Processing Judicial Judgments

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

Faye, Kayobi, Ahe and I watched Hellraiser for October’s Good Movie Friday. Kayobi brought a party tray and Faye make crack chip cookies. Is there any better movie to watch whilst stuffing your face with goodies? I think not. Hellraiser is actually quite a cool movie. Some of the special effects don’t necessarily stand the test of time, but there are a great many that do. You have to love a horror film from the old school of effects, before people got lazy and just used CG for everything. Some assistant effects person had to painstakingly dress bits of latex to look like flesh and hang them on hundreds of hooks. What an awesome job!

After the movie, I do believe we called it an early night. As the days get shorter, I have to resist the urge to hibernate.

SATURDAY

With so many awesomely bad movies on television, how does one bring oneself to leave the house? I began the day by watching “Sybil” (the 70’s TV movie about a woman with multiple personalities) on Lifetime. After that, I had to choose between Superman 3, The Other Sister and Young Guns. The Other Sister might possibly be the most offensive depiction of the mentally challenge ever committed to film. It’s just so WRONG. So wrong, it almost feels right. “I love you more than big band music and cookie making.” “Strange things are happening all over my body.” “I feel like we should be doing something more than kissing.” “I had to make all the decisions because you were DRINKING!” (The last line having been uttered by the NON-mentally challenged Diane Keaton. Hard to tell the difference, really.)
Anyway, when I finally WAS able to tear myself away, I met Faye and we went to Value Village to get a few more items with which to complete her Halloween costume.

Then we caught the bus down to the Dragonfish just in time for the start of their delectable happy hour where we gorged ourselves on vegetarian Asian Fusion and Lemongrass Lime Rikis. We were joined midway by Ben and later by Sherrard. This was all part of the plan, you see…the plan to have just the perfect buzz going when we saw DOOM.

DOOM!! Oh, Andrzej Bartkowiak, you have taken an unnecessary concept for a film and make it delightfully watch-able. Not in a Uwe Boll: why do they let this guy make movies kind of way, but more in a Jr. Verhoeven: This guy isn’t much for plot, but damn he knows how to kill things kind of way. Sure, the obvious parallels to our current U.S. government (as seen through the eyes of a European) were a bit heavy-handed, and it was rather distracting to hear so many otherwise talented English/Kiwi actors poorly attempt an American accent, but it wasn’t ABOUT that. It was about killing science experiments gone-wrong. And that was done well. Even the 10 minutes of first-person perspective were entertaining.
We left the theatre on a high that could only be sustained by more drinking. We went to the Six Arms because Andrew was with us and the boy was functioning on no sleep. So he intended to have one drink somewhere close to his car and then take off. Hopefully he got home OK.

At the Six Arms, I decided to finally try their very expensive ($5.75) home-brewed hard cider. You know what? Bleh. It certainly wasn’t superior to the $4 Strongbow and CERTAINLY not to the $3 Blackthorns. Screw you, hoity toity cider. No matter. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle.

The other half is leaving the Six Arms at 11 to go back to Faye’s house and listen to cheesy music, stopping first at QFC for reinforcements. I purchased a bottle of wine, as recommended to me by a spooky owl. I think it was the right decision, though the emus were making a pretty good case of their own.

At this point it was just Faye, Sherrard and me left. We put on a CD I made Faye which is full of songs that I want her to sing at the karaoke Halloween party next weekend. These songs (like The Carpenters, Spandau Ballet and Starship) are perfect for late night drinking and remising. And remise we did. Before long, Faye brought out the photo album and the Tickle Me Emo CD. Did you know that the three of us have known each other for nigh on 6 years? And Faye and I for longer. How we have changed since then. And yet, not at all. At our core, we’re still the same people. We’re just a little bit wiser. Not a LOT wiser, mind you. Just a little.

After all that memory lane shit, there was naught to do but start watching Alone in the Dark. It was then that I checked the time: 3am! We were fading and needed sleep. Sherrard and I got our shit together and left around 3:30 and he was gentlemanly enough to walk me home. I really like walking home (in the company of another) in the wee hours. It’s so quiet and peaceful in our neck of Capital Hill then.

I fumbled my way into bed in the dark and hopefully didn’t wake Dom too abruptly.

SUNDAY

I wasn’t hung over, as I expected to be. However, I was feeling pretty hermity. This is yet another side effect to the changing weather. Since Dom was absent on account of another 48-hour film challenge, I used the opportunity that an empty apartment affords, to stay holed up and not talk to anyone. Fantastic. I briefly excursioned to the grocery store to get some baking supplies and spent the day making cookies and scones and watching the telly. I also, inspired by the previous night’s events, looked through my old photo albums to find pictured to upload for today’s entry. Here is what I found:

1) Jessica and Sherrard during their brief stint as a couple. Look at our rosy cheeks. Look at Sherrard’s hair! Look at MY hair, for that matter. I kept it short and black for years. And Christ, I’m wearing YELLOW.
2) Faye with a microphone in the Posse House basement singing an improvised song about our ill-advised friend Jeff and tryst with one Red Jeans Katie.
3) Young Jacob sporting a nerdy t-shirt and a sprightly expression. You won’t catch him like that anymore. Well…occasionally the sprightly expression…Also, check out the obligatory stolen traffic cone.
4) Slightly older Jacob in more adult clothing, but still a boyish haircut, and Erin (who still looks the same) at El Toro! Oh, El Toro…before you were consumed by flames, you were worth the long, dangerous drive to Tacoma for karaoke.
5) Another one of a Jacob of yesteryear. This is Halloween 2000. Check out his shiny shirt. He used have a closet full of shiny shirts that he would wear on special occasions. I don’t think he has a single one anymore.
6) Young Daniel and Baxter. Back then he was known as DJ. I’d never met him before that night. Before this picture was taken, he hit on me. I resisted. After this picture was taken, he passed out in my bed. Needless to say, we later dated. Having dated is inconsequential (if not beneficial…and certainly anecdotal) to our current friendship.
7) Faye and I used to live together. For a few years, actually. In our last apartment on Queen Anne, we happily prepared for the Buffy episode wherein Anya and Xander were to be married. We made cupcakes and everything. Faye’s got flowers. Look at our happy, optimistic faces. Those of you who are familiar with the show know what happened next.
8) This picture of me was taken shortly after the above-mentioned Buffy episode concluded. Nerds? Why, yes. But weren’t we cute?
9) This picture of Dom was taken by Faye at our first joint birthday party, shortly after we started dating and shortly before I started feeding him.

NEXT WEEKENDHalloween parties galore!

October 24, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, Picture Pages . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

so fly by sport works

WEEKEND RECAP

I realize this is very late indeed, but, to be honest, last weekend wasn’t terribly interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed most of my escapades, but they just weren’t really blog-worthy (whatever that means). However, my southern upbringing compels me to uphold tradition. And, as such, I will recap an uninteresting weekend with my usual verbosity.

FRIDAY

Faye and I begun our evening at the Six Arms. She drank beer and I, overpriced wine. Not to worry, though. I had a water bottle full of the stuff on my bag, so I didn’t need to buy more than two glasses. After we left the Six Arms, we decided to stop at Faye’s old local shopping establishment “The Ghetto Mart” to buy a quickie cheapie to drink in Hobo Park. Unfortunately, Hobo Park was closed, so we instead found a nice set of stairs at the top of a “Local Access” walkway. We two adult women walk by with sleeping bags, apparently on their way to a slumber party? We saw a guy trying to jump a fence from the inside (an escaped patient from a hospital?), and we “met” two fellows from the suburbs who were HAMMERED and also on their way to see Tom Lycus (sp?) at the Paramount. We gave them directions and then they invited us to join them at the Salmon Days festival the next day. “We don’t get girls like you in [wherever they said they were from]”. We took this to mean that not many girls in their particular suburb sit on stairs drinking on Friday nights. And sure that they are correct about that.

After we finished our drinks, we headed to the Meridian. We were 2 hours early. There was a line, but it was pretty short. Faye and I sat down to wait and were joined later by Dusty, Ben and a fellow called Ian (hey! I remembered someone’s name) who I learned was training to be a cop. I learned this after making a slightly disparaging comment about cops. Go me! Ben and Ian decided that we could hold their place in line while they went to get a drink.

Around 9:50, the line had grown exponentially. The theatre staff, not having any idea how to handle the type of opening-night fanaticism usually reserved for the Cinerama or Pacific Place, decided that the best course of action for dealing with an orderly line would be to instruct everyone to bunch forward and form and orderly blob. Nice work, guys. The geeks were the picture of politeness, however, and everyone found their seats in pretty much the order of their arrival.

We found our seats and awaited the start of the film. I, for one, was nervous. I have faith in the Whedon, but I’ve also been burned on plenty an occasion.
SPOILER ALERT
I have to say that the second Mal mercy killed a man who was about to be eaten by Reavers, I knew Joss wasn’t going to let me down. By the third act, I couldn’t close my mouth. Now, that asshole on the bus had indicated to me that someone was going to die. When Book bit it, I thought that was it. Of course I was sad about Book. But I did NOT see what happened to Wash coming. Never in a million years. When Wash was impaled, I earnestly placed my hand to my mouth in shock, which is something I never thought I would do. I was incapable of removing it for quite some time after that. I also grabbed for Faye’s hand as Kaylee and Simon were shot within seconds of each other. At that point, I had NO IDEA what was going to happen and I was terrified. I know Faye was feeling it too. After the movie there was naught to do but go home. On our way up the hill, Faye and I talked about the genius of Whedon. And his tendency to kill the characters who are the most pure of heart RIGHT when you least expect it. We hearkened back to Tara and how shocking THAT had been. And Xander leaving Anya? Good lord. Faye and I were messed up for weeks about that. We’d even made CUPCAKES for the goddamned wedding. He must have some sort of Faustian deal going because that kind of talent doesn’t seem natural.
END SPOILERS

SATURDAY

It’s office moving day! No human being should be required to wake up on Saturday morning to move their office, but I was. It was 7:30 and the copious CHEAP wine from the night before was taking its toll. I decided to take an experimental puff or two to quell the nausea, lest I begin the day by vomiting all over my co-workers. Granted, I have the urge to do that even when I’m not hung over.
We met at Starbucks at 8 for breakfast on the company. An eggs Florentine sandwich and coffee was just the thing to help me through the next few hours of…watching dudes move our stuff. We’d hired movers and, since we’d already packed everything, there really wasn’t anything for any of us to do till they were done. I definitely appreciated everyone coming out though. They could have easily just said “you handle it”. In fact, I’m surprised they didn’t. So I spent my Saturday hanging out with my co-workers while movers hauled things away around us. Actually, let me clarify that. Boss Man ended up conveniently out of town that weekend. Lil’ D “had to leave” at 11. So it was me, the nice intern and The Other One. Our tech guy was also there because he thought he would be able to get a jump start on setting up our server. But of course the data people hadn’t actually finished their job, so there was nothing for any of us to do. At 1:00, we went to get lunch at Fado. We came back at 2 and they were almost done. I got home around 3.

I intended to take a nap, but I just couldn’t fall asleep. So I just watched some TV and putzed around the apartment until 7:30 when Faye and Dusty came over to watch House of 1000 Corpses. Halloween being our favorite holiday, Faye and I have developed an annual October tradition of watching one good horror movie every weekend in October. Since most people we know actually HATE House of 1000 Corpses, it was just the three of us die-hard Zombie-ites. And it was every bit as entertaining as we remember it to be. Sure, it has its flaws. But it’s funny and gory and Mosely and Haig are AWESOME. After the movie, Dusty left and Borgia came over, but by that time I was pretty much ready for bed.

SUNDAY

I did pretty much nothing. Just went to the grocery store, and looked around the apartment for stuff I could sell for cash. If we’re going to be taking impromptu trips to L.A. (at least I hope we’re going to) I needs tha cash. Anybody know what the requirements are for selling your eggs?

October 6, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

descent

Well, the weekend recap is running late this week, obviously, on account of our office moving and me being too busy to sit at a desk for half an hour. I hope to have it up tomorrow. In the meantime, I will say this: Joss Whedon is the only writer who makes characters so vivid that when I'm watching his work, I actually feel like the characters are my friends. It makes it rather difficult, then, when something happens to my pretend friends. Now THAT'S a testament to good writing.

October 4, 2005
Categories: Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Or organise do buck phonemic

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

Faye and I went to see a screening of “Malfunkshun: The Andrew Wood Story” at the NW Film Forum. I was quite a fan of Mother Love Bone in high school, to the point of ridicule from my very metal/punk friends, but I haven’t listened to them in ages. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the documentary. Faye and I were a little disappointed by the Gits documentary at SIFF. If Seattle is going to be the next Hollywood, they’d better start making better documentaries about Seattle subjects. But “The Andrew Wood Story” was pretty good. At first, the psychedelic motion graphics reminded me a little too much of VH1 program, but after a while, I settled into it and enjoyed the ride. Despite having been a fan of the music, I didn’t really know that much about the man. Turns out he was a very funny, thoughtful fellow who liked to have a good time, look pretty and rock. His family kept referring to themselves as “screwed up”, but their love for one-another was so evident, that it really didn’t feel that dysfunctional. It was one of those stories that, even though you know it ends badly, still gives you a glimmer of hope. This guy left too soon, but he left behind some great music and left indelible marks on everyone who knew him. Even Chris Cornell, who is known for being kind of a dick, was clearly having trouble in the interview. He chain-smoked and choked back tears throughout. At the end, the director came up and answered questions. Actually, he answered one question with his life story. But it was ok. He seemed like a good guy. He explained that the documentary found him, and took 10 years of his life to make. He explained the structure of it and how he wanted to show Andrew Wood’s life from inside Andrew’s head. Once you know that, the style of the film is much easier to take. Also, Kim Thayil, AKA Zombie Santa, was in the audience of about 20 people. That made the whole thing seem that much more special. Even if this documentary doesn’t do well, it serves as a lovely tribute to the man, for the people he left behind. Sorry for the Hallmark sentiments. But I’m TOUCHED, Goddamnit!

After the movie, Faye and I went to the Canterbury for a quick drink and a plate of fries. It was the wrong night for the Canterbury, however. Our favorite waitress, the nice, small blonde girl, was off. And we were ignored. After waiting for about 10 minutes, I went to the bar to get our drinks, and asked if I could order food there. The bartender snippily replied that our waitress would take our food order. I said that I wasn’t sure if there was table service because we’d been waiting and hadn’t seen anyone. He said he’d “send her right over”. Faye and I were almost done with our drinks before we saw “our” waitress stroll through the room. She checked on the other table and then walked past us without even a glance. Faye and I downed the rest of our pints and went to QFC.

We spent the rest of the evening at my house watching Alan Partridge and drinking of the beer. Faye also printed out some pictures for her haircut the following day.

SATURDAY

Faye and I met at 12:30 to go downtown. Faye was on a quest for a new top and I was along to spend money I shouldn’t be spending. Glorious. We also went to Vain so Faye could get a haircut. A MAJOR haircut. From long to bob in an hour. And, I must say, Faye looks A-fucking-dorable. I know it must be a major adjustment for her to lose that much hair, but it definitely works.

After that, we still had some time to kill before meeting Dom for our dinner/casting meeting. We were quickly discouraged at The Rack, so we decided to give up on shopping and kick out the fun. We had a nacho and beer aperitif at Shorty’s followed by a quick game of Pinball. Then we met Dom at the Rendezvous and had out casting meeting. Right now, these meetings still feel a bit like make-believe. It’s hard to imagine that we are actually going to be contacting such and such’s agents and making offers!

After the meeting, I joined Dom in the Jewel Box for a show called “Verbatim Verboten”, wherein actors read the scripts from phone messages, interviews and other recordings, left by belligerent, intoxicated, or otherwise mentally unstable notables. Meanwhile, Faye hung with Borgia and Elyse. The show was pretty entertaining. The acting wasn’t stellar. And there was a very LOOOOONG-winded Woody Allen bit from his deposition about the Soon-Yi debacle. They kept coming back to it throughout the show and each time it was more insufferable. I very much pity the individuals who were forced to pour over the testimony. But, for the most part, the bits were amusing. Sherrard would have LOVED this show. My favorite bits were a belligerent message left by Ryan Adams on the answering machine of a man who gave him a bad review, and the ravings of Orson Wells as he attempted to record some advert voiceovers.

The show over, I resumed drinking with Elyse, Faye and Borgia while Dom had to do a reading really quick at a fundraiser in the Grotto. At 11:30, we were all exhausted and ready to go home. Elyse, especially, had an excuse, as she’d spent the day at the Puyallup Fair.

SUNDAY

I spent an ill-conceived morning watching “Dancer in the Dark”. Oh my god! I just don’t like Lars Von Trier. His “heroines” are helpless, borderline insane women who don’t help themselves. I’m all for tragedies, but only if the protagonist is willing to fight for self-preservation. I’m also all for stories about self-sacrifice, but not when it’s COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. I guess the bottom line is that it’s hard for me to watch a 2 and a half hour movie about a character that I don’t like. It’s especially hard when that character is played by a singer with a grating, impish wail. After a while, I was fast forwarding through the musical numbers. I suppose Bjork’s acting wasn’t bad. I’m sure she was doing exactly what she was told. But the bottom line for me is thus: Lars, I don’t jive with your world view. Bjork, shut up.

To stop the bleeding in my eyes, Dom and I watched some more Battlestar Galactica (almost caught up!) and then went to the grocery store. This was followed by yoga and finishing Deadwood. Deadwood, by the way, is awesome. It’s very rare that a show is SO FULL of amazing actors that I actually like all the characters equally. Well, I kinda like the Doc a little more than everyone else.

NEXT WEEK: Hell-A!

September 19, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Your Account Statement is Ready to View buttock

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

We began the evening by stopping at the Shitty Market in our old hood for movie snacks, before strolling down to Pacific Place to see The Brother’s Grimm. I was delighted to find not only BOTTLES of Blackthorn’s for sale, but also CANS of Strongbow. I felt like I was back in London for a brief moment. The Strongbow beckoned me and I had to purchase a 4-pack for the movie.
Oh Terry Gilliam. How the mighty have fallen. The movie wasn’t BAD certainly. But one has come to expect more from such a man than a cliché script, fairly ho-hum visuals and a whole bunch of jokes about the French. There were one or two cool Gilliam-esque special effects and I must say that the acting was, for the most part, enjoyable. Matt Damon isn’t terrible, even if his accent is (it’s reminiscent of a region of England that Meep would call Genericshire). Heath Ledger was only as annoying as his lines, though he played his character inexplicably gay. Perhaps he was preparing for his upcoming gay cowboys eating pudding film? Jonathan Pryce was, well, Jonathan Pryce, and therefore great, if not underused. It was delightful to see Gareth, even though he is well on his was to Type-cast Town. Overall, however, the film was a bit of a yawn, and that hurts coming from the man who made Time Bandits. It was almost saved by a hinted-at moment of homoeroticism, but they chickened out. Damn you, PG-13!
Meep, Dom and I all felt similar about our luke-warm feelings toward the film. Borg liked it. Krk, a die-hard Python and Gilliam fan, was pretty devastated. So devastated, in fact, that he could only go home and go to bed. The rest of us went back up the hill for a late-night snack and drink at the Canterbury. I was only two Strongbows ahead of everyone else. The Canterbury was fairly uneventful apart from the French-fry orgy.

SATURDAY

I had planned to go to yoga but I decided to forgo exercise for finishing Season One of Battlestar Galactica. As most of you know, it ended in true That-Carnivale-Guy fashion by making everything very open-ended and effed up. Thanks, guy! Even if you are sometimes mediocre, you really know how to leave your audience hungry for more. Luckily, Ben is going to get us caught up on Season Two thanks to his TeVo.
I did my yoga video, which is in no way as intense as the Bikram, but still reasonably effective, and then we got ready to go to Brugos’ Birthday Dodecacathelon. Oh happy day! We loaded the DDR in the car and the Troika + Sherrard headed Brugos-way for a day of games and drinking!
Well, games for everyone else. For me and Meep, it was all DDR all the time. Some of the games we didn’t participate in included Tang (something to do with speed-drinking), Egg-Tossing, Botchee Ball (sp?), and Keg Stands. To our surprise, Sherrard took part in the Keg Stands not once, but TWICE, consequently propelling him into instant drunkenness very early on. The party was, as Sherrard pointed out, a Sausage Fest. The result of this is many many drunken, shirtless men running around being obnoxious. This isn’t as sexy as it sounds. But I didn’t care. I was playing DDR. Meep and I got in round after round. For a long time uninitiated people would periodically pop their heads in and laugh at us before running to the backyard to binge drink. Eventually, a nice, open-minded couple (of course I’ve forgotten their names) who’d never DDR’d before showed up and were intrigued. They played a few rounds, and before long, they were just as addicted as us. The guy actually turned out to be some sort of prodigy, going from “beginner” mode to “light” (which is a fucking misnomer if I’ve ever heard it) mode with ease. Before long, he was playing everyone in light mode while they stayed on beginner and was KILLING the competition. Amazing. After dinner, Meep and I started drinking. For a while, the alcohol seemed to be helping. But only for a little while…
Things started to get a little hazy after that. I noticed the house was getting pretty trashed. I feel kinda bad for the Birthday Boy, who doubtless spent all day yesterday hung over and cleaning. I know there were conversations in the backyard, people eating raw eggs and running laps, a pie-eating contest, Borg, and some other guy jamming in the basement with Dom on drums. Meep and I sang “El Scorcho”. There was some playing with Brugos’ cat, Lucy. There was a crazy Russian guy who broke all Keg Stand records (I think his best was 45 seconds or something) and then passed out on the lawn. There were some drunk jerks (who were probably jerks sober as well) running around insulting people. There were some drunken declarations of admiration (in which I participated). And finally, there was karaoke on the X-Box. The selection was rather limited but I sang not one, but TWO Skid Row songs and had a fucking blast. I also got in a horrific rendition of “Cum On Feel the Noise”. Luckily, I got help on both that song and “I Remember You”. I need more butt rock on our at-home karaoke system, man. It reminded me of sophomore year of college when I hung out with Beth, Allison, Ann and KT at their on-campus house. Erik would pull out the acoustic guitar and we would sing all the butt-rock favorites until the sun came up. I’m telling you, Warrant is the perfect campfire sing-a-long band.
ANYWAY, at 2 or so (I think), poor Dom had to drive all our hammered asses back to the hill. At least I’m pretty sure he had a good time before people became incoherent.

SUNDAY

I may have had two bottles of Cook’s to myself, but it was over the course of 10 hours (yes, the party was that long. Longer, in fact, as we arrived late. THAT is why everyone was so useless by the end of the night.) That and sweating out the booze as I dance dance revolutioned all night. Furthermore, Dom was an angel with the water-bringing. So all I needed was to sleep in till 11 and I was fine.
Sunday was mine and Dom’s 3-year anniversary. Our big plans started with beginning Deadwood Season One. Then we showered and went to the Interbay Golf Course for some mini-golf. The weather held up nicely. Mini-golf was fun apart from the 4-5 year-old girl and her grandma who were speeding through the holes behind us and chasing us through the course. We would have let them play through but they would finish their last hole when we were ¾ through our hole and so it seemed like waiting would take forever. Instead, we finished the whole course in under an hour. Then we stopped at Fred Meyer in Ballard for a quick, romantic shopping trip, before going to dinner at Louis’ Chinese Restaurant. The food was really good, but about half-way through our meal, it became family hour. After dinner, we decided to drive to the U-District to see if we could catch a movie. We decided on The Aristocrats. See Mark, we DO see indie films in the theatre sometimes! We probably should have picked something else though. In retrospect, it seems like a waste to spend $9 on a mini-DV documentary. Overall, the film was interesting, but really not that funny. It wasn’t OFFENSIVE or anything. It was just kind of mediocre humor. Plus, I’m not a very big fan of most of the comedians they featured. Give me the Comedians of Comedy over Drew Carey any day. Plus, I don’t think I like seeing comedies with American audiences. They are so eager to laugh that they don’t really stop to think if the joke is funny or not. They just recognize the fact that they’ve just heard a punch line and so they laugh right on cue. This is, I think, why Meep, Dom and I tend to find ourselves laughing out loud in a silent theatre and vice versa. We actually LISTEN to what’s being said and, if it strikes us as funny, we laugh. It can’t be that our sense of humor is SO VASTLY different than the rest of the country’s, can it?

And thus endeth the anniversary date and the weekend.

NEXT WEEKED: Meep and I celebrate a finished script, and I take Sherwood to Bumbershoot for his Birthday.

August 29, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, Hug Your Television . Tags: , , . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Titular

Last night DZ and I went to a free screening of the film The Baxter, the movie that gives my surname a turkey-like connotation. The director, Michael Showalter, was to be in attendance. In the interest of protecting the innocent (us), I shall heretofore use pseudonyms for the antagonists of the story. As DZ and I waited in line, we were shocked to witness a rare event: A prominent figure in the local film making scene. Let’s call him James Lipton, was HIMSELF checking people’s names off the list. “Oh great,” I said to DZ. “This should be interesting,” I thought to myself. Mr. Lipton approached us and took our names. As I suspected, he recognized DZ’s name (from the numerous times DZ has sought out assistance from him, or invited him to a screening of OURS to no avail. The following exchange took place between DZ and Mr. Lipton as I stood off to the side willing my eyes to stop rolling.

Lippy: DZ! You do animation, right?
DZ: Uh…no. But I make movies.
Lippy: (with a look of complete, smarmy ignorance) And when am I going to see one of your movies?
DZ: Well, we submitted one to One Reel.
Lippy: Oh yeah? Which one was yours?
DZ: Snow Day, Bloody Snow Day.
Lippy: Ah yes. I remember that one. It was good. You came very close. But as I said in my [rejection] email, we had to make room for a lot of retrospective stuff. That takes up around six hours of programming. (DZ nods). Well, keep making movies!

I don’t actually remember what he said as a closing statement. It might not have been “Keep making movies”. But around the time he said “We HAD to make room for a lot of retrospective stuff”, my ears filled with blood and I went deaf with rage. I’m sure whatever he said was equally as dismissive. You HAD to make room for retrospective stuff?! Because there’s not enough of THAT in Seattle? It’s not like we have TWO THEATRES dedicated to showing retrospective works or anything. Who wants a film festival dedicated entirely to the works of local filmmakers? That would be BORING. I’m really glad Meep wasn’t there to see that. Actually, I’m NOT glad she wasn’t there because it would have been REALLY cool to see her shoot laser beams out her eyes and make his head explode. Sure, it would have been messy, but SOOOOO worth it.

Anyway, that little incident concluded, we went into the theatre and settled in for the movie. Another nemesis (a local editor who is EEEEEVIL), sat down across the aisle from us. Lippy came down to the front of the theatre to introduce the movie, doing his usual sycophantic/morning D.J. shpiel of getting the audience to repeat things back to him and cheer for various other projects that the director has been involved in. For the record, I only conceded out of my admiration for the director in question. Anywho, the movie began and I could tell immediately that it was going to be very different from Wet Hot American Summer or Stella. It was very subdued. Very quiet. Almost formulaic. But the cast was spot on and there were many little quirky moments of Stella-ness (non-televised Stella, I might add) thrown in. Justin Theroux was HILARIOUS. The man has got the looks AND the comedic chops. I was pleased to see Peter Dinklage in a role that doesn’t make reference to his stature. He is a very fantastic, understated actor. Many of the Stella/State favorites were there including David and the other Michael, Zach Orth, Joe Lo Truglio, A.J. Miles and even Ken Marino! And I don’t care what anybody says, I like Michelle Williams. She is really very good at being cute and likable. Sometimes it’s hard to look past her Jen Lindley years, but I think she definitely put Jen behind her in this movie. Overall, I would say that the film is worth watching at least twice, but I definitely prefer the Wet Hots of the world. As far as romantic comedies go, however (being a genre that I typically find intolerable), it was very enjoyable and just quirky enough to keep me from losing interest.

After the movie, Lippy introduced Mike Show who is surprisingly reticent without the company of his Stella cohorts. I was also a bit taken aback at seeing him, not only NOT in a suit, but dressed in a very indie looking plaid shirt and jeans. I’m sure he doesn’t wear a suit every day, but I’d gotten so used to seeing him like that. Anyway, Lippy asked his own questions for a while before opening it up to the floor. Here’s where the REAL fun started. God, I hate James Lipton audiences. They try so hard to ask questions that sound insightful and original, but instead they come off as snobbish or sycophantic or just plain crazy.

When Lippy mentioned the editing of the film, Eeeeeevil Editor actually CLAPPED. Why? Because he wanted Lippy and Show to acknowledge HIM. And it WORKED. “Oh, are you an editor?”, asked Lippy? WHO CARES? This isn’t YOUR Q&A! Later, Eeeeevil Editor asked a question about the editing and you could tell that he wanted Show to ask him a question in return. “That’s how WE edited The Baxter. How do YOU edit YOUR movies, Eeeeevil?”

Other stupid questions included:
“Did you have a dwarf in mind when you were writing the wedding planner character?” Answer: No.
A question about the plot that I won’t go into detail about for risk of spoilers, but rest assured that anyone who paid attention to the film would have already known the answer.

And finally…”When is The State coming out on DVD?”
Answer: “I don’t know.”

There were a few good questions in there too. Not everyone at these things is developmentally challenged. Someone asked if “the Baxter” is a real term. Answer: “No. I made it up.” Essentially, Show wanted a word that sounded nebbish and square and a bit old fashioned and that’s what he came up with. The person who asked the question said “Well, I think it works perfectly”. HEY!!!! But yes, it does. Damn.

Someone asked why Show decided to go it alone on this one and he answered that it’s a story he’s been thinking about for a while and it’s basically another side of him that he’s wanted to explore. But he can’t really do that with the other guys around because it always ends up being about dildos and necrophilia. Heh.

I really want to know what these directors think of James Lipton when they come to Seattle. Do they think he’s a tool? Do they think that he revered by all the people that are on his list? Do they think he’s a swell guy?

Despite all my bitching, I would say that it was an enjoyable experience. It was a good movie which I will see again (with Meep, whose crush on Justin Theroux is doubtless going to skyrocket) and it was cool to see a different side of Michael Showalter. But damn that James Lipton.

August 26, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, I Made Movies . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

thu

I missed YET ANOTHER opportunity to see a preview of Serenity. This time it was through the Warren Report. I JUST checked the website yesterday afternoon and then checked it again yesterday evening. During that time, Serenity had been posted and filled up. It’s ok. I have always assumed I was just going to see it for the first time on opening night. But it’s a bit frustrating because who the hell ARE these people that either have fantastic timing, or troll the relevant sites 24/7? In addition, this sort of thing makes me fear for opening night. I realize now that this is likely to be something of LOTR proportions. And that’s GREAT for Joss and the Browncoats because it means we will probably be treated to two more Serenity films. But it also means that no matter where the movie is playing (Cinerama?), I will probably have to get in line straight after work.
I am also sad to report that Dom will be out of town on opening night. The Troika will not be seeing it together. I only hope that Dom will be able to find someone equally (or at least MARGINALLY) excited to see it with him on opening night in Hell-A.

I think I can already hazard a guess as to whom else out of my faithful LJ-ers are planning on descending on their local cinema in coats of brown on 9/30. The day draws nigh, my friends.

August 25, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Red Eye

Last night I went to see a free screening of Wes Craven’s new “thriller”, Red Eye. I wasn't expecting brilliance, of course, but, being a fan of horror, I thought it might at least be entertaining. I really should have taken it as a bad omen when the film opened with a trailer for a movie called Just Like Heaven.

Just Like Heaven is about a cute young successful nurse, played by Reese Witherspoon, who is leading an otherwise “unremarkable” life. (And by “unremarkable”, they mean that she doesn't have a boyfriend. For shame!) One day, Reece dies in a freak accident. (Boo hoo!). But don't cry for Little Miss because then she returns as a spunky, adorable GHOST who, not knowing she’s dead, haunts her old apartment, (now occupied by Mark Ruffalo). The unlikely pair run around trying to convince people that Ghost Reece actually exists and that Mark Ruffalo isn't crazy. Hijinks inevitably ensue. When Napoleon Dynamite shows up as an ineffectual paranormal expert, the hijinks just keep on ensuing! Later, exhausted from all the hijinking, Ghost Reece and Mark Ruffalo discover that…wait for it…they’re fallen in love! Finally, to throw some peanuts on that sundae, the marketing department rapes a Cure song by using it for both the title AND the theme music. It’s Ghost meets The Man with Two Brains but without any of the sexiness of the former or the comedy of the latter! Would that I were joking, friends. WOULD THAT I WERE MAKING THIS UP!! Clearly, the only thing that could redeem a film like this would be to have one of two surprise endings.

1. Ghost Reece is revealed to be the adorable, spunky incarnation of The Prince of Darkness, who, in true Beelzebub fashion, only convinces Mark Ruffalo to fall in love with her so that he can impregnate her and their hybrid offspring can usher in the end of days.

2. Mark Ruffalo is actually in an insane asylum and the entire move was just a hallucination brought on by enough sedatives to bring down an elephant.

Sadly, I have a feeling that neither of those things is going to happen.

As for the feature presentation, it truly amazes me what Wes Craven agrees to put his name on these days. Cillian Murphy I can forgive for participating because I'm sure that when he agreed to make this film, he had no idea that Batman Begins would became a box office success. And also because he’s so very pretty. I could watch a 3 1/2 hour Kenneth Branagh remake of Moulin Rouge if it meant getting to gaze into Cillian's big blue eyes the entire time. But I digress.

But Wes, dude! Were you even awake when you were directing this? Were you stricken temporarily BLIND at the start of filming but were afraid to tell anybody for fear of halting production? I realize that your legacy isn’t exactly filled with think-pieces, but at least movies like Nightmare on Elm Street were FUN. This wasn’t fun. Well, it was fun at TIMES, but only in the sense that scoffing at plot holes with your friends can be fun. However, making fun of plot holes becomes tiresome when you realize that NOTHING in the movie makes sense.

And the characters were so BORING. I couldn’t care one iota about Rachel McAdams’ character. She was dim and uninteresting. Cillian's Jackson Rippner (get it???!!), was engaging at first, whatwith the piercing blue eyes displaying a charming evil which suggests that you would almost enjoy being stabbed to death by his lovely Irish hand. But once I realised that he was given NOTHING to work with, I just wanted to movie to be over. Even the comedy of Cillian's inexplicable display of T-100-like invulnerability wasn't enough to hold my interest. Once again, this movie would have been made SO MUCH BETTER by the surprise introduction of supernatural elements. But alas, we weren't given such a reprieve. We were only given boring, far-fetched political assassination plots. The only person I DID feel sorry for was Brian Cox. Not Brian Cox’s character, mind you. Brian Cox the incredibly gifted actor, who was forced to spend much of the movie sitting in his living room watching “The Comedy Marathon” and acting into a phone.

So what, you ask? You saw a bad movie. There are loads of them out there. What’s the big deal? The big deal is this: While Dom, Andrew and I sat agape at the ridiculous monstrosity before us; the rest of the audience was eating out of Wes Craven’s blind, incontinent hands. They clapped whenever anything remotely actiony happened. They gasped at the extremely predictable “startling” moments. One girl two rows behind us was so invested in the story that she threw herself against the wall in response to a jump cue. The women directly behind us actually said “You go, girl!” I don’t think I have to tell you that I take moments like this as categorical sign of the impending apocalypse.

Maybe Reece Witherspoon is trying to tell us something…

August 17, 2005
Categories: Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Have close of amp delusion

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

Faye and I decided to have a nice, mellow evening in and watch one of the free screeners I have from Lion’s Gate. We were joined by Dom, Sherrard and Borgia. We settled on “Cross Bones”, which looked to be about a zombie pirate and “reality TV”. To say it was awful would be a gross understatement. It felt like we were watching just some guy’s really bad independent horror film. But, in fact, we were watching some guy’s really bad film that’s distributed by Lion’s Gate. What? It also, at many times, felt like we were watching audition tapes. That’s how stiff and embarrassing the acting was. Somehow we managed to make it all the way through this thing, but we decided against watching “the Off Season”, which in theory sounds great, but the trailer made it look even worse than “Cross Bones”. Instead, we decided to watch something we knew was good. So we put in “Transformers: The Movie”. I never tire of the non-stop rock and nostalgia of that film. Plus, it’s always great to watch it with someone who hasn’t seen it since they were a kid because it never fails to blow their minds when they see who supplied the voices for the movie. When you’re a kid, you don’t give two handfuls of crap about Robert Stack or Orson Wells. You just want to see some cool alien robots fight each other.

Thus, fully saturated with rays from the TV, we retired.

SATURDAY

Dom and I set out to get his windshield fixed, since it’s still cracked from “The Time I Almost Drove Dom’s Car”. We went to Novus, hoping they could just fit us in that day. No dice. Dom had to make an appointment for later this week. We also found out that the whole windshield has to be replaced and that Dom’s insurance won’t cover it, since their generous deductible is $150 higher than the actual cost of replacing the windshield. Auto insurance is so useful.
After that we had planned to go and see “Last Days” at the Varsity, so we headed over to the U-district to grab some lunch and hit the Buffalo Exchange beforehand. We had a very pleasant meal at Thai 65 and I had moderate success at Buffalo Exchange (adding a red top to my ensemble!). With 20 minutes to go before the movie started, we were about to head to the theatre when Faye called. I had thought she was going to be indisposed for much of the day as her parents were in town. But they had just left to go to a concert so she wanted to do something outdoorsy (this being a gloriously sunny day). I had been wanting to go swimming for ages, so I asked Dom if he minded us bagging out on the movie. I don’t think he really wanted to see “Last Days” anyway, so he said OK. We were just going to check 2nd Time Around real quick-like to see if they had a copy of DDR when we ran into Andrew and Chris Brugos who were…on their way to see “Last Days”. We chatted with them for a few minutes and then scanned 2nd Time Around to no avail. That’s what I get for wanting to save $10 by not purchasing a copy of the game with the pads. Instead, I ordered a copy from half.com and it still hasn’t arrived. Meanwhile, the pads sit in the living room in their boxes taunting me.
Anyway, we went home so I could grab my suit and then we picked up Faye and drove to Magnuson Park (which Mark might remember from his brief Seattle visit) to swim! It was, of course, extremely crowded, but we managed to find a small patch of grass and rock all to ourselves. Faye and I baked ourselves in the sun briefly so we could be warm enough to go into the water. Meanwhile, Dom scouted out the area. Then Faye and I ventured in to the water as well. So, at Magnuson Park, there is no sand. Only rocks. Lots of rocks that tenderize your feet. I suppose you are meant to wear sandals into the water but Faye and I weren’t about to ruin our shoes so we just tried to ignore the pain. And the algae. The water, despite looking very clear from a distance, is actually filled with a veritable forest of algae (undoubtedly cultivated in the urine of children). It’s kind of gross. But we went in anyway. The water was a pleasant temperature and I’m always a fan of playing in the wake of boats. But I never could fully get over the algae and after a while our feet couldn’t bare standing on rocks, so we stumbled back to the shore (or at least, I stumbled) and lay down in the sun for a bit before heading back to the cit-ay. Despite the way it sounds, it actually was a lot of fun. But next time, I reckon I’d like to find some cleaner water and some goddamned sand.
On our way back, we got some Slurpees and made a plan to look for DDR at Hollywood Video. If it was there, we would have a mini, indoor BBQ and play some DDR. It wasn’t there. It also wasn’t at either of the video stores on 15th (On 15th and the Other One), Rainy Day Music, or Blockbuster (that’s how desperate I had become, that I would be willing to rent from that Christian monopoly). So we gave up the ghost, had our indoor BBQ, and instead of doing something active, we watched Upright Citizens Brigade. We were joined by Sherrard. A few hours later, Faye had to go home and meet up with her parents, and Sherrard and I wandered down to the Nite Lite to meet Ryan, the Kidd, Dan and Marie. Somehow, the fact that it was Seafair weekend had eluded us and we actually had to run through a damned parade to get to our destination. Who the hell has a parade at 9:00 at night?
I would like to that this moment to declare how much I LOVE the Nite Lite. It’s really one of the few bars in Seattle where I feel 100% comfortable. The tough-as-nails woman that runs the bar is always so nice to me (and she REALLY knows how to poor a glass of wine). As divey as place looks, I feel perfectly safe there because I’m sure that if any of the bar flies tried to start something, she would dispose of them herself. I also really love the juke box there. Sure, there’s a lot of bad country on it and I haven’t spent one evening there without hearing “Friends in Low Places”, but the classic rock selection can’t be beat. It’s hard to spend a LOT of money on drinks and it’s easy to have a conversation. Of course, there are two sides to the Nite Lite. I’m not sure why that is. But my love of the Nite Lite is entirely for the Left Side. Sometimes the Left fills up or closes early and you have to go to the Right Side which is louder and less intimate. But when you can get a booth on the Left, it’s heaven.
Sherrard and I chatted for a while and waited for our friends who were in various states of delay. Ryan was waiting for some house guests to show up and Marie was lost. Both of them were held up by this Seafair foolery. Eventually, everyone was accounted for and a good time was had by all. Sherrard and I were left alone once again at the end of the evening to finish our last drinks on the Right side, before stumbling back up the hill to bed.

SUNDAY

I woke up feeling a bit despondent and began cleaning. I knew it was time to go to yoga again. I had been neglecting it for far too long. So I cleaned right up until yoga time. Naturally, since I hadn’t been to yoga in over a month, it destroyed my sorry ass. I am so sore today that it is actually impairing my walking. I needed it. After class, I stopped at Madison Market to spend too much money on vegetarian goodies and then returned home to make a nice pasta dinner and relax. I finished cleaning (who knew my bedroom had a carpet!) and watched George A. Romero’s “Bruiser” before retiring early. “Bruiser” is kinda cheesy, and not quite bloody enough for my taste, but it stars the delectable Jason Flemyng so I’m not complaining.

PS: I finally received DDR in the mail today!!! I am planning to have a Saturday afternoon DDR tournament/fondue party soon. I’m tentatively thinking the 13th or the 20th. Who’s in?

August 1, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

I fly at forsaken

Like most movies that kick complete and utter ass, The Devil's Rejects is even better the second time. It's very rare that I anticipate a DVD release IMMEDIATELY after seeing a movie.

Some soon to be classic lines in cinema:

“I love famous people. They're so much better than the real thing, ya know?”

“Don't you like clowns?! Don't you think they're fuckin' funny?!”

“The next words outta your mouth better be some fuckin brilliant fucking Mark Twain shit cos they're definitely gonna be printed on your fuckin' tombstone.”

Thank you, Rob Zombie, for making a film so brilliant that it can make you laught, cry and leave the theatre loving all the characters, yet not having any compassion for anyone. And then, when you find you DO have some compassion for the extremely fucked up serial killers with the hilarious lines, you feel a little wrong about it. It's what Todd Solondz has been trying (and failing) to do for years. And you, Mr. Zombie, made it happen. And threw some pretty sweet blood spurting and brain splattering in all the while. Love. This. Movie.

title or description

PS: I'm also all the more convinced that Dave Sheridan should play Lyle in PLOTLD.

July 27, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

« Previous Page — Previous page Next page — Next Page »