These Batman and Robin erotic paintings are SO awesome! Were I proficient in watercolors, I would do an answer series of Transformers porn. Also, we answer the age-old question: No, that's NOT a cod piece. (It’s also NSFW.)
Approval
This is a sample sentence from a letter that I had to edit for Demonella. I SO regret telling her that I was an English major. It is painful to read sentences like this from “professionals”.
As we are sure you can appreciate, it would be near impossible to provide performance information that was much more than illustrative in nature based on the fact that no two clients have the same start date, existing positions to consider, tax situations, or investment preferences.
potato thingy offer for Jessica
This is so cruel. So why can't I stop laughing? And also, am I laughing at the pictures or the woman who took the time to set this up? I'm so confused.
formalize Schirmer Tear Test Strips
So here's why last week was shitty. I have a new enemy here at work. I have nicknamed her “Demonella”. It's the marketing lady who takes long lunches, wears stinky perfume and asks me questions every 5 minutes. It turns out she's not only annoying, but also a bitch. She has nothing better to do with her time than to complain to bossman about EVERYTHING, not the least of which is me. She doesn't think I smile enough for a receptionist. OK. Fair enough. I should be all sunshine and light but it's so hard to pretend ALL the time. She thinks my emails to her are curt. Well, I'm sorry if I don't have time to compose a long, friendly email wherein I inquire about her personal well-being every other sentence. You ask me a question. I answer. That should be sufficient. She sees no reason why the interns should be doing work for me when they could be doing work for her. Well, first of all, lady, I am responsible for TWO jobs here. I have the interns to do the secretarial work for me while I do the portfolio admin stuff for clients. That stuff is very time-consuming and I SHOULD actually be getting twice my current salary for doing both these jobs. But instead, I get two interns to help me. They were plenty busy with work before you showed up. So if you want there to be 30 brochures at your next seminar, you best let the interns help me with that. Second of all, what the hell do YOU do with your time? Your office hours are an hour shorter than the rest of us and you come in late every day. Today, you didn't even show up till NOON. I KNOW traffic isn't that bad. Now, my boss explained this shit to her when she complained, but he thought I should know too because he said he's sick of having to deal with everyone's issues when they could be solved more efficiently if we just talked to each other. He's right, too. I guess I'm too scary for her to feel comfortable talking to me. She also pissed my BOSS off last week by telling him he was too “critical”. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't your boss SUPPOSED to offer criticism? Furthermore, our boss is pretty damned nice about offering criticism. Anyway, I realise this is all pretty boring but I just had to get some of it off my chest. Long story short: The Lil'est Dictator is no longer the most irritating person in the office.
pantry Therapeutic/Minerals
So far it's another craptastic work day. I am too busy to post a long bitch-session about it (lucky for you), so instead I will post some pictures and a joke, all of which make me laugh. I know a few of you are also having bad weeks, so I hope this joke will help you get through your day too.
Q: What do you call a young cat with crap all over it?
A: A shitten.
Hulk smash intern
Stupid Intern just cost me a day's worth of work. Stupid Intern does not understand the concept of putting together a booklet. For some reason, he thought the side of the page with WORDS on it should face backward and punched the holes accordingly. He thought the same thing for the covers which are now ruined and hard to get more of. From now on I will only give Stupid Intern tasks that my butthole could do in it's sleep. So Stupid Intern is now in charge of sealing envelopes and farting. That is all.
What? It's only WEDNESDAY??!!! FUUUUUUUUCK!
stolen Hydroxyprogesterone Caproate
I would like to now, if I may, express my feelings toward the printer/copier here, that for some reason I am in charge of, which breaks down at least once a week.
RT^%U!^&*#1!(*^!&*#IUHUILU^*&%^!(O(!LOHDUILW&*)(!!)@^#&VJHDKAHO:(I!()#(&$(#R:LDJIW^&#@&$@^%!%&!&RIEGFV”LP:R”PY*@(*)&($O@$JKLRIO&R(*^!%*!&!*U (FH)(@#&(*#@!^#@V&^$@#(*IOHFWGFHL>U*(qy42li3ehy2u40%*!@&*@$FGJKi7w453O*@(){@# #YT;4w u4029p243j2oi3479a2@)(&*@!(^!*(!)(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you.
ask and ye shall receive
Ahe wanted me to post a new entry so that she didn't have to look at my monkey face anymore. (Even though Elyse says I make a cute monkey. Thank you, Elyse. Well, anyway, this picture is my current desktop background for my home p.c. and it makes me laugh EVERY TIME. I retract my earlier statement about babies having no character.
The best part about this picture is that I think the parent created the caption. It makes me want to have any angry baby some day…
Don't let ED depress you…
Today is one of those days when work is completely unbearable. I have done almost nothing today. I just cannot concentrate. This post is also pointless. So I will offer this as consolation.
knuckleball imperil anonymity brazier convict attainder
Dear new lady that works in our office,
It's one thing that your vocabulary skills are as appalling as that of our president's, and that you promote anti-intellectualism by making fun of my boss for using “big words”. That I can be amused by. But when you take two-hour lunches with your best friend and write them off as “business lunches” simply because she works at one of our competing firms, you piss me off. I got yelled at once for coming back 10 minutes late from my break. I have never abused my breaks like you do in your first month of employment here. And when you call to say you're going to be late, don't tell me. Tell your boss. I'm not going to rat on you, but sooner or later, he's going to catch on to the fact that you're late every day. And for god's sake, you already come in an hour later than we do. I realise you have to commute from Tacoma and there's traffic and whatnot, but seriously, lady. Leave earlier. And don't whine to me about not being a morning person because neither am I and I have to get here before you do. And also, don't tell me about how you hate wearing shoes. Don't try to commiserate with me by telling me candy makes you fat. It makes everyone fat. Don't eat it. And CERTAINLY don't tell me about how you are scared of rats. I will not sympathize with you and it's not worth my time to explain to you how ignorant you are. And finally, stop monopolizing my interns. Well, you can have the annoying one who has to ask me 100 questions about how to use the photocopier and the binding machine, but the other one is mine. Hands off.
Love,
Me
Effed by the Wind 
