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WEEKEND RECAP: THE CONCLUSION

MONDAY

Ben, Dom, Sherrard and I arrived at Seattle Center in reasonably jolly spirits. We parked Ben’s car, paid the ridiculous parking fee, and wandered toward one of the many entrances. Around that time, Ahe called me to inquire after my whereabouts, for she was already at the main stage waiting for the Decemberists to play. Having never had a problem before, I told her I would be there momentarily, right after I picked up my ticket. I had forgotten that Will Call was on the other side of the Seattle Center. So, being the little nerds we are, we made jokes about quests and riddles that must be solved in order to enter Bumbershoot. I definitely found it strange when we arrived at Will Call, and there was a sign which read “Send only one representative up to the window, bring two forms of I.D.”. Funny, I thought I was just picking up tickets to an event, not the dossier of a top secret government official. So up to the window I went, and handed them my driver’s license and credit card. After a few minutes (!), the lady handed me my ticket. Ticket? I ordered TWO tickets. One for me and one for Dom. That, I thought, is why my credit card was charged $36 plus a service fee. Is THIS the service they were talking about? I told her that I definitely bought and paid for TWO tickets. I even got an email confirmation for said transaction which I foolishly did NOT print out because of my pathetic human faith in the robots that run the system. She asked “did you buy the tickets on the 25th?” “Yeeeeeees.” “Oh. Well, apparently, there were some computer glitches with a number of orders that day. Yours must have been one of those orders.” Ok. Any respectable business would have then said “So here’s the other ticket you ordered. Have fun!” She did not do this. Instead, she “offered” to take my credit card and call the “head office” to see if she could find a trace of the other ticket. Meanwhile, some other poor girl was going through the same bullshit at another window. She kept asking them if she could just get in there and check her email to show them she did, indeed, buy her ticket. This, again, should have been reason for them to admit mistake and just fucking hand the things over. But nay. 15 minutes later, I was called back up to the window. “I’m sorry, ma’am, we can’t find the other ticket”. “Um. Ok, how do I get my money back for the other ticket I paid you guys for?” “That’s a matter you’ll have to sort out you’re your credit card company.” “I have to call my credit card company for your computer glitch?” “Yes ma’am”. “Can I buy another ticket from you for the original, pre-day of show price?” “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.” I’m sure you’re real fucking sorry lady. This was my queue to stomp away from the window and begin an impotent string of obscenities as I stormed up the street. I realize it’s probably not that particular lady’s fault, which is why I didn’t yell at HER. But, who’s fault is it? And what kind of dystopia of customer service do we live in when I have to track down retribution for a mistake that Bumbershoot ADMITS to have made?

So, this being the day of the show, the ticket prices have gone up TEN FUCKING DOLLARS. Dom kindly suggested that he just go home so I don’t have to buy another ticket. But I didn’t let him do that. I just bought another exorbitantly priced ticket for a festival that used to be free, and asked the cashier who I should call to voice my outrage about having to buy another ticket. He told me, and we entered into the pit of the hippie and frozen banana hell that is Bumbershoot.

I checked the time and saw that if we tried to see the Decemberists, we could stay for, maybe, one song before having to head over to the comedy stage to get in line. So instead we opted to buy lunch in the Centre House and cut our losses. Or rather, MY loss, and everyone else’s misfortune for being around a crabby Jessica.

By the time we got in line for Patton, I was feeling a bit better. I was still outraged, but Patton is Patton and I knew that, barring any further fiasco that would prevent me from seeing Patton, I would be ok. We were in line at 1:30 for the 3:00 show. That may seem ridiculous, but, trust me, it was necessary. After a while, Chris and his friend (whose name STILL escapes me) showed up, followed by his friend’s girlfriend and about a billion of Ben’s countless acquaintances. A few of us played cards (with my fan-made Serenity playing cards that I procured at Comic-Con. Joss’ face is on the Aces. Yes, I am a NEEERD). Andrew showed up to try and jump the queue. We did not have a problem with this, nor did any of the other hundred of people in line who’s friends were doing the same things. However, since we were at the front of the line, and because Andrew has that shifty look about him (just kidding, Galoo!), a security fellow told him he couldn’t cut. WHAT? Andrew was sent away and we never saw him again.

At 2:45, they began to let people in for the show. It was around that time that I noticed a small gathering of people on the other side of the door. Who are they, I wondered? Well, Sherrard told me. They are people who paid EXTRA for their tickets in order to receive VIP bands that allow them to get into places FIRST, regardless of how many people are in the proletariat’s line. Ah. I see. Bumbershoot is REALLY sticking with the original “music for the people” concept, aren’t they? AAAAARG. Anyway, the special people went in and we filed in after. We still got fairly decent seats, however.

The first comic who came on did not identify himself. It’s ok. He was occasionally funny and mentioned about 100 times that he was from New York. Isn’t it funny how different New York is from other parts of the country? Like, say, Seattle? That guy thought so.

Next up was Paul Gillmartin, who is none other than the Paul of Dinner and a Movie with Paul and Anabell. Yes, he is a twat on that show. Here, he was pretty funny. He did a character (Who’s name…guess what…escapes me), in which he was a Republican representative on a tour of liberal events to field questions. At first, I thought he would be taking questions from plants in the audience, but after a few questions, I realized that these were real questions from well-informed, liberal Seattle-ites, and he was giving off-the-cuff, conservative prick answers like “George Bush doesn’t hate black people. He just doesn’t think about them” and “the reason we care more about fetuses than babies that are already born is because we don’t know whether or not they’re gay yet”. I liked him. But, the whole show being only an hour long, I was eager for him to get off the stage to allow for more Patton time.

Patton. Was. Amazing. He did a few of the jokes from his album, but he always does some new stuff and he always treats each individual audience as, well, an individual audience. He also said he LOVED Seattle audiences because they’re the only ones in which every single person actually gets his jokes. He said Seattle is a beautiful city made of “unicorn tears”. He said that because of this he needed to prepare himself for touring in places like Idaho, so handed out some cards with some heckles on them and had people read the heckles after he finished a joke. Good stuff.

You know, comedy is such a BROAD subject. It doesn’t seem right that someone like Dave Coulier or Ray Romano can be considered a comic because that puts him and Patton in the same field. And they SO aren’t. Patton is more like a liberal unifier with some jokes. When I see him, I feel better about the world. If someone with those ideas can be put in a position to speak to large audiences, and maybe just one little girl or boy in Indiana or somewhere will see him and change their minds about Bush, we just might be ok. After his set, the audience gave him a very earnest standing ovation, and he thanked us profusely and humbly left the stage.

I felt pretty good after that, but I wanted to try and stick around for Eugene Mirman who was up next. For some stupid reason, they required everyone to evacuate the theatre before bringing in the next group of people. Obviously, if I went back outside and got in line, there is no way I would have gotten back in. So we tried something I’d done successfully a few years back. We hung around the bathrooms, pretending to be waiting for someone. It didn’t work this time. The big beefy security guys said that EVERYONE had to leave the theatre. OoooooK. What’s with the tight security? Just as we were giving up on the dillydally, Eugene Mirman walked RIGHT past us. I froze, trying to think of some reason to get his attention. I had nothing and he was gone before I knew it. Oh well. We lost Ben to his other friends and stood around in a daze for a while.

Finally, we decided to kill some time in the beer garden before Okkervil River. Mmmmm. $5 MGD. $6 Mike’s Hard Lemonades. They taste so much better than the reasonably priced versions. After a while, Sherrard noticed Ahe and her friends on the other side of the garden. We stared at her for several minutes attempting to get her attention but it wasn’t working. Finally, I decided to play “creepy stalker” and call her on her cell phone. I told her “I’m looking right at you,” in my best lecher voice. It would have worked better if cell phones didn’t have caller I.D. Eventually, she saw us and headed over. Our group of 15 corralled in the middle of the garden until a table opened up. One of Ahe’s friends was a PERFECT gentleman and insisted that I take his seat because he couldn’t let a lady stand. How often does THAT happen from a young male? Like…never. Unless it’s Dom. And he HAS to do that or else he’ll look bad. This was a guy I just met and it left quite an impression. Thanks, guy. I do wish I could remember names. Eventually, Team Ahe declared that they were tired of Bumbershoot, and headed off back to the Hill. Team Brugos sat in the empty chairs for a while and then it was time for the parting of ways. They were off to see some One Reel (fuckers) short films, and we were to take in some Okkervil River. On our way out of the beer garden, we passed…EUGENE MIRMAN, who was smoking and talking to some people. We paused for a bit but I could still think of nothing to say other than “Hey man, you’re jokes make me feel good inside” and so we departed.

Two songs into the Okkervil River set, we realized that they were drunk and definitely did NOT give a fuck. They were speeding and sassing through their set and, as Sherrard noted, playing their songs in album order. If they didn’t give a fuck, neither did we. Fuck you, Bumbershoot. Mostly. Sherrard is going to email Patton and request that if he comes back to Bumershoot next year, he should also play a venue outside of the ‘Shoot so that his fans don’t have to be subject to metaphorical sodomy just to see him. I hope it works.

We opted, instead, to buy Sherrard a birthday dinner at the best little Pho house in Seattle. After Pho, we pushed it a little too far by getting a drink at the Jade Pagoda, when really, we should have all just gone home and slept. This was confirmed the next day when I realized that I’d left my tab open at the bar when we left. As drunk as I get, I’ve NEVER done that before. And this time, I’d only had ONE drink. That’s how mentally exhausting this weekend was. But fun. Definitely fun.

September 8, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, The Soundtrack . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

yellowish to white

I love this. Although I'm not convinced that Micha Barton eats anything solid. Including lettuce.

September 7, 2005
Categories: Hollywood Side Show . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Feel good concussion (part 1)

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

Boss Man decided we needed a little company retreat, so my Friday started on his speed boat with my co-workers. We cruised around Lake Washington and had a grand old time taking turns being pulled in the tube behind the boat. Everyone had a grand old time except for the Lil’est Dictator, that is. She refused to put on a bathing suit because she thought it was “weird”. She also, apparently, can’t swim (file that bit of information away for a rainy day…) and was afraid that the “life jacket” wouldn’t effectively keep her boney, 90 pound ass from sinking to the bottom. Whatever.
Later, I had dinner at Palermo on 15th with Faye, Borgia, Ben, Dom and Ben’s piece du jour. :P
After dinner, we decided to play drinking games with the movies “Out Cold” and “Orgazmo” (the unrated version). Sherrard hated “Out Cold”, which is perfectly reasonable. It’s a silly movie with a cliché plot. Faye and I tried to figure out what we liked about it and the only explanation we could come up with is Zach Galifianakis. So there you have it. “Orgazmo”, on the other hand, was a hit with everybody and there’s no denying its brilliance. All I have to say about the “unrated version” is that I don’t understand what the hell the MPAA is doing. The only new bits we noticed were a few extended humping scenes (how much humping is TOO MUCH?) and a few little noises here and there. Weird, man. Anywho, it got late and Faye was supposed to meet Borgia at a bar with his friend who is deathly allergic to cats, so she couldn’t come to my house. Sherrard, being hammered at this point, challenged Dom to an Atari duel, but it never panned out and he left with Faye. I went to bed.

SATURDAY

Woke up feeling ok. Man, I miss that feeling. Dom and I watched some more Deadwood and Battlestar Galactica (THANK YOU, Ben, for getting us caught up on the new season of B.G.). Then I got a hair-brained idea that I should go to Value Village to look for brown coat. If you can’t guess why I would do that, I’m too embarrassed to tell you. Faye begrudgingly went with me. I didn’t find anything, but Faye found several cute tops that will aid her in her new persona: adorable urban cowgirl. Faye and I split for dinner with our fellas. I convinced Dom to take me to Ballet, a delicious “Asian” restaurant on Pine. Well, it’s delicious to me. Apparently, their meat dishes aren’t as orgasmic as their vegetarian ones (their mock chicken, while resembling unappealing and floppy dark meat, is tender and flavorful). Anywho, after dinner, Dom and I squeezed in one more episode of Deadwood before I rushed off to the Satellite with Sherrard to meet Ryan, Faye and Borgia. And thus the debauchery began. At the Satellite, the normally ok (but NEVER great) waiter was clearly in a bad mood and decided to take it out on our table by, well, completely ignoring it. For the first round, Borgia had to go up to the bar. After that, if we were lucky enough to get the guy to come to our table, he would inevitably leave before everyone got their orders in. I’m sure it only pissed him off further when he would return with the drinks and the person who got left out would then order something else. He only served us too full rounds and we were there for several hours. Meanwhile, he was attending to other tables like they were giving blowjobs for tips. Needless to say, we wanted to stiff him a tip, but without the proper change, we ended up giving him 12%. After that we decided to hit the Comet. We sat at one end of one of the big tables. After a while, a group of people took up the other end. Not a big deal. But then Ryan, Sherrard and Faye, who were all sitting on the same side of the table, got up at the same time to take care of their respective business. Not 5 seconds later, this girl, who already had a chair of her own, sat down in Ryan’s chair. I leaned over and said “Excuse me, that chair is taken”. She kind of glanced at me and then turned her head back toward her friends. She didn’t get up. I leaned further and said, a bit louder “Excuse me! My friend is sitting there. He just got up to go to the bar”. I looked at her friends for help. She was clearly wasted. And frankly, I was getting a bit drunk myself. Her friends looked back at me as if to say “We don’t even really like her. You’re on your own.” Finally, I got Drunk Girl’s attention. She looked at me like I was being the biggest bitch on the planet, gestured to the three empty chairs and said “Fine! You can have ALL the chairs!”. Then she sat in the empty chair on the end of the table and pulled Ryan’s chair right next to her. I tried to explain AGAIN that people were actually sitting in those chairs mere seconds before she sat down. Obviously, she was here when they were here so she would have no reason to doubt me. But she didn’t listen. So I just waited for Ryan to return. He did, and had to pull his chair away from the Drunk Girl and back to our side of the table. I told him what had happened. Later, the Drunk Girl got up and I told Ryan he should pull her chair closer to him. He did and that was when her friends decided it would be fun to fuck with her. They told him to tell her he knows “Brady”. When she sat back down, she missed the subtlety of the fact that her chair was now right next to Ryan, and he began to tell her about how he knew Brady. She believed him right away. Apparently, it was almost too easy. Especially since this girl was hammered at Brady’s wedding as well and wouldn’t have remembered Ryan if they’d made out in a broom closet. For all she knows, they DID. Wacky. By the end of the night, Drunk Girl and Ryan were best friends and she was never the wiser. After last call, we were ushered out by the Comet staff and decided that we weren’t tired enough to go home. Nay. Instead, we NEEDED to go to Faye’s house for a Dance Party right then and there. After a quick stop to QFC for some not-at-all needed beer, we headed over to Faye’s. On the way, Sherrard, who was carrying a 24-pack of bottled Weinhart’s, tripped. As he toppled to the ground, he instinctively held out the box full of glass to cushion his fall. Miraculously, only two or three bottles broke. Sherrard was embarrassed, but honestly, with the state we were all in, it could have been any one of us. At Faye’s, we began the dance party with the classic Nightwish song, “I Wish I Had an Angel”. Fans of the director Uwe Bole might recognize this song as the closing number in “Alone in the Dark”. Next up, Faye put on the ever-popular Brit Pop mix that I believe she made for A.J.’s birthday two years ago in an attempt to make him realize the genius of the English. Somehow, we got on the subject of the classic Disney film “The Electric Grandmother” and the rest of the night turned into a google party. Things got fuzzy. The next thing I knew, I was attempting to take a nap on Faye’s couch, when she clearly just wanted everyone to leave. Ryan and Sherrard convinced me that I could make it home with their help. Once inside my apartment, I saw that it was 4:30 in the morning and I knew that if I attempted to find my jammies, I would surely wake Dom. So, my drunky brain rationalized two options: 1) Sleep in my bed in my clothes or 2) Sleep on the couch in my clothes. For some reason, I decided the latter was preferable.

SUNDAY

Despite Dom kindly relocating me to the bed at 9am, I was still very much in a bad way when I was woken up at 11 with a phone call from Ryan. We had decided the night before that we would have breakfast at the Canterbury and I figured, at that point, that coffee and greasy food could only help a bad situation. Breakfast was great and hit the spot. After breakfast, I was badly in need of a nap, but there was no time. Dom and I had domestic things to do like buy bookshelves and go grocery shopping. We went to Target, but half way there, I realized that the sooner I got home and back into bed, the more likely I would be to actually DO SOMETHING that evening. So we bought a few essential groceries at Target and sped home. I definitely felt better when I woke from my nap. But after dinner, I was ready for another nap. There wasn’t time, however. Karaoke was calling. Dom and I met Ben outside of the Bus Stop, where we sadly realized that it was no longer our little secret. There were NO tables left, which isn’t surprising considering there are only, like, 5 tables in the whole joint. Luckily, we ran into our friend Rob in the street and he tipped us off about a place called Vito’s on Madison where he was headed after he “put [his] face on”. Sweet. We called the necessary parties and made our way over there. It’s a great little bar with a delightfully Mafioso atmosphere. We were met by Elyse, Gene, Andrew, Brugos and his friend who’s name escaped me because I’m an asshole who can’t remember names.
Ben, Dom and I were the last ones standing, and we headed back to the Zookster pad. Ben was staying over to ease the Bumbershoot situation the next day. For some reason, we decided to watch Reefer Madness the Musical in fast forward (i.e. only our favorite numbers) before going to bed. This resulted in me having “Listen to Jesus, Jimmy” in my head for all of Monday.

I will get into Monday tomorrow. I’m having a lot of trouble getting through this update on account of work being busy and because of having to welcome a new Baxter ailment to the fold: unexplained stomach pains! That’s right. Last night, I was getting some sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I assumed it was cramps, but as they worsened, and nothing seemed to dull the pain, I suspected they might be more. I could do very little about it but curl up into a tiny ball on my living room floor. So much for my friend’s birthday party. Sorry, Ryan. Anyway, this morning, they aren’t much better. I think I’m just used to the pain at this point. But it still hurts to walk or breath. So I’m going to the doctor at two. I can say this about my body: it’s never boring. But it does everything it can with each passing year to tell me that I should never ever pass these genes on to another human being.

September 7, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, I'm Working . Tags: . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Too much

The long weekend was, well, long. I am working on the update but also got slammed at work. And my head hurts. I think I have a 4 day hangover. Details tomorrow.

September 6, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

gullet anonymity tailwind

I think I finally did this meme correctly. Bold the ones that apply to you. Replace the ones that don’t. I think the idea is to have this get to someone eventually who doesn’t change anything so the entire doc is bold. What a strange cosmic convergence that would turn out to be.

01. I like to bake.
02. I can be VERY LOUD at times.
03. Elijah Wood is funny-looking.
04. But not as funny-looking as Denise Richards.
05. I’m not a one-contact-wearing freak! Though I’m not sure I know what this means.
06. If I have no other make-up on, I must at least wear eye-liner.
07. And chapstick
08. I understand that “a lot” is two words.
09. British accents are sexy.
10. Scottish ones too.
11. I love getting things in the mail, but it’s excruciating waiting
for them.
12. I find spiked heels ridiculous and unnecessary.
13. I am addicted to caffeine.
14. I like to go barefoot around the house.
15. I prefer skirts to pants.
16. There’s someone out there for everyone. More than one person, in fact.
17. I am a fan of the guy-on-guy action.
18. I’d rather daydream/zone out instead of paying attention.
19. I have a gay hairdresser. Or at least I did, before she went on a trip to Australia and went straight. What?
20. And I wouldn’t let anyone else cut my hair.
21. I get cold easily.
22. People think I’m flirting when I really just love to joke.
23. Love makes everything better.
24. Respect/trust is important to me.
25. I read other people’s blogs obsessively.
26. Though I’m not sure I would call it “obsessive” since reading blogs is totally accepted as part of our culture now.
27. I hate fighting with anyone.
28. I’m weird.
29. I’m glad I’m not addicted to any harmful substances.
30. Except for caffeine.
31. And salt.
32. I try to be good, but usually end up failing.
33. I procrastinate. A LOT.
34. I need to do some laundry.
35. I prefer email to the telephone.
36. Gel pens are cool.
37. Even though jealousy is pig-headed, sometimes it’s nice when your boyfriend gets jealous of another guy.
38. I wish every day was a good day.
39. I’m a horrific speller.
40. I hate dance clubs.
41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing. Still, I’ll like almost anything just because the person took the time to pick it out.
42. Thomas Lennon is my favorite member of The State.
43. There’s no humor quite like random humor.
44. I consider Amazon.com both a wonderful convenience and the bane of my bank account.
45. Most of my dreams consist of someone or something trying to kill me.
46. I was a guy in a dream one time.
47. I wish that more of my dreams were about me getting it on and less about people trying to kill me.
48. Reality Television is a blight upon humanity.
49. But I’ve been known to watch such trash as “High School Reunion”, “Blow Out” and “Being Bobby Brown”.
50. David Bowie is a golden god.
51. Whoever decided only girls are allowed to wear dresses has
obviously never seen Johnny Depp in a dress.
52. I long for the day when Joss Whedon one again has a show on TV.
53. But I’ll still watch lesser TV shows and complain about the good-old days.
54. I’m tired of worrying about shit.
55. Sometimes I think I might be a little bit gay.
56. Because I definitely think naughty thoughts when watching Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica.
57. Though I try to eat plenty of vegetables, the temptation to eat mostly carbs is often overwhelming.
58. I may be a pacifist, but I often have violent urges. Particularly toward my co-workers.
59. I need to be more patient with others.
60. And also with myself.
61. I HATE it when people steal my damn pens.
62. I don’t understand why I can like the music my parents like, but
they can’t like the music I like. Is it so hard?
63. I like making people happy.
64. I hate it when people complain too much.
65. Which is kind of ironic considering that I complain nigh constantly and with an almost artistic flair.
66. I sometimes practice my answers to interviews for when I’m a famous filmmaker.
67. And wonder who in “The Biz” would be friends with me.
68. I have never spent more than $100 on any one article of clothing.
69. Though I sometimes wish I could. Particularly when passing the Betsy Johnson store downtown.
70. The Fox and the Hound is the best Disney film ever made.
71. I don’t immediately hate a book just because I have to read it for school. Because then I wouldn’t have been an English major.
72. Marry me, Joss Whedon.
73. Now that I’m being stifled by The Man, I feel like I’m missing out on so much internet fun.
74. It’s easy for me to slack off and get distracted.
75. Independence is important to me.
76. I laugh way too much ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
77. Harrison Ford was once sexy as hell. Now is he old and dating a skeleton.
78. I am still immature.
79. I love talking to new people, but I HATE small talk.
80. When the wind is blowing really hard, it hurts my ears.
81. I love bad movies almost as much as I love the good ones.
82. I never want to be an eighth grader again.
83. Calculus frightens me.
84. I’m afraid of being boring and annoying – because sometimes I am.
85. Someone needs to put Rob Schneider out of his misery.
86. I LOVE movies.
87. Hair is VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
88. Contemporary metal makes me want to bounce my face off a telephone
poll.
89. I laugh whenever someone says the word “poop.”
90. I refuse to use the word “panties” in earnest.
91. Or the phrase “make love”.
92. I wear glasses.
93. I am amused easily.
94. I wish President Bush would go away.
95. I believe that nobody has the right to criticize anybody else’s
country. All countries have major issues.
96. All of my limbs are still attached.
97. Sometimes, I hold it until I have to run to the bathroom or I won’t make it, but I can’t run because the movement will dislodge the pee.
98. My respect for a male actor is automatically increased when they really commit themselves to a drag queen role.
99. The funniest part of ROTK is when Pippin sings his butt rock song.
100. I used to be a night owl, but now that I work 8-5, I can never seem to get enough sleep.

August 31, 2005
Categories: Meme Crazy . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

chimera british postage anatomy

Holy Christ on a Cracker! I just talked to my friend Ryan and apparently for my birthday present he got me…a ticket to see Oasis at the Everett Events Center on the 9th!!!!!

I hadn't purchased a ticket for myself for a couple of reasons, not the least of which being what happened the LAST time I went to see this band. I literally almost died. Twice. First, Faye's life was endangered along with mine. We were driven up to the show by a drunk, emotionally wrecked “friend” who didn't reveal to us his inebriation until we inquired as to why he was tailgating a BUS. Later that evening, I was nearly trampled by moshing frat boys and I had to crawl to the back of the Paramount, losing, in the process, my favorite maroon cardigan. Needless to say, this incident colored my feelings toward large concerts, the aforementioned “friend”, and Oasis themselves who did nothing to quell the rambunctiousness of the crowd. (I guess I was spoiled by punk rock acts like Avail who would actually refuse to keep playing if anyone in the audience was hurt by or in danger of being hurt by another person).

Regardless of these past feelings, I am now finding myself pretty damned excited for the show. Maybe Oasis live will be redeemed.

Thank you, Ryan! And Happy Birthday to me!

August 30, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, The Soundtrack . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Condolences

My deepest condolences go to Green Dusty for the loss of his beautiful and sweet dog, Lady.

August 29, 2005
Categories: Pets . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Your Account Statement is Ready to View buttock

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

We began the evening by stopping at the Shitty Market in our old hood for movie snacks, before strolling down to Pacific Place to see The Brother’s Grimm. I was delighted to find not only BOTTLES of Blackthorn’s for sale, but also CANS of Strongbow. I felt like I was back in London for a brief moment. The Strongbow beckoned me and I had to purchase a 4-pack for the movie.
Oh Terry Gilliam. How the mighty have fallen. The movie wasn’t BAD certainly. But one has come to expect more from such a man than a cliché script, fairly ho-hum visuals and a whole bunch of jokes about the French. There were one or two cool Gilliam-esque special effects and I must say that the acting was, for the most part, enjoyable. Matt Damon isn’t terrible, even if his accent is (it’s reminiscent of a region of England that Meep would call Genericshire). Heath Ledger was only as annoying as his lines, though he played his character inexplicably gay. Perhaps he was preparing for his upcoming gay cowboys eating pudding film? Jonathan Pryce was, well, Jonathan Pryce, and therefore great, if not underused. It was delightful to see Gareth, even though he is well on his was to Type-cast Town. Overall, however, the film was a bit of a yawn, and that hurts coming from the man who made Time Bandits. It was almost saved by a hinted-at moment of homoeroticism, but they chickened out. Damn you, PG-13!
Meep, Dom and I all felt similar about our luke-warm feelings toward the film. Borg liked it. Krk, a die-hard Python and Gilliam fan, was pretty devastated. So devastated, in fact, that he could only go home and go to bed. The rest of us went back up the hill for a late-night snack and drink at the Canterbury. I was only two Strongbows ahead of everyone else. The Canterbury was fairly uneventful apart from the French-fry orgy.

SATURDAY

I had planned to go to yoga but I decided to forgo exercise for finishing Season One of Battlestar Galactica. As most of you know, it ended in true That-Carnivale-Guy fashion by making everything very open-ended and effed up. Thanks, guy! Even if you are sometimes mediocre, you really know how to leave your audience hungry for more. Luckily, Ben is going to get us caught up on Season Two thanks to his TeVo.
I did my yoga video, which is in no way as intense as the Bikram, but still reasonably effective, and then we got ready to go to Brugos’ Birthday Dodecacathelon. Oh happy day! We loaded the DDR in the car and the Troika + Sherrard headed Brugos-way for a day of games and drinking!
Well, games for everyone else. For me and Meep, it was all DDR all the time. Some of the games we didn’t participate in included Tang (something to do with speed-drinking), Egg-Tossing, Botchee Ball (sp?), and Keg Stands. To our surprise, Sherrard took part in the Keg Stands not once, but TWICE, consequently propelling him into instant drunkenness very early on. The party was, as Sherrard pointed out, a Sausage Fest. The result of this is many many drunken, shirtless men running around being obnoxious. This isn’t as sexy as it sounds. But I didn’t care. I was playing DDR. Meep and I got in round after round. For a long time uninitiated people would periodically pop their heads in and laugh at us before running to the backyard to binge drink. Eventually, a nice, open-minded couple (of course I’ve forgotten their names) who’d never DDR’d before showed up and were intrigued. They played a few rounds, and before long, they were just as addicted as us. The guy actually turned out to be some sort of prodigy, going from “beginner” mode to “light” (which is a fucking misnomer if I’ve ever heard it) mode with ease. Before long, he was playing everyone in light mode while they stayed on beginner and was KILLING the competition. Amazing. After dinner, Meep and I started drinking. For a while, the alcohol seemed to be helping. But only for a little while…
Things started to get a little hazy after that. I noticed the house was getting pretty trashed. I feel kinda bad for the Birthday Boy, who doubtless spent all day yesterday hung over and cleaning. I know there were conversations in the backyard, people eating raw eggs and running laps, a pie-eating contest, Borg, and some other guy jamming in the basement with Dom on drums. Meep and I sang “El Scorcho”. There was some playing with Brugos’ cat, Lucy. There was a crazy Russian guy who broke all Keg Stand records (I think his best was 45 seconds or something) and then passed out on the lawn. There were some drunk jerks (who were probably jerks sober as well) running around insulting people. There were some drunken declarations of admiration (in which I participated). And finally, there was karaoke on the X-Box. The selection was rather limited but I sang not one, but TWO Skid Row songs and had a fucking blast. I also got in a horrific rendition of “Cum On Feel the Noise”. Luckily, I got help on both that song and “I Remember You”. I need more butt rock on our at-home karaoke system, man. It reminded me of sophomore year of college when I hung out with Beth, Allison, Ann and KT at their on-campus house. Erik would pull out the acoustic guitar and we would sing all the butt-rock favorites until the sun came up. I’m telling you, Warrant is the perfect campfire sing-a-long band.
ANYWAY, at 2 or so (I think), poor Dom had to drive all our hammered asses back to the hill. At least I’m pretty sure he had a good time before people became incoherent.

SUNDAY

I may have had two bottles of Cook’s to myself, but it was over the course of 10 hours (yes, the party was that long. Longer, in fact, as we arrived late. THAT is why everyone was so useless by the end of the night.) That and sweating out the booze as I dance dance revolutioned all night. Furthermore, Dom was an angel with the water-bringing. So all I needed was to sleep in till 11 and I was fine.
Sunday was mine and Dom’s 3-year anniversary. Our big plans started with beginning Deadwood Season One. Then we showered and went to the Interbay Golf Course for some mini-golf. The weather held up nicely. Mini-golf was fun apart from the 4-5 year-old girl and her grandma who were speeding through the holes behind us and chasing us through the course. We would have let them play through but they would finish their last hole when we were ¾ through our hole and so it seemed like waiting would take forever. Instead, we finished the whole course in under an hour. Then we stopped at Fred Meyer in Ballard for a quick, romantic shopping trip, before going to dinner at Louis’ Chinese Restaurant. The food was really good, but about half-way through our meal, it became family hour. After dinner, we decided to drive to the U-District to see if we could catch a movie. We decided on The Aristocrats. See Mark, we DO see indie films in the theatre sometimes! We probably should have picked something else though. In retrospect, it seems like a waste to spend $9 on a mini-DV documentary. Overall, the film was interesting, but really not that funny. It wasn’t OFFENSIVE or anything. It was just kind of mediocre humor. Plus, I’m not a very big fan of most of the comedians they featured. Give me the Comedians of Comedy over Drew Carey any day. Plus, I don’t think I like seeing comedies with American audiences. They are so eager to laugh that they don’t really stop to think if the joke is funny or not. They just recognize the fact that they’ve just heard a punch line and so they laugh right on cue. This is, I think, why Meep, Dom and I tend to find ourselves laughing out loud in a silent theatre and vice versa. We actually LISTEN to what’s being said and, if it strikes us as funny, we laugh. It can’t be that our sense of humor is SO VASTLY different than the rest of the country’s, can it?

And thus endeth the anniversary date and the weekend.

NEXT WEEKED: Meep and I celebrate a finished script, and I take Sherwood to Bumbershoot for his Birthday.

August 29, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, Hug Your Television . Tags: , , . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

Titular

Last night DZ and I went to a free screening of the film The Baxter, the movie that gives my surname a turkey-like connotation. The director, Michael Showalter, was to be in attendance. In the interest of protecting the innocent (us), I shall heretofore use pseudonyms for the antagonists of the story. As DZ and I waited in line, we were shocked to witness a rare event: A prominent figure in the local film making scene. Let’s call him James Lipton, was HIMSELF checking people’s names off the list. “Oh great,” I said to DZ. “This should be interesting,” I thought to myself. Mr. Lipton approached us and took our names. As I suspected, he recognized DZ’s name (from the numerous times DZ has sought out assistance from him, or invited him to a screening of OURS to no avail. The following exchange took place between DZ and Mr. Lipton as I stood off to the side willing my eyes to stop rolling.

Lippy: DZ! You do animation, right?
DZ: Uh…no. But I make movies.
Lippy: (with a look of complete, smarmy ignorance) And when am I going to see one of your movies?
DZ: Well, we submitted one to One Reel.
Lippy: Oh yeah? Which one was yours?
DZ: Snow Day, Bloody Snow Day.
Lippy: Ah yes. I remember that one. It was good. You came very close. But as I said in my [rejection] email, we had to make room for a lot of retrospective stuff. That takes up around six hours of programming. (DZ nods). Well, keep making movies!

I don’t actually remember what he said as a closing statement. It might not have been “Keep making movies”. But around the time he said “We HAD to make room for a lot of retrospective stuff”, my ears filled with blood and I went deaf with rage. I’m sure whatever he said was equally as dismissive. You HAD to make room for retrospective stuff?! Because there’s not enough of THAT in Seattle? It’s not like we have TWO THEATRES dedicated to showing retrospective works or anything. Who wants a film festival dedicated entirely to the works of local filmmakers? That would be BORING. I’m really glad Meep wasn’t there to see that. Actually, I’m NOT glad she wasn’t there because it would have been REALLY cool to see her shoot laser beams out her eyes and make his head explode. Sure, it would have been messy, but SOOOOO worth it.

Anyway, that little incident concluded, we went into the theatre and settled in for the movie. Another nemesis (a local editor who is EEEEEVIL), sat down across the aisle from us. Lippy came down to the front of the theatre to introduce the movie, doing his usual sycophantic/morning D.J. shpiel of getting the audience to repeat things back to him and cheer for various other projects that the director has been involved in. For the record, I only conceded out of my admiration for the director in question. Anywho, the movie began and I could tell immediately that it was going to be very different from Wet Hot American Summer or Stella. It was very subdued. Very quiet. Almost formulaic. But the cast was spot on and there were many little quirky moments of Stella-ness (non-televised Stella, I might add) thrown in. Justin Theroux was HILARIOUS. The man has got the looks AND the comedic chops. I was pleased to see Peter Dinklage in a role that doesn’t make reference to his stature. He is a very fantastic, understated actor. Many of the Stella/State favorites were there including David and the other Michael, Zach Orth, Joe Lo Truglio, A.J. Miles and even Ken Marino! And I don’t care what anybody says, I like Michelle Williams. She is really very good at being cute and likable. Sometimes it’s hard to look past her Jen Lindley years, but I think she definitely put Jen behind her in this movie. Overall, I would say that the film is worth watching at least twice, but I definitely prefer the Wet Hots of the world. As far as romantic comedies go, however (being a genre that I typically find intolerable), it was very enjoyable and just quirky enough to keep me from losing interest.

After the movie, Lippy introduced Mike Show who is surprisingly reticent without the company of his Stella cohorts. I was also a bit taken aback at seeing him, not only NOT in a suit, but dressed in a very indie looking plaid shirt and jeans. I’m sure he doesn’t wear a suit every day, but I’d gotten so used to seeing him like that. Anyway, Lippy asked his own questions for a while before opening it up to the floor. Here’s where the REAL fun started. God, I hate James Lipton audiences. They try so hard to ask questions that sound insightful and original, but instead they come off as snobbish or sycophantic or just plain crazy.

When Lippy mentioned the editing of the film, Eeeeeevil Editor actually CLAPPED. Why? Because he wanted Lippy and Show to acknowledge HIM. And it WORKED. “Oh, are you an editor?”, asked Lippy? WHO CARES? This isn’t YOUR Q&A! Later, Eeeeevil Editor asked a question about the editing and you could tell that he wanted Show to ask him a question in return. “That’s how WE edited The Baxter. How do YOU edit YOUR movies, Eeeeevil?”

Other stupid questions included:
“Did you have a dwarf in mind when you were writing the wedding planner character?” Answer: No.
A question about the plot that I won’t go into detail about for risk of spoilers, but rest assured that anyone who paid attention to the film would have already known the answer.

And finally…”When is The State coming out on DVD?”
Answer: “I don’t know.”

There were a few good questions in there too. Not everyone at these things is developmentally challenged. Someone asked if “the Baxter” is a real term. Answer: “No. I made it up.” Essentially, Show wanted a word that sounded nebbish and square and a bit old fashioned and that’s what he came up with. The person who asked the question said “Well, I think it works perfectly”. HEY!!!! But yes, it does. Damn.

Someone asked why Show decided to go it alone on this one and he answered that it’s a story he’s been thinking about for a while and it’s basically another side of him that he’s wanted to explore. But he can’t really do that with the other guys around because it always ends up being about dildos and necrophilia. Heh.

I really want to know what these directors think of James Lipton when they come to Seattle. Do they think he’s a tool? Do they think that he revered by all the people that are on his list? Do they think he’s a swell guy?

Despite all my bitching, I would say that it was an enjoyable experience. It was a good movie which I will see again (with Meep, whose crush on Justin Theroux is doubtless going to skyrocket) and it was cool to see a different side of Michael Showalter. But damn that James Lipton.

August 26, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions, I Made Movies . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

thu

I missed YET ANOTHER opportunity to see a preview of Serenity. This time it was through the Warren Report. I JUST checked the website yesterday afternoon and then checked it again yesterday evening. During that time, Serenity had been posted and filled up. It’s ok. I have always assumed I was just going to see it for the first time on opening night. But it’s a bit frustrating because who the hell ARE these people that either have fantastic timing, or troll the relevant sites 24/7? In addition, this sort of thing makes me fear for opening night. I realize now that this is likely to be something of LOTR proportions. And that’s GREAT for Joss and the Browncoats because it means we will probably be treated to two more Serenity films. But it also means that no matter where the movie is playing (Cinerama?), I will probably have to get in line straight after work.
I am also sad to report that Dom will be out of town on opening night. The Troika will not be seeing it together. I only hope that Dom will be able to find someone equally (or at least MARGINALLY) excited to see it with him on opening night in Hell-A.

I think I can already hazard a guess as to whom else out of my faithful LJ-ers are planning on descending on their local cinema in coats of brown on 9/30. The day draws nigh, my friends.

August 25, 2005
Categories: Dear Diary, Filmpinions . . Author: Baxter . Comments: Leave a comment

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