Remember You”. I need more butt rock on our at-home karaoke system, man. It reminded me of sophomore year of college when I hung out with Beth, Allison, Ann and KT at their on-campus house. Erik would pull out the acoustic guitar and we would sing all the butt-rock favorites until the sun came up. I’m telling you, Warrant is the perfect campfire sing-a-long band.
ANYWAY, at 2 or so (I think), poor Dom had to drive all our hammered asses back to the hill. At least I’m pretty sure he had a good time before people became incoherent.
SUNDAY
I may have had two bottles of Cook’s to myself, but it was over the course of 10 hours (yes, the party was that long. Longer, in fact, as we arrived late. THAT is why everyone was so useless by the end of the night.) That and sweating out the booze as I dance dance revolutioned all night. Furthermore, Dom was an angel with the water-bringing. So all I needed was to sleep in till 11 and I was fine.
Sunday was mine and Dom’s 3-year anniversary. Our big plans started with beginning Deadwood Season One. Then we showered and went to the Interbay Golf Course for some mini-golf. The weather held up nicely. Mini-golf was fun apart from the 4-5 year-old girl and her grandma who were speeding through the holes behind us and chasing us through the course. We would have let them play through but they would finish their last hole when we were ¾ through our hole and so it seemed like waiting would take forever. Instead, we finished the whole course in under an hour. Then we stopped at Fred Meyer in Ballard for a quick, romantic shopping trip, before going to dinner at Louis’ Chinese Restaurant. The food was really good, but about half-way through our meal, it became family hour. After dinner, we decided to drive to the U-District to see if we could catch a movie. We decided on The Aristocrats. See Mark, we DO see indie films in the theatre sometimes! We probably should have picked something else though. In retrospect, it seems like a waste to spend $9 on a mini-DV documentary. Overall, the film was interesting, but really not that funny. It wasn’t OFFENSIVE or anything. It was just kind of mediocre humor. Plus, I’m not a very big fan of most of the comedians they featured. Give me the Comedians of Comedy over Drew Carey any day. Plus, I don’t think I like seeing comedies with American audiences. They are so eager to laugh that they don’t really stop to think if the joke is funny or not. They just recognize the fact that they’ve just heard a punch line and so they laugh right on cue. This is, I think, why Meep, Dom and I tend to find ourselves laughing out loud in a silent theatre and vice versa. We actually LISTEN to what’s being said and, if it strikes us as funny, we laugh. It can’t be that our sense of humor is SO VASTLY different than the rest of the country’s, can it?
And thus endeth the anniversary date and the weekend.
NEXT WEEKED: Meep and I celebrate a finished script, and I take Sherwood to Bumbershoot for his Birthday.
under him; he gasped
“Lost” Spoilers Herein
J.J. Abrahms is a fuckhead. Please bear with me while I rant. As usual, there were as many flaws as successes to last night's season finale. Ok, so I must admit that the last 10-15 minutes were pretty goddamned gripping. But to not give us the slightest INKLING of the evil that lurks within the hatch? That's just mean. Leaving Michael floating in the water as he watches Walt being taken away, while Sawyer and Jin, possibly dead, are nowhere to be found was a good cliffhanger. (By the way, Faye totally called the fact that “The Others” were after Walt and not the stupid baby). But there are some holes even in that otherwise cool scene. Like where in the hell do “The Others” get gas for their boat? Or electricity for the giant spotlight on the front? It's sloppy storytelling…unless the island is just like the one in that Huey Lewis and the News video where if they just go far enough, they will find a big resort and civilization and Starbucks. Well, at least we learned more about the Iron Giant. It's pretty certain that the Iron Giant IS, in fact, The Iron Giant, whatwith all the mechanical noises it was making. So at least we got THAT much of a bone. But seriously. A broken ladder with not even a HINT of the evil that Walt was screaming about? G.A.Y. My qualms with Abrahms are thus. He always tries to be the big serial suspense mastermind. But he goes from being totally predictable and unoriginal (Artz might as well have been wearing a red uniform) to refusing to give ANY answers or even INKLINGS of answers to the big questions. It feels he might be less of a genius and more a guy who has no idea where he wants his characters to go. Or maybe it's just that Joss Whedon has ruined me forever. Joss is like that perfect ex that you will never really get over and the standard to which you will hold all future relationships. Will I ever be truly in love with a television show again? The end of Alias last night was fairly Willow/Tara-esque. But less so because I don't care about any of the characters on Alias. I don't know. All I know is that J.J. Abrahms is a fuckhead.
Doh!
I just read the TWOP Recaplet and it's pretty much EXACTLY what I just said above, only funny.
Effed by the Wind 
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